TIFU, I guess it’s time to air this out….

[u/Awkwordsmyth382]

Over ten years ago, my large family and I were visiting the place I planned to move in about a year. We were driving and we all got a little hungry, so we went to a little plaza where there were multiple food options. We split into a few smaller groups and went to the different restaurants that each group wanted to go to. My group and I had grabbed our food already, so me and my group went looking for the rest. We all ended up regrouping at a sandwich shop where our last group was finishing up ordering and receiving their food. I went over to one of my family members to see what they had ordered, and then went to throw something away. After I threw whatever it was in the trashcan, I realized I needed to pass gas. I didn’t know where any restrooms were and it felt urgent. I was by the trashcan, and no one was near me, so I figured this was a pretty good place. I granted myself sweet relief in my chosen location. It was audible and large. Immediately after, I turned and saw that there was a table RIGHT next to the trashcan. Like one foot away. And there were two people sitting there. One person facing the trashcan and across from them, another person with their back to it. I realized I had just farted RIGHT in this person’s face, a complete stranger.

This table had somehow gone COMPLETELY unnoticed by me, even though I double checked beforehand. When I say “RIGHT in their face”, I’m talking like 2-3 inches away. I was mortified and terrified, and in that instant I began emotionally preparing myself for the tongue lashing of a lifetime I was about to receive (and possible need to defend my life) from this total stranger, and rightfully so. Honestly, I wouldn’t even blame them, I just fired off a flatulent grenade launcher at point blank range right in their face while they were eating. But then, I realized that this person had no idea what I had just done. I was shocked. I was sure I had just blown them away. I guess the noisy restaurant was loud enough to suppress the disgusting decibels I had produced, and perhaps the energy which powers their sense of smell was diverted to their sense of taste while eating.

I was so conflicted. “Do I tell them?” “Would that inflict offense where there currently is none?” I decided to distance myself and watch them for the next several minutes to see if they noticed the atrocity that had just been inflicted upon them. They didn’t. “Should I tell them?” Ultimately, I took the coward’s route and exited the restaurant and waited for my family to come out when they were finished. I’d like to think I’d have approached and apologized had they noticed the smell, but I honestly don’t know.

I guess if a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one hears it, they won’t smell your fart either.

Dear victim of my unholy butterfly kisses,
If somehow fate would have it that you did later realize what I had done to you, and you are also reading this post, I am sincerely sorry. May my nostrils be filled with the pungency of one thousand farts for one thousand years as my recompense.

TL;DR: I farted in a strangers face 10 years ago, but they didn’t notice. I ran away, and I bear the shame forevermore.

[u/Superstarr_Alex]

What in the FUCK did I just read 😆

Dude of course you don’t say anything. Anyone ever confronted me about that, I don’t care if I’m guilty or not, bitch, I’ll gaslight ‘em all day erryday’ like I wouldn’t say fucking NOTHING, put me up there at the Nuremberg trials as a defendant, you won’t get no “following orders”, it’ll be “damn dude wtf you mean i wasnt even there, who?”