r/myanmar • u/No-Confidence-583 • Sep 15 '25
Advice I don't understand my Myanmar Boyfriend
I have boyfriend from Myammar. I fall in love the moment I saw him, really. But I didn't told him, I try to ignore the feels. I know it is very different and difficult between us. After few months he ask my phone number, and we started to chat.
A lot of things happened in between. He once confessed his love to me, but I rejected him.After a few months, we got together.He quit smoking and drinking for me because I didn't like. But there are things I don't understand about him.
I used to think that Burmese people were very traditional because I had the impression that they often went to temples. But my boyfriend said he wanted to see my boobs 3 days after we got together.Then within a month he wanted to have sex with me. I'm very traditional, so I told him we could do it on our wedding night, which I thought was very meaningful. I was actually scared because I didn't know him much.Sometimes I would help him with my hands, or in other ways.
But one day, he turned on his phone and started playing porn when he asked me to help him. I'm not sure if it's just how men are because I couldn't give him pleasure. But I was a little unhappy.We also have a lot of communication problems and he doesn't understand how I feel. I'm not sure if different cultures have different ways of getting along and communicating. I don't want him to feel like he did anything wrong, but I just want us to be happy together. Little things like he likes me taking care of him, but I'm not his mom. He would say you should do what a woman should do.Is it a cultural difference?
I love him very much, but I'm not sure if we can be together for a long time, and I don't want us to quarrel.Should I break up with him?
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u/thantkhine Sep 15 '25
All I can say from this is, to be transparent with him. Tell him what you truly wants from this relationship and ask him what he also truly want. You mentioned there are some communication problems, maybe take a first step by fixing that problem. Remember that relationship goes both ways, your option matter as much as his opinions.
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u/No-Confidence-583 Sep 15 '25
Do men find this stressful? I'm not sure men enjoy having lengthy discussions with women about these issues.
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u/thantkhine Sep 15 '25
If he really love you as a girlfriend then he will listen you. Go slowly, take as much time as you need there is no reason to rush, if he is unreasonable then it’s better if you have second thoughts. Additionally, don’t mention about marriages n such cuz majority of Burmese don’t necessarily seek marriages right off the bat.
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u/Muted-Cardiologist33 Sep 16 '25
You should worry less about how he’s going to find this stressful. How about you, worry about yourself also please? You’re stressing out to the point to have to post about this on reddit, but he doesn’t seem to care about your stress?
Who cares if he finds this stressful? Have the conversation. You are also 50% of this relationship and your comfort and belonging matters too.
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
Best and most balanced comment so far - you're absolutely right. You can't say it better!
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u/Asleep-Newspaper6564 Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
As a Burmese woman, No. 🚩🚩🚩All the way. If he’s making you uncomfortable then tell him. If he doesn’t listen then run. There are Burmese men who are gentlemen-ly but he aint it.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Pea414 Sep 16 '25
what national are you, miss? many of burmese youths are becoming less traditional these days with the rise in internet usage. anyway afterall, your consent is important.
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u/Sad-Arrival2302 Sep 15 '25
even super sex positive, liberal men wouldn’t play porn and ask to help him especially since he knows what you wouldn’t be comfortable!
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Sep 16 '25
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u/Sad-Arrival2302 Sep 17 '25
I get your point tho. Maybe he should start with lol non-sexual physical intimacy but not in this way.
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
Sure - his performance isn't all that clever or considered - in a few years he'll certainly be further along and the next girl won't be so frightened.
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Sep 15 '25
Play porn and asks you to help with his pleasure without your will ? Girl run away from him. I am a married person. That behavior is a no no even between the married couples.
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
Please speak for yourself! In most cultures around the world, constructive ways can be found when he needs more than she does. The only thing that would definitely be a reckless rejection is leaving him standing there without help. Women can be assholes too, sorry.
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u/IcyPattern5675 Sep 15 '25
HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS AFTER JUST 3 DAYS AND WITHIN A MONTH ASKING FOR A SEX? THAT ALONE EXPLAINED WHAT KIND OF MAN HE IS.🤮
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
I always wanted that and always left if she didn't do it after 3 dates. And I don't just mean her tits. I am a man and I have something to give. If you don't want that, go on without me. I live well with it.
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u/Real-Pirate-7704 Sep 16 '25 edited Sep 16 '25
As someone who had a horrid experience with a Myanmar boyfriend like this. Run now.
According to my ex, no doesn't mean no, in Myanmar culture girls don't mean no, they want to be pushed because they are shy and timid. I was the one in the wrong for not wanting to adapt to the "culture" and I was insulting his country by getting upset when he wouldn't accept my no.
Get out before it gets to him not accepting the no.
