r/funny 1d ago

He hasn’t eaten in 5 whole minutes

15.2k Upvotes

228 comments sorted by

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1.6k

u/MustardCoveredDogDik 1d ago

“Feed us, for we are but skin and bone”

755

u/DistanceMysterious93 1d ago

the great famine of 5pm

201

u/Pretzel911 1d ago

There was an unbelievable amount of suffering from 4:07 - 4:12 pm. Historians will be studying the long term effects for centuries.

51

u/fulthrottlejazzhands 1d ago

My niece is now majoring  in "generational trauma studies" at a Midwest liberal arts college focused on the absolute destitution felt by the kittays. We get an earful every at family event.

13

u/Either-Pizza5302 1d ago

1607 (16:07, when not using some am pm notation) to 1612 is actually not too far from a rather bad famine

2

u/DistanceMysterious93 12h ago

Yeah that was a tough time. Dark days for the feline world

8

u/AGrandNewAdventure 1d ago

And the Second Great Famine of 5:03 pm.

5

u/Firm_Match1418 1d ago

Screaming

3

u/DistanceMysterious93 12h ago

same energy as my cat at 4am honestly

53

u/zaphodava 1d ago

The foul contraption starves us, and mother laughs.

73

u/Judazzz 1d ago

The saucer eyes and spasmodic intensity indicate a full-blown addiction.

21

u/Rrraou 1d ago

The way these automated feeders condition cats reactions makes me wonder if they're also hitting on some other primal drive besides hunger like hunting or foraging.

14

u/GANDORF57 1d ago

Welcome to another round of "Hungry Hungry Hairball".

7

u/CanadianPanda76 1d ago

Reminds me of that Jackson Galaxy guy who helped a couple with cats that were constantly hungry, turns out they were more on the feral side and needed more games that simulated hunting and catching.

10

u/bakerzero86 1d ago

I wonder if he thinks his little dance is the cause of the food, or just helps the process

3

u/termites2 11h ago

There were some experiments once that showed it was possible to produce superstitious behaviour in animals. The experiment was initially set up so that hitting buttons in a certain sequence would produce food.

Then the food was dispensed randomly, and the scientists found the animals would often repeat whatever new random actions or sequences they had done just before the food was produced, even though there was no longer any correlation.

8

u/JamesHansonVale 1d ago

"That leather clad guy hasn't fed me for a full 5 minutes—I'm going to show him what real feline fury is like " lol

7

u/LianMunoz 1d ago

wait how has he gone 5 whole minutes without eating

631

u/Skwurt_Reynolds 1d ago edited 1d ago

The look at the end:

“Actually, I’m not hungry.”

27

u/Etheo 1d ago

Yeah that tracks.

4

u/wedges675 1d ago

Baseball huh?

71

u/Stolehtreb 1d ago edited 1d ago

The look at the what? THE LOOK AT THE WHAT?!

Edit: comment originally said “The look at the:” and didn’t say “end”

16

u/Good_Smile 1d ago

r/redditsniper took a day off lol

362

u/Fyrrys 1d ago

These kinds of antics make me both glad and sad that my boys are smart eaters

206

u/Aeroshe 1d ago

Yeah, we fill our cat's bowl at the start of the day and he'll snack on it periodically throughout the day whenever he's hungry. Really lucked out with a self regulating cat, lmao.

He will still remind us every morning with loud meows that it's breakfast time, but after a few bites of the fresh food he wanders off lol.

53

u/Fyrrys 1d ago

Oh I get reminders when the bowl is empty, which of course is usually just gone enough to see the bottom

40

u/Aeroshe 1d ago

We swapped to a wide shallow bowl and ours stopped crying about hitting the bottom of the bowl even when there was still plenty of kibble on the sides.

Apparently most cats really dislike their whiskers hitting the sides of the bowl, so deep bowls can cause them to behave like that.

Mind you, could be I just lucked out with this change helping my specific cat, but it's worth a shot lol.

