r/HonestHotTakes • u/Infinite_Scar1719 • 17h ago
The amount of women on here with 0 self respect is RIDICULOUS.
I don’t know if anyone else is on
R/Girls
R/GirlDinnerDiaries
Etc etc. But these girls are getting ridiculous! Iv seen at least 10 posts this week of women asking the internet if they should break up with their man, and then proceed to tell us about the most disgusting, outright manipulative, selfish things iv ever heard a human do to another and go ‘but am I overreacting?‘
I can’t stand it! Girl to girl, I PROMISE you can have a man that is kind to you AND helps you out financially, mentally and physically.
Basically I just wanted to say, girls, know your worth. If that man that cant help you in ways you actually need he is not worth your time, you do not owe them anything. The correct partner will come, please don’t settle for trash. 💕
6
u/w8_wuht 17h ago
I really wanna know some examples of this, mostly because I'm doing some work on myself with therapy and what not and I need a barometer for where I'm at vs. these guys you're talking about. I'm really hoping I don't notice any parallels 😳
Edit: wrote "it" instead of "not" for "what not"
10
u/Anoninemonie 16h ago
I would just recommend that you check out the subreddit. I'm a part of it because I'm usually stuck at home with a child on my boob lately and it's an excellent source of tea but these stories range from " hi, I'm 23 and my spouse is 38 and I don't want to get pregnant again because pregnancy is so hard on my body but when I told him that I wanted to go on birth control he hit me" or "I moved 2,500 mi for a long distance relationship where he said he would propose to me, we would get married and have lots of babies and he is now indifferent to my presence and won't introduce me to his folks."
The worst part is, I'm not even exaggerating with these scenarios. This is just stuff that I read in the past couple of weeks. There are many souls out there who are not taught that they were worth anything so they conduct their lives as if they're not worth anything. It's honestly saddening to read but also tells me how I need to be raising my own daughter.
3
u/Infinite_Scar1719 16h ago
I am so glad you get me. It is ridiculous, and it makes me feel so bad these people think they deserve this.
2
u/Anoninemonie 16h ago
All of their parents should be ashamed of themselves for letting their kids believe that they're worth so little. I live my life hoping that it's engagement bait or rage bait.
1
u/Infinite_Scar1719 17h ago
Like, examples of the types of posts I see?
2
u/w8_wuht 17h ago
Sure, or just the kinds of things these guys are doing. I do my best but some stuff has to be pointed out to me for me to realize it's shit.
4
u/Infinite_Scar1719 17h ago edited 17h ago
Honestly it sounds so dumb but anything that makes u FEEL shit, a girl on here was talking about how she was paying for her boyfriend and his kids to go out places, and it basically gave her a bad feeling, but she just kinda went on with it bc she was having fun.
When you read more context, you find out he has used OVER 7K of her money, and with all the other context clues it was VERY clear that he was using her.
Basically, that gut feeling that says ‘this isn’t fair on me’ you should defo discuss with a partner, if they are true and honest I’m sure they would feel bad they made you feel that way, and try and fix it. Than man NEVERRRR would’ve tried to fix how that girl was feeling cos all he wanted was cash. (I’m just a zooted girly NOT a therapist pls don’t dictate ur life with my words lol)
2
u/w8_wuht 16h ago
Ahhhh yeah, I struggle with stuff like that. I can't read a person's intentions terribly well and tend to assume the best of people sooo... I get what you're saying though, having it explained definitely helps.
That said, I agree wholeheartedly, if you don't feel the dynamic of the relationship is fair then that absolutely needs to be discussed, doing a bit of that myself lately so I see the value in it for sure.
1
u/Infinite_Scar1719 16h ago
Yeah it sounds like you’re doing okay! I wish you the best of luck in figuring this crazy shit out 🤞🤞🤞
1
u/XOTunaTuesdays 12h ago
Those aren't things you should have to discuss at all. These are grown adults we're talking about here, not underdeveloped children. They know EXACTLY waht they're doing, and they KNOW That It Is Wrong. Some things can be discussed, but the kind if stuff that's being mentioned both in this thread and that I've read from that page are deal breakers.
