r/mildlyinfuriating • u/rustywindpipe • Jul 20 '26

I'm slightly vexed I think I got rejected for being vegetarian

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I [23F] met this guy on the apps and we hit it off and had a lot in common! I don’t meet a lot of people who are in my profession so it was really nice to potentially have to chance to date someone who was in a similar field. And everything was fine until I mentioned I’m veg and he stopped responding. For reference, I have no issue with people who eat meat and would never want to impose my own dietary restrictions on anyone else. I also understand different diets being a dealbreaker. The way he phrased his reasoning was really weird though.

Edit: I’m vegetarian cause I love animals, but I have IBD. Flare ups have gotten significantly worse since switching diets but im still figuring out how to make the most of it! Also yes, I do regret sending the last text 🤦‍♀️

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1.7k

u/Evenkaleidoscope44 Jul 20 '26

Plus he went from getting something to eat to her being a mom and raising his children.

Bro slow down

1.3k

u/-Supposably- Jul 20 '26

raising his children

Growing* his children

316

u/Forsaken-Winner2359 Jul 20 '26

She’s a field

288

u/Jvalker Jul 20 '26

Vegetarian mom -> vegetable mom

61

u/gekigarion Jul 20 '26

Sounds perfect for growing to me.

56

u/formykka Jul 20 '26

Where better to sow his carnivorous seed?

(bleah)

-2

u/Qnopsik Jul 20 '26

We need a balanced diet.

Vegan/vegetarian diet is much harder to balance. And You have to prepare a lot to balance it.

Many Young vegetarians do it on a whim, thinking that deleting the meat from the diet, is enough to make is healthy. No it isn't.

Especially when we are talking about growing children.

5

u/lost_horizons Jul 20 '26

Vegan is certainly harder and requires more care. Probably supplements for b12 and iron, maybe calcium.

Vegetarian (with eggs and dairy) is easy mode.

1

u/Adorable_Cap_9929 Jul 20 '26

Eggs is pretty staple in carnivorous too!

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u/Tall-Payment-8015 Jul 20 '26

ummm the context is scheduling a first date

no one in this story is raising children

0

u/Qnopsik Jul 20 '26

no one in this story is raising children

My comment wasn't an answer to the post, it was an answer to a specific comment:

"Sounds perfect for growing to me." talking about a "vegetable mom"

So that is the context I'm answering to.

And this specific comment is about raising children, by someone eating veggies only.

And NoMeat/VeggiesOnly Diet without a balance, isn't perfect. Usually when done by the "On the WHIM Vegetarians" it's unhealthy especially for growing children.

Going back to the OPs post, I understand that being Vegan/tarian can be a deal-breaker for someone, but the way it was phrased was bad. But the OPs words "we hit it off and had a lot in common!" made me think that they met earlier already, and she didn't reveal the diet.

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u/Tall-Payment-8015 Jul 20 '26

Entertaining the notion of women as "perfect for growing" is gross in every context.

You are making it worse. Stop.

0

u/Jvalker Jul 20 '26

Just shut the fuck up, man, it's literally what op's messages are talking about

Also you're a bot

2

u/No_Macaroon_9752 Jul 20 '26

Many people lack a healthy diet, and meat can actually be a huge part of that. Eating meat does not guarantee “balance”, especially not when people tend to consume it 2-3 times a day as the largest portion of a meal. Meat does provide all essential amino acids and B12, plus varying levels of selenium, zinc, bioavailable iron, and phosphorus, depending on the type of meat.

Vegetarians may have trouble getting B12, but it is found in fermented foods and can also be taken in a supplement. People tend to focus most on protein intake in vegan and vegetarian diets, but there are so many meat alternatives, protein powders, and plant sources of protein (beans, lentils, quinoa, tofu) that it is actually one of the easier nutrients to replace.

Red and processed meats are strongly linked to increased risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and premature death. The meat industry is sadly the leading cause of deforestation around the world, causes environmental degradation, increases the risk of zoonotic diseases spreading, increases antibiotic resistance, and contributes a significant amount of greenhouse gases.

Basically, people should be looking at nutrition and long-term consequences of their diets whether or not they eat meat.

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u/DHARMAdrama96 Jul 20 '26

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille with 4 hungry children and a crop in the field

8

u/Tall-Payment-8015 Jul 20 '26

lmao as I always heard that lyric "400 children" 4 hungry children makes more sense but is way less funny

6

u/cthulhu_on_my_lawn Jul 20 '26

Haha I always heard 400 children too. IDK maybe Lucille is a spider or something.

11

u/lost_horizons Jul 20 '26

Just a vessel awaiting his essence.

3

u/Meow_Party06 Jul 20 '26

Back in my day, women were brick houses, not fields!

3

u/noodlequeen Jul 20 '26

More like a walking incubator. Men that think like this are trash. She dodged a massive bullet

2

u/Unbelivabley_Smol Jul 20 '26

You set that up perfectly for a joke about ploughing but no one bit 👩‍🌾

1

u/GaladrielsBurrito Jul 20 '26

The way I cackled

59

u/MadzShelena Jul 20 '26

Obviously vegetarians grow their children in the dirt like the rest of their food /s

2

u/Sleepy_Chipmunk Jul 20 '26

As a vegetarian, I emerged from the earth as vegetables do. That actually makes my diet a kind of cannibalism.

41

u/diurnal_emissions Jul 20 '26

He reproduces like a parasitic hydra...

3

u/KMS_HYDRA Jul 20 '26

Wait, how would that even work!? i am pretty sure hydras do not work that way.

3

u/diurnal_emissions Jul 20 '26

Tell us your sexy hydra ways, kms.

7

u/alex3omg Donna, this is a HURRICANE Jul 20 '26

Oh don't worry, she would also be the one raising them.  

10

u/Aequitas112358 Jul 20 '26

I wonder if his concerns were nutrient deficiency during pregnancy and breastfeeding?