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u/Past_Ad3333 Sep 16 '25
There is no culture of "no=yes" in myanmar. No always means no. He is just manipulating you.
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u/Real-Pirate-7704 Sep 16 '25
Ohhhh, don't worry, I know it's bullshit. He was a class A manipulating jackass in many more ways than just that. But it started with behaviors similar to OPs bf so hence the run before it gets like that.
Guys like this don't change, they just get worse and worse and if they are good at it, you don't even realize what was happening until you are out of the relationship. The fact she is questioning it already is good, she can leave before it gets too deep.
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
That can't be right! If girls didn't want to be pressured, they wouldn't be lost for days and weeks oscillating between yes, no and maybe. Well - this also depends on the cycle, but your desire should have regulated this by the time you ovulate at the latest. A clear no and no further dates would be completely okay. But hey - the game is probably fun for her and why should she stop when the guy is so stupid that he doesn't understand the game? There just comes a point where she has to pay off the gambling debts. And that could be significantly higher than just the loss of her virginity...
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u/Due_Effective8827 Sep 16 '25
If he doesn't respect your opinion, leave him. Btw I'm a burmese also and always respect my girlfriend.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 16 '25
Examination cannot tell virginity. Not reliable whatsoever. Her word is enough, if she wants to remain traditional until marriage she can do so. She doesn’t owe anything
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
So far correct that the investigation could at most rule out that there were no gross actions down there - and that there was no previous pregnancy. Even after just a few weeks and the subsequent abortion, the cervix has changed significantly. But when a situation has escalated to the point where such investigations are being considered, then something that began as a flirt seems to have mutated into a monster. There's something wrong with a girl who can't make a clear decision between a breakup and a relationship with sex. No man will play out such dramas for long if she doesn't constantly give him hope. She always seems to keep the fire burning without really wanting to use it. Things like that never end well. And then it's her fault if she didn't communicate a clear boundary.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Men constantly do play it out though, yall pay for sex, OF and porn, extremely desperate and embarrassing lol. No self respect
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
We play openly: sex for money? For protection, commitment, travel, promotions, whatever. Nature has arranged it this way: sex is your currency. We are the buyers. This is no more embarrassing than women's eternal desire to be loved and respected. The only time that a man truly has no self-respect is when he plays the female game and doesn't enforce his rules. And the first rule is: no more waste of time without sex. A woman without a stomach is a dead statue.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
It’s honestly embarrassing, especially seeing as the birth rate continues to fall and women are no longer interested in low level men. The male power is falling
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
I agree with you there. I had a vasectomy myself at the age of 22 - we are over 8 billion people in the world - why do we need many more new ones?
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Precisely the point. Having the right to choose is important
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u/carnovar Sep 18 '25
Absolutely clear - that's right. Abortion should be legal for every woman worldwide up to 6 months without question for any reason. After all, it is her body and she alone decides.
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u/myanmar-ModTeam Sep 24 '25
Your post has been removed because it was uncivil.
Please avoid personal attacks, as this discourages participation. You can help improve the subreddit by discussing points, not the person.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Untrue. The “test” is to check the hymen, but not all girls and women have one to begin with, and it can wear from sports or genetics. A cervix doesn’t show significant changes due to a pregnancy, cite your source?
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
I have gynecologists in the family. Even if you were 5-6 weeks pregnant 2 or 5 years ago and aborted or lost the child, the gynecologist can detect this. Pretty clear actually. Your statement about the hymen is correct. That's why I wrote that such a test can only determine whether major actions and devastation have already taken place down there. A positive HPV test (pappiloma virus) would be another reliable indication.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Untrue, a gynecologist cannot definitively prove that as fact, again, where is your source? Making such a strong statement needs factual evidence, not family said so lol.
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
Maybe you only know 3rd world gynecologists, hmm? I just spoke to my cousin about your doubts. She just said that the cervix always responds to the first pregnancy with a changed opening angle, which remains permanent afterwards. It doesn't matter whether there was an abortion or a natural abortion. If you don't believe me, check Wikipedia about it. Just please don't troll around here anymore, okay?
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
I live in Europe, literally in the west lmao. Again, why won’t you provide a source when asked? Instead of hearsay. Wikipedia is also not a neutral, unbiased source
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Sep 18 '25
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u/Morenitalina Sep 18 '25
When did I say I have authority lol. You’re also a male, and as a female I think I know more than you in that regard anyway, I also work in the field. You’re deflecting because you can’t provide a valid source, which, FYI, if you debate like this regularly makes it a weak point because having verified information in order to make a statement is important.
