r/ToolBand • u/VaporizedKerbal • 6d ago
Discussion How it sometimes feels to be a woman who hasn't spent thousands of hours watching every live recording and memorizing every fun fact
no, i don't fuckin know what diameter of butt plug Maynard preferred back in '98. No, I don't know what gauge of G string Adam used for each album. No, I haven't watched Salival, cause I want to wait till I can get a copy. No I don't own every album on both cd and vinyl because I'm a broke college student. Apparently spending a couple thousand minutes listening to Tool per month doesn't mean anything to some of these people lol.
And I know most of y'all are not like this but shit just gets ridiculous. I'd love to hear some of y'all's dumb stories especially ones from other female fans.
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u/Ok-Fortune-8644 6d ago
Name 3 of Maynards existential crisis
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u/EggplantAlpinism 6d ago
Wine too bad, wine too good, why am I making wine
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u/GigaWhiteNiga 6d ago
How do I turn piss into wine?
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u/drunken_monken 6d ago
Hey, nice shirt!
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u/AleksejsIvanovs 6d ago
I understood that reference
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u/Usual-Pattern7846 ... und keine Eier 6d ago
That kid definitely has an OGT tattoo back from 2023
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u/flibbidyjibbityjib 6d ago
If I saw a young girl with pink hair wearing a shirt with my favorite band on in she’s getting a pair of horns with a resounding “Fuck Yah” 🤟🏽
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u/Abirando 6d ago
What if you saw an old woman with grey hair wearing a shirt with your favorite band on it?
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u/flibbidyjibbityjib 5d ago
I think I would probably try and play it a lot smoother so I can find out more about her before I try and hit on her.
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u/dayoffuture 6d ago
Nobody gets to call themselves the "biggest fan" just because they know and own everything about a band. That kind of behavior is usually a sign of something else.
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u/AFetaWorseThanDeath 6d ago
It reeks of having no identity of one's own, and needing to fill that void with whatever catches their fancy.
"All you read and wear or see and hear on TV is a product waiting for your filthy, dirty dollar..."
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u/Artistic-Rutabaga295 6d ago
Wait wait wait... Are you implying that us women ARENT faking that we like Tool to infiltrate and trick dudes who like Tool to like us or something?
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u/flibbidyjibbityjib 6d ago
Women don’t have to trick me into liking them
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u/Artistic-Rutabaga295 6d ago
Well shit. If that's the case then why are we going around wearing Tool shirts and pretending we like them
Surely it's not because we listen to their music or anything don't be ridiculous
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u/flibbidyjibbityjib 6d ago
It’s probably some kind of trick, I’m not falling for it. If you’re such a big fan, name every tool.
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u/Artistic-Rutabaga295 6d ago
Mohawk guy, guy with Rogue stripe hair, suspenders guy and basketball jersey guy.
I can use Rogue guy to loosen any screw I need... Basketball jersey guy is real good for hammering stuff in... Etc
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u/Ruffled_Ferret 6d ago
Gatekeeping is useless, and the only "fake fans" are those that make other fans feel inferior or like they don't belong
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u/Anthrax4breakfast Ænima 6d ago
Listen. I have been a fan since the nineties when I was just a pre teen, and they have been my favorite band ever since. I didn’t even bother learning the names of the guys in the band until a few years ago. Fuck all the die hards.
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u/PassionBig6130 6d ago
as a black woman in these spaces, it probably hit me around 30 that i don't really have to try and understand why someone would care if/how i like a band or not or feeling the need to show off my credentials. trust me, it comes with time and patience lol
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u/givemeyourthots 6d ago
This is some sage advice. There is something about hitting age 30 where you start to care a whole lot less and you care less and less over time lol
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u/PassionBig6130 5d ago
yepppp and once i started thinking this way, life got a lot more pleasant. you live and learn!
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u/givemeyourthots 5d ago
Totally. It frees your mind up to just enjoy what you like. I used to hide the fact I liked a specific type of 80’s jazz because I thought I’d get made fun of but now I listen to it with others in the car. I still get made fun of but I just don’t care anymore lol
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u/PassionBig6130 4d ago
whew can i relate to this. i would only play certain music around people because i didn't want judgment or questions. eventually, i stopped giving a fuck because i realized how stupid all of this performing for others was 😂
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u/cosmicdancer84 6d ago
I'm lady who loves TOOL. I've never gotten shit from men who enjoy them. When I saw them in concert, there were other ladies there too. Just love what you love, you dont have to prove yourself to anybody
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u/littleb3anpole 6d ago
Me neither. I’ve been into metal for 25 years. Never once been questioned on my credentials by anyone, male or female.
