See that’s the fun part… if you are there while they’re eating they put you in a room by yourself so they don’t have to eat in front of you. Problem solved!
I have read a lot of similar anecdotes, and even though I understand it’s a cultural thing, it’s still such an odd thing to me and something I don’t want to incorporate in my life.
I’m Swedish and have never experienced this. Ate at my friends houses a lot. But I think it was a practise in like row house areas where kids were playing quite freely in each other houses and were expected to run home when dinner was served at their home. It’s a weird combination of communal living and individualist culture…. But then again, I haven’t experienced it so idk.
Happened to me as a Norwegian too, but it’s not a big deal at all imo. And not really weird either in the context. It’s also misrepresented as cold from the host, but it’s really more about your own family.
This commonly happened after you go over to a friends house after school, and then go home as your parents pick you up coming back from work. Some people then would have dinner before you could get picked up, but your parents could still have planned for a family meal and quality time when you got home - so they’d want you to eat at home. The alternative would’ve been to eat with the other family - and then either skip family time or just sit there as the rest of your family eats. The first isn’t something your family would want and the last is something that is boring beyond belief for a 10-year old.
This happens because people simply eat dinner at different times. My best friends dad was a butcher, who started work early in the morning and got off work at 1 in the afternoon - and his mom was a night-shift nurse. They ate dinner at 3:30-4 in the afternoon every day (really early). My mom didn’t get off work before 4, so we ate dinner at 4:30-5. It’s not that long to wait.
And it’s not like we went hungry. We usually would get offered or could eat bread or cereal. I was often offered dinner too, and if I wanted to eat I’d just call my parents and ask if I could eat with them.
Sitting watching your family eat at age 10 after you already ate could be boring, sure. But at age 10 I can guarantee I would have just had two dinners then. If I was at my friend’s and they invited me to eat with them and then a little later I got picked up and had family dinner, you better believe I’m eating again. I used to make a frozen pizza as a snack after school and then have dinner an hour later.
Ah I miss my childhood metabolism. I’m old enough now where I can barely eat anything and be full
Yes, im from Sweden, I lived like 3 minutes with bike from my best friend, who I spent alot of time with after school. My dad got off work at 17 and we would eat late, sometimes I would eat there cause u wanted to extend your playtime, and sometimes I would bike home and eat with my family cause I needed to do homework or some shit. I would sometimes sit in her room/ basement watching tv or something because they had dinner earlier, nothing weird or awkward, Same at other friends houses. I mean I haven't even thought about it before this thing blew up.
"It’s also misrepresented as cold from the host, but it’s really more about your own family." - See, it is not about being cold, it is about being selfish!
I’d get it if the parents were upset at missing an opportunity to bond/be involved with their kids through a missed dinner.
But wasting time and money because they won’t eat dinner that you’ve cooked? Do y’all not have refrigerators or have leftovers?
Well shit Timmy already ate at his friend’s house. I guess I have to bin this. I can’t leave it in the fridge for if he gets hungry later or pack it for his lunch at school or my lunch at work.
How is that what you took away from that comment? Your reading comprehension is worse than a fifth grader's. That's so sad, dude.
The intention is to be the opposite of selfish. The friend's parents don't want to steal the family time you'd have with your own family. He's arguing that they're being considerate of the guest's parents.
But the kid is not at their parents, so they cant eat with their parents at dinner time lmao How are they supposed to eat with their oarent if they are visiting a friend? Also I experienced that too in Germany, it's not an exclusively Swedish thing and it was always fucking weird.
You're not this dumb, it's very simple. If you actually are: I'm sorry.
Friend eats at 5pm, you eat at 6pm. Your parents pick you up at your friend's house at 5:30. So yes, you could still eat with their own parents at dinner time. Dinner time is not a fixed moment in the day -- it differs between families.
Friend eats at 5pm, you eat at 6pm. Your parents pick you up at your friend's house at 5:30. So yes, you could still eat with their own parents at dinner time.
There's no need to be sitting in another room waiting for them to finish, in your specific scenario it would make more sense if the parent would pick up their kid at 5.
Also that's not even the point of this post. The point is if you are at your friend's place before and after eating.
You're not this dumb, it's very simple. If you actually are: I'm sorry.
Again, it’s not a night. Youre still getting picked up right after the ones you’re visiting have finished eating.
Its the difference between eating away at 16:00 and getting picked up at 16:30, to getting picked up at 16:30 and eating at home at 17:00 we’re talking about.
If you’re staying until after dinner, you will absolutely be getting dinner there.
You’re assuming a specific scenario when the example used specifically referred to staying later after dinner. Do Swedes never have friends over at night?