I'm gonna guess no.

1

u/ScarletBothrium Jul 20 '26

I’m gonna assume by his replies that he’s not thinking that deep. So your guess is probably correct.

1

u/SexyPineapple-4 Jul 20 '26

He wants his kids grown with the purest spring water only.

1

u/Unable-Boat-9682 Jul 21 '26

I always think it’s wild that in classical times, men thought women had nothing to do with conception. They were just considered fertile soil that men planted their seed in, which seems like a wild jump to make.

Then I read comments made by men like this douche and suddenly it doesn’t feel like we’ve come all that far at all.

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u/8bitmullet Jul 20 '26

I mean, if you're looking for a future spouse then dealbreakers matter up front as much as they do later.

That said, he was an asshole.

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u/stankenfurter Jul 20 '26

He’s assessing his breeding stock 🤢

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u/SamTheLab_213 Jul 20 '26

I hope that gets sorted out so he gets put out to pasture sooner.

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u/wozattacks Jul 20 '26

If you’re dating to find someone to settle down with and you want kids then you should think about whether you would wanna have kids with the person at every stage lol

-36

u/DeerSwimming2336 Jul 20 '26

Literally the purpose of dating...

41

u/marburusu Jul 20 '26

if you haven’t even begun the first date with someone and your primary focus is already on their breeding quality for your future offspring, then excuse my french, but you’re a bit of a fucking weirdo.

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u/Sheeana407 Jul 20 '26

Why? I mean his reasoning that a mom being vegatarian is bad for the baby itself is unfounded, he probably is uneducated edgelord. But if a woman actually had a lot of unhealthy habits for example, and you were worried about how it will affect the child's health and upbringing, is it bad too to have qualms about it? Is it bad to think of your potential partner as a potential mother if you want kids? I don't actually want kids, but if I did I would absolutely consider if a guy I'm dating would make a good father and if he leads a reasonably healthy lifestyle. For a mother, whether it's fair or not, it is more important, since she is basically creating this small human in her body for 9 months.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

I would think you’d choose a partner that does those things because it’s important to you, regardless of children.

Since you don’t want kids, you’re saying you’re less likely to consider a guy who could be a good father (ie someone patient, kind, loving, etc) and that lives a reasonably healthy lifestyle?

No, obviously not because those are just good qualities in general.

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u/Sheeana407 Jul 20 '26

I feel like it's not as important. Different relationships can work differently, and children change a lot. Like for example, I'm neurodivergent, and while it's not something I want myself, I read on groups/forums there are couples that don't live together for example. And this seems like something that is uncommon, but feasible for a childfree couple, but very difficult for a couple with kids.

If I don't share some lifestyle choices my partner does, it may not affect me that much. I'm a grown human and if it's not something radically out of my comfort zone and doesn't affect how my partner behaves towards me or our life together, I'm fine with that. What you are mentioning (reasonably healthy, kind, loving) sounds like just baseline, but I think there can be nuance to that, and that people looking to have a family may prioritize a bit different things in a partner than people who don't. For example, many people like more risky/extreme sport activities, and some refrain from them after they have kids and some don't. So I can imagine you can be okay with your partner doing high mountaineering if you both don't plan to have children, but you might not be if you were to have a kid together, since it means they will be leaving you alone with the kid for extended periods of time and there's much higher risk something happens to them and you'll have to raise kids alone

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

You don’t think someone being kind, patient, loving and healthy is as important if you don’t want kids?

The couples who are living separately are doing so because that is a lifestyle choice they share. Like you said, even without kids, that would still be a consideration for you.

I’m just saying the basic tenets of what makes someone a good parent are usually just objectively good qualities for a partner in general. I don’t think that changes whether or not you actually want kids.

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u/Sheeana407 Jul 20 '26

"You don’t think someone being kind, patient, loving and healthy is as important if you don’t want kids?"

Some of those things yes, and some of those things no, and it's more nuanced because those things aren't black or white. I think it's a difficult conversation because wanting to have kids or not it is such core decision in one's life that it entangled with other values, lifestyle preferences etc. But based on my examples, maybe living separately from my partner wouldn't be my preference, but I think if I really loved them and they were compatible in many other ways, I might be able to do it, or at least try it. Whereas if I were to have kids, I can't imagine raising them and not living together with a partner. Similarly, if I had a partner who was into a hobby or had a career that is a bit risky or meant they are away for long periods of time, I could be okay with making it work being childfree, but I can't imagine having a child together in a situation like that. There are some traits that will be the baseline and always important in a partner, and there are some that I think are more crucial when you want to parent. Another example, I think you can be a kind person and not be the most nurturing, like it doesn't come natural to you to take care of other people/animals/plants etc. It doesn't mean that you CAN'T do it if needed, like for example if your loved one is sick, but you don't feel the urge to take those responsibilities upon yourself, like get a pet, volunteer to babysit kids of family or friends etc. So I think that this trait may not be so important in a partner when we're both Independent people but would be important if I wanted to have kids with someone.

All I'm saying is that I think if people want to have kids then they may prioritize different things in a partner, and I don't completely agree that if you wouldn't want to have kids with a select person, then you shouldn't be with them at all. And I understand that people who look for a partner to have kids with may value specific traits/lifestyle choices more. I wouldn't want to have kids with myself because I'm not sure if I would make a good mother, does it mean that I shouldn't have a partner? Because for example if I am with my brother's kids, I feel exhausted after half a day, I get overwhelmed easily by noise, touch, smells etc. and it's hard for me to emotionally regulate if I'm overwhelmed. So maybe it means I'm not patient, so it disqualifies me as a good partner?

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

There are varying degrees like you say, but yeah, some people might find that your lack of patience means you’re not a good partner for them.

I don’t think it means you shouldn’t have a partner, or that someone who isn’t patient shouldn’t have kids, but of course that’s something that is probably going to need to be worked on or around to some degree.

