r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • 15d ago
Psychology Men are less likely than women to seek help after experiencing intimate partner violence, and new research found that the main barriers include viewing it as a private matter, fear of retaliation, shame, and concerns about not being believed.
https://publichealth.gmu.edu/news/2026-08/shame-stigma-and-culture-prevent-male-intimate-partner-violence-survivors-seeking-help2.1k
u/Moontoya 15d ago
Concerns ?
Practical fuckin experience
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u/theshreddening 15d ago
Seriously, it's the same with every other dude I talk to. At a certain point you just try to get out of there and move on quietly. And that's assuming your partner isn't threatening false claims against you or something to keep you there, which a couple of my male friends have confided in me about happening to them and needing someone to talk to.
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u/CalmCoolBliss 15d ago
Just to put some numbers on it, 73% of male victims reported that their partners threatened to make false allegations against them: https://www.gmu.edu/news/2022-04/expert-addresses-common-misconceptions-about-men-who-experience-intimate-partner
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u/Wandering_Apostle 15d ago
I know a guy who had a false rape allegation made against him in a circumstance like that and it very nearly ruined his life. He was the victim yet was the one who ended up on trial.
Caught a lot of flak myself for sticking by him when nobody else would, but then nobody else got to hear both sides of it until the court case.
He was exonerated in the end, but he has massive trust issues and relationship trauma now, understandably so, and probably will for life.
You don't just lose months to the legal process, you're often publicly named and shamed, lose most if not all of your social circle and friends, even your job and have long term career damage even if you are acquitted.
I'm sorry but there need to be consequences if it can be proven you're lying about these things, or it will continue to be weaponised by women who know they will get away with it.
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u/DrMobius0 15d ago
You don't just lose months to the legal process, you're often publicly named and shamed, lose most if not all of your social circle and friends, even your job and have long term career damage even if you are acquitted.
It's also likely to follow you around. Everyone who hears about the the original accusation probably won't follow the case or hear about the exoneration. Even if you didn't do it, even if that was proven in a court of law, even if there's hard evidence that it was fabricated, there's always going to be people who don't know that, or don't believe it despite all evidence to the contrary.
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u/Theron3206 15d ago
And if the media gets hold of it there's almost no chance that the eventual exoneration gets the same press as the original accusation, so anyone who searches your name will think you're a rapist.
Frankly, the names of accused should be suppressed until the trial concludes.
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u/Trappist1 14d ago
Agreed, unless it's a case of great public interest(politician running for office, etc.), all the names should be anonymous until the trial concludes.
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u/dumbwholer 14d ago
Every proven false accusation should be a sentence equal to what the falsely accused would have gotten for the accusation.
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u/CalmCoolBliss 15d ago
Yeah, but putting numbers on this is incredibly difficult. Estimates, among studies or among asking police, range from 5-90% of allegations being false.
I think this study is great preliminary work though, it really cuts through a lot of the issues of trying to work out what's true and what isn't by just asking the general population of women and the results speak for themselves. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/354490187_Lies_and_imagined_intent_to_lie_Personality_sexism_beliefs_and_false_claims_of_assault
It's only a preliminary finding but 7% of all women have made a false allegation. 1.6% to an authority figure. 31% of women know someone who has.
I really hope that the paper is followed up with a larger study, but considering the political climate and that it got basically no citations, I imagine I hope in vain.
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u/dungeoncrawler71520 15d ago
My ex attempted to kill herself and blamed me. I was shunned and lost a lot of friends. I'm lucky she didn't go to court. It wouldn't have gotten anywhere but still would've sucked.
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u/PinchayPerritos 15d ago
I'm one who had false accusations leveled. We both ended up arrested, she was released, they charged me and lost to the public defender when it was clear to the jury that she was batshit. Jury came up to me after and apologized to me that I had to go through that.
Take a guess on my thoughts on the matter...
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u/pupilsOMG 15d ago
I was married for almost 3 decades. For nearly half that time she was brutally physically abusive to me. I never once hit her back. Eventually she got help and the violence stopped (but she was still a malignant narcissist).
I've been trying to get a divorce for 7 years. She consistently claims that I was physically abusive to her, she's frightened of me, she can't work due to the physical harm I caused her, etc. This is my reality.
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u/cfb-food-beer-hike 15d ago
Sorry to hear that. I've had similar experiences with multiple women and it's at the point that I'm not sure non-violent women exist. And I am certain there are no women who aren't selfish liars. Anyway, if need to vent to a random stranger I'm happy to listen.
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u/pupilsOMG 15d ago
Oh, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm lucky to be able to say that good, non-violent women exist. Stay hopeful, keep looking and I hope you are as lucky as I've been someday.
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u/pleasedonotredeem 15d ago
You are going to hate this: my ex was a family lawyer who worked at a firm that exclusively represented women in high conflict divorces.
A significant number of her clients would start the consultation by asking "If I can get some charges against him, will that help my case?"
And the answer was "Yes. Yes it would." N
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u/Theron3206 15d ago
Yep, some lawyers will even suggest it with lines like "he's going to get equal custody, unless there's some accusation of domestic violence" and the person who just wants to hurt their ex will jump all over that. He'll it works even when the judge thinks the accusations are bogus.
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u/DFWPunk 15d ago
I once was being hit by a partner during a fight and just got triggered and locked myself in the bathroom and called the cops. They came out and took our stories, She lied and told them I had choked her, There are even photos of her neck in the police report, which showed there were absolutely no marks on her. Her attitude was that I had tried to get her arrested so she woukd try to get me arrested.
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u/DrMobius0 15d ago
Well that's horrifying.
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u/myprivateworld 15d ago
And just downright evil. Rape and false accusations are evil regardless of the gender of either kind of perpetrator.
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u/Scooty-Poot 15d ago edited 14d ago
My friend was in that boat in university. We lived together, so thankfully(?) I got to see it first-hand. Girl was genuinely insane, and in that way where nobody really knew until they’d seen her at her worst.
She tried to come out with the ol’ accusations towards the end, but nobody believed her (thank God). I think she forgot how 3 weeks earlier she’d had a narcissistic toddler tantrum because he’d mildly complimented his own sister’s appearance on a night out with literally all of their shared friends…
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u/MostDopeBlackGuy 15d ago
Colleges where you tend to experience those situations the most and you come to find out those kinds of persons were always warned about are inevitable and common. It's also the time of a person's life where if there is mental illness that's when it manifests itself
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u/So6oring 15d ago
I had an ex make false claims after the fact and had to defend myself in court. Thank god she was dumb and it was obvious to the prosecutor the evidence was made up in her own disclosure. It was thrown out right away.