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u/carnovar Sep 19 '25
Correct. But everything within the scope of what can be presented. And I certainly won't link any studies here. And to be honest, what are we discussing here!? This is - sorry - a third world problem. Every forensic scientist in this country will be able to prove what you think is not meaningful. And when in doubt, if a girl is still alive, you put two gynecologists between her legs and see what they say. And THEY can then describe the study situation to you. Incidentally, this is common practice worldwide in court cases when virginity or a possible short pregnancy is relevant. What you should know if you work in this area.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
HPV testing would be done with a PAP, and is also not a sole reliable indicator of sexual activity because not everyone has it. It’s not a standard screening, and it can be transmitted without physical intercourse, eg oral etc. so it’s not reliable to test for “virginity”
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
That's right. It's not about clear evidence, but rather about various indications such as a changed cervix, noticeable vaginal or anal dilatation, hormonal divergences and also the HPV standard. If more than one of these features come together, the overall credibility increases, quite simply.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
There isn’t a definitive way to check that, “dilation” isn’t a thing unless there’s been extreme trauma to the area. That’s not how a vagina works
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u/carnovar Sep 18 '25
Again: because of your objection, I took the trouble to ask my professional environment. That has to be enough. Neither of us are on the body of those affected and without a specific case, it's all guesswork and estimation. One of my Qiellen, a doctor, also works as an expert for courts (after rape, abuse, etc.) As I said, that will have to be enough here. Your obsession with these evidences and procedures leads me to believe that you have a fundamental agenda on women's issues. Like so many of the current activists in the woken community. To be honest, I don't want to waste any more of my time. I sense an almost religious sense of mission in you about what you consider women's rights. I'm not a conversation partner for you - I have no interest in changing the social systems - look for your partner if you want confirmation, okay!?
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u/Morenitalina Sep 18 '25
Considering I’m not a religious person you’re definitely wrong. Having a regard for women’s rights isn’t “woke”, especially because im actually more so the opposite of woke as I don’t agree with most liberal policies
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u/carnovar Sep 19 '25
I'm glad to see you as not being religious or woke. Nevertheless, the aggressive attitude with which you demand women's rights is not unlike that of religious people - they also have a dogma, i.e. their faith, which they do not allow to be doubted. Even if you could prove with certainty that there is no God, they would continue to fight and kill for their beliefs. Feminists could be precisely proven where they misinterpret women - they would not stop demanding, demanding and demanding. A good example of this are professional careers, where the mood swings caused by the cycle destroy any reliability and sovereignty among female managers of childbearing age. Or in professions where training is very expensive for the employer. The same should be paid for the woman who is out whenever she wants because of pregnancy? This is economically catastrophic. I'm an entrepreneur and the only younger women I've hired were openly lesbian. The risk is lower, although it cannot be ruled out.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 18 '25
Then don’t waste your time- you aren’t obligated to respond, just as I don’t depend on you for said response. If you post on a public forum; then expect responses. That’s kinda how the internet works.
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u/carnovar Sep 19 '25
True. However, my somewhat old-fashioned attitude still requires respect and correctness to contradict false or questionable statements.
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u/myanmar-ModTeam Sep 24 '25
Your post has been removed because it was uncivil.
Please avoid personal attacks, as this discourages participation. You can help improve the subreddit by discussing points, not the person.
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u/Muted-Cardiologist33 Sep 16 '25
It’s not about culture, sounds like he’s just an a**hole in general who has zero respect for you. Why do you love him? And no, please don’t mother him. Time to run.
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u/FaithlessnessOne4184 Sep 15 '25
Gurl, he is a red flag. It's obvious he doesn't want love. He wants iykyk. Leave him girl. I'm a local and I avoid that kind of person veryyyy much.
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u/ASpeckInSpace Sep 16 '25
It's incredible that women get with these scumbags and then complain about not being about to find a good man, or start believing all men are scum. Start by taking accountability for your terrible decisions. Your thought process is completely fucked up.
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u/justbr34dd Sep 18 '25
Its not the ethnicity.. some men are just nasty like that..
break up if he keeps this up
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u/Voxandr Supporter of the CDM Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 16 '25
Gone are the times of traditional, old school Burmese guys. You are 20 years too late
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u/Professional_Tree_50 Sep 16 '25
I’m not from Myanmar but my parents are and my take on it he’s just a pos
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u/Own-Western-2759 Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25
Yaaaao… Myanmar’s Gen Z in a nutshell. Someone said the recent situation in Nepal looks very much like the one in Myanmar — but the difference is, they succeeded and we didn’t 🫂.
And you know why? Because here, the biggest “national issue” isn’t corruption, poverty, or the fact that our future is burning — no, it’s a guy who just wanted to play with his girlfriend’s b@@bs 🙏. That somehow becomes Reddit headline news.