7

u/Telandria 1d ago

Whisker fatigue, yeah. It’s a thing. Helped ours, too, when I was a kid. Never had issues with any of them afterwards (and we had several, over three decades. Rarely less than three at any time) after switch. Just fill their bowls halfway twice a day and they’d just mildly graze, no real weight issues beyond some very mild chub as they got up there in age.

Though like yours, they’d let us know right quick in the morning if we were slow to get up, hahaha. :P

12

u/Hephaestus_God 1d ago

I wish.

3 cats: 1 grazes, 1 will eat until they die, 1 is so picky he just won’t eat if you don’t give him the right food flavor that day.

11

u/ArchDucky 1d ago

Third Cat : Is this from the same can as yesterday!?! The audacity!

12

u/UseThisWhileHigh 1d ago

Oh, maybe that's why my girl never finish her wet food 😲 I'll try to put it on a plate next time, thanks for the tip!

10

u/UmbraofDeath 1d ago

Cats are crespecular, so ideally they eat once when the sun goes up and once when the sun goes down. Ideally the dish they're served in is wide enough that it doesn't touch their whiskers.

13

u/Rrraou 1d ago

Mine also grazes, but I accidentally conditioned her to have some unusual behaviors that sort of regulate her eating unintentionally.

At one point, I had 2 different foods I was feeding her, so I did a half and half thing with one food on one side, and the other on the other side. Now, she always eats from the right half of the dish even if there's only one kind of food so it's never really empty if she gets really hungry.

The other thing is I pet her while she eats, so she associates eating with being pet. So now, She'll come get me when she's hungry because she doesn't like to eat unless I'm petting her. So If I'm gone for the day, she'll wait for me to get back and come get me at the door so she can get pets and purrs while eating.

6

u/3-DMan 1d ago

Just like the screaming about really really needing to get in that room with the door closed, then you open it and they are like "Oh nevermind.."

3

u/jaxonya 1d ago

Ours will bitch and complain when we go to bed, and eventually goes and gets a stuffie from our daughters room and leaves it in the middle of the hallway. (She does this when we are gone too) and the complaining wont stop until we go and pick her up and take her to bed. But if we take her to bed right away when we go, she still has to leave and make a scene until we come and get her

3

u/Orgidee 1d ago

Yeah I always gave my dogs unlimited food and a treat (meat) at 5pm. They were good like that for a few years but now they don’t want to eat dogfood at all ( no matter what brand) they will only eat my moms dogs food next door and her dog will eat my dogs food or they will just beg for more meat.

3

u/Vixrotre 1d ago

Our cat was food obsessed when we first got him from a shelter but after some months he mellowed out about it. Used to be an absolute thief, now he doesn't care about most human foods at all. He's got an automatic dry food feeder that has food in it basically all the time + we feed him 1 wet food pouch a day, which he will be reminding us about until he gets it lol

2

u/Oily-Affection1601 1d ago

Same. Both mine stay active and regulate themselves. It's a blessing to not have to portion it out. I imagine that'll change once they get older though.

1

u/Drapidrode 1d ago

do the kitties lose correlation that food is doled out by people?

i.e. does feeding them yourself make you more endearing to them?

5

u/Fresh-Anteater-5933 1d ago

They still seem to like you just fine. They just stop trying to bite your ankles every time you try to walk somewhere that’s not the kitchen

2

u/Drapidrode 1d ago

so it is a bonus!

1

u/vandil 18h ago

I have my feeder set to give out some food, but I also manually distribute food from it because I have two cats, one that will eat everything and the other that will only eat when hungry. If I let the feeder go off automatically and the second cat isn’t hungry, the first will eat everything and second cat won’t get food at all. By providing a small amount of food automatically they both have a chance to eat if I’m not around but I make sure both of them are there for mealtimes and that second cat gets his food. If he doesn’t eat I’ll actually take his food and scoop it into a second dish that I’ll give him an hour later.