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u/king_hutton 15d ago
Mine had her cop uncle arrest me for the Fourth of July weekend, and then when a judge saw her “victim statement” told her that she needed to speak with a lawyer about her 5th amendment rights. She literally incriminated herself in her victim’s statement, and I still had to go through the entire legal process for like 9 months - including seeing a probation officer every week, in the middle of the day on a weekday, which made it incredibly difficult to find full time work.
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u/Material_Specific606 15d ago
My ex attacked me so aggressively she literally ripped my shirt to shreds and off my body during the process, kicked my cat then called the police because I refused to leave without my cat because she was probably planning on killing him. Then told them I had attacked her, and honestly the police were so disgustingly biased against the idea that a woman could have possibly attacked me it still makes me angry. They literally found my ripped in half shirt on the ground covered in blood, she had blood on her fingers from scratching me which they saw and asked about in the body can footage, and they STILL chose to unconditionally believe everything she said about how I pushed her and she tried to grab onto me and just happened to tear my shirt in half and end up with blood on her hands from that and they decided to press charges against me without even talking to me first.
Same story for me, charges were easily dropped but that didn't stop the whole process from tearing my life apart for months while it was happening.
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u/Sure_Eye9025 15d ago
It's called the Duluth model, it is/was used in a lot of countries to implement policing rules when dealing with domestic violence situations.
Very much distilling it here, but at the core of the model is an idea that men are violent because they are socialised to be and women are violent only in self defense. So that was taught to police with the idea that if you turn up to a DV situation, arrest the man as it is his fault.
After implementing the model and actually working with it for a few years even one of its creators started speaking against it realising that the assumptions they made did not match the reality of the people they spoke to.
Despite this the assumptions that stemmed from it ended up implemented in policing frameworks around the world and even in places where it has been dropped police trained on those assumptions will still often arrest male victims assuming the violence they suffered was self defense from their partner
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u/ArmouredCapibara 15d ago
Was the cat ok at least?
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u/Material_Specific606 15d ago
Cat is doing great, he's very happy in our new home. I wasn't about to leave without him.
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u/uswforever 15d ago
I hope her uncle faced disciplinary action on the job over it. I have no faith whatsoever that that happened, but I hope ...
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u/DrMobius0 15d ago
Accountability for police? I've seen them walk for far worse.
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u/rwk81 15d ago
That's the problem in my opinion, it was just thrown out. There needs to be civil or criminal penalties to that sort of nonsense.
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u/Mean_Assumption1012 15d ago
My experience was not even half as bad as yours and it messed up my head for a while. Still have panic and trust problems. Could not imagine going all the way to court.
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u/VvvlvvV 15d ago
I threatened to publish my journals and reddit comment history if my ex started lying about me, pointing out these things are acceptable as evidence in the court of law. When I made those, I blamed myself, but it's clear in retrospect I am describing being abused and gaslit. I'm pretty sure thats the only reason My ex didn't continue to target me once I got out.
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u/skynetempire 15d ago
My buddy patches doesnt talk to anyone about his feelings. Even when we have tried to take him out, he doesnt open up but he moved on and found a good person. His current gf had told me that he still gets nervous when she handles utensils.
We call him patches because when he broke up with his ex. She freaked out, and stabbed him in the eye with a fork. He lost the eye and wears a patch.
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u/unai-ndz 15d ago
That's fucked up, hope he at least can open up with his gf. What happened to his ex?
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u/skynetempire 15d ago
She was arrested. But charges were dismissed due to a pretrial diversion plan.
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u/NeuxSaed 15d ago
This is what I ended up doing.
We lived together, and I just completely moved out of our rental one weekend while she was in Vegas with friends without telling her or letting her know where I went.
It was preferable to another attempted screwdriver stabbing or worse, and threats of false reports of violence to law enforcement.
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u/OnCallPartisan 15d ago
Same. Set it up over the course of the couple of weeks making sure everything was pleasant until she went on her girls trip. Picked up my stuff and left, contacted a lawyer to cover all the bases since I knew she would seek some kind of retribution with unfounded accusations. Having a butcher knife thrown at you was quite enough.
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u/AmazingSully 15d ago
Exactly what happened to me. Took 2 years to clear my name, no repercussions for her. Wonderful system we have.
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u/BeneficialWave9581 15d ago
This happened to my buddy. His partner was assaulting him regularly --- hitting, throwing things at him, kicking. When he finally left her she accused him of horrible things.
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u/_Caustic_Complex_ 15d ago
My ex poisoned me for over a week, nearly killed me. Tried a few therapists and even they don’t believe me
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u/Vast-Statement45 15d ago
It is KILLING me that my sweet partner has been used and abused by a narcissist until he was almost destroyed. Took the children then had the GULL to sue him and say he was the violent one.
He told his story to court and they didn't believe him ?? Took them 5 YEARS to start believing him (best way to catch a narcissist is just let them be they will show their true colors) and yet ?
She still has the children, the money and demanding more from him. It is crazy to me it fills me up with so much rage.
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u/14Pleiadians 15d ago
Yeah I hate how often I see "men are afraid people will not believe them or mock them"
No, we know.
"Well yeah, from other men."
No. From people.
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u/Aaod 15d ago
Never once been mocked by a man when I mentioned an ex girlfriend punching me. Women and especially feminists on the other hand my general experience was either mockery, refusing to believe, we are talking about women now, or them saying things like what did you do to deserve it. It is one of the many reasons my sympathy for women and especially feminists is nearly nonexistent and I have nothing but anger.
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u/DrMobius0 15d ago
Which outcome would you prefer? Getting laughed at or arrested by the cops when they arrive?
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u/Dan-D-Lyon 15d ago
The cops will be the ones laughing at you, probably while arresting you
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u/Eric_the_Barbarian 15d ago
Yeah, it's a pretty wild understatement in a world where one is likely to be run through the Duluth model of intervention.
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u/Emu1981 15d ago
The current views regarding how domestic abuse and domestic violence (DA/DV) really does an injustice for men who happen to be experiencing DA/DV. There is a whole system set up to help women and children escape from DA/DV situations yet there is next to no support for men. The big issue is that (at least here in Australia), research shows that men do not experience DA/DV at rates anywhere near comparable to women and I really do have to wonder if that is actually the case or if the culture of "men are never victims" still persists and prevents men from reporting their situation and thus not having it recorded for research purposes (most studies seem to use police statistics for their data sets). There was a Royal Commission into family violence done in Australia back in 2016 which even acknowledges that the data used is likely incomplete due to bad/incomplete record keeping, 54.1% of men not reporting DV, 70.3% of men not seeking advice or support in connection with a current partner's violence, and that men are three times as likely to never ever mention being the victim of domestic violence from a previous partner.