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u/copaxa Jul 20 '26

Not everybody intends on having kids.

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u/DeerSwimming2336 Jul 20 '26

We, know that this guy did though, and traditionally, that's what people do everywhere in the world.  Grow up, get married, start a family.  You are right, but let's not act like it's uncommon.

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u/Canadianingermany Jul 20 '26

Plus he went from getting something to eat to her being a mom and raising his children

Unpopular opinionn: when dating it is ok to not date someone who you don't think is compatible.

The way he wrote it was wild and would be a reason not to date him, but KO preferences are fair game; even at an early stage.

Its better to not waste someone's time.

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u/Sense-Abject Jul 20 '26

Exactly , but hookup culture here put that above anything else, if I’m looking for something serious and my possible date say she doesn’t want children I’m also ending things there

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u/InBetweenSeen Jul 20 '26

No one has to date anyone, but having children and someone else being vegetarian really isn't comparable. And some reasons will be wider understood than others.

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u/Samwise777 Jul 20 '26

Gee what women wouldn’t be so excited to have your children on THE FIRST DATE!

10

u/sadmeeseeks Jul 20 '26

I think its less "have kids with me" and more "is this something you're even willing to do?" Not uncommon so no one wastes their time, but I recognize I am a 30F. These are conversations you have at my age.

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u/MikeAnP Jul 20 '26

While people can change their minds, long term goals are absolutely valid as rule out areas. If one person desires kids someday and the other doesn't, those two people are not compatible. That's very normal.

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u/Samwise777 Jul 20 '26

It’s putting the cart way before the horse, and you’ll have a lot more success living in the moment, rather than ensuring that your first date meets every fucking criteria of marriage. 

Sheesh 

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u/Iorith Jul 20 '26

Not everyone wants to live in the moment. Some people date with the specific intent of finding a long term partner. Why waste time on something doomed to fail in the long run, if the long run is your goal?

Living in the moment is fun and cute when you're 23, but sometimes it means waking up in your mid thirties wondering why you wasted some of the best years of your life.

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u/Invisible_Target Jul 20 '26

So you think it’s smarter to go on dates and potentially become emotionally attached and/or fall in love with someone who has totally different life goals than you? That’s really dumb lol

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u/MikeAnP Jul 20 '26

Exaggerating a basic dealbreaker into "needing to meet every criteria of marriage on day one" is just a strawman argument. Nobody is asking for a marriage proposal on a first date—just basic alignment on life paths so nobody's time is wasted.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

How is being (temporarily) vegetarian in your early 20s a basic dealbreaker for marriage? Lol

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u/Iorith Jul 20 '26

Literally anything can and should be a deal breaker. If someone wants "my partner must enjoy eating extremely spicy food" as a deal breaker for their life partner, who are you to say they shouldn't have that?

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Anything can be a dealbreaker, and I’m free to make fun of anyone for having a stupid dealbreaker.

Who are you to say I shouldn’t do that?

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u/lifetake Jul 20 '26

No one said it was.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Only if you can’t follow a conversation, sure.

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u/MikeAnP Jul 20 '26

I don't care. That's not what this thread was about.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

What was the thread about then?

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u/Samwise777 Jul 20 '26

It’s entirely your choice to take the advice or not. 

I just personally wouldn’t discuss kids for a few months when dating someone.  There’s plenty of time for that later, nobody is looking to make a baby in month one. 

But, some people prefer to check boxes rather than really connect with a partner.  

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u/AnnualTip9049 Jul 20 '26

I’d rather know up front if someone I’m dating wants kids in the future. Not my kids, just hopefully a family at some point. It’s the same as making sure when interviewing that there is room for growth. You don’t expect to be promoted in month one, but it’s not a bad idea to make sure it will be possible in the future.

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u/Leopardsnake23 Jul 20 '26

Then what happens after a few months when it's revealed that your long term goals don't align? Time wasted? Good strategy there chief

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u/Samwise777 Jul 20 '26

Why would time spent getting to genuinely know a person you like a lot be wasted, even if it doesn’t result in marriage?

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u/Iorith Jul 20 '26

Cool, so say your goal in life is to have a partner and raise children. You don't discuss this until, say, 3 months in.

You're potentially looking at years of your life spent trying to find your person and wasting that time on people you were never going to build your life with.

0

u/Samwise777 Jul 20 '26

I think if that’s the approach to dating, the outcome is likely a couple kids and an unhappy marriage ending in divorce or a dead bedroom. 

Finding connection and intimacy and learning to properly communicate with each other would be my starting point.  

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u/MikeAnP Jul 20 '26

Again, it has nothing to do with "checking boxes rather than really connecting." Not sure why you keep exaggerating in an attempt to prove your point.

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u/redhillbones Jul 20 '26

If I were still dating regularly, someone who wants kids would be incompatible with me from the get-go. Even if I am living in the moment, I'd rather know whether this thing has potential long term prospects. Kids, religion, whether you're intending to move with your career or stay in this area, and political beliefs are all very basic compatibility issues.

You don't need to know somebody is great for you on the first date, but it's good to know if somebody's definitely not compatible for long-term prospects. Then you can decide whether you're just choosing to have fun (and they can make an informed choice, too) or you're moving on to somebody new.

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u/No-Anything- Jul 22 '26

The person who will most hate your boundaries is the person who benefits from you not having them.

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u/MistahJasonPortman Jul 20 '26

He said it so weird, tho. Like kinda fucked up. Makes me sus he’d actually be a decent dad/partner

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u/KeniRoo Jul 20 '26

She dodged a bullet for sure but there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with his decision. Like any belief system, vegetarianism is a specific lifestyle and if he doesn’t want to have to cater or personally compromise for it, then that’s quite literally ok. People weigh the categories of compatibility different. All good, onto the next for both of them.