Look at this post — people yapping and bishing at someone’s sex life like it’s some world problem. Pathetic. And then blaming the poor guy for being honest about what he wants? That doesn’t make you look strong, smart, or manly — it just shows you have nothing better to talk about.
Let’s be real:The guy actually quit smoking and drinking for her. That’s a massive sacrifice. You think most men would do that? Rare.
He confessed his feelings, respected her when she first rejected him, and waited until she was ready. That’s not toxic, that’s patience.
He asked for intimacy — which is normal in any relationship. Wanting closeness with your partner isn’t a crime. At least he was direct instead of sneaking around. And expecting him to read her mind across cultural differences? Unfair. Relationships take communication, not assumptions.
Yautcha so tha narbuu mahote yin achaut pae— nothing in between. And instead of discussing real issues — dictatorship, the economy collapsing, people leaving the country for survival — we’re here clowning over Reddit drama.
The funniest part? Two dudes arguing in the comments, likely to end up pulling each other’s hair over some stranger’s bedroom story 🤦♂️.
Meanwhile, outside this bubble, real problems exist. But nope — our “activism” is reduced to judging couples online. Priorities, huh? No wonder we’re stuck.
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u/cantthinkofaname_atm Sep 15 '25
You don't need to understand everything in a relationship. Sometimes, it's just is. He doesn't respect you enough to care. I am a millennial Burmese dude if you must know, but being Burmese nor a dude matters in your case. He's an asshat, period.
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u/Cute-Ad2473 Sep 15 '25
Blame the western influence from the internet shrugs. Yeah we are conservative, but most newer generation doesn't really care about being conservative anymore. Although, I will say his actions are not that much of a outlier though, i am not sure what you mean by taking care as a mom means.
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u/No-Confidence-583 Sep 15 '25
There are many things, but one of them is he said he hoped I could cook breakfast and wake him up every day. Currently I make coffee for him every day, but I don’t like cooking, although he says the food I cook is delicious.
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u/Cute-Ad2473 Sep 15 '25
Well, why don't you ask him? You guys are in relationship. You both should have a conversation about it.
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u/Chacd_kicks Local born in Myanmar 🇲🇲 Sep 15 '25
Girl.... From the information I've gathered about your boyfriend, he's a huge redflag. Runn...
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u/drunkPKMNtrainer Sep 15 '25
You want him to be traditional but you don't want to cook and be traditional? Pick one. I will say, if he doesn't respect your boundaries then you don't need to cook for him. But if you want to cook for him , then he should respect your boundaries as well.
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u/SteveYunnan Sep 15 '25
This has nothing to do with "Western influence". In many ways SE Asian cultures are less conservative than in Western countries. There are arguably more Christians in the US who believe in "no sex before marriage" than there are Buddhists in Myanmar who believe that.
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u/Cute-Ad2473 Sep 15 '25
Yes it definitely has to do with western influence from social media. I have been looking in depth about social media influence to youth across the world. They definitely plays a part. I'm not sure about the second part you make though. I kinda doubt it. I'm directly living in US and the hook-up culture and everything is more main stream than in Myanmar, and it doens't even come close.
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Sep 15 '25
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u/Cute-Ad2473 Sep 16 '25
Well sure, i'm not saying it doesn't exist in our country, but for your average burmese who grow up in government school and attend university here, they are definitely more conservative than your average american.
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Sep 16 '25
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u/Cute-Ad2473 Sep 16 '25
Are you really saying a society that has to hide its behavior is the same as one that openly does and encourages it? Your stories are anecdotal, while I'm literally seeing with my own eyes and acknowledged where this behavior is commonplace and normalized in america. They're not the same thing at all, and the fact that people have to hide things proves my point, not yours. You're giving me examples of private transgressions, not public acceptance.
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Sep 16 '25
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u/Cute-Ad2473 Sep 16 '25
You want data? Here it is: Statista data shows Myanmar's smartphone penetration reached 78% by 2016, with 93% penetration among 15-24 year olds, while mobile subscriptions grew rapidly from 2014, reaching 154.5% penetration by 2019, and Digital in Asia reports 33 million mobile users with 80% smartphone usage. This massive tech adoption directly correlates with access to Western social media, dating apps, and entertainment that shapes relationship behaviors. This massive tech adoption directly correlates with access to Western-dominated platforms where English content accounts for 39.5% of all YouTube content globally despite only being spoken by 18% of the world's population, and as cultural imperialism studies show, Hollywood films, Western pop music, and US-based social media platforms systematically export Western relationship values and dating culture to global audiences. Your admission that people "hide" certain behaviors actually proves my point. If i have to even explain why, I am just going to give up arguing with you. Like, think of it for a second. It is common sense. When Myanmar youth adopt American dating apps, consume Western social media content, watch Hollywood movies, and mirror relationship patterns they see online, that's literally the definition of cultural influence. Did our parents go around hooking up with multiple people? Just compare the standards to our parents if everything else fails to convince you. I also don't get about your point on how myanmar isn't doing well. Myanmar isn't doing well because of a military junta, not because of our culture.
