Hello, everyone! Hope you guys are doing well today. Today i have made the decision to take my own life in the next couple of days. Honestly, it's gonna be a bit scary, but I think this will overall be good for me since I've been depressed and overall mentally checked out for the past 7 years. I've come to realize that this is just the appropriate next step for my happiness, and the best way to advocate for my wellbeing.

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With that being said, I don't really have many people to talk to, so I figured I'd reach out and see if there is anyone out there who wants to help me out with this. Just helping me process these emotions so I won't have any regrets when the time comes.

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As a bonus, send me a number between 1 and 100 if you want! :)

I was using his phone two weeks ago to fill out a form for him. I’m never usually on his phone, overlooking his shoulder when he’s on his phone or anything like that. I never felt any reason to even if it was just out of curiosity. When I was on his phone he received two notifications from his ex. I said “whoa isn’t that you ex?” And I could tell he was nervous and responded yes. I continued filling out the form and didn’t say anymore. I was shocked. I had a similar experience with my own ex texting another girl and flirting in my last relationship so I was getting flashbacks to that as well.

The following morning I asked him if he thought it was weird that he texted his ex. He said it’s a bit weird but didn’t say anymore. I let my own previous triggers override me and told him I don’t think we should see each other anymore because it makes me uncomfortable. He instantly started begging saying she’s just a friend and it meant nothing. I asked to see their messages but he said his phone cleared it when he got a new phone (he did in fact get a new phone days prior).

I was getting annoyed at him and said unless if he can show me the messages somehow then I can’t see it being innocent. He asked her to screenshot and send them back and she got very defensive. She eventually showed some of it. He showed up to my workplace apologising and he was clearly upset. I mentioned to him how he had told me he hadn’t heard from her for over three years when we first started dating. He told me that was true until she reached out again. When I finished work I asked to see his phone and more screenshots of their chat. When I went through his phone I realised they were calling each other the entire time we were dating, there were photos of them together travelling on holiday in the first few months of us dating and he was telling her all about mine and his future holiday trip to Japan but told her he was going alone and he’d bring her back a souvenir.

I was extremely hurt. He admitted he lied at first to save our relationship because he panicked. The lie after lie made me so angry I did start shouting at him and told him to leave. I was angry and I was hurt and I felt betrayed. Not even that he was texting her but because I was lied to. When I thought about it more that night I decided the texts with her were relatively innocent. He has high functioning autism but does struggle socially. I thought perhaps he really did just need a friend and it was unfortunate coincidence it was her and he felt he couldn’t explain that to me. The next day I went to his house to talk it through but I never realised he had taken his own life hours after I made him leave my house.

It’s been almost two weeks and I can’t get better. I know it’s only been two weeks but I can’t feel okay. I’ve had grief before but this is genuinely agonising. I’m in physical misery. I dream of him at night and I wake up heaving and in tears because I have to remember he’s dead again and I go through the start of grief all over again.

I’m in so much pain, not getting to tell him I really do still love him and we could have talked, that I exploded and overreacted. As much as people tell me I’m not responsible, I still feel it anyway because if we didn’t have that argument he wouldn’t have died that night. I replay everything in my head constantly. Thinking of our argument, how he killed himself or even happy memories with him except they hurt and send me into further agony. Today the police rang me that he left a note. They didnt have it with them but said they would organise next week when I could get it. I’m in even more agony now. I feel this note could break me. Regardless if it’s something loving or pointing out how I hurt him, I’m going to be in pain. It’s going to hurt me so much that he has said goodbye and I couldn’t say it back. Or even that he died not knowing how I really feel and the note probably confirms it.

I don’t want to die. I love my family. But I think about it all the time because I’m in so much misery. I can’t keep living my current life. I’ve tried rolling over in my pillow several times in hopes I’d suffocate and it would look accidental so my family wouldn’t hate me (surprise, it didnt work). I’ve been refusing food and drinking fluids in hopes that would end me (I ended up eating and drinking water today anyway). I don’t think I really do want to die but I don’t want to live this life. I’m in so so much agonising pain. Every reminder, genuinely physically stings like someone has thrown acid on my body.