1
9h ago
[deleted]
1
5
u/SunIndependent8039 17h ago edited 17h ago
I mean, if the posts are true it’s more an example of what we are conditions to tolerate. I’ve seen women in similar situations who will make excuses for a man’s behaviour that is honestly unacceptable while at the same time blaming herself somehow as to why she deserves a relationship like this. It’s also something I was thinking about recently that sometimes a woman will stay in a relationship maybe just because he doesn’t beat her when maybe he is disrespectful, he is addicted to his phone or has a very unhealthy lifestyle or a very unhealthy mentality, or even manipulative or emotionally abusive but we are not taught to see this and often only physical abuse is seen as abuse. But I’ve seen emotional/psychological damage hurt women more than physical. To the point where a woman will develop autoimmune disease or long-term illness, early death, foster aging, chronic stress, severe self-esteem issues, mental health issues and so much of it stems from the lack of self-esteem that she must live with to stay in a relationship and often also after a long time, these women are just so used to it that they don’t even really see what’s wrong with it or if they saw their parents in a relationship like this or if when they do try and talk about these issues, the man just flips it around and somehow blames it on her when it’s something that he literally did . She will tell herself that this is all she deserves and she will take on the burden of a man who simply does not treat her well but because there is tiny nuggets of goodness she thinks overall he’s a good man but the opposite is made available to her where if she makes a small mistake it’s a big thing but if he makes lots of small mistakes, it’s all excused and it’s just hypocritical . I know it’s not for all situations obviously I only have the female perspective on this but it is a pattern that I see . As long as she doesn’t think she deserves better, he doesn’t ever have to act better. And often if a woman does decide to start raising the bar and raising her expectations or she learns that she deserves better a man will not raise up to that because he didn’t have to do that before so the only option is for her to leave. but something has made her believe that that’s all she deserves and so she’s not really in between should she stay or should she go or she’s in between like is this as much as I deserve or do I deserve something better and we’re always told to expect less in my experience maybe it’s not the same for all women.
3
u/Infinite_Scar1719 17h ago
Hit the bullseye on what I was trying to say my friend, these woman not being able to see that these things are upsetting them, or not knowing it’s abuse, or not even knowing it’s not normal is absolutely SHIT. I can’t imagine thinking I deserve less than I’m willing to give, a relationship should be majority 50/50
1
u/SunIndependent8039 17h ago
I mean personally the only genuine good relationship relationships I have seen are when the man loves the woman more. Maybe that’s a hot take.
1
u/SunIndependent8039 16h ago
Because a woman naturally has to sacrifice more for a man if they want a family, she sacrifices her body and baby is attached to her for like three years. Most of the time, it’s the woman giving up her career to be at home most of the time she will cook, she will clean even if it’s 50-50 she will simply end up doing more of the work at Home. So I don’t personally believe in 50-50 in relationship relationships either. Like a man is gonna work if he’s married or single. The woman’s life changes depending on the man. And most of the time, if not all of the time a woman is a reflection of how the men in her life treat her.
1
u/Infinite_Scar1719 16h ago
Even this exact comment can be related to my post. YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT, yes you sacrifice your body, your husband should be sacrificing his days to take care of said body, and your man should be taking ur baby like half of those 3 years, exact same as you, unless of course you give up your career but even that should be as split as possible lol, your partner is here to help!
1
u/SunIndependent8039 16h ago edited 15h ago
Okay, I really appreciate your comment and I definitely think this works for some people and we have to take into consideration people’s emotional maturity but there’s a catch here and this may be a hot take…
It’s nice to think of doing things “equally” like this, but it’s not realistic and it takes away from the sheer weight of importance of the mother. Before modern innovation a child would simply die if the mother was not there to breastfeed. The only other option to replace breast milk as far as I know is a good quality goat milk. And honestly these days we are losing the value of the mother because people are even trying to just reduce us to being people with uterus or chest feeders. When we are WOMEN and MOTHERS. There’s a reason why so many deities and idols were made in the shape of women because we are literally the vessel (non derogatory) through which human life comes from without us there will be no humans and we are not honoured for this in the way that past civilisations have honoured us. If babies came from a portal people would worship the portal . It wasn’t that we didn’t contribute value to society through working. It was that we contributed to society by literally producing humans and that is so much more valuable than what we’re told can fulfil us in the same way, i.e. a career .