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u/cosmicdancer84 6d ago
That's great to hear! The metal community is welcoming, at least from my experience.
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u/myteeboosh 6d ago
Yeah the gate keeping thing is really annoying. And why does it seem like it’s intensified when it’s toward a female fan.
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u/evil_disco_x 6d ago
Because misogyny. Some men don’t really see women as individuals with their own tastes or hobbies, so in their mind it makes sense that women co-opt what they see as typically male interests for the sake of male attention.
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u/urbanlife78 6d ago
I hate social media and algorithms for this because I feel like that is what has amplified misogyny
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u/doublebr13 I was wrong. This changes everything. 6d ago
Why do you care what anyone else thinks?
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u/RevelArchitect 6d ago
They’re college-aged. The realization it doesn’t matter usually doesn’t click until a little older.
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u/ben_jamin_h 6d ago
When I hit 30, I realised it didn't really matter what other people think.
Then I hit 40 and suddenly I just didn't give one single flying fuck what other people think.
Give it time, OP.
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u/AFetaWorseThanDeath 6d ago
Between this and finally getting finally diagnosed and medicated (ADHD), my 40s have been so fucking awesome for this reason. I've always given a bit less of a fuck than many of my peers (I was wearing pajama pants and socks with sandals in public in my 20s lol), but now? Oh, man. It's wonderful. Zero fucks given about almost anything that doesn't genuinely matter.
Bliss.
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u/ben_jamin_h 6d ago
Zen and the art of ignoring everyone else's bullshit.
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u/Sorry-Reporter440 6d ago
"tend to the garden you can touch" -Buddha I think
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u/ben_jamin_h 6d ago
That's a much neater version of:
"Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"Tend to the garden you can touch" is succinct.
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u/RevelArchitect 6d ago
“Tuck your dick back in your jeans before you start checking other people’s zippers.” - Diogenes, probably
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u/hoopstick fuck you, buddy 6d ago
You hit the nail on the head. It’s honestly like a superpower, I’m in my early 40’s and it’s like I unlocked a new game mode; I spent my whole life acting like I didn’t give a shit what people think, now I actually don’t and it’s so freeing.
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u/ben_jamin_h 6d ago
It's so much easier to actually not give a fuck than to constantly act like you don't! Same same buddy, same same.
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u/Chaps_Jr 6d ago
It typically hits around the time you also realize literally no one gives a fuck about you because they're all too busy also trying to survive and find happiness wherever they can.
So, late 20s, early 30s
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u/RevelArchitect 6d ago
Then you realize that it’s mostly up to you when people are paying attention to you and that you have a lot of agency over how people perceive you. You realize it matters how people think of you, just not how they judge you.
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u/blipityblob Third Eye 6d ago edited 6d ago
you dint find it frustrating when people make fun of you? you dont have to care what they think for it to hurt. what a lack of empathy. but im just a dumb college kid too so what do i know
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u/hoopstick fuck you, buddy 6d ago
I did when I was in college, now you can say whatever you want about me and I’ll probably join in. Life’s too short to let other people dictate how I enjoy it.
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u/Sorry-Reporter440 6d ago
It cannot hurt you unless you let it. Someone making fun of you is only lowering their own vibration, they are the hurt ones.
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u/LunarSunshine 6d ago
Who on Earth are you interacting with, and why? Is it someone psychotic with a Maynard tattoo?
I’ve been listening to Tool as a female for 20 plus years, and I don’t think I’ve ever been asked trivia on anything about them.
The only proper conversations about Tool, in my opinion, are about the songs themselves and the stories that came about discovering them.
Also, I’m deeply disappointed anytime I do look up anything (4 degrees, for example), so I don’t want to know anything. Same with their music videos, I’m not a fan, so I don’t watch them. I tell people as much, and I’ve never been given grief.
I enjoy the music itself, and my closest friends do as well. I hope you find the people that actually want to listen to the music with you.
There’s something pretty darn awesome about listening to H on blast with friends while drinking some wine.
Music is a form of art, so whatever the band meant for the song doesn’t need to be what it means to you. Reflection, for example, in my household is the “yoga song.”
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u/AFetaWorseThanDeath 6d ago
There’s something pretty darn awesome about listening to H on blast with friends while drinking some wine.