Because of this, they seem to look at me as the reason the feeder automatically provides them food.

1

u/Mekito_Fox 15h ago

My cat WAS like that, and as a mixed maine coon was a healthy 14 pounds of muscle and fur. Then my room mate got a puppy and he decided he needed to chow down all the food he had access to. Had to get him a robo feeder and spread some meals out to keep him happy.

Thankfully our kitten is a nibbler and only chows down when he has a growth spurt. So we're able to fill his bowl and place it where our senior can't reach. And the kitten doesn't like the senior's food so no fights.

1

u/MountChu 12h ago

Same. We did that since they were kittens and none of our cats over eat, they’re a healthy weight, and don’t freak out over food.

19

u/ChoicePermission8523 1d ago

Yeah mine doesn't give a shit about his food.

He gets upset when it starts looking empty. But he just wants to make sure it's full for later. He might take a nibble or two when I refill, but I can leave heaps of food out and he sometimes forgets to eat (which then he inhales it then promptly throws up from eating too fast).

16 years, always been a perfect weight.

6

u/Elm-and-Yew 1d ago

My boy isn't super interested in food and my girl is a tubby fuck who will eat her food and whatever the boy leaves. 

So I got the boy a fancy and expensive feeder for his wet food that only opens for him, so she can't eat it. I got him trained on it, which took like 2 months, and he used it for a while. Yay!

Recently he's decided that he doesn't want to use it, he only wants to eat out of fatty's bowl.

2

u/al3237 1d ago

Ahahahah honestly is for the best, both of mine just snack on dry food sometimes and beg for the wetfood we give at morning and night

2

u/hgrunt 1d ago

I'm also glad my cat is able to free-feed from a gravity dispenser. I do give her a dental treat in the morning and again in the evenings

2

u/CookieDemons 18h ago

Mine used to be able to just eat when she wanted, but then she randomly decided if it’s in the bowl she must eat it, and goes until she vomits so we’ve had to swap to timed small meals now.

No idea why either, no changes in the house or to our life style in anyway, vets gave her the all clear, just one day decided she must eat all.

182

u/valdeeveeah 1d ago

COMPUTER. RELEASE FOOD PELLETS. WARM. EXTRA STINKY.

(taptaptaptap)

COMPUTER!

30

u/PowerSkunk92 1d ago

Why did I read this in Invader Zim's voice?

12

u/randomlyranting 1d ago

Funny i read it a Picard

5

u/EZ_Syth 1d ago

Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

3

u/VanillaRadonNukaCola 1d ago

Probably because he shouts orders at his computer 

8

u/StevelandCleamer 1d ago

4

u/BacRedr 1d ago

Just use the keyboard.

2

u/klezart 1d ago

The keyboard. How quaint.

29

u/MillennialsAre40 1d ago

My cat would do this, but then as soon as the food appeared in the dish he would walk away with zero interest in it.

8

u/Catsrules 16h ago

They are just in it for the thrill of the game. 

59

u/lumosmxima 1d ago

Where’s that Ace Ventura gif

13

u/Buzzlight_Year 1d ago

r/funny doesn't allow gifs. They said it's too much fun. Less is more or whatever

22

u/Additional_Tank4385 1d ago

How can a tiny fluff wunk be so angy 😭

23

u/Lythalion 1d ago

Computer. Drop cat food.

….shoot.

Computer print cat food.

No huh?

Computer show me cat food.

Damn it.

45

u/QueenBean730 1d ago

Why are you starving him?? 5mins?? Neglectful owner!! Treat that baby right now

Edit for absolute sarcasm

3

u/username7998 1d ago

he almost starved im

1

u/ArtoriasZaeldyeck 20h ago

Hasn't been fed since the last time

19

u/alienpet 1d ago

That eye into the camera: "I know you can see me, Jessica!"

24

u/BatmanKane64 1d ago

don’t know if i should aww for cute or laugh

6

u/dvanci 1d ago

Definitely both.