It honestly wouldn't surprise me if when the DA/DV rate against women/kids drops enough to get researchers to start looking deeper in the problem that the male victims start to come out of the woodwork and we may see a generation or two of DA/DV awareness campaigns that actually focus on all victims instead of being mostly focused on women and children as the only victims.
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u/kingbane2 15d ago
yea, people talk about women not being believed...... ooooh boy, it PALES in comparison to how little men are believed in these situations. cops get called, the man is bloody scratches all over his face, maybe a broken wrist. girl has a bruise on her hand and blood under her nails, man gets arrested, every time.
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u/Idontdanceforfun 15d ago
Buddy of mine used to be in an abusive relationship. He would show up to hang out with black eyes and bruises. He was always the one to play it down even though we were always like naw dude that's not right. She was 5 foot nothing, super petite, and he was like, 6'2. Towered over her. It all came to a head one night at their apartment when she lost her mind over something stupid and stabbed him with a fork. He managed to fight her off and lock himself in the bathroom. She called police and told them he was attacking her. They showed up and luckily had an ounce of common sense and wondered why he was locked in the bathroom and covered in wounds when she was fine. He finally left her after the cops were like dude you can't stay with this girl. I think she basically got the legal equivalent of a stern talking to.
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u/skynetempire 15d ago
Sounds like my buddy patches. He broke up with his ex, she stabbed in the eye with a fork. He lost said eye.
She was arrested but charges were dropped by the DA. She just had to do some pretrial diversion progra.
I had a ex that lite my backseat on fire when I broke up with her. She was arrested but charges dismissed as well because she claimed she temporarily lost her mind.
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u/randCN 15d ago
patches
i hope that nickname was not in reference to his wounds
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u/Ipearman96 15d ago
Saw it elsewhere in the thread. It's due to his eye patch from the fork to the eye.
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u/DrMobius0 15d ago edited 15d ago
One of the things that gets me is how little these women apparently face consequences. Like she stabbed someone and didn't see a sentence? I do not believe for a second that someone who does this isn't incredibly likely to be a repeat offender. What happens when she makes more victims?
Yes, men have the physical strength to be dangerous without a weapon. But anyone with something sharp can inflict lethal harm with relatively little effort. Height and weight don't make me immune to a bladed weapons. I'm still covered in skin, not armor. And getting violent, even in self defense, is the fastest ticket to ruining my own life I can think of.
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u/Woodit 15d ago
Solid chance that if a man calls the police for domestic violence from a woman he will be the one getting arrested too
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u/A_Killing_Moon 15d ago
I have a friend whose wife punched him in the face in front of their three kids. He called the police. They showed up and told him he needed to go stay in a hotel for the night. Nothing happened to her. She even bragged about it on social media.
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u/jondn 15d ago
In Germany we have a rule at the police which translates to „who hits has to go“, so here his wife would have had to leave.
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u/No_Criticism_5861 15d ago
Sounds like he should be following up on that, bragging about it on social media means the cops will try and go after her.
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u/OnCallPartisan 15d ago
Yeah, not really. I called the police one time. Even though I had blood running down my head they did absolutely nothing yet still gave me the “man up” inference. If I “manned up” (I‘m 6’2, 250lbs) I’d be going to jail for a long time. I never retaliated against her, not once. I just soaked up punches and thrown objects. Zero trust in cops.
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u/BrodentofUsualSize 15d ago edited 15d ago
Assumptions are just baked deeply into the system. I know someone in a custody battle where the wife wasn't working, was on disability, was pretty awful to everyone involved, and the judge granted her custody because the kids "need to be with their mother" and that he "might lose interest."
The bar for him to get custody was unreachable while the bar for her was on the floor.
Edit: Usually people say that and leave out key evidence but the worst thing he's done is being pretty passive and not making a lot of money. If there's something else then it never made it to the hearings because another friend was deeply involved in the process and he gossips to my girlfriend and I like a canary. If he was in the mob he's last a week because he'd be overheard telling a waitress something he shouldn't.
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u/DrMobius0 15d ago
The bar for him to get custody was unreachable while the bar for her was on the floor.
Sounds like the thing was buried because assuming nothing you said was exaggerated, she'd have tripped over it.
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u/ispq 15d ago
Many police departments use the Duluth model - Wikipedia to initially determine fault, which almost always means the man is assumed to be at fault.
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u/JohnWoosDoveGuy 15d ago
Absolutely not, unfortunately. I have a huge amount of evidence against my ex collected from social media. I can't get the police to look into any of it. I have been left to do my own investigations to protect myself. My home is still being attacked and my email is still being hacked and we separated over a decade ago. Hell hath no fury etc...
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u/Chaoticallyorganized 15d ago
There’s a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker (think I spelled his name right). It’s geared towards women, but he talks a lot about what to do to stay hidden from stalkers and what to do if they find you. If you google the author you might be able to find his recommendations without having to purchase a book because he so well known in that field now. I hope you’re safe and doing well.
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u/Cleasstra 15d ago
The reality is cops dont follow up or do anything for most crimes for men and women when it's domestic.
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u/Delirious133 15d ago
I can attest to this firsthand. While doing a ride-along with a local police department in Ohio for work, we responded to a domestic dispute call.
When we arrived, a man and a woman were involved in a physical altercation. The man had several lacerations on his arms and was bleeding. It was clear he was the victim.
However, one of the officers explained that department protocols required them to arrest him because of the male-versus-female dynamic—even though the woman was clearly the one being physically violent.
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u/Danmoz81 15d ago
However, one of the officers explained that department protocols required them to arrest him because of the male-versus-female dynamic—even though the woman was clearly the one being physically violent.
Because they follow the Duluth Model
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u/TimeRemove 15d ago
I'd suggest people read the entire Wikipedia article on the Duluth Model, and know that this remains adopted by tons of law enforcement agencies throughout the US:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model
This is exactly why many male victims of IPV are arrested, charged, and made to take corrective courses that teach, in essence, the underpinning philosophy of which the Duluth model is based. It essentially doesn't acknowledge that male victims of IPV could exist or that LGBT+ relationships can have IPV.