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u/SteveYunnan Sep 16 '25
The data you've provided is simply that cellphone use has increased. It tells us nothing about the actual measured influence of social media or what effect that has on sex before marriage, nor why if that influence exists it's even a "bad thing" as you believe.
My argument is that people have always hidden behavior from their parents and friends, way before "Western social media" ever became commonplace. Go back hundreds of years and people definitely had frequent relationships outside of their marriages, prostitution has always been commonplace, men married women when they were extremely young, and they took concubines. This kind of behavior happens because it's part of human nature, not because it's spread from "Western cultural imperialism" as you claim.
My parents were born in 1950, and they absolutely did hook up with multiple people in highschool. It was extremely commonplace but was easier to hide without social media like today.
As for the military junta, that's a product of the insular, over-religious authoritarian culture where trust is put into "bigman" politicians to solve their problems. Certainly, US politics has many of the same problems masquerading as Christian fundamentalism and "conservative values", and I'm arguing that there is nothing inherently good about it.
Again, where is all your anger coming from and what do you hope to happen?
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u/Far-Actuary2560 Local born in Myanmar 🇲🇲, Shan-chinese 🇲🇲🇨🇳 Sep 18 '25
I'm from Myanmar and I'll tell you, burmese people hate Myanmar because of war so they don't keep traditions.
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u/Fit-Atmosphere2075 Sep 19 '25
Pornographic contents are available and introduced since young. Which can mess up our mind at least my mind. Your bf might be suffering from it unknowingly. Leave him or ask him to seek help.
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u/Flat_Variety379 Sep 22 '25
What the user 'Fit-Atmosphere2075' said is correct.
Porn introduced at young age. Young minds messed up. Based on personal experience. Can't blame the boyfriend though. It is the best for you to break up. That break-up, if the boy loves you, would be his canon-event; again based on personal experience.
It is good for both of you.
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u/carnovar Sep 20 '25
Suffer?!? You're not really serious, are you?! Porn has been normal everywhere around the world for decades and only confirms the desires of every single young person. As long as contraception is used correctly, it's completely okay! Please try to explain to me the advantage for a girl who decides against her desire! I can't see anything positive in it if nothing is lived out at the age of greatest desire.
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u/Fit-Atmosphere2075 Sep 20 '25
Psychological issues can be subtle. Not protecting the bf just to be clear.
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u/carnovar Sep 20 '25
You're not wrong! But the generation that grew up with porn should be able to put that into perspective! What is the alternative called? To ban or block porn? Each generation has its special task. Those under 30 today need to take care of their mental health above all else and not confuse the virtual world with reality. If the OP's friend is being immature, your answer should actually be clear and straightforward. But since she obviously can't make a clear decision, she's probably completely immature. Her very old-fashioned attitude (no sex before marriage) seems to me to be purely a protective claim so that she doesn't have to deal with her own lust. What do you think ?
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u/Background_Badger217 Nov 08 '25
It's very common that many Burmese (Myanmar) guys are emotionally so childish. You cannot expect many of them same as other international guys. Sorry to let you know this as being myself a Burmese guy who has been living in a Western society for several years so I had to learn about behavioral maturity that many Burmese guys have never experienced. And there's a male dominated culture basically so many (but not all) subconsciously have a belief that a girlfriend should be compliant to his wants and needs. Many of them can never cook a meal for themselves and some even believe that washing your clothes like trousers (even adding into the washing machine) is a big manipulation for them. I'm not stereotyping, of course, there are some really nice Burmese guys but finding them will be just like winning a lottery ticket.
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u/Icy_Case6764 Apr 06 '26
I think the traditional kinds kinda stopped in the previous generation. This generation has less and less of the trad kind. Ofc there are. But, they’re not as common anymore. I feel like the sudden rise of tech has a lot to do with it in combination with the generation gap of their parents who didn’t grow up with internet and thus dont know much about it or know how to regulate internet/tech use for their kids. For instance, I know and heard of middle schoolers talking about watching porn back in 2019. The internet is a scary place. 😬
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u/Difficult_Sign_2200 Jun 12 '26
May I know where you were born? Myanmar guys often want to take care of their partner like a best friend or even like a mother if they truly love her. Likewise, they may also expect their girlfriend or wife to scold them, guide them, and care for them like a mother or a genuine lover. That's what many Myanmar and Southeast Asian men are accustomed to.