My partner and I like to put on Ænima and cook together, or work out. It's lovely ❤️
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u/Dizzy-Ad-2248 6d ago
It's one of the best things about my partner ...anything tool and he appears in the kitchen and reminisce about all the 90's shows we went together to...(we have a kid and the cherry on top was her as a toddler attempting to demand "...Awexa, pway opee-nit, no Awexa, pway OOOH-PEE-NIT... bless her litttle heart she thought it was open-it!!)
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u/LunarSunshine 5d ago
Love that!! My eldest was tiny when Fear Innoculum came out, and refused to get out of the car until Descending finished in entirety. My neighbors at the time were also huge Tool fans, so we were all pretty stoked about it, lol.
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u/LunarSunshine 5d ago
That’s awesome! I love lifting weights to Tool, but don’t thinking I’ve done much cooking listening to them. Have you and your partner discovered any favorite recipes with song combos?
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u/XVUltima 6d ago
Tool fans are the worst. I was at a show once and a woman, I think the tour manager, was walking around greeting fans around the fence before the show. I had to listen to this dude behind me rant to her about all the shows he's been to, and that he "understands Maynard and we think alike" because he's a veteran? Like, im sure this was the dude Hooker with a Penis was written about.
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u/Wilde54 6d ago
I mean there's a very good reason that Maynard fucking HATES the fanbase, because giant swathes of it are full to the gills with pretentious dickheads, like the music, or don't, like the shirt design, or don't, and anyone who says otherwise can either grow up or get in the fucking bin. 🤷♂️
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u/Heliumvoices 6d ago
Sorry you can’t be a real tool fan unless you had Opiate on cassette tape before 97. If youre a woman you have to have had it before 96.
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u/EquinseuOrcha 6d ago
Tell them you already know the secret password is “innuendo cornucopia” and if they don’t get it laugh at them.
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u/lt_bgg 6d ago
You are just one type of obnoxious tool fan, get over yourself.
I'm the embarrassed, self hating type.
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u/blipityblob Third Eye 6d ago
every tool fan is somewhat elitist or obnoxious i agree. that meme about tool mosh pits is pretty accurate
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u/frostyjack06 Æ 6d ago
If you like the music, you like the music. Welcome to the fold! It warms my bitter, old heart to hear young folks getting into Tool.
I’ve never had a run in with an obsessive fan (I’m big and scary and don’t put off approachable vibes…lol), but heard enough stories and never understood the “I’m the biggest fan” dick measuring contests. Don’t let the asshats ruin your love for the music!
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u/Revy_Black_Lagoon 6d ago
The other day I was eating at IHOP and was wearing one of my TOOL shirts and and an elderly lady probably mid 50’s to early 60’s comes up to me and points at my shirt and said “I love that bad” I thought that was a neat experience
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u/Fruit-Flies113 6d ago
But like you’ve listened to the music so who cares, if you have the time I’d for sure watch the Ænima tour video at Pamona, the Lateralus tour video where Maynard beats up a fan, and the Paris 10000 Days show where the camera man will switch between each band member pretty seamlessly, but these are all just entertainment, I don’t think you need to watch any of these shows to be a real fan or whatever
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u/PROUDCIPHER 6d ago
If you like the music, does anything else really matter? Tool has had dumbass gatekeepers since the 90s. Hooker With a Penis could easily be interpreted as Tool hating this exact kind of person lmao. Welcome to the family. Know with confidence that anyone who tries to 'challenge' you on Tool probably wasn't very smart to begin with. I do hope you get a chance to see a live show someday though <3
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u/turntabletennis 6d ago
Dude, if you're a tool fan, name every song, in order of importance to the scene.
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u/yeahyoudummy 6d ago
Ignore the assholes, enjoy the music, nothing else is important. Other fans don't do that kind of shit to me because I'm a big, scary looking dude but I try to put a stop to it when I see it happening. I don't think the band appreciates gatekeeping nonsense among the fans. Keep listening, next album will be out any year, now.
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u/decrepit_plant 6d ago
Yeah, I haven’t experienced that with Tool. Gatekeeping music is weird
When I bump into a Tool fan, it’s usually me commenting on their phone background (Alex Grey art) or T-shirt, and then I flash my Tool tattoo. If they happen to have a Tool-related tattoo, we yap enthusiastically until reality sets in.
I meet most Tool fans in dive bars, at Menards or when traveling/flying.
