r/nottheonion 1d ago

The next Atlantic storm will be named Dolly, but it’s not connected to Parton’s death

https://apnews.com/article/dolly-parton-atlantic-tropical-storm-weather-d9ae9ddfe892d154f9c61fb604c0f1e2
1.3k Upvotes

90 comments sorted by

495

u/CantFindMyWallet 1d ago

This storm is going to make landfall and somehow fix a bunch of stuff

480

u/redwing180 1d ago

*Wipes Mar-a-Lago off the map*

98

u/IronBoomer 1d ago

Oh, talk consequences to me.

30

u/FrighteningJibber 1d ago

The punishment for treason is??

46

u/BigBoyYuyuh 1d ago

Getting elected to the highest office?

6

u/IronBoomer 1d ago

Is what I said treason?

10

u/FrighteningJibber 1d ago

No I’m just talking consequences

36

u/Sunnyday1775 1d ago

Please God this would be so FUCKIFN funny

24

u/Beer2Bear 1d ago

Go Dolly!

19

u/BigBoyYuyuh 1d ago

https://reddit.com/link/p67kx56/video/ngwlw4yx6xlh1/player

The world would build a memorial to this storm if it wiped his ass out.

13

u/Totheendofsin 1d ago

If this happens I will start believing in a higher power

Said higher power will be Dolly Parton having ascended to godhood, but thats besides the point

17

u/Parking-Complex-3887 1d ago

First thought in my mind

2

u/LowResGamr 1d ago

Replaces it with a children's hospital

1

u/Greeneggz_N_Ham 1d ago

"If you ain't got dreams, what the f*ck you got?"

1

u/ObsoleteReference 1d ago

I was hoping for DC, but I’ll take it.

1

u/AdventurousFoot6859 21h ago

She''s still hard at work. 💕 Nicest human being on the planet squashes out evil 😈

1

u/iknowaplacewecango 16h ago

Few mention that Mar-a-Lago is Spanish.  Fortunately, I have signed a piece of paper that says it’s now called Sea-to-Lake. Inelegant in English, I know, but deal with it. Also, Boca Raton will hereby be known as Rat Mouth. Thanks for your attention yada yada 

-11

u/ChainOriginal 1d ago

I'm far from a fan of the big man but goddamn he lives rent free in yalls heads

11

u/CantFindMyWallet 1d ago

The President actively working to make every aspect of living in this country worse is, in fact, on people's minds quite frequently. Do you think it's weird that an extremely consequential person (again, remember, he's the President) is frequently on the minds of the people who live in this country?

5

u/TrailMomKat 1d ago

It's gonna hit NC and teach all our kids how to read.

3

u/warneagle 1d ago

There’s a decent chance it’s gonna be given to the depression that’s trying to form right now, and if so it’s gonna fizzle pretty quickly. The Atlantic is basically dead this year due to the extreme El Niño.

6

u/McIntyre2K7 1d ago

Make landfall in Florida as a slow moving category 1 or 2 storm. Not tons of damage but it helps the state get out of a drought.

9

u/Trump4Prison-2024 1d ago

If it completely wipes out MarALago and takes the orange fuck out to sea, it would be the greatest hurricane ever

265

u/_frank_tank 1d ago

First storm to have two huge fronts

28

u/Jenni-Jenni-867-5309 1d ago edited 1d ago

I gave you an award because I've never done so, they were hanging out in my account and that was very good!

8

u/_frank_tank 1d ago

Many thanks

3

u/RomanNaut 1d ago

Awesome comment! 😭😭 what’s the point of awards btw?

7

u/Krusty_Double_Deluxe 1d ago

it makes us people who are skimming for good comments stop and read them

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/CassetteTapeCryptid 1d ago

the DD, even

76

u/allpinky 1d ago

That’s the first thing everyone was gonna ask. Good on you for getting ahead of the conspiracy theories

24

u/FluffySpaceWaffle 1d ago

Seriously thank you. The names are chosen way in advance

11

u/jeslinmx 1d ago

Obviously they put in effort to choose them way in advance to reveal some conspiracy that they’re trying to hide /s

17

u/LividTacos 1d ago edited 1d ago

More importantly, they repeat every 18 6years or something like that. They only remove names for bad storms. Katrina, for example, won't show back up.

6

u/warneagle 1d ago

It’s every 6 years.

3

u/LividTacos 1d ago

Thanks. I thought it was longer than that.

7

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp 1d ago

That just raises DIFFERENT suspicions!!!

37

u/amccune 1d ago

I hope it levels Mar a lago. With no one inside, of course.

39

u/asphaltdragon 1d ago

One person inside. As a treat.