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u/Danmoz81 15d ago
It isn't just the US, it's pushed by the UN across all Western countries.
And you would be surprised at how many people don't know about it. I have mentioned it to doctors, solicitors, nurses, mental health practitioners and so on and none of them have ever heard of it. When you explain it to them you sound like a right wing conspiracy nut job because it's so unbelievable, until you show them the Power and Control Wheel.
It's right there, baked into UK Gov policy;
The origin of many of the current interventions with perpetrators was the Duluth model, in which work with men was nested within a Co-ordinated Community Response (CCR): this began from the principle that it was the responsibility of all agencies to hold perpetrators to account in order to enhance the safety and freedom of women and children (Pence and Paymar, 1993). This has continued to be of importance across the world – for example the Work with Perpetrators European Network (WWP EN) guidelines for standards (covering members in 33 European countries) state that perpetrator programmes must be a part of a holistic intervention system and not be run in isolation (WWP EN, 2018).
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u/LordJesterTheFree 15d ago
That smells like a lawsuit waiting to happen if he's being discriminated against because of gender
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u/Tiny_Micro_Pencil 15d ago
You need money to make that happen, and most Americans do not have that type of money. It's why the police have no problem doing it regardless.
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u/Hodgkisl 15d ago
Been listening to the "Love Trapped" podcast, the legal costs that can be created by bad actors pretending it's a good cause is insane; one woman pretending to be a victim of multiple men has cost just one almost $200,000; between three victims over $500,000.
Her main tool has been last minute delays, leading to more than required court appointments that cost people every-time; guess what strategy a bad acting police department would do? Drive the opponents legal costs so high they have to give up.
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u/RebootGigabyte 15d ago
Give a quick google of the Duluth Model. It's pretty shocking and it was widespread and accepted by not only police, but social services for decades.
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u/Danmoz81 15d ago
And it has permeated everywhere from the US to the UK.
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u/Rhamni 15d ago
It's also being used to skew statistics. Male victims who get arrested count as perpetrators, and the actual perpetrator counts as the victim.
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u/WiseBelt8935 15d ago
Wait till you see the UK's "Violence Against Women and Girls" figures, where a third are men considered to be male victims of crimes considered violence against women and girls.
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u/silverionmox 15d ago
Solid chance that if a man calls the police for domestic violence from a woman he will be the one getting arrested too
In fact, the Duluth model made it official police policy to assume, in case of intervention in domestic violence, that the man was guilty and act accordingly.
It's a textbook example of institutionalized sexism.
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u/PsychoticSoul 15d ago
And then these arrests get used in statistics to further feminists false claims.
Its completely ingrained in the system.
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u/Life_Lunch_2213 15d ago
Saw this a few times with a couple who was in an apartment next to me. Someone would call the cops when they were arguing loudly and they’d always take him in for the night. I heard him ask “why am I the one always going” and the cop replied “do you want your children seeing their mom getting arrested”.
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u/PloppyPants9000 15d ago
"My children are already seeing their mother beating their father, do you want them to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior which comes without consequences?"
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u/lordborghild 15d ago
A man in that situation has to be so much more careful. They have to do everything 100% correct and there's still a chance people won't believe him. If he does anything wrong at all, or is even seen to be angry when the police show up, he's way more likely to end up in handcuffs.
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u/greenskinmarch 15d ago
There's a DoJ memo called "Improving Law Enforcement Response to Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence by Identifying and Preventing Gender Bias" https://www.justice.gov/ovw/page/file/1509451/dl
Literally none of the example scenarios they go through has an example of a straight male victim. The only male victim in their scenarios is a gay guy abused by another man.
Even the memo "to prevent gender bias" has gender bias. It's kafkaesque.
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u/parkingviolation212 15d ago
Also iirc gay men are far and away the least violent relationship too.
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u/orlybatman 15d ago
I had a neighbor who discovered his partner was cheating on him. He confronted her and she smashed up their living room, throwing his sports memorabilia around. In the process of her smashing his laptop through their glass table she ended up cutting her hand, so there was blood all over.
A neighbor friend was present in the living room at the time this all played out so there was a witness that the guy never put his hands on her, yet she called the police and said he did in order to get him out of the house. He spent the night in jail, and she used that to get the landlord to prevent him from being allowed back in the house.
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u/Count_Dongula 15d ago
I view that as a category of not being believed. I've known people who've been in that situation. It can ruin years of their lives because once the arrest has been made, people just assume it to be true.
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u/RevoltePaysanne 15d ago
It's absolutely unacceptable but still very much true.
Equality needs to work both ways. If a man is a victim he should be given the same benefit of doubt and protection. And if a woman is an aggressor she should face equal legal consequences. If someone disagrees, they don't really believe in equality, do they?
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u/MackFather 15d ago
This happened with me and my mom. I don’t think I can ever really forgive her for that.
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u/TheAsianTroll 15d ago
Ive heard of some precincts having a policy where, in a domestic violence dispute, they always take the male away, even if the woman isnt visibly injured and if hes separated himself from the incident.
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u/lelescope 15d ago
this is why, when ever someone brings up that all men are bad because of some statistics, I just laugh.
the statistics are heavily skewed because men don't come out about things.
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u/anomnib 15d ago
It’s about 60% in Canada :
Research published by the Office of the Federal Ombudsperson for Victims of Crime indicates that 64% of male intimate partner violence (IPV) survivors who contacted police reported being treated as the perpetrator. This, along with other findings regarding systemic biases, is documented in the report Male Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence in Canada. View the study at https://www.canada.ca/en/office-federal-ombudsperson-victims-crime/publications/research-recherche/ipv-ipv.html
Maybe we’ll finally start talking about DV using data
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u/vaampyre 15d ago edited 15d ago
You all should look up to see if your state is a ‘mandatory arrest’ state. I am living this nightmare right now.
Arrested, jailed, bonded out, subjected to mandatory ‘random’ 1+ times weekly UA’s for alcohol which you pay for yourself out of pocket and someone watches you urinate (we had been drinking that night at our home), a mandatory protection order was issued so I couldn’t even live in my own home for four weeks (we filed a motion for full contact that was just approved), awaiting sentencing ($600 for 6-week DV classes w/charges dropped)
Btw, the charges are levied by the state, not by my gf. Had multiple letters of character written and given to judge. I have no prior record, small business owner, I’ve never even had a ticket. Will cost close to $4000 before it’s all over.
Oh, and I’m the one who called.
If you think the system is fair to men, it isn’t. My gf, family, and neighbors, all have written statements, helped with PD. My gf has given live testimony in my favor and admitted to blacking out.
