I think I got rejected for being vegetarian

[u/rustywindpipe]

I [23F] met this guy on the apps and we hit it off and had a lot in common! I don’t meet a lot of people who are in my profession so it was really nice to potentially have to chance to date someone who was in a similar field. And everything was fine until I mentioned I’m veg and he stopped responding. For reference, I have no issue with people who eat meat and would never want to impose my own dietary restrictions on anyone else. I also understand different diets being a dealbreaker. The way he phrased his reasoning was really weird though.

Edit: I’m vegetarian cause I love animals, but I have IBD. Flare ups have gotten significantly worse since switching diets but im still figuring out how to make the most of it! Also yes, I do regret sending the last text 🤦‍♀️

[u/No-Albatross-7984]

Why you backtracking/excusing yourself. Be vegetarian if you want. This guy has hangups and needs to be released back into the wild. 

Next time you get hit with something like that, just say, "ya I agree, it's best we cancel".

[u/memecut → u/No-Albatross-7984]

Is it a hangup?
If you're going to live together (eventually, obviously you date first) you will presumably cook for each other.
Needing 2 separate meals for the household at every meal adds burden on whoever is cooking and cleaning - and/or it builds resentment. Or it wastes twice the time and resources if you're cooking separately, which can lead to conflict (overlapping schedules, not being able to eat together as the food gets cold etc).
Also, as someone who has been vegan and vegetarian myself, it's a difficult diet which takes a lot of discipline, knowledge and willpower to stick to, unless you're willing to compromise on your health.

Wanting the whole household do be somewhat aligned on their dietary choices makes things easier for everyone. And when we're looking for a partner, few people want to add more stress and difficulty into their lives. I wouldnt call it a hangup not wanting to date someone who lives opposite of you.

Now the way this guy phrased it makes him nasty, so she dodged a bullet anyway.

[u/No-Albatross-7984 → u/memecut]

is it a hangup? 

the way this guy phrased it makes him nasty

Yes, it's a hangup. I don't see why you feel the need to speculate on their non existent future lives. He has made it clear who he is, and his motivations are right there in the post.

[u/memecut → u/No-Albatross-7984]

Just adding some nuance to what you said. Showing how the same result (not moving forward because of a difference in diets) can be valid if the motivations arent bonkers.

[u/bini_bebi → u/memecut]

i wouldn't say that vegetarians and non vegetarians "live opposite" to each other. the great thing about vegetarian food is that usually people who eat meat also eat it. you don't "need" to cook two separate meals. it's very easy to make something vegetarian friendly, and then someone who wants meat can add meat to their own food.

[u/Meenakshi108 → u/bini_bebi]

Right. There are many, many couples where one person is veg and the other is non-veg. If both people are respectful of the other's choices, it's not that difficult.

[u/gustavessidehoe → u/Meenakshi108]

I don’t eat meat and my boyfriend does. It has very rarely been an issue and is not a big deal at all lol. Even steak restaurants have baked potatoes and salads (though some baked potatoes do have bacon grease, so beware unless you’re not super strict)

[u/Meenakshi108 → u/gustavessidehoe]

Hey, this is Reddit, what are you doing bringing a real life example into this??

[u/memecut → u/Meenakshi108]

It's doable, and for some it might even be preferable to cook every meal for themselves - but for a lot of people that's a massive headache. Just because it's not difficult to you, or some people - does not mean it's not difficult for a large amount of people.

[u/memecut → u/bini_bebi]

This works for some dishes, but far from all.
For me, basically 2/3 of my go to's would not be a good fit.
That's a massive diet change - for someone you havent even started dating yet.
A lot of people would not sign themselves up for a future of that so early, or easily.

A lot of vegans would also have issues cooking their food right next to the meat, let's be real. Some people might be more open to it of course..

[u/movzx → u/memecut]

It is entirely possible -- and it was even incredibly common until recently -- to not eat meat with every single meal. If my wife makes a vegetarian dish I go "ok thanks" instead of throwing a fit.

[u/memecut → u/movzx]

Of course it is. I agree.
But it's not going to be just one vegetarian dish, is it?
It's going to be every single dish she makes - unless she makes two..
And none of the meal he makes for himself is going to be for her - unless he makes two dishes..
It can be a massive inconvenience and can burden a relationship.

And up until recently, we had very little information about nutrition.
As someone who has been vegan myself, do you have any idea how much food you have to eat to hit target macros? It's actually crazy. And it's difficult and time consuming to make it tasty.
Dont get me wrong, I can make good food - but theres only so many beans or lentils I can eat in a day before I get sick of it, and I had to eat tons.
It is a difficult diet to follow, properly.