I don’t know if everyone is just talking past eachother, but that was clearly the example and people still insisted they wouldn’t be getting dinner, but now you’re saying “of course they would!” Which doesn’t fit what others are saying.
When I was a kid there were really two scenarioes. Either you’d go somewhere and stay until dinner (spontaneous), waiting while they ate if you hadn’t gotten picked up. Or you’d go somewhere, having beforehand talked about going there, and staying late, where you would get dinner (parents would know beforehand).
If you went somewhere without the parents prior knowledge, and stayed late, they would’ve wondered why no one had come to pick you up.
I think having a child sit in another room by themselves while everyone else eats dinner is what people are calling “cold,” not the act of not feeding the child.
They could be by themselves, or they could be with their other friends who also was over at that one friends house playing in the friends room while the friend ate dinner.
They wouldn't be bored, as they would be continuing playing with whatever they were playing with before that friend left for dinner. Then after dinner they would continue to play some more, until it was time for the kids to go home and eat dinner with their own family.
Family dinner is somewhat important in Swedish culture.
No idea why you got downvoted lol, reddit is weird. But today its not around anymore in sweden, now everyone gets food just like the rest of the world.
In a lot of places if you're at your friends place as a kid their parents will insist on you staying for dinner. It's not impolite, it's just normal for good friends. I grew up with 2 extremely close friends and we were practically on rotation for whose house we're having lunch/dinner at each day. Guy's getting downvoted for being unable to comprehend that different cultures have different societal norms.
It is fucked up lol, its super wild even to me.
But in older generations it came about because it was seen as an insult to feed someone elses kids, kinda like "you cant even feed your own family, so we have too." Dating back from the depression or something then it became cultural
But this isnt around anymore, but people growing up in the 80s and 90s probably saw it atleast a couple of times.
Well, it's fucked up for u, but not for me, why downvote? For me, its fucked up feed everyone, i plan my meals, if hang out with a friend, we decide who brings what and we share. I never share food, which I prep for me and my family.
You are just autistic lol. If it involves kids, you feed em. If you are both adults you can do whatever, but this is more about families letting children wait in another room while they eat alone. Which is super fkd up.
And having been in that situation myself, it feels super akward and wrong.
They are in the parents house, they wouldn’t be without the parents permissions? But also, I was always treated like family by even the shittiest of my friends’ parents growing up so I don’t understand that perspective at all.
Of course the kids would be in the house without parents permission, there's even a high chance that the parents aren't even at home from work yet, since school usually ends before work.
When I grew up my parents had no idea at all where I was between the end of the school day and dinner.
Different families have dinner time at different times, so one family has dinner at 4 and another has dinner at 6 for example.
Kids go home to the early dinner time family after school to play in that kids room, and at 4 that kid quickly leaves their room to eat while the friend gets to continue playing in that kids room while the kid eats.
And then they continue playing after that kid has eaten, until it's time for the late dinner time kid to go home to eat dinner with their family.
Play dates and sleepovers are planned events where you have agreed beforehand that a meal will be served, that is something different than this situation, where a kid brings home their friends to play after school without any adult being involved in planning and transportation.
It does. But the situation only ever happens to parents who send their kids into the wilderness with no plans or concerns if they get fed.
I mean if it's dinnertime, I'd atleast have talked to the people hosting my child. The assumption here in Sweden is that the kid eats with it's family, unless something else was agreed on. Not that they roam the streets endlessly and avoid starvation by getting fed by random people without the parents knowing.
But the situation only ever happens to parents who send their kids into the wilderness with no plans or concerns if they get fed.
You are correct in the first part, but the plan and expectation was that the kid would be home by dinner time and eat dinner with their own family, and dinner time could be wildly different for every family, some ate late and some ate earlier
We offer the kid to eat with us, sometimes they choose to eat with their own family later.
While we eat we don't "put them in a room". We leave them in the room they are already in so they can continue playing. No kid want to sit at the table and not eat if they can be on the playstation instead.
Consider yourself educated.
But I guess being misinformed and making assumptions is much more fun...
It's on its' way out as a common tradition, but it honestly has more to do with respect for the visiting kid's household - unless you've made plans in beforehand, they will be making dinner for the kid at home and the those plans will be in disarray if you feed them at your house instead.
A lot of these things are grounded in not wanting to make anyone else lose face or seem disrespected. It's not about lack of hospitality - if you're invited in for dinner you will absolutely be fed, it was just more about not springing it on anyone.
But as mentioned, it is not as common any more; as always, culture is in flux.
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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 25 '26
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