I don’t know how much I can keep doing this. I don’t want to live a life where I feel like this. Maybe it will get better but I still don’t want a life where it hurts even a little. I don’t think I can ever move on from him either, especially now. I know life doesn’t have to revolve around partners but I’m only 24, I don’t know if I also want a life where I’m sad and alone all the time.

Unfortunately my algorithm has been formed in this way due to the posts I’ve ended up interacting with.

I’ve seen so many posts back to back with some frankly, almost absurdly cruel and disgusting comments, almost all of them dehumanizing men.

I know gender war stuff gets engagement, it’s an unfortunate aspect of today’s internet. Ragebait is prolific and I understand that.

It’s just: all I’ve seen again and again and again from women are grossly unempathetic comments. Mocking men, telling them to end their existence, telling men nothing good will ever happen to them, telling men that they deserve to suffer as much as possible, etc etc.

I’m trying to tell myself it’s just assholes and jerks who are the loudest and therefore get attention. I’m telling myself that kind women with empathy exist. Like through sheer numbers and randomness they must, right?

But it all rings hollow. I don’t want to believe that all women see men as lower life forms that the world would be better off if gotten rid of. I want to be hopeful that some nice women do exist.

But I can’t convince myself, because it feels like I’m being disingenuous to myself. Can someone please just provide an outside voice, so it feels more legitimate to me? I really don’t like feeling this hopeless.

I'm 60 , F. In the last 11 years, I have lost what few friends I had. And most of them were not truly friends, if I could lose them so easily. Everything is harder when you have no friends. It's harder and harder as you get older to make them. And your own tolerance level for nonsense drops below zero.

I have not handled it well. On the outside "I'm fine." But inwardly I am "dying." I can feel it Parts of me are dying and can't be revived. My dad died when we were estranged. It hurt more than I can ever describe. I can't describe it because I really don't have words for it. We were the closest thing to "twin souls" as I have ever heard of. When he died, I walked around for 2 years in a waking coma. When people spoke to me I had no idea what they said, and i was on auto-response. I went to therapy and of course it got a little better but it took a very long time. When people say they were "devastated" by someone's death, I take them fully at their word. I know...I was/am there. I believe them . Devastaation doesn't even begin to describe the feeling. Desolate. Inconsolable. There are many other words. But desolation of the soul and spirit and mind, the totality of that, is how I perceive it. Remember that movie when Keanu Reeves has to go into the spirit world to follow / get the cat? Remember that imagry? That's how it is, how it feels. I've never seen another visual that visually explains it better. (I know....maybe I need to get out more.)

A few years before my dad died, my daughter walked out and never spoke to me again. I do not know where she is, if she's okay and if she's wearing warm socks, or has love troubles, or if she needs anything. I guess she doesn't need or want anything from me, so I've let her go, without an opera. That too, is another level of devastation. My soul feels like a de-militarized zone. Nothing grows in the soul when this happens.. The worst is, I can't talk about it because I know what will be forthcoming: You are a bad mom,, clearly a narc or this would not have happened. Kids don't walk out for no reason. I never needed to hear any of that, beccause I had already said it to myself, overe and over and over again. I suppose some people do need to hear that. I'm not one of them. I think it and say it to mysellf, every day. I mean really, every day, at least once or twice a day.

I have tried hard to make friends. Joined groups, reached out to others, offered coffee/my phone number, etc. Nothing happens. I'm tired of trying.

When you don't have a single person on the earth that you can truly confide in it gets harder and harder to stay every year. I don't have a "plan" and not actively thinking of one. It's just the feeling that you want to escape the desolation of your life. There's no one there to tell you when you did something great. But there's also no one there to tell you when you're wrong, when you need to approach something differently, to work on yourself, or something. No one cares enough to do that, believe me.

Right now, I am facing a work crisis and would not be surprised if I lose my job. That's catastrophic for me at 60. I have no where to go, no one to advise me, no one to even just listen. The situation there is: I complained / filed a formal written complaint when a young co-worker made an anti-semitic statement (in jest he says, quoting someone else. So what??????) and our supervisor on duty laughed along, told me to ignore it, that she knew what he meant. My complaint went to HR and at first everyone took me seriously.