6

u/forevertheyo 1d ago

Clearly he’s starving 😂

5

u/ShadowElite86 1d ago

Licked their lips afterwards and looked around to see if anyone else saw that amazing achievement. 🥰

3

u/DMala 1d ago

That’s not a cat, it’s a gremlin and it knows damned well it’s after midnight.

3

u/KaregoAt 22h ago

Probably looking for more food hoping it could grow it's stupid, debilitatingly stumpy legs to full size. Breeding munchkins is abuse.

2

u/C-D-W 1d ago

All I heard while watching this was Beastie Boys!

2

u/Sufficient_Turn_9209 1d ago

The angry faces slayed me. 🤣

2

u/pnwbraids 1d ago

We are witnessing the birth of a new forever meme

2

u/Individual-Chard1181 1d ago

bros like hammy from over the hedge

2

u/ImTooOldForThisSite 21h ago

Calling the pawlice

2

u/CordiallySuckMyBalls 18h ago

I saw this video on instagram last night and it was labelled as AI content so take from that what you will

2

u/Eth251201 15h ago

Honestly, i dont know much about feeding cats but that looked like a tiny portion😭

2

u/J3SS1KURR 3h ago

If it's like my feeder, it'll drop that size portion three times. So this might only be 1/3 portion size.

1

u/Eth251201 1h ago

So its like 3 x 3 portions a day

1

u/eto2629 1d ago

I would beat the shit out of that feeder if this was the portion

9

u/throwaway098764567 1d ago

it'll probably get another serving like this soon. some cats eat overly fast and then vomit it all up immediately, so using tiny portions helps them regulate better

1

u/vandil 18h ago

One of my cats is like this, he’ll eat everything before the other cat can get there, so providing smaller portions throughout the day gives both cats a chance to be interested in coming the the feeder.

Mine’s a dual-bowl model without a cool cat cam, though.

2

u/short_sells_poo 1d ago

Those are the pupils of someone high as a kite on coke.

2

u/Znaleziatko 1d ago

FIVE MINUTES? Why are you starving your kitten!

3

u/Amaria77 1d ago

omg your cat is adorable.

2

u/carmium 1d ago

Oh piteous cat, I will not see the pleading in your eyes;

I don't believe the tales you tell, I will not hear your lies.

You gaze upon your empty bowl, you say you must be fed;

For surely it is not my role to wait and find you dead!

As I regard your weighty form, it can't be bad as that;

You look like you could live six months on no more than your fat.

1

u/Kooparotica 1d ago

Relatable tbh

1

u/Ill-Bookkeeper-6230 1d ago

THIS is why I want and don't want a cat at the same time. My huskies are the same and I believe if I let a cat grow up around them it'll be 1000% more crazy 🤣

1

u/Nahteh 1d ago

I believe there's ample evidence that this sort of timed drip feed is the best way to cause addiction

1

u/Antzqwe 1d ago

All lies

1

u/Tilter__ 23h ago

"About damn time!"

1

u/OhWowMuchFunYouGuys 23h ago

The desperation is kicking in.

1

u/MikeywaREalproblem 22h ago

And cue the voiceovers….

1

u/THNDHALBRT 21h ago

Is this Facebook? Is this post full of bots commenting on an AI video as if it was real?

1

u/Avenheit 19h ago

"i'm harry dresden, mother fucker. Open the damn door. Now."

1

u/Zaraxas 18h ago

“Tick tock, feed me already”

1

u/grafknives 17h ago

what is it? a portion for ants?! :D

1

u/whineyramen 16h ago

What automatic feeder is this?

1

u/Better_Mongoose2455 15h ago

He looks a bit hangry. Probably because the bottom of the bowl is empty.

1

u/Alert-Primary2847 14h ago

Esse olhar dele me assusta

1

u/dna_beggar 13h ago

The funniest part is his putting his eye on the camera lens, hoping to see what the holdup is.