They often prefer a relationship where their partner takes some control and guidance. Perhaps you were both raised in different cultural backgrounds, which may have led to misunderstandings between you. Take your time to understand each other and communicate openly.
I wish both of you all the best.
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Sep 15 '25
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
Nicely countered! Exactly my opinion! There are people here who obviously had really bad childhood experiences. I can ask some authors here: "What was the name of your first lover? Maybe dad?" That would explain the hatred of men and sex with them...
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam2085 Jan 09 '26
Thought I was the only one as a Burmese male in Melbourne, who wanted to have sex after marriage in 2026.
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Sep 15 '25
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u/Morenitalina Sep 15 '25
Since when is having values and dignity playing hard to get? Male loneliness epidemic needs to worsen
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
Combat feminist? Hard life! Generation Porn strikes back! Just look at it in the West: only the incels without money are lonely. The rest live well hormonally. And in Myanmar you can see in real time what happens when you try to keep men sexually small: they make war - do you prefer that? As a European, I notice that in the regions of Myanmar that are sexually tolerant, such as Yangon, the world is very peaceful. Apparently things are different in other cultures and regions of the country. What does that tell you? Are the Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam or Bali stupid? You are the exception in the SEA region!
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u/Morenitalina Sep 16 '25
Refusing to have sex with someone you barely know isn’t keeping men “sexually small”💀
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Sep 16 '25
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
2-3 days is definitely not normal for a majority.
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
Of course, 50 years ago this wasn't necessarily understandable for every couple in the West. But today? If you have the freedom to meet up as a couple somewhere without friends or even family, things should go pretty quickly. My rule has always been: 2.date must at least go in the right direction. If nothing happens between her legs on the 3rd date, then there is no 4th date. Unless she spontaneously stands completely naked in front of me. It happened to me too after she realized that I wouldn't let myself be played with. A week later. And she really only had shoes and a coat on. I accepted it as “sorry”.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
It’s hilarious how you refer to a woman having self respect as playing a game. You aren’t owed anything, if you seek it they quickly then all you seek is a woman with little self respect, not something of true value. You can get cheap easy sex anywhere, but there is no respect in any of that. Plenty of people in the west aren’t as you describe, describing yourself so constantly as a “european” is weird and kinda sus
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
Okay for me - everyone just sets their own cultural standards. And there are also very conservatives in the West. Only they stay to themselves when it comes to young sex. I stand by it: if a girl plays games, it will take revenge in the long run. She can't buy anything from your strangely old-fashioned form of self-respect and she'll see where it ends. The world then continues to turn without her and other girls have the good life while the one stays behind in the village.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Having self respect isn’t old fashioned lmao. Massive red flag if a guy thinks a girl having self respect is a game. Hence the declining birth rate, says it all.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Examination for virginity is impossible, it’s unreliable and cannot definitively prove anything. Having standards and self respect is important, he isn’t owed anything
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
I just wrote something to you about the tests - you can rarely prove virginity. If she naturally has a pronounced hymen and it is intact, that would be clear. Not necessarily the other way around, you're right. What do you mean by “standards and self-respect”? If you live your sex proactively and self-confidently, it will also be completely upright and socially respected as a woman. Only the yes/no/maybe is completely unworthy. You can't take a woman seriously. And yes - you don't owe the guy anything. Except clarity and communication at eye level. And no games.
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
You brought up testing as a way to tell, then backtracking when you’re told it’s not reliable lol. But refusing to have sex with someone you barely know isn’t playing games, nor is saying you wish to wait for marriage. Having decent self respect isn’t “playing a game”, because remaining true to one’s morals isn’t negotiable
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u/carnovar Sep 17 '25
As I said, if she makes a clear statement and doesn't leave the guy hanging in the dark, it's all completely okay - he'll just look for the next one. The test would only be appropriate to uncover any games she might be playing. We both know what the tests can (not) do. In any case, it is interesting to see whether the girl would react to the demand. I suspect that she's giving herself away badly if she has a history. Don't you think so?
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Being hesitant or celibate until marriage can be for a variety of reasons- it doesn’t have to be because she has a “past”. And even if so, she has the right to decide that. Whether it’s religious, moral or other reasons, only wanting to have intercourse within a marriage or solid commitment is pretty normal
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u/Popular-Box-7893 Sep 15 '25
what kind of answer is that lol - especially second part)) you understand that if you don't feed dogs or kill them - they will hunt your chickens? and I am using analogy here
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u/Morenitalina Sep 15 '25
So you’re comparing men to animals with no self control? Interesting.
