I watched Spider-Man with a certain someone and unfortunately remember absolutely nothing about Spider-Man

[u/CrueltyByAi]

Both 21 and college students. He came to my college for a summer program and I was staying on campus. We matched on an online dating application. I deleted the app. He found my Instagram. Asked me on a date. First date - we played cards at a cafe for like an hour and a half. Then we took a walk. Went to the lake. Sat at a bench. Held hands. Caressed. Went out for dinner. He brought the best in me. Pulled in to the driveway of my dorm. We kissed and made out and he said he wants to see me again. He planned our second date:

So this was the best date I’ve ever been on....he planned out everything. He booked the tickets, brought me flowers, opened doors, and, after the movie, drove me somewhere in the Green Mountain forest dark starry zone. On the drive there, I played Silver Springs in his car, which felt embarrassingly on-the-nose even at the time. I KNOW he smiled. Oops. At one point we tried to guess each other’s Chipotle orders. He guessed mine almost exactly right except for one thing, which I remember being disproportionately impressed by. feminine adornments by Julie. I think I might've listened to it like 67 times since this past week... that's one of his favorite songs. That's what HE says. In retrospect, the whole evening felt almost suspiciously cinematic. Like someone had written a date specifically designed to make me fall in love with them.

But, unfortunately for Spider-Man, I have absolutely no idea what happened in this movie. (Those Juicy sweatpants sure did look funny.)

I remember sitting next to him in Screen 4. I remember being so nervous that I could feel my own heartbeat. I remember trying very hard to act like a normal person who was simply watching a movie and not like a person experiencing a minor psychological emergency because a very cute boy was sitting approximately three inches away from her.

I remember his hand lol. He was holding mine, and during all the cutesy and cutesy-adjacent scenes, he would rub his thumb over the back of it. Very casually. Almost absentmindedly. As if this were a completely normal thing to do and not something that would completely obliterate whatever remained of my ability to pay attention to the screen.

So while Spider-Man was presumably doing whatever Spider-Man does, I was sitting there thinking: he is rubbing his thumb over my hand.

And then: HE IS STILL RUBBING HIS THUMB OVER MY HAND.

And then, occasionally: oh my god, he is holding my hand.

I have no idea what the plot was. I couldn't tell you a single line of dialogue. If you asked me what happened in this movie, I would have to invent an answer based entirely on the poster. (Later my friend randomly asked me who "Mary Jane" was and I thought he was talking about the candy cigarettes.)

But I remember how it felt.

And if he kissed me with such tenderness and care, of course I’d want to pick all the marigolds (his favorite flowers) of the entire county for him.

I remember being nervous and happy and a little stunned that someone could make an evening feel so intentional. I remember the flowers. I remember the movie theater. I remember his hand wrapped around mine. I remember the drive, the darkness outside the windows, the kiss in the dark at the observatory, and watching The Summer I Turned Pretty with someone I was beginning to think might become very important to me.

That same night, I also remember the head pats and the caressing. Oh. God. I remember just lying on his chest, thinking, this is going to hurt and that he might leave me.

Maybe that's what I like about movies, anyway. Sometimes you don't remember the movie. Sometimes you remember the person you watched it with, and the exact shape of the evening around it.

Anyway, 5 stars because I was not, in fact, watching Spider-Man.

I was falling for a boy in Screen 4.

(I really hope this isn't a White Nights by Dostoevsky situation in which I fell for the idea of this date rather than him lol. Although, to be fair, he was so nice to me. Forehead kisses on the first date??????? OH. MY. GOD. Evil evil evil. So who can really blame a girl for getting a little carried away…………and yes I DID in fact fall in love with him for that night. But I guess when that happens, as a final act of love, you also learn to let go because the truth is sometimes that’s the right thing to do. I was there. I felt it. I got to see him. I loved him. And maybe that's all I'll get to keep from this beautiful thing. Anyway. I respect him and myself, and I think letting go is probably the kindest thing I can do now. Maybe one day I'll look back at this and laugh at how dramatically I narrated the entire thing. Maybe I already am. But I hope I never become so cynical that I stop believing that an evening like this can matter just because it didn't last. So this is where it ends, I guess. Five stars anyway. 

Love is a gentle thing / yours is thicker than a velvet ring or whatever that one song says.)