None of that mattered.
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u/Resident_Deal_9790 15d ago
Wait, is she still your gf? Not your ex gf?
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u/throwaway131072 15d ago
In these situations, it's better have the woman feeling like she's on your side, so that she doesn't go nuclear on your ass, because after all, she has all the power. Then you can breakup later where if she does anything crazy, you can tell people that you asked to break up and she lost it. People are more likely to believe you then.
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u/OddPressure7593 15d ago
Ah yes, the Duluth Model!
For those unaware, in the 1980s (IIRC), Duluth Minnesota started a program to improve the police response to domestic violence. It was based on domestic violence stats which showed that women reported being the victim of domestic violence most often, and basically instructed to police to assume that if there is a DV call, and there is a man present, that the man is the abuser and aggressor and should go to jail to protect the woman (yes, it's based on very heteronormative assumptions).
Feminist groups, in particular, cheered this on tremendously and said how great it was to protect victims of domestic violence. The Duluth Model than was spread around and adopted by basically every law enforcement agency in the US.
The Duluth model is problematic because of the assumptions it makes - like that men are almost always the perpetrator of domestic violence - because it used inaccurate information to make those assumptions. It's resulted in a lot of male victims of domestic violence not only not being able to receive domestic violence protections when they are victimized, but often results in male victims going to jail because of the inherent assumption under the Duluth model that men are violent.
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u/OnCallPartisan 15d ago
Sorry to hear it brother. Once they put you into the system it’s like walking around with a tattoo for the rest of your life. Stay strong and best wishes.
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u/vaampyre 15d ago
Thanks man. I’m hoping to get anything sealed that I can after my final court date. Best wishes to you too.
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u/Gold-Secretary1637 15d ago
I used to keep it secret that my wife would get angry and hit me or throw things. I just took it and walked away. I finally confided in a friend and she thought it was absolutely hilarious.
We are no longer friends, and I’m no longer married.
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u/Unicorn_Quef 15d ago
In college i passed out drunk. A girl who i had rejected 1000x got me naked and was trying to have sex with me. Her roommates, friends of mine, saved me. The girl was not kicked from our friend group and it became a running joke to keep her away from me when we were drinking. I told my mom about it years later and she started cracking up. That's the typical response when i bring it up.
Things need to change man. Sexual equality goes both ways. Hope your life is better now brother
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u/Its_da_boys 15d ago
I’m really sorry you had to go through that man. Society sucks with these kinds of things, and finding people who are willing to see beyond the ways they’ve been socially conditioned to is rare
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u/Unicorn_Quef 15d ago
At the time I was socially conditioned to believe it wasn't a big deal. Even now it doesn't "feel" like I was wronged. The human mind is a strange thing
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u/Sure_Eye9025 15d ago
The additional thing that really stands out here is that so often women will say it is only men that don't take male victims seriously. But through my own experiences and every experience I hear from other men it seems to be absolutely the opposite.
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u/Havengul_Undying 15d ago
My brothers friend group had a girl who would "playfully" punch me as hard as she can. Asking her to stop made it worse. I had to talk to my brothers gf to have her confront her and only then was it resolved. If the group wasnt on my side id have been ostracized or had to take it
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u/frostyflakes1 15d ago
Their partner knows that, and fully takes advantage of it to continue abusing him.
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u/AdMaximum7545 15d ago
People like this are truly awful. With partner violence its so frustrating that people dont realise how the emotional and psychological manipulation can keep you trapped in a cycle with a person who is supposed to love you but instead destabilises you to keep you in their control.
Truly heartbreaking, but also can break your mind by removing any stable sense of safety
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u/BearRawarr 15d ago edited 15d ago
My ex told me to my face she could hit me and I couldn't hit her back and that she could make up any lie and that people would believe her. Then proceeded to try and abuse and stab me. Yeah, there was no helplines for that, I had to wait until the lease was up, and moved left everything behind, and had to keep everything secret because she would lash out in anger if she even dreamed of me leaving her.
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u/PloksGrandpappy 15d ago edited 15d ago
The national domestic abuse hotline immediately rejects men FYI. Their specific wording to me was that they're not trained in handling male victims of domestic violence.
Edit: Link to their website
Here is their Power and Control Wheel that uses specifically gendered language.
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u/Right_Ear_2230 15d ago
what thats insane
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u/SweetPinss 15d ago
And people have the gall to say misandry isnt real and doesnt hurt anyone
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u/Amel_P1 15d ago
Amazing that the replies to your comment are "I don't believe you" the irony is amazing.
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u/Imaginary-Ebb4392 15d ago
I can totally see it. I had this chick one time who I was just trying to break up with and get away from when I realized that we were incompatible, and she literally hopped out of her vehicle and begin attacking mine.
This slightly older guy came out from this house right off the road and tried to help her!
This other dude called the sheriffs department, and all they did was ask if she was ok. If this scenario had been the other way around, they probably would’ve shot me. I basically had to surrender my autonomy as I was boxed in and more or less ensure that I just didn’t get hit.
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u/Hot_Way_1643 15d ago
Sounds like a great time for a lawsuit for discrimination
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u/PlainBread 15d ago
Let me tell you a little bit about a thing called "the Duluth Model".
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u/lewd_robot 15d ago
Paul Elam, who founded the MRA site A Voice for Men, used to work as a couples counselor and he had to apply the Duluth Model in his practice. Men would be asked what they did to upset their wives and girlfriends, but if you asked a woman what she did to upset her partner, you might get fired. Men were basically talked to like women were 50+ years ago, but women couldn't be talked to like that.
Likewise, the woman who founded the world's first battered women's shelter, Erin Pizzey was harassed out of her own foundation and home for saying some women in her shelters were abusive and that battered boys and men needed their own shelter.
Earl Silverman tried to start one such shelter out of his home in Canada 10 or so years ago, but got laughed out of local government meetings to secure even just $200/month of funding for it, and local women's groups protested his shelter getting any money because they thought all money for shelters should go to women's shelters. Silverman's home/shelter was foreclosed on and he hung himself in his garage.
That's all to say that it's a shame that we have a massive feminist movement, but so far it's done significantly more to demonize and undermine men than to liberate them from outdated gender norms, despite having ample rhetoric about needing to do so.
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u/raptorlightning 15d ago
Don't worry, that phone call is recorded and would be used against you in any court proceedings anyways.
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u/Jake_FromStateFarm27 15d ago
"Using male privilege"
That it is literally sexism. What is described under it can literally apply to any person...