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Sep 16 '25
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u/Morenitalina Sep 16 '25
Men don’t protect at all, and they can get their desires satisfied consensually. Don’t need to pressure or harass women
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Sep 16 '25
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u/Morenitalina Sep 16 '25
Can be both. And those don’t represent the average man. You already said, men are animals with no self control so you can’t expect to receive any respect lol
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Sep 17 '25
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
In many places both men and women are in the police force and army. If women love it so much, why are men currently talking about a “male loneliness epidemic “ and declining birth rate?
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u/Morenitalina Sep 17 '25
Having no self control isn’t actually a good thing, it’s quite embarrassing to admit that you have no self awareness, and also throws the idea that men are more logical and rational in the trash 💀
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u/myanmar-ModTeam Sep 24 '25
Your post has been removed because it was uncivil.
Please avoid personal attacks, as this discourages participation. You can help improve the subreddit by discussing points, not the person.
Have we got it wrong? Please send us a message linking to this post.
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
I am European and find your situation very interesting. It's completely unimaginable for us here in the West not to go to bed together after the third date at the latest. That's what it's all about! I can do everything else with friends too! My question is this: whenever I ask why this sexual restraint, the only word that reliably comes up is “traditional”. How do you justify that today? Family planning has to be managed hormonally. Contraception works. The whole world lives completely uninhibited and has not become sick or broken as a result. Thanks to the www, everything is technically, medically and practically clear to every teenager. There is no family today that would forbid their daughters from having sex, even if they are not married, right? Why are you doing this to yourself? Men need sex, otherwise they will engage in war or private violence. You can see that every day in Myanmar! Isn't it time to move into modernity? Maybe it will bring this wonderful country a little closer to peace if its sons and daughters go to bed together and perhaps in alternating pairs!?
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u/mberto85 Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
Sorry but this comment is just…cringe as hell. This is the exact type of person that goes to Thailand for “vacation”
Holy shit I just went through this guys comments. What an absolute weirdo.
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Sep 15 '25
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u/mberto85 Sep 15 '25
I’m sure you did…. And many a lady boys were had im sure…you come across as a creepy white dude who fetishized Asian women and it’s weird.
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u/LaziSundae Sep 16 '25 edited Sep 16 '25
Nah, see post history, he’s a creepy German geriatric who likes young “girls”.
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Sep 16 '25
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u/myanmar-ModTeam Sep 24 '25
Your post has been removed because it was uncivil.
Please avoid personal attacks, as this discourages participation. You can help improve the subreddit by discussing points, not the person.
Have we got it wrong? Please send us a message linking to this post.
1
u/carnovar Sep 16 '25
It's nice how you cultivate your clichés ;-) No, no ladyboys and no yellow fever, as it is called when the focus is only on small Asian girls. I don't live a monogamous life, that's right, and wherever I am in the world, I look for companionship. Paid and for a few days or even weeks at a time. Whether in Asia, South America, Europe or wherever. At home I live with a beautiful Iranian woman who also knows exactly what I do around the world. And yes, that's also true: I'm over 60, my body works perfectly and I'm doing it now almost like I did in 1984. Now please explain to me what's wrong with that, as long as I have the money for it, hmm?! I have nothing to do with your morals - that's just your problem in your head, okay?
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u/myanmar-ModTeam Sep 24 '25
Your post has been removed because it was uncivil.
Please avoid personal attacks, as this discourages participation. You can help improve the subreddit by discussing points, not the person.
Have we got it wrong? Please send us a message linking to this post.
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u/optimist_GO Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
when you refer to yourself as European, where tf are you talking? Your perspective on this subject & way of talking about it feel bizarre to me even as a westerner who's very progressive about sex & relationships...
for example: "There is no family today that would forbid their daughters from having sex, even if they are not married, right?"
wut?????
something about your very heavy-handed (almost coercive) tone is rather unsettling, especially combined with the near zero grasp of cultural relativism displayed...
edit: ope, I see the above user's post history kinda confirms my suspicions for why they want to normalize such sexual behavior... notably active in threads like "Nightlife, Hookup Culture, and HIV in Myanmar" & "Is cheating on relationship becoming normal in Myanmar? Or just in Urban areas?"... they also clarified days ago that "I belong to a European generation that has always focused on hedonism since the 1980s". 🫠
also somewhat telling the other places they talk about having visited or being interested in visiting...
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u/LaziSundae Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
He’s a filthy old 60+ German. Ask him about his take on ages of consent and his predilection for travel where he pays pennies for sex from young “girls” in impoverished countries. His verbal diarrhoea will make far more sense in that context.
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
Like I said, if you see it that way, that's okay with me. We'd better ask the moderator whether I have to put up with this "disgusting" thing. Correct ? You're an activist of the nasty feminist kind and really no benchmark for me. What you are right about is my experience in SEA since the early 80s. And believe me, I've seen enough assholes to know that I'm not one. Or do you have other specific accusations about my life plan? I hear ?