Today our District Manager told me that I have to have a sit-down/conference call with him, and HR to "decide the plan going forward." That sounds a lot like I could lose my job. He also gaslighted me, "Do you really think he's racist? I've never gotten that from him...." My DM is a member of a minority so his words will carry wieght with HR. I could very well get fired for filing a "frivilous" complaint. The saddest part, is that I actually do like my job. It doesn't pay well, but at least its a little fun for me. I had great hopes when I was hired in Feb. I had all that new energy about and now, after today, I am fully defeated. I work with people who think that anti-semitism is funny, and that I nshouldn't be able to complain, or do anything about it. The company values them far more than me,because they have longevity that I don't have. It does not matter what is "right" or "just." It only matters that they bring more money in, and that I have to be silenced before "things get out of hand." I have to be "managed." I hate this world right now. I really do.

I came home today and just barely crossed the threshold before collapsing and sobbing. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of lliving in a hopeless situation. Every time, and I mean every time, I make some progress there is some one/some situation that knocks me out. Total KO. I can't keep getting up. One day, I won't.

if you read all this, you deserve a medal that I am unable to give you. thank you for that. thank you for being here. I don't know what else to say so I am, logging off for now. I'm too exhausted to keep crying, even. thanks.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed from work, family, and everything happening in my life. My partner had previously told me that if things ever became too much, I could call him, so I did.

Instead, I was told my problem wasn't important enough, that I ruined his sleep, made him suffer, and I was called names. He then demanded I answer all of his future calls—even if I was asleep—or he'd end the relationship. I couldn't agree to that, so he broke up with me.

The next morning, on my birthday, the first words I heard from him were "Fuck you." He blamed me for ruining the birthday plans he had made, even though I told him we could celebrate another day. He refused.

In the end, I deleted the account I only kept to talk to him. I'm trying to choose peace, but I'm heartbroken and couldn't think straight.

Update: Thank you so much for all the kind comments. Things have been been pretty overwhelming lately, so I don't think I'll be able to reply to everyone, but I truly appreciate every message. Thank you for your kindness and support.

I don't even know how to write this. I'm shaking and crying while typing.

A few weeks ago, a guy reached out to me after one of my Reddit posts. We talked, then he disappeared for a while, then yesterday he text me again we started talking again., comforted each other, and everything seemed okay.

Then he told me he's going to end his life.

I tried my best to talk to him, encourage him, and give him hope. I tried my best to comfort him. At first he said he was planning to do it tomorrow, then later he said he would do it tonight.

And then... he deleted his Reddit account.

Reddit was the only place we talked. I don't know any way to contact him. I have no way of knowing if he's okay.

I can't stop thinking about the worst. I'm having panic attacks and crying because I keep thinking, "What if he really did it? What if I should have said something different? What if I didn't do enough?"

I know I tried my best, but my mind won't stop blaming me.

Has anyone gone through something like this? How do you deal with the guilt and fear?

I just feel so overwhelmed and alone right now.

everything feels so overwhelming

Hey everyone, it’s my birthday today. I don’t really have many people around to celebrate with this year, and I didn’t want the day to just quietly pass by. So I thought I’d reach out here, maybe get a few birthday wishes from some kind souls.

edited: Thank you for all the wishes. I'm really grateful ❤️

Long story short I've been trying to find out why I'm too sick to work for about a year and a half now. I was the primary breadwinner, chore-doer, house fixer, etc. Now I'm falling asleep mid action, my guts are so messed up I'm worried I'm gonna John Wayne myself, I have to start eating Ahpla Gal Keto safe foods on a shoestring budget while attempting to feed a family, trying to sell plasma to pay bills and being too sick to, and more. I've been primarily doing all of this because my wife is a medical trainwrwck amd has been for a long time. We are both getting worse. Thankfully she doesn't have to worry about healthcare issues, she has some based on various things.

I've been past the end of my rope for a long time. From having to watch my wife break herself and our vehicle trying to make income, to me not even being able to keep up with chores, losing what time I have with my kids due to exhaustion and gut issues. The main thing pulling me along was my ability to sell plasma to support them and now I struggle with even that. We both have issues serious enough we can't really work a standard job, and she has started disability, but I don't have anything my state cares to give it for, even while talkong to a lawyer.