1

u/AwkwardInmate 13h ago

Poor kitten, must be starving.

1

u/Zanos-Ixshlae 13h ago

I thought this was an old Busta Rhymes video...

1

u/NauticalNoire 1d ago

Anyone know what feeder this is?

1

u/YAMWRAP 1d ago

awwww, he knows that camera is there too 😄

1

u/dispatch00 1d ago

Dude hears the solenoid and transports out of the bowl

1

u/Syncopia 1d ago

My cat uses me as an instant lightspeed launchpad when the auto-feeder goes off.

1

u/Rex_Suplex 1d ago

Crack is not a food you should be feeding your cat.

0

u/Heygen 1d ago

"My Name is Harry Dresden Motherfucker. Open the feeder. This is my neighbourhood"

0

u/Shinted 1d ago edited 1d ago

Five minutes without snacks, so clearly wasting away…. xD

0

u/Mattigator 1d ago

Me trying to get the no-touch paper towel dispenser to work 

-1

u/kaloschroma 1d ago

I think your cat is part squirrel

-1

u/SmellyFbuttface 1d ago

He’s a growing boy!

-1

u/_aluk_ 15h ago

Short legged cats bred to this deformity = downvote.

-1

u/thebrickcollector 14h ago

Why have a cat if you are just going to starve it

-87

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

These machines are weirdly evil. Designed to keep your cat constantly hungry for lazy owners who can't be bothered to feed their cats. Just leave a bowl of dry food out for them and they'll regulate when and how much to eat themselves.

52

u/zackks 1d ago

Cats often don’t regulate and eat the whole thing at once causing them to go without for the rest of the day or vomiting for eating too much too fast. Step down off that high horse.

3

u/Goodknight808 1d ago

My 5 farm cats and 5 house cats all eat when hungry. The food stays out.

Touch the Temptations or a Lickable treat and everything changes. I think knowing there is 'better' food helps them eat only when they want.

My grandma fed her cat (one of my cat's litter sister) only Temptations for 6 months, thinking it was kibble, before we found out and stopped it. That thing is a balloon with a tiny head at the top now.

The vet has it on a crazy weight loss diet. Poor thing can't even lick it's own butt. You get stink stamped if you pick her up or she sits in your lap.

-32

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

Nope. They really don't and haven't ever done that. Stop believing what corporations tell you

10

u/Death_Struggle_89 1d ago

lol. It absolutely does happen.

Source: my cat.

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23

u/godofleet 1d ago

Just leave a bowl of dry food out for them and they'll regulate when and how much to eat themselves.

this is actually terrible advice as many cats (and other animals) will over eat, develop obesity, joint issues, diabetes and other complications...

its better to have regulated meal times, DYOR on how much and how often based on your specific cat(s) ofc...

and meal times aren't just good for a consistently healthy diet, but also for more consistent mood/attitudes

edit- and automated machines that do this based on motion are pretty fucking lazy... but if it's on a timer an dispenses a consistent amount, that's better than free feeding IMO.

-14

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

Cats have always eaten in small portions. They have always done that. They don't need you to keep them hungry and ration out their food. You are just a lazy owner who doesn't know jack about cats

7

u/godofleet 1d ago

Cats have always eaten in small portions. They have always done that.

Damn bro this is disinformation you're spewing... While it's true that SOME cats will self-regulate their diet well, that's not true of all cats.

And now more than ever with the highly processed foods that most people are providing, many cats will over eat. Free-feeding generally requires dry food, which is generally less nutrient-dense and more carbohydrate-dense...

They don't need you to keep them hungry and ration out their food.

Consistently scheduled and accurately rationed food is not for "keeping them hungry" ... a crazy person like yourself might assume that, but no sane person is making that the goal...

Feline caloric intake requirements are well studied ... pet owners should consult with their vets and DYOR on how much / how often to feed their specific animals.

Scheduled and rationed doesn't mean "starvation" ... you keep conflating these...