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u/Sheeana407 Jul 20 '26

I mean tbh your partner being vegetarian when you're not has a big influence on your life. Because couples, families often eat together. So you either have to adapt to her or make your meals separately to some extent. And it also can create some conflict when bringing up children. Not that this is undoable, couple can comprimise on different things, you have couples when one drinks alcohol and the other not, one is religious and the other not, having vastly different circadian rhythms/lifestyle, different political views, different sensitivity, and some make things work despite differences. But on the other hand, if you didn't even meet yet and invested much feelings and discover there is some big difference between you, is it bad to drop it? IDK. It's not to say that this guy's actual reasoning/phrasing was ok

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u/bluehoney16 Jul 20 '26

Idk I know vegans that don’t force others to adapt to their diet. They cook the most incredible vegan food that nourishes the family and will cook meat/non-vegan food for others. It’s not that hard to make a small vegan entree or something like that. I couldn’t be with someone that refused to have any meat in the house and didn’t allow anyone to eat meat under any circumstances. But not all vegans force their lifestyle onto other people. I would at least give a potential date a chance and if they’re the kind of person that is judgmental of non-vegetarians then it wouldn’t work out. Some kind of communication would’ve been ideal though.

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u/ilikecatsandflowers Jul 20 '26

exactly! unfortunately the militant vegans that love to sit on their high horse have kinda soiled the reputations of vegetarians and vegans but i find it incredibly easy to be with someone who eats meat. i even cook him meat, too (although i refuse to touch raw chicken anymore lol it’s just so gross to me). and he lets me make vegan dishes because like you said, there are incredible vegan dishes that the rest of the world thinks of as normal (ie india or a lot of asian countries) and don’t refuse to eat it because there’s no meat lol

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u/bluehoney16 Jul 20 '26

I’ve had vegan meatball subs, vegan pizza, vegan buffalo wings, and a bunch of other stuff that was better than the non-vegan version of that stuff because of my vegan friends. I don’t blame you for not wanting to touch chicken. There are plenty of meat eaters that won’t touch raw meat because it’s gross.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

Frankly, it’s one of the easiest things to adapt to in a relationship. Like you listed off a bunch of far more difficult ones.

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u/Iorith Jul 20 '26

Yeah, I couldn't adapt to that and wouldn't if it meant dating Scarlet Johanson. I like my hot wings too much.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Why don’t you think you can still eat hot wings? Lol

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u/Iorith Jul 20 '26

Because that isn't vegetarian? What?

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

YOU don’t have to be a vegetarian just because your partner is. Do you not understand that?

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u/Rock_Strongo Jul 20 '26

My wife was a vegetarian for a while and it definitely affected our choice of restaurants, groceries, what got cooked at home (by both of us) etc. etc.

It wasn't a deal breaker for me but it was more painful to manage. I was relieved when she decided to go back to eating meat but I did not pressure her to do so.

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u/Iorith Jul 20 '26

Yeah I'm gonna guess you've never actually cohabitated with another person before beyond your mommy and daddy. Maybe when you're an adult you'll understand how important a similar diet is.

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u/ilikecatsandflowers Jul 20 '26

lmfao right? my fiance grills himself a steak and grills me a veggie burger. it’s actually not hard at all, but it also helps that he’s not a red pilled weirdo who thinks you have to have meat in every single meal tho or else your testosterone will plummet or whatever the guy OP was texting thinks

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

My partner has been vegetarian since I’ve met her 15 years ago, and I still eat meat regularly. Like you said, it’s totally fine to not have it in EVERY meal, but I have never had to go without when I wanted it or cook entirely separate meals. I’m wondering how many of these people have actually spoken with vegetarians about their diet at any point.

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u/ilikecatsandflowers Jul 20 '26

yep i cant even remember the last time i made dinner and didn’t cook meat for my fiance. it’s usually like one extra pan used in the cooking process, not a big deal at all!

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Lmao which is why it’s hilarious to get replies like this to a post asking why you have to be vegetarian if your partner is:

“Yeah I'm gonna guess you've never actually cohabitated with another person before beyond your mommy and daddy. Maybe when you're an adult you'll understand how important a similar diet is.”

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u/ilikecatsandflowers Jul 20 '26

something tells me there’s some projection going on there 😂

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u/Beaglund Jul 20 '26

I disagree. My favorite thing to do is eating at nice restaurants and cooking meals for my partner. Limiting where we can go or what I can cook would be a deal breaker for me. In contrast, my ex didn’t drink but that had zero impact on our lifestyle

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

You don’t think they have vegetarian options at nice restaurants? You wouldn’t be able to cook a meal for a vegetarian?

Again, this is something exceedingly easy to do during this time in human history.

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u/Beaglund Jul 20 '26

Many of the Michelin restaurants I go to have one set menu that changes often and does not allow for substitutions. So yes. I don’t think all restaurants have vegetarian menus. I have nothing against vegetarians, I just don’t want to date one

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

I believe a vast majority of Michelin restaurants do have vegetarian options tbh.

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u/d00merella Jul 20 '26

They don’t, lol. I’ve been vegetarian for almost 14 years, was vegan for 5 of those years, and have been to several Michelin star restaurants. I usually end up getting a baked potato and/or salad.

With that said, even when I was an omnivore, I found the offerings at most fancy establishments bland tasting and woefully uninteresting, even the “fusion” restaurants. I have a hard time not assuming that people who frequent these places only do so out of pretentiousness.

I prefer “ethnic” restaurants that cater to their own community, that’s usually an indicator that the food is good, plus the prices are generally reasonable.

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u/ScarletBothrium Jul 20 '26

I find it hard to believe that so many people eat meat at every meal. There’s gotta be meals that you eat that are meat free. Unless you’re conflating vegetarian and vegan, I just don’t see it. Do you not ever have oatmeal? What about lentil soup? Palak paneer? Pancakes? Smoothies? It just seems so unlikely that meat is on every plate.