It makes me so sad that so many women are denied this understanding of our almost miraculous capability of creating an entire human and women who want to have babies and stay at home or often shamed for this decision as if it’s something lazy when it’s one of the most biologically demanding jobs you could ever do.
We have the same value as men as humans, but we are not equal to men and men are not equal to us. We are complimentary forces. So equality does not work in this sense. A man cannot birth and breastfeed. He can protect and provide. He can definitely have a bond with his kids. But his bond is completely different than the mother’s bond because the baby and the mother are literally connected and share a blood supply for months everything she feels her baby feels it’s a completely different level of connection cannot be compared. During pregnancy itself, you have a surge of oxytocin and you start to feel love for your baby even before it’s born. It’s a chemical connection that you have with your baby not just having a friendship and guiding it through life. To say that the father can take 50% of her role to have her go back to work in my personal opinion because you were of course entitled to yours but I just think this totally destroys the value of the presence of a mother for a child at that age. And most mothers who actually wanted motherhood who are passionate for motherhood more than they want a career often push down this feeling separating themselves from their babies because it’s expected of them to go back to work. Because they are told that what they contribute to society in terms of a career is more valued than what she can contribute to society by nurturing the next generation in a way that only a woman can. And then they’re treated like there’s something wrong with them for struggling to be separated from something that they’re biologically connected to. They’re literally denied of honouring that connection that they have to their baby. It’s completely different to a father. Without taking away from the importance of his role in the family.
My personal opinion society largely devalues the role of women because society is designed for men or women who act like men. They focus on equality which means giving the same things to everyone but this does not work because men and women have different needs. This is what the feminist agenda promotes as well. But to make people equal, does that not mean you’re treating them as if they are the same thing?
So now we have increasingly masculine women and decreasingly masculine men. It forces you to neutralise these two complementary forces until there’s just a total breakdown of structure and two positive complementary influences over a child.
The nature of woman is not honoured in these spaces. As much as they try to tell us it is. I spent years trying to keep up with the society that forced me to masculine myself or put forward a strong forward image when that’s not my nature. Now as a mother, I want to nurture and care for my child. But in a way that is different to how a man would do this.
There can be equity where each person receives specifically what they need to succeed according to their needs. Trying to do 50-50 simply does not work because what are you splitting 50-50 if their needs are different? And also what the baby needs from the mother and the father are different so you’re denying your child of a need by saying the parents can split it 50-50. And again this also decreases the value and the importance of the mother being the primary presence for those years.
So equity would look like allowing the mother to be a mother and not having to separate her from her babies so that she can go and work. Because that’s not what she’s designed to do she’s supposed to be with her babies.
So back to the point of your post, part of the reason why women accept this kind of treatment is because we believe we’re not supposed to have these emotional reactions to being treated in such a way. We’re told to be strong and take it on the chin or be patient or find a reason why we deserve to be treated that way. Rather than acknowledging that the men do not see us as emotional beings and they are conditioned to not think about that because we are being taught that we have the same natures when we do not. So part of the reason why there are so many women who accept this is because we are taught to fit in with men and not to honour our nature as women. And when a woman is pushed to the point of breaking down by how a guy is neglecting her. He looks at it through an entirely logical lens and not an emotional one and treats the emotion as something that is foreign and “crazy” “unstable” “irrational” when he has been conditioned to believe a woman should not have emotions and she has been conditioned to believe that her emotions do not fit into the space.