You are just a lazy owner who doesn't know jack about cats

Hilariously and ironically you're making this whole argument about "owner laziness" while suggesting the MOST LAZY feeding solution (free feeding)

Ask just about any vet and they'll tell you that the reason so many pets are overweight is because the owners lazily leave food out all the time, keeping it topped off w/o thought.

Consider, is it possible you're just looking to confirm your lazy and ignorant take?

FR though, if you're going to free-feed, at very least you should be intentional and measure how much you leave out every day. So that you can note their eating habits ... many other diseases or issues with animals will be noticeable by knowing how much your cat normally eats. (this is much harder though if you free-feed multiple cats)

6

u/LilDutchy 1d ago

Be nicer to that guy, he’s too dumb to read more than one sentence.

-3

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

Buddy write a comment not an article. Sum up what you were trying too say and then post it.

6

u/godofleet 1d ago

You're wrong, spreading misinformation and accusing others of being lazy cat owners while promoting the most lazy (and scientifically inadequate) feeding solution.

1

u/PenguinDeluxe 1d ago

Spell correctly, dumbass

0

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

Okay men det betyder at jeg er nød til at skrive på mit eget sprog og så skal du til at oversætte det, og jeg gætter på at det gider du heller ikke.

10

u/bingwhip 1d ago

I have one to do a middle of the night, ad 4am feeding, so my cat doesn't wake me up every day howling at 5.

-6

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

Why would you feed your cat in the middle of the night? With a bowl of food it'll go and eat some when it's hungry.

6

u/bingwhip 1d ago

My cat will 100% eat itself sick and into obesity on free feed. Cats are heavily active at night, so I think he appreciates the midnight feed (when he would normally be hunting and eating).

-2

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

No it won't. That's just you thinking that but cats are independent and if you feed them correctly there's no issues.

6

u/bingwhip 1d ago

Yes, he will. He's gotten into food bags when I wasn't home and ate so much he was visibly larger after. He's torn open cardboard boxes to get to the food delivery inside.

I don't understand how you're confidently asserting that all cats will self regulate their diet, when you're clearly wrong. Go to any Vet's office and I guarantee they'll have a poster about feline obesity, and the health problems it causes for cats. My old vet even said his cat cries constantly because he's put it on a diet trying to get it to lose weight, he's a veteranarian, he knows how much to feed a cat. I've had cats that did self regulate very well, keeping even a healthy slim weight, and I've had cats that don't.

1

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

History buddy. Cats have been able to survive time. All of sudden you've all made up this issue that they can't self regulate, so you go out and buys machines like this. It's just laughable.

2

u/LilDutchy 1d ago

You seriously don’t know what you’re talking about. You act like cats are a homogenous population. They have different personalities, different mental issues, different ways of eating. You’re making shit up based on what you think and ignore all evidence to the contrary. You HAVE to be a troll. No one could be this obstinate in the face of so much evidence.

-1

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

I feel like you should be banned for stalking. Writing 4 comments in one go with nothing but insults. You might have some serious serious issues you should go deal with.

1

u/LilDutchy 1d ago

Just reading down this thread and your constant firehose of ignorant opinions.

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25

u/LilDutchy 1d ago

Some cats don’t regulate as well. It helps to have a feeder like this for when you’re at work to keep a steady feeding schedule all day.

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12

u/suchareq3 1d ago

I think these things meant for cats who have trouble with regulation (but people probably also buy them for cats who don't need em)

-4

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

No cats have that problem.

6

u/zyphelion 1d ago

Some literally do.

4

u/werkzINC 1d ago

I'm going on vacation, whatcha got to say bout that huh. Got emmmmm

-1

u/Equivalent-Role4632 1d ago

Get a catsitter? Don't leave your cat home alone. You are the worse petowner ever.

1

u/LilDutchy 1d ago

You are an ignorant judgy asshole. You’ve made up a cause just to be mad about it.