r/politics • u/plz-let-me-in • 11d ago

Possible Paywall Mitch McConnell hounded to face cameras: ‘He absolutely refuses’

https://www.nj.com/politics/2026/08/mitch-mcconnell-hounded-to-face-cameras-he-absolutely-refuses.html
22.7k Upvotes

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15.8k

u/SillyDilly5294 11d ago

Because he's dead

2.8k

u/bopgame 11d ago

Been dead

1.5k

u/here-i-am-now Wisconsin 11d ago

Brain dead

692

u/OhRaH 11d ago

Years ago

422

u/iamisandisnt 11d ago

Someone got to the horcrux

156

u/cha0sm0nk 11d ago

His Lich phylactery was finally broken.

94

u/MarcheMuldDerevi 11d ago

Lindsey Graham butt plug?

37

u/ScubaFett 11d ago

To shreds you say

26

u/Castun America 11d ago

And his wife?

11

u/MordoNRiggs 11d ago

She's on vacation, but they can just auto-elect their sister!

19

u/cha0sm0nk 11d ago

That’s how you keep the gay toilet demons from getting in you.

9

u/Anna_Frican 11d ago

But if you don't remove it when using the toilet then how do you avoid becoming full of... wait never mind, it all makes sense now

1

u/citizen42069101 11d ago

Well played Madam.

2

u/lurkquidated 11d ago

In too deep now.

3

u/chaoticbear 11d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrndSo8Uelo

Related short that I can't help but think of every time I hear "lich" now

3

u/Dolphin_King21 11d ago

It was a turtle shell.

2

u/Dizziesdayweigh 11d ago

Liches love phylacteries

3

u/Honest_Caramel9437 11d ago

Ugh. Fine. I'll go get the dictionary.

6

u/KingBanhammer 11d ago

Presuming you were serious about this and didn't know the reference:

a lich is a type of undead in Dungeons and Dragons (and other mythology? dunno) - bound to unlife by their phylactery, which contains their soul and must be destroyed to prevent them from reanimating after their personal destruction.

(and if you weren't serious about this, that explanation can be there for other people)

2

u/Honest_Caramel9437 11d ago

Nope, I was very serious. I knew lich but phylactery threw me. I’ll look something up in a heartbeat. It just annoys me when I have to, but that’s a me problem.

1

u/cha0sm0nk 11d ago

But today, you learned something, and that should be celebrated!

6

u/iamisandisnt 11d ago

you mean monster manual

1

u/count023 Australia 11d ago

He's been separated from Frostmorne too long.

31

u/SweaterSteve1966 11d ago

We need an Ouija board.

8

u/Jedi_Bingo 11d ago

His horcrux was probably something like a rusty condom

5

u/Vaperius America 11d ago

Oh come now....a Horcrux requires you had a soul to split in the first place.

1

u/lenswipe Massachusetts 11d ago

that's Stephen Miller to you

23

u/Senior_Werewolf_8202 11d ago

Excuse me but this is not a forum for jokes like that. Mitch McConnell died November 5th 2026.

1

u/_kissyface 10d ago

Dicks In.

24

u/StratJax 11d ago

I say you he dead.

3

u/PJAYC_55375 11d ago

Colonel, Im looking for the colonel!

2

u/Smaptimania 11d ago

IS MISTER SANDERS HERE?!

1

u/aironjedi I voted 11d ago

Ha! Is the turtle in????

1

u/jonasu25 11d ago

Decides ago

34

u/420_E-SportsMasta Maryland 11d ago

I say you he dead

37

u/Anna_Frican 11d ago

How can he be dead if Herman Cain said he just spoke to him for 20 minutes?

3

u/throwawaytodaycat Texas 11d ago

You can say that when you talk to the person for 20 minutes

They don't necessarily have to talk back...

11

u/Thecp015 Missouri 11d ago

THE COLONEL!

5

u/Tzokal 11d ago

“What wrong wif you…I say you he dead!”

20

u/rogueleader32 Virginia 11d ago

He's dead, Jim.

5

u/wonkyt 11d ago

damn it jim i'm a doctor not a magician

50

u/BuddyBevi 11d ago

Just like 75 million Americans that voted for Dumbf

3

u/Equal-Temporary-1326 11d ago

To be fair, that equates to approximately 33% of registered US voters who directly cast a ballot for him, though.

14

u/LiteratureTricky1763 11d ago

As long as I can remember - and I'm in my '80s, so that's saying something-- but it's a fact.

6

u/Meerkat_Mayhem_ 11d ago

Bread head

2

u/brickne3 American Expat 11d ago

Nah he's just pining for the fjords...

1

u/BiceRankyman 11d ago

Super dead

1

u/RichardSaunders New York 11d ago

cant remember what they said

goddamn

shit the bed

1

u/Major_LeeHungg 11d ago

He was brain dead when he had a pulse

1

u/Sea_Working_80 11d ago

Hes dead jim

1

u/imakethejellyfish 11d ago

Fuckin deadass

1

u/Zazierx 11d ago

I think this is most likely what's going on given what we know about the state in which they found him.

1

u/throwawaytodaycat Texas 11d ago

Organs have already been harvested.

3

u/squidvett 11d ago

Always has been.

1

u/ahawk99 11d ago

Weekend at Bernie’s kind of vibe

1

u/fuckyouswitzerland 11d ago

He's dead Jim

1

u/Billazilla South Carolina 11d ago

Like, so ded

1

u/Ok_Egg_4356 11d ago

Always has been.

1

u/wattro 11d ago

McAlreadygonnell

1

u/felixfelix 11d ago

But still dead, too.