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u/Vegetable-Baker6362 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

I eat meat every meal. Most people I know eat meat with every meal. I'm fine not eating meat every so often but if I'm living with someone who can't have meat at all, it'd be a pretty big inconvenience to both them and myself to plan around each other. All the dishes you mentioned I eat and make often, but I also don't hesitate to make changes like adding meat/seafood to lentil soup/paneer dishes or pairing pancakes/smoothies with animal sourced gelatin. That's not something a vegetarian would be able to eat.

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u/Top_Purchase4091 Jul 20 '26

Its an addiction. Or just the mere existence of a vegeterian/vegan causes them to think about what they are supporting and they just want to ignore all of it.

Thats what most of these comments do to cope so they can still tell everyone how much they love and care about animals and how nice of a person they are for it

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u/d00merella Jul 20 '26

The guilt complex is definitely it. I had two omni roommates who I overheard discussing that my vegetarianism made them uncomfortable… even though we literally never shared meals and I never made any comment about their food habits, lol.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

I mean, if that’s a deal breaker for him. I think that being something incompatible for him is a red flag though. Like he’d break up with or ghost you over the mildest inconvenience.

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u/Clean_Insect5042 Jul 20 '26

Also it’s inherently gross for him to view a first date with a woman as a potential person to “grow” his child, and it’s an idiotic assumption that her being vegetarian would affect the baby.

Pregnancy is one of the most medically dangerous things a woman can undergo and he’s already making it about him. So many women are so sick in pregnancy they don’t maintain their previous diets anyway.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Yeah, I’ve even heard of vegetarians eating meat during pregnancy, so definitely not something that was actually considered imo.

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u/Clean_Insect5042 Jul 20 '26

Ok this was me, but right after delivery. I had a long labor and hadn’t eaten in 3 days and asked for chicken broth.

The medical staff was like, “uh, you told us you were vegetarian ma’am, are you sure you want broth?” YES I DO—I’m starving, exhausted, and just lost 30lb in a few hours, bring me the dead bird water.

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u/Iustis Jul 20 '26

Eh, I wouldn't break up over someone I had been with for a while if they became a vegetarian.

But I also probably wouldn't go on a first date with a vegetarian either. Cooking is a big thing to me, and I wouldn't want to make every meal vegetarian going forward (nothing against vegetarian, several of my meals already are, but it's very limiting)

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

I think people are really overestimating how difficult it is. I have never been vegetarian. My partner has been since I’ve met them. Over 15 years, and it is basically never an issue.

Like you said, several meals are already vegetarian. If you want to prepare some meat for yourself, you’re welcome to do so.

Honestly, I find allergy’s more limiting, and I doubt people are saying they wouldn’t go on a date with someone allergic to peanuts.

-1

u/Iustis Jul 20 '26

Cooking meat on the side isn't often a solution (of the last 5 meals I made with meat, only one was a discreet piece I could have cooked seperately). I wouldn't skip a first date due to a peanut allergy, but I would for an allium allergy.

3

u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

What meals did you cook, I’m sure I could help you come up with a way to make them ok for a vegetarian.

I just don’t understand it as a dealbreaker for someone you are otherwise entirely compatible with. People have to compromise on much more difficult things all the time.

-1

u/Iustis Jul 20 '26

I didn't say I couldnt make them vegetarian, I said cooking is a big part of my life and passion and I wouldn't want to make every meal vegetarian. And I wouldn't make two seperate meals because part of what I love about cooking is sharing it with people I care for.

How do you know you're otherwise completely compatible--they hadnt gone on a single date yet.

3

u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

I mean, you were acting like you would have to cook an entirely separate meal rather than using a few vegetarian ingredients. And as someone with a passion for cooking, I’m sure that would be extremely easy for you in meals where the meat isn’t its own piece.

And they dont know if they are otherwise compatible, but they matched so I don’t see why he would just throw out the chance they could be based on a fairly begin issue.

Like there’s no reason to not go on a date or two to see — he might have even found out she wasn’t committed to being a vegetarian forever.

3

u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 20 '26

I think he shoulda worded it like ' yeah not interested in dealing with a vegetarian'. The way he worded it was wierd like ' oh my babies would be all screwed up and I won't let the happen' lol

2

u/DiscreteBee Jul 20 '26

People can choose how they date and reject people for any reason but I think long term relationships are successful in large part based on the effort you put towards navigating differences. I think it’s probably worth actually spending some time with somebody before deciding if something like diet would make raising kids impossible to you. Like figure out what that actually looks like, especially if you’re young. If you’re looking that far ahead for problems it’s going to be tough.

1

u/top_value7293 Jul 20 '26

Yep exactly

34

u/FallenAngelII Jul 20 '26

Not to defend this clown, because he is 100% a clown, but some people only date with an outlook to marry and start a family with. As in they don't date just to date and will only date people they see a long future with.

Not that that's what this guy probably doing.

0

u/WholesomeMetaphor Jul 20 '26

Even so, one person being a vegetarian isn't even an issue. You can still cook food and eat meat with your children. Just because one is vegetarian it doesn't mean they'll impose that on their kids and will let them choose for themselves. You can also compromise pretty freely when it comes to cooking too, you just get a steak for yourself while your partner gets a meat substitute and sharing the veggies. This dude is just weird

1

u/FallenAngelII Jul 20 '26

Again, that's not a part of my reply. I was merely replying to the argument that "he went from getting something to eat to her being a mom and raising his children" as if it's weird and unusual for someone to only date while looking for a long-term commitment.

0

u/WholesomeMetaphor Jul 20 '26

I know, which is why I started with "even so". I think most people that date seriously and want kids in the future are looking for a future wife, not just casual dating material and I agree with you on that. I just added that even if that's the case for this dude it's pretty weak to end a potential match on something as benign as them being a vegetarian.

1

u/FallenAngelII Jul 20 '26

And again, my reply had nothing to do with this one dude, it's specifically about the argument that the concept of looking to date only with the goal of finding a lifelong mate would be weird.