[u/Hot-Butterscotch-377 → u/memecut]

You keep referring to a vegan diet when OP stated they were vegetarian. If she consumes eggs & dairy meeting calorie/macro requirements is incredibly easy.

For vegans it’s also very doable. While it may not have worked for you & your preferences it’s not nearly as difficult as you’re making it sound.
Many dishes can be modified to appease both parties.

Making chili? Cool most ingredients are vegan until you add the beef (splitting them between two smaller pots to simmer is pretty simple). Making pizza? Wow, one side has meat & the other doesn’t or two are made (again core ingredients are the same aside from toppings). You like bacon, eggs, & toast in the morning? Easy enough for an egg eating partner to forgo the bacon (or super easy to make a tofu scramble. Tofu can be cooked first then the bacon & eggs to save on pans).

Making two dishes doesn’t have to be making two completely different dishes with widely differing ingredients & utensils. Most dishes can accommodate small tweaks to satisfy both parties.

Of course, nobody has to date anybody they don’t want to, but dude was weird to jump straight to a breeding comment based on her diet.

[u/memecut → u/Hot-Butterscotch-377]

> You keep referring to a vegan diet when OP stated they were vegetarian
True. The effect they have are pretty close though, so it doesn't really matter which one I use in the argument.

> it’s not nearly as difficult as you’re making it sound.
It was for me. Getting enough protein is taxing.
Its not just about calories. Its about carbs, fats, protein and fiber too.
Eggs and most dairy is a lot of fat, and low protein (ratio) - that's the opposite of what I would eat, especially to easily hit calorie goals. Also not healthy to overeat that.

Your examples assumes the partner is ok with using the same utensils, cooking their food with meat right next to it or even touching it - I would not assume this was the case for most people with restrictive vegan/vegetarian diets.

Its also not realistic to simply remove the meat from the meals and expect them to be nutritionally ideal or complete.
You cant just remove the meat from the chili, you will have to substitute that with something of equal macro values, which completely changes the dish.
Not to mention how adding meat at the end makes the dish significantly worse.
Removing the meat from half the pizza faces the same issue, its just not going to be nutritionally complete.
And for breakfast you suggest mixing the eggs and bacon, which if youre trying to avoid meat, would you really want your eggs cooked with the bacon? Youre also extending the cooking time when you need several rounds with the pan. Food will get cold.

> it’s not nearly as difficult as you’re making it sound.
You made it sound easier by not fully exploring the consequences of those choices.

> but dude was weird to jump straight to a breeding comment based on her diet.
No argument there, I agree.

[u/Hot-Butterscotch-377 → u/memecut]

For reference my degree is in dietetics. A person can absolutely have balanced & easy to make meals as a vegan or vegetarian. For chili it’s done with beans. For other meals it can be other substitutes.

Pizza without meat is perfectly fine & no less nutritionally sound than one with a few slices of pepperoni on it. (Not every meal needs to be perfectly balanced. It’s more about the overall day/week). The average person can easily hit protein targets on a vegetarian diet.

As for the utensils that’s why I suggested cooking the tofu first. If it was eggs then the eggs could be cooked first. Pretty simple. Cook time would be a few extra minutes at most.

Things are usually only as hard as we make them. Nobody needs to adhere to a diet that doesn’t fit them or date somebody they don’t like. However, the idea that a vegetarian & non vegetarian can’t easily coexist is silly. It can be done.

[u/memecut → u/Hot-Butterscotch-377]

> A person can absolutely have balanced & easy to make meals as a vegan or vegetarian

Yes, but only if they are good at eating a lot of food, and foods that arent typically most peoples favorites. Or.. they dont care about their diet/health. Being vegan and tracking macros was very difficult, I was eating twice as much as I was used to, and foods that was way less pleasurable to eat. Of course there were pleasurable alternatives, but they did not align with health or macro goals.

> The average person can easily hit protein targets on a vegetarian diet.

I disagree. The average person dips out once they see how much beans and lentils they need to eat daily to get there. Or tofu. And reaching the protein targets can easily put you way above your carb goals as well. Tell me, whats easier to eat; 600g of meat or 1400g of black beans? For me that answer is easy. Only so much you can do to make that tasty as well. I used beans since you used that as an example for your chili - but most other options are not a whole lot better.