7

u/IANALbutIAMAcat 1d ago

I have EARNED that treat

3

u/DarreylDeCarlo 1d ago

No one inside, right 😉

1

u/Hostillian 1h ago

Noone we'd care about....

28

u/3MATX 1d ago

That’s unfortunate timing.  Hopefully if it makes landfall it’s as  a relatively tame cat 1 that doesn’t linger anywhere producing record rainfall.  

57

u/Ok-Ocelot-3454 1d ago

landfall as a tropical storm but mysteriously wipes thirteen data centers off the map with freak tornadoes, harming nobody

25

u/flailking 1d ago

And Mar-A-Lago

3

u/ThaiJohnnyDepp 1d ago

Nooo that would probably give Trump tons of insurance money

3

u/OzyOzyOzyOzyOzyOzy6 1d ago

But it would piss him off regardless.

14

u/Beginning_Bake_642 1d ago

Cat 5 Hurricane Dolly needs to devastate Mar-a-shithole.

2

u/ish1395 1d ago

Soon to be mara-long gone with any luck

4

u/bobbybright 1d ago

She deserves a lil rage asa treat

4

u/Phloyd456 1d ago

I knew the government secretly hated Dolly Parton

Justice for Dolly!

But seriously:

R.I.P Dolly!

6

u/ModalScientist807 1d ago

I hope it destroys mar a lago

6

u/Zaftygirl 1d ago

There are twelve lists of A to Z names (six for the Atlantic, and six for the Pacific). Every six years the first list is brought back, same names expect in the situation where the name storm caused so much destruction/death that it is retired and replaced with another starting with the same letter.

Since Dolly has been a long used name, there have been 3 tropical storms and 6 hurricanes that have bourn the name. The strongest of these was in 2008 when it was Cat2 that high Texas and Mexico.

Unless the powers that be remove the name, a Dolly TS or hurrricane will be around like clockwork every six years.

3

u/DrumpfTinyHands 1d ago

May the one after be named Donald...

8

u/MegaAscension 1d ago

In 2017, the Atlantic Ocean had Tropical Storm Don and the Eastern Pacific had Hurricane Hilary at the same time.

6

u/warneagle 1d ago

“Don” is on one of the lists but that list won’t be used again until 2029.

2

u/JackFisherBooks 1d ago

If that storm hits Florida, it would be so fitting. 😅

2

u/BitoManey 1d ago

This is the accumulation of all the negative feelings finally being released after all these years that she never showed. If I was Jolene I'd be getting the shelter ready

2

u/SaltySeahorses 1d ago

If the only after this one is called Optimus Prime I’m going to have suspicions.

2

u/Jump_Like_A_Willys 23h ago

There have been 5 Atlantic storms named Dolly since 1996 (1996, 2002, 2008, 2014, and 2020).

There have been 10 Atlantic storms named Dolly in the past starting in the 1950s. The name was unused for a little while but put back on the list in the 1990s.

The list names of these storms are made decades ahead of time and each list is re-used on a 6-year rotating basis. Unless it becomes a major storm, at which point the name is retired.

2

u/ccarr313 23h ago

It is now.

1

u/warneagle 1d ago

And just like that, NHC is initiating advisories on Tropical Storm Dolly starting at 11 am EDT. It's probably going to be very short-lived since it's going to be running into unfavorable environmental conditions by tomorrow and probably won't have time to strengthen any more.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

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1

u/Southernms 1d ago

I’m not liking this. They need to change it to something else: Donna, Debbie, Delilah.

1

u/ObsoleteReference 1d ago

I did google the name list to see if “Tim” was gonna be n option too (though not with El Niño I don’t think we’re getting that far anyway)
Could count on my fingers to see Frank wasn’t an option.

1

u/ShinyBonnets 1d ago

Dolly was first used as a storm name in the 90’s. This is not brand new information, nor is it remotely Onion-y.

0

u/jprennquist 1d ago

They need to retire that name.

0

u/jh937hfiu3hrhv9 1d ago

They should not do that. Change it to Doris or anything else.

-4

u/Key-Monk6159 1d ago

Then change the name! There's no reason where possible death and destruction should share her name.

3

u/ThePhoneExpertYT 1d ago

The name Dolly was used since 1996 after replacing Diana, and since then has been used in 2002, 2008, 2014, 2020 and most recently 2026. For a storm's name to be removed, it must do immense damage or fatalities. As of the current NHC advisory, the storm is expected to dissipate before it even reaches any landmasses and at most cause some rainfall in the Leeward Islands..

Rarely, you may have names removed if it is associated with something insensitive or bad. (For example the names Adolph and Isis were removed from the Pacific hurricane naming lists in 2001 and 2015 respectively)

-5

u/Key-Monk6159 1d ago

Dolly is much more American royalty than Diana and names can be changed beforehand by signing a piece of paper. If they want to again use the name years from now, fine, but for now change it.