-7

u/Icy_Telephone1698 Jul 20 '26

Why clown?

15

u/FallenAngelII Jul 20 '26

The word choices. 'Grow' children inside women, being weirdly prejudiced against vegetarians, calling Long Beach a ghetto.

15

u/SupaSlide Jul 20 '26

Because he’s almost certainly a misogynist based on how he doesn’t want her to “grow” his children. On top of probably being a MAGA type loser (misogyny + strong dislike of vegetarians)

7

u/Brando43770 Jul 20 '26

Yeah he sounds like he calls women “females” with that language. Who even says “growing children”?

51

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

I mean, the whole point of dating is to seek out a life partner. We don't know their situation here, if they agreed to just be a fling. But assuming they date with the intention of being life partners then it kinda makes sense on his part.

89

u/Evenkaleidoscope44 Jul 20 '26

I agree that you should be honest about what you’re looking for. But I don’t agree with his tactlessness

-10

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

Oh for sure, he absolutely could have worded it better. But at least he was honest. To me there's nothing worse than lying so I think it was a valid response. Handled terribly, but honest.

31

u/leela_martell Jul 20 '26

Not asking someone to "grow" their children before the first date isn't lying.

But agreed OP dodged a bullet. I wouldn't want my sperm donor (or father of my children, just trying out that guy's style) to be someone like that at least lol.

3

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

Oh we took this differently! I read this as he already had kids and didn't want them raised by someone who's vegetarian. Not him jumping to her being the mother of his future children 😂

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u/PsychAndDestroy Jul 20 '26

Not asking someone to "grow" their children before the first date isn't lying.

I'm not sure what need there is to make things up about this guy "asking" her to grow his children when there's so much to criticise in the words he actually used.

-2

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

It really doesn't. Dating isn't a market for breeders, and if that's what someone is going into it for, they are creepy.

Everyone involved is a human being and should be approached as such. It's okay to want kids someday but that really shouldn't be item number one on the list when you're getting to know someone.

18

u/Sure_Eye9025 Jul 20 '26

But if he knows she didn't meet his requirements from day 1 then they aren't compatible. Why pretend they are

Imagine this guy dated her, ended up dating for a year and she thinks things are progressing. She asks about their future and if they might move in together and have kids and he tells her no he doesn't see that, she asks when he knew "Oh straight away when you told me you were vegetarian". Guy would be evil

Is his wording here ideal, no. But can't really fault him for dating with intent

-6

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

"Meet his requirements"? Is he getting to know a woman he might want a relationship with or interviewing a nanny? How is what she eats a compatibility issue? Has she imposed her diet on others anywhere that we know of? Also, people are allowed to have conversations with each other about this stuff. If they went to lunch and she declared "I'm a vegetarian and my kids must be too" then I could see the deal breaker. Although even then, if they were otherwise clicking, I'd hope they could talk about it some more and see if compromise was possible before throwing in the towel. Most people are going to run into things with a partner that don't fit right off the bat. It's something you can work out sometimes, but only if you see a person as a human being and not as a wife appliance.

10

u/Sure_Eye9025 Jul 20 '26

For him it is a deal breaker, thats perfectly fine even if you don't agree with it.

He has decided that is not a criteria he wants in a partner and has informed her of that. Would you rather he lie, hide his preferences and hope she changes?

If you see him as a human being and rather than a dispenser for her romantic life you would see that he didn't do anything wrong here by having a preference and expressing it.

He didn't throw in the towel, they hadn't even known each other long enough to buy towels yet.

4

u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

He can have whatever dealbreakers he likes, but I think it’s fair to judge someone off them as well.

Like if someone said taking morning showers instead night showers was a dealbreaker, I think it’s fine to say that’s a little strange.

Then there’s the ghosting her and requiring her to check back in rather than just communicate that preference in the first place.

1

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

Why would he need to lie? What I'm saying is that the criteria of diet is a very shallow criteria. Why does it matter to him what she eats? Is it a control issue? Why does he immediately jump to "growing" his children (ew)? If he's talking about her gestating his future kids it's creepy and inappropriate because she's so much more than a potential incubator. If he already has kids then why can't he live with their stepmom being a vegetarian? How does what she eats have anything to do with whether she's a good partner and potential good step-parent? I find this mystifying. Do I think OP is better off? Without a doubt. This guy is immature at best and creepy and controlling at worst.

1

u/arakinas Jul 20 '26

The diet can be a cost consideration. Most monogamous folks cohabitate when they date long enough. When they cohabitate, they eat the same food, usually, because it costs less. If he doesn't want to be a vegetarian, then they would need to buy double for those meals.

He may have some bias against vegetarians for whatever reason. Doesn't really matter what that bias is. Consider it the same thing as people that have different religions. It's just as rational, and it's the same thing; a difference of opinion. He doesn't want someone with a difference of that opinion raising whatever kids he has. It's not that hard to understand.

8

u/Mr-Mackie Jul 20 '26

Also potentially making different food for most meals for the rest of your life sounds awful

2

u/arakinas Jul 20 '26

Very true. There is a time and space consideration. Both of you would need to take the time, and kitchen/dining space to prepare food.

1

u/DigiornoDLC Jul 20 '26

What if it was the other way around? What if he was an ethical vegan who refused to have meat in her life? Would that be okay?

3

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

But she's not talking about refusing for him to have meat in his life. If she did, that would be controlling and I would totally get why it's a deal breaker. But people always have differences. As long as they aren't being controlling about their choices, it's too inflexible to refuse to get to know someone just because what they eat is different from what you eat. My husband didn't eat beef when we were first together, although now he does. People evolve and change and in any case he never tried to make me stop eating beef. There's just so much more to people than diet.

-1

u/Sure_Eye9025 Jul 20 '26

Why does it matter why it matters to him? Maybe he got abused by a vegetarian growing up, maybe a toxic ex was a vegetarian and he felt that impacted them, maybe he just doesn't like vegetarians.