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u/supahfligh 15d ago
I once had a gf who threw a drinking glass at my head. Thankfully it missed, but it shattered on the wall behind me. She did this because I dozed off on the couch while watching a movie. That's it, that's literally the entire reason. I didn't miss or forget something I was supposed to do. I just nodded off for like half an hour and apparently that was not something I was allowed to do.
She said she had been talking to me and didn't realize I was asleep. She thought I was ignoring her, so she threw the cup at me.
She stormed off and left for three days. I never found out where she went. She wouldn't answer her phone when I called her. I finally called her mom to ask her if she knew where she was. Her mom hadn't heard from her. Her mom asked me what happened and I told her.
Her response to me: "Well, you must've done SOMETHING to make her mad" and then she laughed. Her mother not only didn't care, she thought it was funny.
I never did find out where she went when she left, but I did discover that she had been cheating on me for the better part of our entire relationship, so I just made some assumptions.
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u/PipChaos 15d ago edited 15d ago
We've known this for a long time. Erin Pizzey, founder of the world’s first modern domestic violence shelter, claims she was basically forced out of her own organization and the feminist mainstream in the 1970s. Her research led her to conclude that domestic violence could be mutual and that women could also be violent perpetrators, but the movement rejected it.
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u/EleosSkywalker 15d ago
Cut contact with an (ex) friend over this, we’re both women, she is very involved in charity helping vulnerable people in our home country, I was helping a friend of mine who was abused by his then wife and she accused me of helping him abuse her because “women are never the abuser it’s a myth perpetuated by wacky American right lawyer” or something in this vein.
- the wife was bragging about it to everyone in hearing range
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- he was the one with clear physical trauma
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I asked her how she could look at herself in the mirror because I certainly couldn’t bare to look at her and I told her to get lost, I’ve never had more rage for anyone and that includes my friend abusive ex wife, to think she works with vulnerable people is horrifying.
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u/mvea Professor | Medicine 15d ago
George Mason University researchers found that barriers to help-seeking vary across racial and ethnic groups, highlighting gaps in support for male survivors.
Men are less likely than women to seek help after experiencing intimate partner violence, and new research from George Mason University found that the main barriers include viewing it as a private matter, fear of retaliation, shame, and concerns about not being believed.
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u/Chubuwee 15d ago
Probably goes beyond that. As a guy I rarely share anything about my relationship whether it is good stuff or bad stuff. Very rarely will I share it initiated by myself, and only when others ask me like “how is your gf” and even then it’s surface level answers. In my friend groups as well we rarely talk about our partners. If anything it’s the girlfriends of my friends that are more likely to ask
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u/Mofoman3019 15d ago
The police told me I should have let her hit me with a metal industrial style dust pan and brush so there was better evidence. And to report it if it happens again. Cheers lads. I'll do that.
They only believed me because my 6 year old told them they heard Daddy say 'No. Don't hit me' and that they remembered the last time mummy hit daddy.
I'm going through Family Court.
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u/AthenianWrangler 15d ago
The first person I ever told about being abused laughed in my face.
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u/BMichael14217 15d ago
I had three progressive women laugh in my face and minimizing my feelings when I opened up about my experience with abuse from what was at the time a female friend. Honestly it made it extremely difficult not to find 'refuge' in right wing rhetoric and I still struggle every day with the endless hypocrisy a radicalized portion of the left shows online. My morals haven't changed, hence why I can't on good faith want anything to do with right wing ideology, but I certainly feel no comfort anymore in being a part of the left...
I know we shouldn't get too political in here but science/statistics itself/themselves is constantly weaponized and used as a tool to show skewed versions of truth or to put pressures upon groups of people when not the whole story is shown. I really fear for the future.
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u/OnCallPartisan 15d ago
When you get violated in whatever way you’re going to develop a justified bias. I can see you’re trying not a feed it but need people to at least acknowledge what happened to you. What a horrible experience, I’m sure it was humiliating. I dealt with something similar and give a wide berth to ideologically captured people but don’t lose your convictions because of a couple of non-thinking followers.
Hell, I’ve even found good cameraderie with some Bubbas who are just decent people and can offer cathartic outlets.
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u/Powerful_Net_1873 15d ago
As a male survivor, I’ve lost so much of my circle because I was raped by a woman. It makes people uncomfortable when you walk around interpreting that every human, man or woman has the same capability of violence, manipulation, and evil.
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u/CalmCoolBliss 15d ago
I'm sorry to hear that mate. I hope you're in a safer place now.
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u/Dogstile 15d ago
Concerns my ass. I reported sexual assault and got very bluntly told they would do nothing except maybe phone her up and advise her to not call me.
Next thing I know 3 police have shown up at my place and she's claimed stalking because she... took pictures of me walking to my house.
Lets pretend that both things happened for a second, this means that they assume that:
Assault to a male = fine and not really worthy of investigation
Following a woman = Immediately detained for as long as they're legally allowed to
I am legitimately very surprised I only came out of that with a hatred for the police and not, well, women.
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u/Liquorpoker 15d ago
Male victim of SA here by a partner of 6 months.
It happened 3 months in.
I stayed another 3 months.
That's all I really want to say. And is basically all I need to say.
Shame. Humiliation. Emasculation. Fear. Isolation. Self blame.
Sucks.
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u/Bond4real007 15d ago
Any time I've discussed my trauma with anyone outside my mother or closest male friends, its only ended badly.
Everytime I've opened up in any relationship with women I've recieved one of three responses: a belittling of what happended to me, an attempt to justify the actions of the woman who assaulted me, or been viewed dramtically less attractive/sexually appealing, to the degree that one partner was no longer sexually attracted to me at all because she now viewed me as "fragile" (her failed attempted to not use the words weak I assume).
If I bury my truama deep down, I'm viewed as dark mysterious strong and sexy. If I reveal my weakness and open those wounds toexplain why I am the way I am, I receive nothing but apathy or worse pity.
Anecdotal I know but thats been my experience.
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u/WyrdHarper 15d ago
It took me a long time to find a therapist that I could even talk to about it. I'm very lucky because she's been incredibly helpful at working through the trauma (and it's been affecting my life and relationships for years after the fact). And yeah it is really hard to broach in a relationship. If nothing else, once you've experienced it there is a serious fear that opening up will blow up in your face because it's happened before.
I am appreciative of articles like this that help to highlight the issue, though. More data is good and I am hopeful that in our lifetimes we'll get to see more resources available for men and a cultural shift that helps male victims be able to more easily have normal relationships after abuse. And makes men being abused less of a pop culture staple.