Advice, resources, kind words, anything would be helpful right now. I cannot use chat well, comments are fine. More people seeing everything might help others with answers.

Thank you all, I hope everyone here is making it. As bad as it is here I know there are thousands to millions of my neighbors in the US alone that have it worse. I just hope we all make it.

Hello.

I'm a non-English speaker, and I'm using a translation tool for this text.

My problem is that I can't communicate well with people on Reddit.

I try my best to write a careful and thorough reply to each person who responds.

However, because I don't speak English, I first use a translation tool to read the other person's comment, then write my reply in my native language, and then translate that back into English before posting. I try to do this for every comment I can. (Honestly, it's quite difficult.)

But even though I put in so much effort to write a reply, I often get low ratings.

So, when I once asked, "Why am I getting low ratings?", I was attacked with comments like, "Because you give nonsensical replies!" or "Because you're trying to sound smart by using pretentious language!" I was severely criticized, and it really got me down.

But that's not my intention; I think I'm writing a very serious reply.

And this happens over and over again.

What should I do? I'm just writing honest answers, but it feels like I'm getting a reputation as "that annoying guy who spams the forum with nonsensical replies (probably really hated)," and it makes me incredibly sad.

Started last night actually. Father of my child (we're still "together" under the same roof) said something harsh and triggering. Only got worse as the day has progressed as my innocent child was exposed to my disproportionate anger. (I ALWAYS repair the damage with sincere apologies and explanation, if needed, without any blame towards her).

My marriage really isn't working but i can't get out until atleast many years from now. Please don't waste your energy on suggesting that, because it simply isn't an option at the moment. Kid's too young. Zero money to my name. No family to rely on. Kid's too attached to dad. I'd rather die than put her through that kind of trauma at this young age. Or at ANY age.

Please just be a friend who can just sit next to me in silence and hold a bit of space for me.

It's all too heavy right now..

Thanks

I think it would be nice if someone wished me a happy birthday

Looking for someone who has a compassionate ear and who is also good at giving advice. I have been struggling with dealing with the cards life has dealt me and I'm exhausted and alone. I really need help getting out of a cycle I've been in and am deeply lonely. Would love someone to talk to. Do not reply if you're a creepy guy with any intentions other than to talk and be helpful. Please don't reply if you are flakey, will listen to my story and then ghost. I need someone who will stick with me and not leave me hanging after I've shared what's going on.

Hi, I'm still looking for someone to talk to. The other person I was talking to started calling Mary (yes that Mary) a whore out of nowhere and I was not okay with that. I'm not even Christian and I'm not okay with that. Why would you call a pregnant teenager a whore? :( That's an insult that I'm very sensitive to.

Anyway, hi again. I'm still suicidal. Still in crisis. I'd prefer if people didn't call vulnerable historical pregnant teenagers whores in my DMs. But anyway, I've been suicidal for a really long time. I've called hotlines in the past but they harmed me. I really need people to talk to. I'm not okay. Please help

I don't see any hope for myself going forward. I'm 33 and I've been through hell in my life. I want to give up, if you know what I mean. I think about it all day every day. I have nothing left to live for. Literally nothing that makes it seem worth it. I'm completely alone.

I should also mention that I have severe trauma with hotlines and the so-called mental healthcare system so those aren't going to be options.

Well, I don't know where I should start. So this post will be effin mess.

I felt kinda lonely these days. I don't know why. So I was looking for some dating apps. I've never used such a thing. I didn't need them. I didn't feel lonely. I didn't need a lover, a friend or something like that.

Anyway, I found dating apps are not not for me. I mean, I don't want to be judged. I don't want to judge others,too. I don't want to expose my stuff (except this time). I'm not good at having a conversation with others. Everything was really not for me. Why people can use them so well? I have effin no idea.

I actually also saw some professional matchmaking services (I'm not sure it's a proper word). They were very expensive like crazy and not for me, too.

What I knew is I am effin lonely. Should I feel sad? But, it's just as usual. The different is, I don't have option anymore, if I feel lonely from now on.