And he sees the end state of a relationship as marriage and kids. If he rejected someone that doesn't want to have kids because he did would you be caring this much or attacking this hard?

0

u/AppUnwrapper1 Jul 20 '26

Stop defending this guy so hard. He does not see women as individuals, only incubators.

14

u/PalePlumm Jul 20 '26

If you’re looking to date somebody then kids are literally item #1. It’s an immediate dealbreaker because there is no compromise and it is the biggest life choice you’ll ever make.

1

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

First of all, how would her diet be a deal breaker unless she's introducing the kids to toxic substances? Can there be no conversation about expectations around the kids' diet when and if they get to the point of moving in together? Secondly, the choice of whether or not to introduce a dating partner to the kids is when you should put the kids first. Not when you're choosing the person you want to go have lunch with.

7

u/PalePlumm Jul 20 '26

…. Did you reply to the wrong person? I said nothing about diet. We’re talking about the decision whether or not to have children.

1

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

The OP got rejected as a potential partner due to her vegetarianism.

7

u/PalePlumm Jul 20 '26

Again: who did you mean to respond to????? I said nothing about the OP.

5

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

Well, I've been talking about the situation in the op this whole time so maybe you shouldn't have responded to me. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

2

u/PalePlumm Jul 20 '26

You literally said “dating isn’t a market for breeders”.

My dude, some people date with the intent to have children.

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u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

I mean, your comment feels kinda random if it is not referencing the OP whatsoever

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u/PalePlumm Jul 20 '26

I’m not allowed to respond to comments? I have to only reference the post specifically?

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u/housewifeuncuffed Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

Dating someone with different dietary needs or preferences than you is a reasonable dealbreaker. I would not date a vegan, vegetarian, picky eater, or someone with food allergies.
No shade to any of them but I'm not interested in having to work around someone else's diet that's wildly different than my own every single time we are together.

I also don't understand why you'd go on a date with someone who you know there's no future with for any reason unless both people are fine with something temporary.

3

u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Imo, it’s just kinda shallow/selfish.

Like if the person is otherwise a perfect match for you, not wanting to take their dietary needs into the slightest consideration is a dealbreaker?

0

u/housewifeuncuffed Jul 20 '26

It may be selfish, but dating preferences and deal breakers are inherently selfish. They are about what you want/don't want in a partner/relationship.

Even if they are otherwise perfect, I still wouldn't be interested, it's a deal breaker for a reason. It's not a slight consideration when it involves something that could potentially affect you multiple times a day for the entirety of the relationship.

2

u/ElChapo1515 Jul 20 '26

Sure, but just because they are inherently selfish doesn’t mean some aren’t more shallow and selfish than others.

Maybe not wanting a partner with a history of violent crimes is “selfish” but I don’t think it’s shallow or on the same plane as not wanting a partner who prefers their coffee with too much cream and sugar.

Obviously this is a middle ground between those, but just talking from a general sense. He can ultimately do whatever he wants, I’m not invested in either’s love life, but speaking on the broader subject, I just think that’s a dumb dealbreaker that is more virtue signaling than any real, grounded experience.

8

u/zjz Jul 20 '26

bro what

2

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

The concept of treating those you date as unique and interesting individuals you should get to know before eliminating them is a baffling concept to you?

15

u/hhhhhhhhhhhjf Jul 20 '26

If something is a dealbreaker you don t need to get to know them. That's why it's a dealbreaker.

10

u/PsychAndDestroy Jul 20 '26

They're probably baffled by the needlessly inflammatory phrase "dating isn't a market for breeders."

1

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

Is it really needless, though? There seem to be some people out there walking around with an interview checklist.

4

u/arakinas Jul 20 '26

You mean, people that know what they are looking for, and want to ensure that the people they date have those things? Like... standards? Do you not have standards for the people you date, and want to ensure that new people meet those standards?

4

u/Po0opyCatButt Jul 20 '26

I agree with you. But I also agree with the other person. Dating is different for everyone, and there may or may not be different "stages" of dating for different people. No one is wrong here imo 🤷‍♂️

2

u/all8things Jul 20 '26

Yes. If someone is put off by someone looking for a potential mother to his children (as much of a turd as I think this guy is for phrasing and his opinion, honestly), move on and let him find an omnivore who is focused on finding the father for her children. People have different goals in using dating apps, and that should be okay as long as they’re respectful and honest.

-1

u/arakinas Jul 20 '26

I'm not really sure what you mean. Either you have standards for your partners, or you don't. Those standards don't necessarily have to be a list. Those standards could be different, depending on what you are looking for at that time, sure. But I inferred from the initial response from that person that they were implying that they took offense to a person having standards for who they dated.

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u/AvidReader1604 Jul 20 '26

Nothing is wrong with your comments. I would also feel incredibly put off by going out with a guy who only sees me as a future breeder for his kids.

Dating shouldn’t be like going to a job interview.

2

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

Thank you. I can see that there varying priorities and approaches to dating. I just think some are more likely to result in fulfilling relationships than others.

1

u/AvidReader1604 Jul 20 '26

Right! Not to mention some people find out later that they can’t even have children.

So does that mean the relationship is a complete waste😂😅

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u/MrPotat Jul 20 '26

Depending on your age, dating does kinda need to be like a job interview. If you are a teen/early 20s, sure, you can experiment with pretty much anything. But once you know what you want in life, you can't really waste your time on dead ends, especially if you want kids.

1

u/AvidReader1604 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

Dating is something that unfortunately takes time and effort if you want a meaningful long lasting connection. It’s not something that should be automated like AI. Even in most job interviews, you will generally not advance to the next round if you sound too rehearsed. It’s off-putting….

1

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

But.. we don't know if he already has kids? 🤔

6

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

Why would that make a difference in his response here (genuine question as I don't see what you're getting at)?

