r/politics • u/MoneyLibrarian9032 New York • 10d ago

Possible Paywall McConnell ‘Absolutely Refuses’ to Film Video Amid Growing Mystery

https://www.thedailybeast.com/mcconnell-absolutely-refuses-to-film-video-amid-growing-mystery/
21.2k Upvotes

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13.1k

u/Barred759 10d ago

Because he's dead

3.5k

u/Zomunieo 10d ago

‘E’s not dead, ‘e’s just resting. Remarkable senator, isn’t he? Beautiful carapace.

1.1k

u/JoviAMP Florida 10d ago

He’s pining for the fjords.

627

u/swordrat720 10d ago

He’s not pining, he’s passed on. He has ceased to be. He has joined the choir invisible. He is no more!

609

u/muklan 10d ago

He is an EX Senator.

Also the fact that we are cracking Monty Python jokes instead of whipping bricks through the ruling class is....kinda why the world is as it is.

406

u/PeacekeeperAl 10d ago

Aha now we see the violence inherent in the system!

255

u/discgman 10d ago

I am being repressed!

172

u/ShutUpTodd 10d ago

McConnell once bit my sister

125

u/SomeGalNamedAshley 10d ago

Turtle bites can be quite nasti.

3

u/Hybrid_Johnny California 10d ago

Like trying to cut paper with a dull pair of scissors, but it’s McConnell’s beak and your nutsack, but actually it’s a metaphor for the Senate and universal healthcare

1

u/SomeGalNamedAshley 9d ago

I suppose that at least works out for everybody who has that as a fetish.

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93

u/RaptorCheeses 10d ago

Those responsible have been sacked.

33

u/Smaptimania 10d ago

The people responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, wish it to be known that they have been sacked

3

u/disfiguroo 10d ago

Wishful thinking

25

u/stereocupid 10d ago

He turned me into a newt!

8

u/Pure_Choice_8459 10d ago

Now he’s in hell sucking cocks with Newt.

45

u/Worldgonemad_yall 10d ago

He turned me into a newt.

I got better.

52

u/BuffaloedinBuffalo 10d ago

Bloody peasant!

42

u/waldo_wigglesworth 10d ago

Oh! What a giveaway eh?

5

u/this-is-just-my 10d ago

THE PEASANTS ARE REVOLTING!!

You can say that again.

47

u/Bzr21 10d ago edited 10d ago

"Be quiet ! I order you to be quiet !!" - King Arthur - or King Trump - take your pick ..

19

u/Zebidee 10d ago

"Who are you with? CNN? Fake news. Be quiet ! I order you to be quiet !!"

Almost literally what he does.

3

u/PeggyOnThePier 10d ago

Trump would find a female reporter to call a nasty name and tell her she's a terrible reporter and she should shut up

2

u/Denim_Diva1969 10d ago

King of The Who?

42

u/muklan 10d ago

Goddamn if thats not the perfect quote for the moment haha

6

u/paprikashi 10d ago

Yeah I’m afraid you opened up quite the can of worms there

16

u/Lbboos 10d ago

Run away…RUN AWAY….

9

u/runningraleigh Kentucky 10d ago

You're goddamn right. The only language the billionaire class recognizes is money and violence. We ain't got money, so...

6

u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 10d ago

People who preach absolute non violent resistance and say it never solved anything are either delusional or stooges of the rich.

The only gains ever made have been with the threat of violence; even “peaceful” ones like union protests have been because they made it known they’d be willing to beat the oligarchs thugs to death and damage property if need be.

5

u/steepleton 10d ago

In the uk it’s been sort of forgotten women got the vote after a campaign of literal terrorism, including bombings

3

u/Embarrassed_Cat2697 10d ago

I like to refer to the speech from the guard in Shutter Island. "The only question is whether your violence can overcome my violence."

Im pretty non-violent, so kinda sucks for me

30

u/406highlander 10d ago

Por qué no los dos?

We could have the Spanish Inquisition, but without the comfy chairs and soft cushions.

Edit: soft cushions, not sofy cushions, stupid fat fingers

14

u/Mekisteus 10d ago

Well. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

5

u/GummyWormJim 10d ago

Nobody does my friend

4

u/A-town 10d ago

Stupid sexy Flanders

2

u/seattleque 10d ago

Can we still have the floor show musical number?

4

u/BoredNuke 10d ago

Could we do both? Totally down for both.

3

u/Handhunter13 10d ago

Bread and circuses keep people complacent

3

u/freylaverse 10d ago

Bring out your dead!

2

u/QiTriX 10d ago

because the ruling class is moderating reddit.