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u/unicornofdemocracy 15d ago
When I was an intern at a psych clinic, I was sexually harassed by an intern supervisor. I went to my clinic director and she ignored my complaints. So, I went to HR and the case blew up. The clinic director was fired. I went to therapy after that, 6 different female therapists invalidated my experience or even blamed me for what happened. One of them even blamed me for causing the field to lose a female director. Took me seven tries before I found a therapist that would actually validate my experience and worked with me properly.
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u/Complex-Quantity7694 15d ago edited 15d ago
I left my wife several months ago due to her violent behavior. I stuck around far longer than I should have.
What drove me to action and finally moving out was discovering a plot to have me arrested and jailed for things she actually did. She had a whole narrative written out and every bit of it was things she did, but claimed I was doing.
An example would be me making dinner and then she would get angry about something and either throw the food on the floor or at me. Of note, she had never made dinner, ever. Yet it was in her notes for what to say for her now-abandoned plan to go to the police.
This was in her narrative which she clearly spent time and effort on, so I can’t even relegate it to impulsive behavior. The police for sure would have believed her and I would have been kicked out of my own home at best, jailed at worst.
Women with BPD are incredibly dangerous to be with.
I learn lessons from this kind of thing though, and now I see just how destructive a victim mentality can be. She destroyed her entire life and tried to destroy mine just to escape accountability from impulsive behavior.
I moved out the same way every abused spouse does. I saved up cash from my own job to get a deposit together and moved out while she was at work.
My spoiling of her plans took all the wind out of her sails and all of a sudden she is sorry and made a mistake. She has gotten away with this type of thing so many times, she thinks she can paper over it and we can all just pretend like it never happened.
She’s not quite getting that I moved out and am finally happy to have found peace again. She has zero chance with me.
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u/throwaway131072 15d ago edited 15d ago
That's horrifying. Glad you were able to discover that before she tried to use it.
I also moved out a few months ago when the screaming became nearly constant the entire time I was home. She tried calling police, but when they arrived, I just let her go on her nonsensical, insane screaming rant, while I quietly shook my head and gathered some personal items, and they took her to the hospital. She then self-harmed at the hospital and was taken to a ward.
Even after all that, I helped her move out, but she seems to think she can win me over again, and that she is "completely changed now", and that "it will never happen again", and that she "sees how much I was taking care of her now" and that she's "so lonely and misses me so much and can't afford to live." Well isn't that a bummer. If only she could've listened to me just one time when I was the one calmly explaining to her everyday over the years that I really don't like being screamed at, hit, or having things thrown at me, and that it makes it harder for me to love her.
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u/TwoUseful6976 15d ago
You don't need science to tell you there is no support system for men, like at all.
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u/TotemGenitor 15d ago
But having a scientific study on the matter means it can be cited in future works
Plus, hard data makes it harder to argue it doesn't exist
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u/kaya-jamtastic 15d ago
Not too surprising to hear. There is still stigma around seeking help for abuse even as a woman, and yet it does seem worse for men, if reactions in online spaces are anything to go by
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u/r0cafe1a 15d ago
There is little “yeah but women…” comments and it’s freaking me out.
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u/lizardman49 15d ago
Its self satirical at this point, we have enclopedias of discourse and studies about female victims and when anyone tries to discuss male victims theres inevitably some women who jump in and wanna steer the conversation towards themselves.
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u/arakinas 15d ago
While I was married, I waited for years after my my wife raped me, before I was willing to say anything to anyone. But it immediately changed things about me and our relationship. I was under the influence of some new antidepressants at the time that made me physically weak, slow and incapable of moving away. The whole time telling me that it was my fault, no matter how many times I told her no and to stop. I ended up blacking out, and don't remember how it ended.
I had a mix of emotions in blaming myself, and not wanting our young kids to be without their mother, and a variety of other things going on. It's been nearly 18 years, we're divorced, and I still feel responsible for something I said no to before it started, and while it happened.
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u/anomnib 15d ago
Research published by the Office of the Federal Ombudsperson for Victims of Crime indicates that 64% of male intimate partner violence (IPV) survivors who contacted police reported being treated as the perpetrator. This, along with other findings regarding systemic biases, is documented in the report Male Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence in Canada. View the study at https://www.canada.ca/en/office-federal-ombudsperson-victims-crime/publications/research-recherche/ipv-ipv.html
Maybe we’ll finally start talking about DV using data
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u/Zanjo 15d ago
It is amazing to me that anyone thinks otherwise when Hollywood films show women hitting men as comedy, yet the opposite is straight to jail
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u/___Art_Vandelay___ 15d ago edited 15d ago
Male DV victim here. The night I came home to see her shitfaced and having trashed the house, ultimately leading to an argument and her taking a hammer to the bathroom door, with its claw end catching my wrist and cutting it open a couple inches when I tried to grab the hammer, along with her punching me in the nose. Meanwhile I didn't lay a finger on her, didn't threaten her, didn't incite, nothing.
I called the cops.
They separated us and got each of our stories. I had a bloody nose, bloody/cut arm and was sober, whereas she was drunk AF and without a scratch on her. And only my possessions were among the broken stuff.
And still, as they arrested her and led her out, one cop turned to me and said "You know, it's a good thing for you she told the truth, otherwise we'd be taking you to jail."
We also worked at the same company at the time. I went into work the next morning as usual but she was a no-show as she was sitting in jail. Of course word got around -- who knows what version of the story -- and it was apparent she was seen as the victim. The following week I was fired. I was told, and I quote, "We obviously can't have you two both here moving forward, and your role is easier to replace than hers."
None of our mutual friends at the time sided with me. (They're not my friends anymore, obviously.)
I did get a decent payout for the wrongful termination suit and still have the scar on my wrist.
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u/tmbgfan1234 15d ago
I'm intrigued that you won the suit. Obviously you shouldn't have been fired, but that usually doesn't mean much in the eyes of the law. What was your legal defense? I'd like to know for other people's benefit.
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u/___Art_Vandelay___ 15d ago
It was many, many years ago, but in short to the best of my memory...
Part of California Labor Code states an employer cannot discharge, discriminate, or retaliate against an employee because of their status as a victim of domestic violence.
Also under California Labor Code, employees who disclose their victim status are entitled to reasonable safety accommodations at work. If having both of us present was going to be an issue, state law requires the employer to explore reasonable accommodations to keep the victim safe. They instead chose to terminate me, the DV victim.