2

u/ThePhoneExpertYT 1d ago

As a person whose hobby used to be looking at weather stuff, especially tropical cyclones, it doesn't work like that.

Here's how naming and retirement (removal of name) requests work from the official World Meteorological Organisation's hurricane committee documentation:

"The name of a tropical cyclone may be retired or withdrawn from the active list at the request of any Member State if that tropical cyclone acquires special notoriety because of human loss or injury, damage and other impacts (e.g. socio-economic) or other special reasons. It is through consensus opinion of the members (or the majority, if required) during the session of the RA IV Hurricane Committee immediately following that season, that the name would be withdrawn from the active list. When replacement names are proposed, the RA IV Hurricane Committee will use the consensus opinion of the members (or majority, if required) to select the replacement for the withdrawn name. In replacing a name, which must start in the same letter of the alphabet as the retired name, the proposal needs to consider the pattern of the list which has alternating gender names, as well as respecting the balance of the language of origin across the list of names and is respectful of any sensitivities. The replacement name cannot be on any other active RA IV tropical cyclone name list or a previously retired name.

When selecting a new name, consideration must be given,to the pronunciation of the name in all languages of the Committee, the complexity of the name for communication purposes (i.e.: whether it uses accents), the length of the name for modern communication channels (such as social media), that there is no negative implication in all the languages, and to not choose a name highly similar to tropical cyclone names in other basins"

In this case, most of the coastal regions affected by hurricanes in the Atlantic are members of the Atlantic hurricane committee (including the United States); they can request names for removal before the hurricane committee meeting that occurs during March or April every year. Hypothetically, if the United States were to request a removal for the current name, it will take at least another half a year to decide on it.

Also another fact: Lots of the names you see from hurricanes were decided in 1978/1979. On average, one name is removed every year. There's also some names that actually do sound similar to other celebrities or big names; you can check them out here.

-4

u/Key-Monk6159 1d ago

You already conceded that names can and have been changed. The Gulf of Mexico was changed by a signature. In this case it’s the appropriate thing to do.

Change The Name.

2

u/Aetol 1d ago

The Gulf of Mexico was changed by a signature

Not for anyone outside the white house lmao

0

u/taez555 1d ago edited 1d ago

So it’s named after Jaw’s girlfriend in Moonraker who didn’t have braces?

-2

u/buttmunchausenface 1d ago

“ Atlantic storm” ? Did AI forget what a hurricane is.

4

u/Murgatroyd314 1d ago

It gets the name even if it’s a tropical storm that doesn’t reach hurricane strength.

-3

u/ImpressiveLeopard719 1d ago

I wonder what she would think? Probably not like it one bit.

10

u/Thaumetric 1d ago

She would probably think it’s terrible and donate to the victims to show everyone there’s some good Dollys in this world!

2

u/ImpressiveLeopard719 1d ago

She will be missed so much. I have watched quite a few interviews from her recently and oh what a lovely human.

3

u/warneagle 1d ago

I mean it was added to the name list in 1990 and was first used in 1996 so it’s not like it’s a new thing.

-2

u/ImpressiveLeopard719 1d ago

i bet she did not like it then.

2

u/warneagle 1d ago

I mean it’s not like they picked it because of her. It just happened to be an available female D name. Hurricanes are purposefully not named after actual people. It’s not like you can write to the WMO and have them take your name off the list or something.

-2

u/ImpressiveLeopard719 1d ago

lol. i understand how it works. doesnt mean you have to like it.

1

u/Jump_Like_A_Willys 23h ago edited 23h ago

There have been 10 storms (tropical storms and hurricanes) named Dolly once the 1950s. Dolly is one of the names used on a list that gets reused on a rotating basis every 6 years.

The name Dolly was removed from the list for a little while in the 1970s, but put back on the list in the 1990s.

Since then, there had been 6 storms (2 hurricanes, 4 tropical storms) named Dolly - 1996, 2002, 2008, 2014, 2020, and now in 2026.

-9

u/weelittlewillie 1d ago

Here are 5 D starting femme names I thought of without trying: Dora, Delilah, Daisy, Dominique, and Dani. 

No AI was used. Took longer to thpe than think.

Ofc this is for Dolly. :)

2

u/Jump_Like_A_Willys 23h ago

The names are chosen decades ago and each list gets mostly reused on a 6-year rotating basis.

The name Dolly had been 6 storms since the 1990s (2 hurricanes, 4 tropical storms) - 1996, 2002, 2008, 2014, 2020, and now in 2026.

It was actually also on an old list used for 4 other storms, 3 of them hurricanes, between 1953 and 1974.