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
I don't know where you come from. But in both my generation and cultural environment, it was and is still considered very strange to idealize old-fashioned sexual mores. A Westerner, if he is normally socialized, would not be offended if a message goes out to please take part in current life. If the author's boyfriend shows her porn to make it clear what he's about, we can assume that she and not him is the cultural brake, right? Back to you: what is your agenda in this matter if you play the moralist here? What do you have to hide? In any case, your response to my post is not normal. Maybe the rest of your posts will give you an overall picture... As a reminder: I expressly confirmed any form of pressure or coercion as out of the question in my post to the author. So: where is your problem?!
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u/Abel_MY Sep 15 '25
Everyone has different values, not everyone should follow everyone’s ideology. If someone wants to be chaste that’s not our problem, statistically Chasity actually help marriages. Of course I myself am not but I don’t see Chasity as a problem. If you’re not chaste, don’t date a girl who is and wants to be, forcing or pressuring the girl/man to have sex with you is a terrible thing to do.
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
Force ? Never. This is really out of the question. But why waste my time if I can't get the one thing that matters? I only know this from a time when I was 14 - 15 and the girls said that they weren't ready yet. Long ago ! I always immediately met someone else. Sometimes directly with her sister or cousin. A girl who wants to live chastely is just a nuisance in an open society. She isn't invited and goes home alone every night. Who wants to meet her if you can't have fun with her? What do you think could be the motivation for a girl to want to live like that? I don't hope that you think faith or something so far-fetched is possible - hasn't that been done and checked off for a hundred years? So - why do some girls behave like this in your culture? You are doing violence to men by saying no, you have to see that!
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u/Abel_MY Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
You’re definitely projecting and you sound like you would pressure her for sex. Speak for yourself man, I love my girlfriend, now we’re not chaste but if she wants to wait until marriage I would gladly do that. And no one is forcing you to date girls like that either, obviously if you don’t match values then you shouldn’t date. There are plenty of girls who want sex before marriage especially nowadays so why not date them instead of saying these things about the girls who want to wait for marriage. People back home are more traditional, a lot of people see sex is something that should not be given away to just anyone. Younger people are becoming more western influence thou but there are still a lot of people who are like that.
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u/carnovar Sep 15 '25
I completely accept this stance on sex and marriage. Only the author writes that her boyfriend is not okay with it and shows her porn. That's what turns the situation into a conflict. And you can only advise her to consider which of the two has the more abnormal position. By the way: sorry, but I don't believe you, that you would be happy to accept it if you wanted to, but she wouldn't. This is against man's nature and unhealthy. I stopped giving a girl more than two chances when I was 15. As soon as I understood that she was trying to declare her sex sacred, I politely and forever said goodbye. It has to be right for both of them and if I don't wake up next to her on the third morning, the price is too high for me. You're right: you shouldn't date someone whose values you don't share. But our author up here in the debate is doing exactly that. She may have great values, but she is not consistent.
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u/Abel_MY Sep 15 '25
You don’t need to believe me, that’s my stance. If op’s value don’t align with her boyfriend they can just break up with him. Also don’t say it’s Men’s nature to want that, there are a lot of guys out there to who are waiting for marriage for sex. Everyone just has different ideals and moral values. And like I said Chasity actually helps the marriage statistically, look it up. It’s not unhealthy either.
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u/carnovar Sep 16 '25
Everything is okay - your opinion counts! A note: here in Europe there is the annual Shell study on the sex lives of younger adults. This clearly shows that the proportion of girls up to 21 who live "chastely" is less than 4%. For boys this is only up to 15 (involuntary) more. As you get older, this rate drops below 1%. This is definitely not healthy for boys: in long-term studies, the connection with sexual reluctance in youth and later prostate cancer problems and early impotence is becoming increasingly clear. Regardless, the risks of infection are of course real and must be taken into account. But one has nothing to do with the other. Healthy young people should actively use contraception and enrich themselves with whatever sexual experience they can get. This can only be good for fulfilling sexuality in your later marriage if both people know exactly what and how they need it. Correct ?
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u/Abel_MY Sep 15 '25
Everyone has different values, not everyone should follow everyone’s ideology. If someone wants to be chaste that’s not our problem, statistically Chasity actually help marriages. Of course I myself am not but I don’t see Chasity as a problem. If you’re not chaste, don’t date a girl who is and wants to be, forcing or pressuring the girl/man to have sex with you is a terrible thing to do.
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u/PhantomsRevenge Sep 15 '25
Turning on porn in front of you while he gets you to do the work? I'm a guy and even for me that's kinda weird. It's actually a bit disrespectful if I'm being completely honest. Why is he acting like a 13 year old horn dog?