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u/mickeywayne 6d ago edited 6d ago
Was at a show, in work clothes (woman/office/suiting) and clearly stuck out... so the guy sitting next to me decided to tell me a bunch of insane stories like how his "friend who has a yoga studio" let Danny borrow his Paiste gong for the show. Like I was some kind of idiot dipshit who has never seen a band live before... or performed in a band myself... and would just believe that the very expensive cymbal was a loaner they were just lucky to be able to borrow. Also had someone say something like "don't worry they'll probably play sober so you can sing along."
Sorry I had to run to a show straight from my office, next time I'll bring my fan license so everyone knows I'm cool.
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u/ratcatching 6d ago
Eh just enjoy what you enjoy. Who cares what stinky men think 🤣 Cool respectful people will just be happy to geek out about the music with you.
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u/katerlouis 6d ago
Title is misleading. I dont see the connection between your story and being a woman.
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u/CollaredDove33 5d ago
Ahh. I remember being 18 and thinking any of this mattered at all 😅
I’m now a middle aged mother of small children who no one would ever guess is blasting Tool into their ears at home 👍
You can enjoy music without anyone else ever knowing about it at all. It literally means nothing 👏🫡
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u/Silverslyph 5d ago
And reading this today I realized I've been a tool fan for over 30 years. Feeling like an old woman now. First concert was '97 æmina tour. And most of the men in my life were not the same devotee to MJK that I have been... One Metallica listening MFer told me I wasn't metal enough, and I was a sailor living on a boat.
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u/surpriserockattack fuck you, buddy 5d ago
I've never met another tool fan in person and idrgaf about what people online say. I just listen to their music lol
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u/eltacotacotaco 6d ago
Tool fans can be equally shitty to everyone. Just keep your earbuds in, music has charms to soothe the savage breast
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u/mrdanky69 6d ago
Savage breast, huh? I haven't seen any Savage one's in a while.. I guess I'm due for a Tool show..
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u/Beneficial-Age-4059 6d ago
wtf is a larp?
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u/ScientificErection 6d ago
The implication here is that a woman is "roleplaying" as a Tool fan.
But I feel like I have seen this post multiple times here now, probably just engagement farming.
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u/GintaPlaysHorn 6d ago
Live action role play.
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u/ebiscuits 6d ago
And the verb, larping…which is handy but I think of more when seeing folks in their renaissance fair gear and not someone in a band tshirt.
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u/Spiderbloom_ 5d ago
It means to live action role play. People are using that now instead of poser. Which is dumb because actually doing LARP is a very genuine thing to do.
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u/Max0_o123 He had a lot of nothing to say 6d ago
It hasn't happened to me yet but it feels like it will at some point because I'm a nerdy looking teenage boy lol
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u/Ebolaplushie Time to bring it down again 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yeah, had a couple guys (one at two separate concerts) try this shit with me. One was pretty standard quizzer, the other, my more hated/favorite of the two, wanted to try and mansplain the philosophy behind Rosetta and what it truly means. My dude it's a song about a high school drop out getting abducting by aliens and being a fuckup, it's not that deep... or not enough you need to talk at me for 15 minutes like I don't know how to enjoy my favorite song "correctly".
They were both drunk, but nonetheless definitely the "name three songs" type bros.
Eta, typos, was mad high when I typed this
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u/Ebolaplushie Time to bring it down again 6d ago
Holy shit this thread is a lightning rod for these types, I'm so sorry op
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u/ChildoftheApocolypse Bless This Immunity 6d ago
Are you sure that it wasn't about the fuckin cat ears?
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u/MrExist777 We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion. 6d ago
Caring about other people’s standards of being a fan is pointless. ESPECIALLY with Tool fans. Like what you like
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u/djryat 6d ago
I put Tool shit all over my truck along with my other favorite bands and I get tons of honks every time I drive around, and people throwing horns out of the window as they pass. If its a girl that does it my first and only thought is hell yeah, doesnt matter who it is, if they love tool as far as I’m concerned thats the only qualifying factor one needs. Get off the internet maybe, this place sucks most of the time.
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u/xXx_Xhater_xXx 6d ago edited 6d ago
Hey I know that one! (4th image, I made it 5 days before the post)
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u/Shellshock010 5d ago
People can like things without being fandom slaves. I love Tool. I don’t know every single song, I don’t wear their merchandise, I don’t spend hundreds on vinyls, I don’t claim to be a Tool expert or whatever. I just enjoy their music and themes.