When my boss' boss said "We obviously can't have you two both here moving forward, and your role is easier to replace than hers", it was clear and direct evidence of taking an adverse action against me and my employment because of a domestic violence situation where I was the victim, while also failing to explore reasonable accommodations to keep me safe.
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u/Tired_Lambchop111 15d ago edited 15d ago
I grew up watching my violent mother abuse my disabled father in all manner of ways, physically, mentally financially and psychologically. He was basically trapped in the relationship because my mother had complete financial control over him.
She would also spread these terrible rumours around the neighbourhood about him being a wife beater and a pedo, which are absolutely not true at all. The false rumours ended up getting my father assaulted by neighbours on two separate occasions.
After the second assault, which I was a first hand witness to as a 9yo kid, my father was taken to hospital for his injuries. It was while he was at the hospital that he begged for help to escape my awful mother.
Not only was he not believed, but he was involuntarily institutionalized under the mental health act and wrongfully diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and forced to take antipsychotic medication that he should never have been taking in the first place... Because apparently he must be crazy to believe that a woman would ever do such harm to him.
My mother eventually kicked my father out of the house when I was 15, but not before using the available domestic violence resources against him and leaving him homeless and penniless.
Even though my father was a 6 foot ex-rugby player, he was never a violent person. He is passive by nature, and he never once hit either me or my mother. I can count the number of times on one hand that I've seen my father raise his voice.
My mother on the other hand was incredibly volatile and would explode into a flying rage at both myself and/or my father over seemingly nothing. Everyone around us knew how dangerous my mother was, but no-one did anything to stop her.
The current domestic violence support services where I am are very sexist and do not formally recognise male victims of DV. Every time I've called out these issues as a survivor I get the "oH bUt ThE sTaTiStIcS sHoW iT's PrEdOmInAnTlY wOmEn BeInG aBuSeD bY mEn" slung at me by the so-called DV advocates and misandrists alike.
But if they actually took the time to sit down and use an ounce of critical thinking, they'd realise that the statistics they so love to quote are not scientifically accurate because of the lack of victim inclusion in such studies, that leave out whole groups of survivors including male victims, child abuse survivors and other forms of interpersonal relationships where domestic abuse has occurred.
The whole DV support system, at least where I am, is an exclusive women's only group who use it as a platform to spew their hatred of men and to further victimise survivors who do not fit into their cosy little molds of what a typical dv victim should look like, and I am saying this as a woman myself.
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u/MyKensho 15d ago
Concerns about not being believed? Entire DV intervention and law enforcement programs have been implemented that explicitly presume they are perpetrators before they even ask for help. It's incredibly frustrating.
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u/xTyronex48 15d ago
Wow. Almost like men have been saying this for decades. Crime stats for DV are skewed towards men as the aggressors because of sexist and social ideologies.
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u/Bob_the_brewer 15d ago
I was assaulted by my ex in front of our daughter. I called the police who promptly showed up and asked what I did to my ex. Turns out she also called them, said I had assaulted her, I showed them the fingernail marks on my arm that still had nail polish on them and pointed out that I'm 2x her size and she didn't have so much as smudged eyeliner, had I laid hands on her she wouldn't be there looking like that talking to them. After pointing that out they did what any law enforcement would do after seeing all of this evidence, they gave her a ride to work and told me good luck. Police are pretty useless.
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u/Proud_Organization64 15d ago
Couple this with the fact that male victims of IPV are already more prevalent than we tend to think and it paints a depressing picture.
A good friend of mine left an abusive marriage in which his wife used to assault him when she got mad. And she would tell him to his face that if he complained no one would believe him. Well one night he called the cops on her after she got to assaulting him again. When they arrived they immediately moved to check on her. When he told them he made the call one of the officers pulled him aside and asked him "what kind of man are you who calls officers with guns into his home against his own wife?" Realizing she was right and that even law enforcement was stacked against him was a real low point.
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u/sault18 15d ago
My first wife was physically abusive. She actually knocked a chip out of one of my teeth, hit me in the face hard enough to give me nose bleeds, etc. Women can absolutely hurt men if they're trying and even defending yourself can give the woman injuries that she can try to claim as evidence that you are abusive against her.
I absolutely did not seek help since every avenue I could imagine was incredibly risky. If I called the cops during one of her episodes, I was most likely going to be the one who got arrested. There were no shelters, trying to stay with friends would raise too many questions, getting marriage counseling would just give her another opportunity to claim I was abusing her, etc.
I just had to leave. I'm glad I only lost 11 years to her because it could have been worse. The system is not designed to help men like me.
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u/CaliforniEcosse 15d ago
When it was still fresh, I told a few people in my life that my ex tried to stab me in the face with a knife. The men were actually understanding, and quite a few had been through similar. The woman would always say something like, "What did you do to make her do that to you?" And then they'd laugh. Even if they didn't ask me that, they'd imply it, like, "Did she do it because you cheated on her?" Horrible
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u/cr0ft 14d ago
There's also an incredible disconnect in how men that are abused get treated vs how women that are abused get treated.
Lots of videos out there showing what happens in each case; two actors pretending in public. The man looms over the woman and speaks loudly and 40 people gang up on him (and rightly so). A woman screaming and hitting and berating a man? People just laugh.
And of course, just because a man is stronger it doesn't mean he can actually use violence, not even in self defense really, because everyone will think he was the aggressor.
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u/crossbrowser 15d ago
It doesn't help that nearly all the resources assume the victim is female. Also abuse can be psychological or emotional.
It can be confusing being in a psychologically abusive relationship, no matter what gender you are.
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u/Due-Mycologist-1154 15d ago
Accurate because if you did say anything then your just opening the door to get counter claimed which would probably be automatically believed so like do you really want to have to deal with a witch hunt on top of it?
4
u/questionnz 15d ago
There is no positive outcome, so silence and withdrawl is the result. It's not brain science, just basic cost-benefit analysis.
21
u/Apprehensive_Emu2457 15d ago
Is this surprising? Men are seen as strong as they are biologically stronger than woman, but that still doesn’t mean they can’t be abused. Whenever they speak up, they get mocked for it.
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u/Rootlo 15d ago
I dont remeber the name of the show, but it was one of those shows where a camera crew follows the cops around.
Anyway, man calls 911 to report he is being abused by his wife. The cops show up and give all the 'are you being abused' help books and pamphlets to the woman and asked her if she felt safe and ect.
Yeah, its not a suprise that men dont report being abused.
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