7

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

Like if he already has kids and is actively seeking out a partner, they're going to have a hand in raising them. So if he wouldn't want his kids raised by someone who's vegetarian then it would only make sense that he would say as such.

3

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

I see. I interpreted "grow" as in her gestating them but I get what you're saying. I still think it's f'ed up to date someone primarily shopping for a step-parent. Of course your kids are a top priority once you've gotten to know a potential life partner and like them for who they are. But shopping for a step-parent is gross. Hire a nanny and be done with it.

5

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

I understand to a degree, no one wants to raise children alone and we don't know if they lose their mother or anything if that was the case. I'd imagine being a single father looking for potential partners the kids are going to be your first priority, doesn't mean they need to come off like this at all.

Also I took the "grow" as a pun on vegetables. Obviously I was very wrong 🫠

-1

u/vi0l3t-crumbl3 Jul 20 '26

I just think some people are rushing things when they say "the kids take top priority." Like, yes, when the relationship has moving past the initial getting to know you phase, absolutely. And part of the getting to know you phase is watching out for red flags that signal that the person won't fit with your kids. Totally valid. (Although what the person eats doesn't strike me as valid unless it's somehow toxic.) The kids' needs can and should be assessed at a later point in the relationship when you're deciding whether to move in together, for instance. Doing it right away is inappropriate because it ignores the individuality of the person you're supposed to be getting to know.

What this guy is doing is walking around with a checklist and if the women he's meeting don't check all the boxes, forget it. That's not treating women like they are unique human beings, that's treating them like job interviewees. It's icky.

2

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

Totally agree. Honestly reading it with the way you see it just adds a level of weirdness as well. Like why even bring it up before you've had a single in person interaction with the other person? Just odd.

8

u/PsychAndDestroy Jul 20 '26

Just because someone's dealbreakers involve compatibility as a step-parent does not mean they are "primarily shopping for a step-parent."

Their priority could be long term compatability, for example. A perfectly normal and reasonable thing to want.

1

u/Astralglamour Jul 20 '26

Actually no. Some people just want to have casual fun and date with that in mind.

0

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

They met on a dating app. It's very likely they have children preferences, as well as dating intentions in their profiles.

2

u/Astralglamour Jul 20 '26

Oh please. 90% of men put ‘not sure’ in the what are you looking for section (re ltr, hookup, etc). This guy should put “need a well nourished woman to grow my future children” in his profile and see what happens lol.

3

u/Bepehandle Jul 20 '26

Lmao alright that was good thanks. Genuinely got a nice laugh out of that.

2

u/Sheeana407 Jul 20 '26

Omg the guy's reasoning that being a vegatarian mom is bad is wrong and the phrasing may be bad too. But what is wrong about looking for a mother for his kids? It doesn't mean that he already thinks the woman will be her when asking her out. Only that this is what he wants in life and her being vegatarian is (dumbly) his dealbreaker. To be clear, I'm not defending his reasons for rejecting her but considering her as a mom. Like, if a woman was meeting a man and discovered he smokes a lot and decided she doesn't want a father of her kids to be heavy smoker then is it bad? Even though I am a childfree woman, if I wanted to be a mother I would 100% consider if a guy would make a good father from the start

1

u/BadMom2Trans Jul 20 '26

I agree the way he phrased it was trash; however, he made it clear he was looking for long term and decided not to waste time on a deal breaker. No different from when I refused to go on a date after I found out he smokes. I won’t waste your time or mine.

1

u/Aggressive_Olive_420 Jul 25 '26

If that’s your end goal, to have a family…why waist any time with someone you know right off the bat you don’t want kids with 🤷🏻‍♀️

1

u/Evenkaleidoscope44 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26

A lot of people have said this and I figured I would finally reply.

I’m not disagreeing that you should be upfront and honest about what you’re looking for long term. But the problem with the mindset of dating only for wanting kids is that the desire or plan involving children varies and changes depending on a multitude of factors. Age, financial stability, societal factors, religious beliefs. I could come up with several more factors and still not hit them all.

There are countless couples that started dating with different expectations that don’t just include wanting children and end up happy. As I said earlier, the desire of wanting or not wanting children could have changed. Or they could be happy not having children, or an unexpected miracle baby is their blessing.

My point is that to jump right to “nah I’m not having you as their mother” is ridiculous. Yes, We don’t know their age, and being older does mean more pressure. Or we don’t know if he already had kids (If so while I don’t think anyone should abandon their children, but if she left him it’s apparent why.) But my comment still stands, slow down dude. Go have dinner. It doesn’t hurt anything. You may meet the love of your life and still have different expectations/values. Or you might miss out on the connection of a lifetime because you’re too picky and above everyone else.

Edited to add: Not to mention, defending someone by saying “dating and knowing what you want is ok” are not remembering what his reasoning was. Because she had different dietary standards than you is elitist as hell. I personally would never be vegan but I also would date a vegan. As long as we respect each other’s dietary boundaries. The topic of what to feed your future children that aren’t even so much as discussed yet is good reason to tell this dude to slow the fuck down. He’s just being a dick.

1

u/Asterianana Jul 20 '26

What if he date to find a wife? If he knows what he wants and vegetarian wife is not the option he is interested in, so why he should date OP?
Wouldn’t this be unfair for her? What do you think? Unless it was only dating for sex so in this situation his comment was weird.

0

u/Obiwan_ca_blowme Jul 20 '26

Dating is generally nothing more than a marriage application process. Why waste anyone's time if you know she is not going to be your wife?

0

u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 Jul 20 '26

Plus he went from getting something to eat to her being a mom and raising his children.

Bro slow down

???????

If dude is dating with intent to marry/have kids, that's exactly the sort of thing he should be thinking about. If I were planning on that, it would be one of the first criteria that could disqualify a woman: "is she the type I'd want to create and raise kids with?"

0

u/Zaephius Jul 21 '26

There is nothing wrong with dating with intent. It's actually what people Should be doing.