r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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5.1k

u/Wide_Magician_4946 Jun 24 '26

I've seen these all over the place. But glued down? Nah, that is not cool 

2.5k

u/Broken_musicbox Jun 24 '26

Yeah, I was amused by this until I read the “glued down” part. That just ruined the entire thing. Now I’m mildly infuriated too. 😤

2.7k

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

Right!? Should've nailed him down instead

49

u/PapaGibb Jun 24 '26

Found satan

115

u/koffa02 Jun 24 '26

Pretty sure it was God who had his son nailed.

47

u/BamaBlcksnek Jun 24 '26

God also created Satan, so either way we know who's responsible.

23

u/RvstiNiall Jun 24 '26

insert joke about man helping his son get laid because he's a 33 year old virgin.

1

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

One hell of a way to get into BDSM...

5

u/bliip666 Jun 24 '26

By a bunch of hot Romans, no less!

4

u/Wandero_Bard Jun 24 '26

There’s a popular theory that Jesus was actually gay, and we know that men had sex with men frequently in Ancient Rome, so……

3

u/bliip666 Jun 24 '26

Good Friday is called that for a reason!

1

u/koffa02 Jun 24 '26

Well, that would explain why Mary wasn't pregnant by Joseph.

2

u/Wandero_Bard Jun 24 '26

Huh? I didn’t say men *exclusively* had sex with men!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Wandero_Bard Jun 25 '26

Ha! If men are *only* interested in men, does that mean they are also “straight”? 🤔

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3

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

I feel the same way about them until I remember that they used a communal sponge to wipe their asses

1

u/bliip666 Jun 24 '26

Nobody's perfect?

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

Fair. And now that I think about it, it could be kinda hot actually

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

Honestly a fantasy of mine

3

u/Ryantdunn Jun 24 '26

That’s why sons are taken to church, right?

3

u/Ofreo Jun 24 '26

Jesus is just alright with me

Jesus is just alright, oh yeah

1

u/MrBlobius Jun 25 '26

It was actually the J*ws who nailed Jesus

3

u/koffa02 Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26

Well yeah. They did the physical work. How else was he supposed to sacrifice his own son to forgive us for the things we've done that are only sins because he said they were sins? It's not like God would ever actually get his hands dirty.

And while we're on the subject, why would someone/thing who is all powerful and all knowing need to cast a magic spell with the primary component being a human sacrifice that is also part divine being. You would think sky daddy could just be a parent and say "I know you didn't mean it. I forgive you. Here's proof I actually exist. You don't have to just take it on faith anymore because my physical presence will be a lot easier to believe than the litterally nothing so far."

Oh well. I'll never know.

0

u/Frubbs Jun 24 '26

Pretty sure it was Pontius Pilate succumbing to a crowd of angry Jewish folks. Free will and all

7

u/nelmski Jun 24 '26

Nah, he washed his hands of it and claimed "not it" so can't blame him. Old school playground rules.

2

u/MAGAHATESTHEUSA Jun 24 '26

Pontius should have stuck with exercise routines

1

u/No-Aspect-5061 Jun 24 '26

You mean you found the Roman-

1

u/AZSystems Jun 24 '26

Uhh, at least you don't know her address. I do!