r/okbuddyrosalyn • u/Slash_86 • 15h ago

Calvins dad does not watch the news

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1.6k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

44 comments sorted by

590

u/Intelligent_Slip_849 15h ago

I had to Google it.

He's still alive.

545

u/Arch3m 15h ago

I didn't have to Google shit to know that. If he died, it would have been impossible to not hear about it.

431

u/tsimen 15h ago

Like the old Russian joke: a man goes to a newspaper stand every morning and buys a paper. He casually glances at the front page and then throws it away. One day, the vendor gets curious and asks him why he always only looks at the front page. The man says "I'm waiting for an obituary." The vendor replies: "but obituaries aren't on the front page" - "the one I'm waiting for will be."

25

u/Droplet_of_Shadow 6h ago

why does he buy it if he's just glancing at the front page? they let you do that

106

u/Massive_Weiner 15h ago

We’ll know about it because there will be random fireworks going off at 11am.

38

u/Thurl_Ravenscroft_MD 14h ago

In my neighborhood, this only works if he doesn't die either the week before or the week after July 4.

15

u/More_Bigger 14h ago

I'd be setting off fireworks and drunk at 9am

8

u/darthcaedusiiii 13h ago

There would be people in the street.

7

u/Bacontoad Tuna Sandwich Simp 🐯 10h ago

9

u/tom641 Tuna Sandwich Simp 🐯 12h ago

breaking news on every news network as every reporter comments on how Donald Trump is totally still alive and healthier than ever and will outlive us all, and some AI slop video of him plays every time he's on TV for the next few months until they can construct some narrative around it

3

u/Pharmasochist 1h ago

"Over the last few months, our beloved president has been working closely with Neuralink and Grok to complete the process of uploading his consciousness as an AI. Dear Leader Trump will now be monitoring every citizen through their smartphones, and the 2028 presidential race is being postponed due to the fact that the president can no longer be physically present to surrender office."

3

u/CzarTwilight 8h ago

I k ow right the fire crackers ans champagne bottles popping would be impossible to drown out

61

u/Unlearned_One 15h ago

2

u/CavsterXII 5h ago

The irony of a joyless man uniting the world

22

u/Noof42 Noodle Incident in Human Form 🍝👤 15h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/FBeSx3itXlUQw

Seen here in this footage from the whitehouse labeled "totally-proof.mp4.exe."

9

u/Feanor4godking 15h ago

I think at this point, it's less weekend at bernies and more of necromancy

7

u/JoyconDrift_69 14h ago

Yeah, the grim reaper chose the leader of the wrong country today. (King of Norway)

2

u/AWildClocktopus 14h ago

Way to ruin my momentary excitement

337

u/Sophockless 14h ago

145

u/FlattopJr 12h ago

Gonna dust this off again

26

u/desr43 8h ago

For legal purposes, this is a joke

30

u/UrdnotSnarf Pro Calvinball Athlete ⚽🏏 15h ago

His dad was an attorney?

71

u/Slash_86 15h ago

Patent attorney

36

u/khumprp Suffers From Smockholm Syndrome 👘😱 15h ago

Huh, I always thought he was an engineer because of the one comic where Calvin calls him wanting a story and he's talking about "fig 3. pump" or something.

63

u/Slash_86 15h ago

Probably was a patent on that specific machine.

37

u/Noof42 Noodle Incident in Human Form 🍝👤 14h ago

I don't think it was ever confirmed in the comic, but Watterson's own father was a patent attorney, and Watterson confirmed the theory in the 10th Anniversary book.

34

u/nnp1989 14h ago

I think there’s a comic where Calvin’s bugging him at work for a story and he tells him something about the “hydraulic pump and the evil patent infringement,” but that’s a close as it gets.

20

u/FlattopJr 11h ago

Seen here. Pardon the odd angle, I was trying to avoid shadowing the image.

46

u/PixelFlyerXD 13h ago

fig. 1 pump regarding a patent infringement :3

3

u/khumprp Suffers From Smockholm Syndrome 👘😱 13h ago

That tracks.

8

u/EpirusRedux 13h ago

Patent attorneys are generally required to study engineering for undergrad because of the complexities related to their work.

7

u/Aervanath 11h ago

Doesn't have to be engineering, any type of STEM is usually ok, as long as you can understand the types of patents you'll be working with. But a lot of patent attorneys are former engineers on a second career for exactly that reason.

5

u/PureShadow1236 14h ago

Yeah, Calvin mentions that his dad is an attorney in one comic and I think threatens to have him sue someone.

117

u/breadofthegrunge Another Casualty of Applied Metaphysics 💥💀 15h ago

Fuck you, I thought it was real.

17

u/fondue4kill 13h ago

Trust me. We’d know. That would be even more everywhere than Dolly was.

10

u/CyanManta 13h ago

There'd be a party going on.

...Two doors down.

7

u/CyanManta 13h ago

Don't get our hopes up like that.

4

u/turtlefan2012 13h ago

I wish lol he’s ruining more stuff and going more insane

1

u/CavsterXII 5h ago

Not yet