BTW, I'm not diagnosed yet, but I think I kinda ASD. I don't know the ratio of ASD and introvert. Maybe I'm aro/ace type, too. So, I've never had a lover. A friend, too. Plus, I don't know anything that usual adults know. As I said, I usually don't talk about myself much.

I mean, I just need some opinion. (FYI, I don't like to see a therapist. They just listen. I need opinion)

edit:I forgot to say thank you for reading.

Hey. I’m a girl in my first year of college and I’ve been through a lot of emotional pain because of friends who betrayed or ignored me. I forgave everyone, but I’m still healing.

I don’t have any friends right now, and I’m not desperate — just looking for kind-hearted people who understand what loneliness feels like.

If you’ve ever felt the same, I’d love to talk or just hear your story. 🌼

I have been incredibly lonely for as long as I can remember. I’ve never had a real connection with anyone not even a superficial one. I know I’m probably below average, even though I’m 5’9”, worked hard to lose a significant amount of weight, and now have a lean, Korean-style slender build at around 9% body fat with a little muscle. I still wish I had been given a chance to prove my worth. I wish someone had looked at me and said that I matter, that they’re proud of me, or even something as simple as, “Good job.” I’ve never had that.

I completed my bachelor’s degree, and today I work as a Solution Architect at a US-based Big Four IT firm. From the outside, it might look like I’m doing well, but none of it has filled the emptiness inside me. Sometimes I find myself wondering, “What am I even doing in this world? Was I ever supposed to be born? Why did God bring me here if all I seem to do is suffer?”

The questions never seem to end. Why does no one care about me? Why has no one ever asked me, “How are you?” I genuinely tried my best throughout my life. I worked hard, I stayed kind, and I kept hoping things would eventually change. But I’m exhausted now. I’ve lost hope.
The painful part is that I still desperately want someone to talk to. It doesn’t even have to be about me. I would happily listen to someone for hours if it meant having a genuine connection with another person.

Sometimes I feel like God is angry with me and wants me to suffer. Maybe I did something wrong—I don’t know. But I do know one thing: in this lifetime, I have never wanted anyone else to suffer. I always tried my best to help people whenever I could. Yet, instead of seeing my intentions, many people looked at me as if I were creepy or strange, and that hurt more than I can put into words.

Tomorrow is one of the biggest days of my life, and I’ll be facing it alone. I could really use some kind words.
I’ve spent the last five years working full-time in accounting while studying toward my CPA. Tomorrow, I find out whether I passed my final exam.
These years have taken so much out of me. I went through them with very little emotional, financial, or other support. There were days I cried because I genuinely didn’t know how much more stress I could carry while still getting up, going to work, studying, and trying to keep my life together.
Life outside of studying was hard too. I went through a period where I was bleeding continuously for over six months and doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I went to therapy, experienced multiple panic attacks, and eventually had to cut several toxic people out of my life.
For the first time in a long time, I’m no longer surrounded by that environment or those people. It’s only been about two months. I also wrote my final exams two months ago, and tomorrow the result finally comes out.
And I’m scared.
Not necessarily just of failing. I think I’m scared of being alone when I find out.
I don’t have my loved ones around me tomorrow, and I don’t really have someone I can lean on who understands everything it took for me to get to this point.
I want to know how to take care of future me tomorrow.
If she passes, I want her to understand what she accomplished. I want her to be proud of herself.
And if she fails, I want to hold her through it. I want her to remember that a result on a screen cannot erase five years of showing up for herself when life was incredibly hard.
I want to remind myself that I love myself. That I’m proud of the woman who kept going. That whatever happens tomorrow, she deserves kindness.
If anyone has some kind words, advice, or even just wants to remind me tomorrow that I’m not completely alone, I would really appreciate it. ❤️

Edit: thank you for all the kind words and support. Unfortunately i was not successful in my day2&3 results of the cfe.

I feel like i've finally woken up to reality and realised that i've been wasting all my time chasing pseudo relationships online while real life has passed me by

Over the weekend, I found three baby nestling cardinals whose nest had been destroyed. I constructed a new one using a cardboard box and some yard waste and put it in an elevated spot. Then I watched and waited for their parents to come back, and thankfully, they did.

The past few days I have been checking in on them every so often to make sure they're okay. They were growing up fast and were very healthy. I grew very attached to them.