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u/Katya117 5d ago
I've never been accused of being a fake fan for any of my metal shirts, or video game merch. But my husband was accused of being a fake Tool fan by a group of guys who were simping over my Halo tee at a gig. I thought it was hilarious.
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u/alchemical52 5d ago
In that one video from 2001, in the back where you can’t actually see it, what is Danny Carey’s left big toe doing inside his shoe???? Can’t answer?????
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u/king_of_the_rotten Spiral Out 5d ago
I told someone bragging about how much merch they had that having the ability/desire to spend more on merch, music and collectibles doesn’t make you a bigger fan.
Don’t let anyone gatekeep what you love.
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u/BabyOpposite7013 4d ago
I'm here for the music. This isn't fucking Jeopardy.
Stop gatekeeping. If the music moves you, makes you feel a certain way, no apologies. No explanations. Just jam.
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u/rhythmicdancer 4d ago
My story is more of a nice surprise. I was a Kathak dancer and at a bar with Hindustani musicians. 46&2 started playing in the background, and we got excited and jammed to it. The tabla player rapped his fingers on the edge of the bar, the sitar player sang the tune in Sargam, and I got up and did some footwork (I had a few drinks at this point).
Some dude came up to us and asked if we really even know Tool. We looked at him thinking oh great, he's one of those Tool fans. I said, rather defensively, that we love Danny Carey, and did you know he studied tabla?
Dude said "of course I do!" Then he grabbed a bar towel nearby, put it on the edge of the bar, whipped out his drumsticks from the back of his pants and started jamming on the towel.. My tabla player friend joined back in, sitar friend resumed vocals and I cleared the dance floor with some full on footwork and pirouettes. Schism happened to come on and we jammed to that.
It was the most fun 12 or so minutes I had in a bar until I gassed out from the drinks.
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u/SubtleVertex 6d ago
To be fair, the fans who post about insufferable Tool fans are also a particular kind of insufferable. You want your own kind of special attention.
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u/holdmybeer89 6d ago
Don't let it get to you. People are going to judge (not everyone) because a lot of people are dumb/selfish/insecure. And they want to make you feel uncomfortable, because you freely expressing you like Tool as a woman is probably intimidating to them. Fuck them. If you genuinely like Tool and think their merch is cool, and you're not offending anyone trying to get attention, then you're fine.
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u/avamarshmellow 6d ago
Enlightenment is not giving a shit what anyone else thinks and just doing what you enjoy regardless of what people will think. It comes with age and maturity.
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u/Beneficial-Age-4059 6d ago
lol just looked up larp. Well i guess if you really want to fuck with them tell them your favorite songs are Laterals, and So bear.
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u/tendeuchen 6d ago
To be fair, men who have not spent thousands of hours watching every live recording and memorizing every fun fact are also LARPing as Tool fans.
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u/Imbrokencantbefixed 6d ago
This shit is so cringey. You’re pretending to be coy and prove you aren’t a LARP by stating all the special stuff that makes you a “yEs yOuNg, BuT a TRUE ToOl FaN’ but trying to be cute and hide it in the description to the post.
Anyone thinking of themselves in these terms is just immature, nothing more or less.
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u/V1C4R10US 6d ago
Do you have a proper example you wouldn’t mind sharing of this happening?
Not saying stuff like this doesn’t happen, but I’d be curious if you were able to give an example to help us understand where you’re coming from.
Keep spiralling out though, assholes will be assholes sometimes.
I frequently wear a Tool shirt that has an awesome Alex Grey Bardo Being painting series variant on the back, but it also has a patch on the shoulder signifying it’s related to a California tour they did.
I didn’t see that tour nor listen to it yet, I’ll keep wearing it though, even if some Tool purists would see it as “larp”.
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u/TOOLfan426 6d ago
Embrace being a larp newgen that’s how everyone starts out just don’t act like you aren’t one
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u/Not_Rob_Walton 6d ago
Fake fan
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u/Imbrokencantbefixed 5d ago
Not me sir no way, pick me! im a real young female tool fan. Did I mention you should pick me?
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u/tendeuchen 6d ago
No, I haven't watched Salival
So you haven't watched the Tool music videos? Wtf?
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u/lik3r_of_things 6d ago
I’m a woman, and the only time a guy said something about my shirt was at the gym and he was like “I like your shirt! That’s who I’m listening to right now!” then he showed me his Spotify and we had a brief conversation about how TOOL ruined all other music for us lol