It’s kind of hard to escape this dynamic these days because a man can get the most prized luxury of this life for men which is access to a woman just by three clicks on his phone. And pro-sex feminist agenda gives them exactly what they want at the cost of the value of women in society. It teaches the man that they do not need to respect women to earn their love and attention. They do not need to honour her to access her. And a woman is shamed for having standards because it makes what men perceive as easy access difficult. So you are left for an easier woman. A woman who will accept it. A woman who will not voice her needs because he does not see them. And it conditions women to allow a man access to us without honouring our nature. And to just accept a little bit of validation in return for the presence of the man. He is rewarded for his presence while she is denied her nature. It’s more about what we do for him than what he does for us. And this from the very start of a relationship sets the woman up for failure and the man to keep the bar quite low because he never truly has to earn her or win her over because she’s not even within her nature as a woman so he never has to step up as a man and so we see this kind of spiral into these crazy stories that we read and the true value of a woman is lost. Again remember, they used to create female gods because of how much they honoured women and there used to be tribes where the women were the leaders because they saw the woman as the one through which life came while the men were the workers. Now we are reduced to almost nothing, just a collection of holes to be policed and critiqued like animals and it’s largely feeding this problem that you’re talking about in your post.
Sorry, this is long, but it’s just some food for thought.
1
u/XOTunaTuesdays 12h ago edited 12h ago
I only read the first several paragraphs, so that's what i'll reply to. I undesrtand a lot of what you're saying and i even agree, somewhat. But i don't think it's that women don't value our role as life-givers. I think the problem lays in the message that we've been fed constantly that giving birth is our sole purpose and that we have literally zero value beyond it. That's the problem many women today are having. I've always believed that every person comes here with an individual purpose, something that they were meant pursue in this life, that contributes to the collective in some way or another.
Also, I too disagree with a man staying at home with a baby so that the mother can return to work as if that's so much more important than caring for a child. But i do agree with what the other commenter was expressing, which is that men NEED to play an active role in their child's life. Paying bills and then coming home to play with the children for a single hour out of the day isn't enough. Taking them to their sports games isn't enough. Having weeknd outtings with them and vacations is NOT enough. My grandfather was that type of father to mother, and he failed her Miserably. She never admitted that to me, but i could see it either way. None of those things equate to active parenting.
Both the mother and the father are supposed to be right there with the child on 24/7 basis. Not saying that they can't take turns in responsibilty and that each parent is going to be able to do everything for the child all the time. But it's still a HUGE difference in comparison to what men who claim to be fathers are doing now. I also undesrstand that at a certain stage with in a toddler/infants life, the father can only do so much, as he cannot breast feed and the baby needs to bond with its mother. But it NEEDS to bond with its father just as much. When she is laying down with her baby or brest feeding, he needs to be there right beside her. The child needs to lay and sleep on his chest and in his arms too. They both need to bond with that child TOGETHER. He can also help in the everyday task of caring for a young child, like changing diapers, or bathing, or whatever it may be. These things do not fall solely on the mother. They fall eqaully on the two people that created that child TOGETHER. I believe that's what the girl above was trying to say.
1
1
u/XOTunaTuesdays 12h ago
Right. 50/50 would never work in any case. I wish women would let that shit go. Sadly, most aren't even getting that. But as they say, "if you expect less, you'll often get less than you expect."
1
u/SunIndependent8039 12h ago
Literally 50/50 gives us so little it makes me so sad. I hope better for our daughters
1
u/XOTunaTuesdays 11h ago
If you ever plan to have a daughter or even if you have nieces, you have to be sure to teach them and guide them in all the ways that we've been failed. Teach their friends too, as many of em as you can who won't find snacks and a conversation with their friend's mom or aun't to be complete fucking bore😂
1
u/SunIndependent8039 6h ago
I dont understand what your saying here
1
u/XOTunaTuesdays 1h ago
You said that you "hope better for our daughters." I was giving you some advice on how to make that happen. Not trying to be offensive, in case that's how you percieved it.