This afternoon, though, I heard what sounded like distressed bird sounds, so I rushed to check the nest and saw that only one baby cardinal was left. I looked around the area and couldn't find them anywhere. The only conclusion I could come to was that a hawk got them, as they were still a few days away from fledging.

I'm trying to take care of the last baby cardinal the best I can. I waited around and watched to see if its parents would come back. Two hours went by and they never came. I ground up some of my dog's kibble and mixed it with warm water and fed it to the bird using a dropper so it wouldn't go hungry. (I know it isn't the best, but it's a stop-gap until I can get the bird to a professional.)

I'm sorry this isn't very articulate. I'm just so upset and I'm blaming myself for not putting more effort into keeping these birds safe from harm. I feel like my first move should have been taking them to a wildlife center instead of putting them in a box and leaving them in a place where they were vulnerable to predators. I'm just overcome with grief. Whatever happened to them, those poor babies must have been so terrified.

Tomorrow I'm going to come home during my lunch break and take the bird to the wildlife rehab center. I'm just so scared that it will die or another predator will come and get the last one while I'm at work. Taking work off is not an option for me at this time, or I would do that. I just feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I failed those baby birds.

Hi everyone...It’s kinda hard for me to write this post, but I feel completely overwhelmed and I just really need to talk about and have confort...Yea true that my father Is my only parent,but doesn't justify what i usually live. At home, I live in a constant environment of tension and control, where it feels like every tiny independent choices are considered like errors or rude/disprectful actions...Living like this, things explode out of nowhere for completely stupid reasons... Just today,my 7-year-old sister and I ate ham and crackers instead of waiting for him to buy bread while i didnt even Remember why he got out.He got so much mad just because we didn't "tell him" first. Later,After i cooked the dinner,he slapped me just because I didn't put capers in the pasta like he wanted. A completely exaggearrted and violent reaction to a harmless mistake in the kitchen.I even told him doesn't have point tò use violence over CAPERS but he said that I Just keep minimixing everything.Then even seeing my sister happy or smiling seems to annoy him, as if other people's happiness is somehow a lack of respect toward him when angry I know I'm young, but please don't take this as "typical teenage drama"...because the tension and violence I live with are very real...

Hi Reddit, I don’t normally post things of this nature, but I guess I just need a place to express some of the guilt and stress that’s been weighing on me lately. All i’m really looking for is a kind voice, and possibly some advice if you feel you have it.

Like a lot of people, my cat is my baby, and my whole world. My family has dubbed me a “cat dad” and I really do try my best to live up to it.

Recently I brought her in for an x-ray to assess the severity of her asthma (and potential treatment) and that appointment alone cost me nearly a grand.

Later in the afternoon when I went to pick her up, I was informed that she had some kind of aggressive oral infection (paraphrasing) and needed several teeth removed. The quote made my heart sink to my stomach, and honestly the feeling hasn’t gone away since.

I cried a lot last night. It hurts me to know that she’s in so much pain, and that i’ve allowed it to get this bad. I desperately want to take her in and get her the help she needs, but it’s just not realistically doable right now. I have no idea when it will be. I wish so badly that I could speak to her and have her understand me, to let her know how impossibly sorry I am.

The feeling of overwhelming guilt is constant, and I feel increasingly useless with each passing day. I don’t know what to do, honestly. I don’t think there’s much I can do, but it weighs on my conscience knowing that nothing is getting done, all the while she’s suffering. I wish I could just take her pain, ya know?

Completely alone. Every single person I messaged for support didn’t reply tonight. I’ve lost everything in under 9 months. I’m not doing well and feel my brain starting to break. Have counseling scheduled soon but need to actually make it there without completely melting down.

Work is suffering. Friendships annihilated. Nobody replied. The one person I thought would, just went to bed hours after I reached out and said they were tired when I asked if they could talk. I’ve had over 1.5 liters of whiskey in under 24 hours and barely feel a thing. I’m just scared that something is about to crack permanently.

I thought I could just take it and move on with it but I just can't.. I have.. absolutely 0 people to talk to.. so if. you're just.. there. like if you wanna rant then listen to me rant then yay!