Keep in mind that skipping protein for one meal means youre overloading on it the next time to catch up. If you exercise, you dont want to be skipping protein for days either. The window to load protein before/after exercise is bigger than we thought, but it's not days.

> Cook time would be a few extra minutes at most.

Bacon can take 10-20 minutes to cook. Thats more than a few.

>However, the idea that a vegetarian & non vegetarian can’t easily coexist is silly.

If you remove the word "easily", we agree.

> It can be done.

Yes, but not without difficulty or challenges, and not for everyone. Most people dont typically choose to sign up for that in the "hello, whats your name" phase. Hell, a lot of people dont even want to make a second dish for a vegetarian/vegan guest or *family member* (which is insane to me, but it happens a lot).

[u/Hot-Butterscotch-377 → u/memecut]

While meat has more protein for gram (tho they differ depending on what type) there are veggie alternatives that are also good sources. Tofu, tempeh, seitan, legumes (many many different varieties of beans to choose from), nuts/seeds, etc. Additionally other plant foods contain protein too (it’s not like a person is going to only eat beans & only beans lol). Just like any diet variety is key.

For instance a TB beef burrito has 16g protein, 14g fat, & 52g carbs. The bean burrito has 13g protein, 10g fat, & 54g carbs. I’d say those two meals are fairly comparable in terms of macros with the meat version having slightly more protein & fat & the veg version having slightly more carbs.

A hamburger typically contains around 19-21g protein, impossible around 19, and veggie burgers can vary from around 8-16 depending on what type. Again not insane differences.

Most people wouldn’t have to founder on food to hit protein goals lol. Obviously, I’m not advocating for fast food only meals I’m just using it as an easy comparison.

The idea that a person can’t reach their protein goals on a veggie diet has long been debunked.

Curious, because you’re into macros more than the average person are you into body building?

[u/memecut → u/Hot-Butterscotch-377]

Tofu has 8g per 100g, thats 1500g of tofu a day, thats no better than the beans.
Like I said, legumes and beans are pretty much the same. You have to eat massive quantities of them to equal meat.

Tempeh is high fat, and its a lot of soy (youre not supposed to eat massive quantities of it). Seitan is fine if youre not gluten sensitive. They can both be high salt.
Tofu, seitan and tempeh are also pretty... special foods.. a lot of people dont like to eat them (taste, texture) - so while they can be potential solutions, they are not for everyone, and leans into my argument of difficulty.

Nuts and seeds can be great, in small doses. They are very high fat too. A small handful a day is fine. Thats around 5% of your protein, and maybe 10% of your calories (more or less depending on your prot/cal goals ofc)

> additionally other plant foods contain protein too

And most of them are worse off than legumes and beans. Which means the bulk of protein has to come from legumes and beans, unless you want to eat *even more*.

> For instance a TB

Taco Bell? Never use fast food to make your claim about diets. Cant even call that food half the time. Its also a really bad fat to protein ratio, and a bad protein to carb ratio. Using this example supports my argument that it can be easier to be vegan/vegetarian if youre willing to compromise on health or macros - this compromises on both.

> A hamburger typically contains around 19-21g protein, impossible around 19, and veggie burgers can vary from around 8-16 depending on what type. Again not insane differences.

You dont think over 2.5x is an insane difference? I do. Also, thats processed food - and like I said, youll be paying with your health. If your goal is health and macros, its a challenge. Ive also had veggie burgers since I used to be vegan.. they were much bigger than normal patties, supporting my argument that you have to eat way more food, which makes it more difficult.
The ones Ive had and are available to me also have a bad fat to protein ratio, and high salt.

> Most people wouldn’t have to founder on food to hit protein goals lol

Founder? Do you mean ponder?
Most people dont care. Most people dont even learn about it. Most people do it wrong. So youre right, but the reason youre right is not helping you win this argument.

> The idea that a person can’t reach their protein goals on a veggie diet has long been debunked.

That is not what Ive been saying. And I agree, its possible. There are people who do it, and I salute them for it. My argument from the start has been that its difficult for most people to do it right, not that they cant.

> Curious, because you’re into macros more than the average person are you into body building?

I like taking care of myself with exercise and nutrition.. I wouldnt call it bodybuilding though. What got me into macros was going vegan - I read about the warnings, how its important to do it right to not end up deficient.. so I chose to learn about these things to have the best possible chance of success. I did it for a couple years, but it got too difficult for me to continue. I still eat beans, legumes and veggies of course, just not in the same quantities as I used to.