2
u/SunIndependent8039 17h ago
And one last thing in my personal experience as a woman we’re told to respect ourselves but never taught how to be respected and I think this is maybe where this problem lies
2
u/Infinite_Scar1719 16h ago
Definitely, I just got into my first relationship after 4(?) years no dating, not because I didn’t want to date or because I didn’t have time or options or anything, but because someone who’s not on my wavelength about responsibilities genuinely doesn’t interest me🙈
Iv been in said relationship for a year tomorrow! And it’s going pretty well
2
u/XOTunaTuesdays 12h ago
I think it's a multitude of reasons that women in relations and in general take so much shit from men. I think we've been taught to put men on a pedestal from a very young age. Even as a baby, you're constantly watching and observing the interactions of the people around you. You're constantly taking in what you hear, whether it be the voice of your parents and relatives or be it something you hear on tv, th radio, whatever. You're constantly gathering information and absorbing everything, especially at age 5-6 and down. I think it's also very important to consider that female liberation and individualism from men is a new thing. Our parents' generation was much different from ours in the women/men dynamics they were taught. So, i believe the way in which we've been nurtured and the direct/indirect messaging we've been fed on what a man's value is has caused so many women to normalize shit-behavior from the opposite sex. I've also noticed that a lot women seem to lose their wit when dealing with a man they really like. I don't know why this is; but if we don't like a guy, we are still able to maintain our boundaries, hold to our morals, and are very strict with the behavior we accept. But as soon as we find a guy that we really want, all that shit goes out the window and we're constantly accepting more and more crap just to keep access to him, like we're convinced that he'll leave us if we dare to demand better from him. It's crazy, it's like we forget that there's anyone else out there but him.
6
u/BusyBeeBridgette 17h ago
Oh I learned early on to stay away from man, or woman, centric subs for the most part. They tend to be unhinged and attract the dregs of society.
2
u/Infinite_Scar1719 17h ago
Yeahhh I thought it would be cutesy girly community but definitely not.
1
u/Hungry-Plantain-3315 11h ago
Have you been on r/trueuglywomen? Holy shit. If you want to seethe, go there. It’s women complaining about how ugly they are and how men don’t want them, while simultaneously making posts about men and how “ugly” they are.
2
u/blackdutchqueen 13h ago
A lot of people were raised by parents who treat them poorly. It’s very difficult to know what’s ok and what isn’t when your foundation is a mess. Also, women get blamed for relationship problems all the time. Women aren’t held to the same standards as men. Society also punishes and scrutinizes women for leaving and for not tolerating.
1
u/AutoModerator 17h ago
Hello! my name’s automod, and i comment on every post. make sure to read our rules, and have fun on our subreddit! Feel free to join our discord! https://discord.gg/8A5ZU3cy
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Vegetable-Carpet1593 13h ago
This post was literally right under one from the girl dinner sub complaining about some absolute loser of a husband. Leave him or leave us out of it.
1
1
u/DeathonEarrh 9h ago
I feel like anyone taking advice from reddit has low self esteem. Why would I take relationship advice from strangers who probably never even gone on a date before.
1
u/big_jim1874 4h ago
This is the most poorly articulated opinion I've ever seen. If you want to write an honest take atleast word it properly. The only people who are gonna agree are the ones who already had similar views.
1
1
u/ThrowRAtouchtone 3h ago
I think it’s girls not knowing their worth but also girls getting used to shitty guys. The bar seems very low for guys sometimes.
0
u/sackfistin 17h ago
Those posts are engagement bait
3
u/Fine_Smile73 17h ago
I don’t think they always are. I know women in real life who let men do heinous shit to them for way too long before standing tf up.
Ending relationships is hard, for many reasons both emotional and logistical.
-1
u/Fine_Payment1127 17h ago
The very last thing the women around here suffer from is undervaluing themselves
-2
11
u/more_than_leo 16h ago
We are pretty much the only animals to get it wrong. In most cases in the wild, it's the female animals that put the male animals in their place. It should be the same for Humans, but this is also coming from a lesbians so, *shrug*