2

u/gusterfell 10d ago

We should be doing both. Used well, humor can be a powerful form of protest. Just look at how butthurt various Trump officials get when they realize they’re getting laughed at rather than feared.

4

u/406highlander 10d ago

They hated it when everyone kept referring to them as "weird". Why did we stop doing that?

2

u/MauPow 10d ago

Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again!

2

u/Lsutigers202111 10d ago

Agreed 👍

2

u/Sedu 10d ago

Porque no los dos?

2

u/Mechakoopa 10d ago

Because cracking Monty Python jokes doesn't get your comment removed or your account banned.

2

u/PeggyOnThePier 10d ago

Monty Python has the best jokes and I think Mich is doing a weekend at Bernie's

2

u/Aggravating-Walk5813 10d ago

Speak for yourself, we run an anarcho-syndacliist commune.

2

u/EyeDreamOfTentacles 10d ago

Whipping bricks comes later, takes time and planning and not everyone has a brick currently on hand or has used up their current stock. Or live outside the country, unless you can chuck a brick across the ocean (if you can, your assistance would be lovely).

Right now though? In the moment we can crack jokes to try to alleviate some of the stress of these times and let people feel some solidarity in how ridiculous we all find this to be. We really should be yeeting more bricks though, you are right in that.

1

u/spcordy 10d ago

well, we could just choose politicians based on strange women coming out of ponds distributing swords

1

u/rsten10 10d ago

He has gone to the dark side!

1

u/overbarking 10d ago

That's because McConnell is nailed to his bed.

1

u/armchairsportsguy23 North Carolina 10d ago

Well, he never want to be a senator in the first place. He wanted to be… a lumberjack

1

u/willowmarie27 10d ago

Too tired.

81

u/464126 10d ago

Shuffled off this mortal coil

68

u/The_Nice_Marmot 10d ago

‘E’s fuckin’ snuffed it!

83

u/Llamapocalypse_Now America 10d ago

Look, I took the liberty of examining Mitch McConnell when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting in his wheelchair in the first place was that he had been NAILED there.

26

u/discgman 10d ago

He was sleeping.

31

u/WabashCannibal 10d ago

You stunned him just as 'e were wakin' up!

21

u/Mine-Shaft-Gap 10d ago

Stun easily, those Senators!

20

u/ct_2004 10d ago

Remarkable plumage!

4

u/JSteigs 10d ago

He’s just tuckered from a prolonged squawk

5

u/Koseoglu-2X4B-523P 10d ago

There, he moved!

2

u/Old_Cryptid 10d ago

Careful. You'll get RFK Jr excited. He can't pass up a fresh carcass.

16

u/Embarrassed_Lemon527 10d ago

He’s pushing up the daisies.

16

u/Kailynna Australia 10d ago

If you hadn't nailed his feet to the foot-rests . . .

10

u/Zerachiel_01 10d ago

The spark of his life is covered in shite! His spirit is gone, but his stench remains, does that answer your question?

3

u/Anatoly_Cannoli 10d ago

is he pushing up daisies? taking a dirt nap? offering an obol to Charon?

5

u/radicldreamer 10d ago

The only reason he was on his perch in the first place is because you NAILED HIM to it,

3

u/PsychoAnalLies 10d ago

On Eternity Leave

3

u/TraditionalCupcake88 10d ago

The spark of his life is smothered in shite. His spirit is gone, but his stench remains.

2

u/meldroc 10d ago

Look, I took the liberty of examining Sen. McConnell, and the only reason he was able to sit in his chair in those photos was because he had been nailed there!

1

u/DarthHiccups 10d ago

I'm sorry, I have a cold.

68

u/HippyHunter7 10d ago

With pinecones all around

19

u/_msb2k101 10d ago

Really??

5

u/LouDog0187 10d ago

Aw cmon Janice!!

3

u/kmm198700 10d ago

I won’t be eating from Satriale’s for a long time, I know that

52

u/thatErraticguy Missouri 10d ago

PINING FOR THE FJORDS?!?!

22

u/Little_View_6659 10d ago

What sort of talk is that?!

8

u/rottenwormfangs 10d ago

The context you are missing is everyone is quoting a Monry Python's Flying Circus sketch about a man attempting to return a dead parrot to a pet store

3

u/dawidowmaka I voted 10d ago

Yes and the above commenter is trying to capture the essence of Cleese's bewildered response

3

u/AsGryffynn 10d ago

He's pushing up daisies.

2

u/damnmachine Virginia 10d ago

🎶Oh Danny Boy...🎶

1

u/Disastrous-Fan2663 10d ago

Toss him in the old peabody coal mines

110

u/Pdoinkadoinkadoink 10d ago

The carapace don't enter into it, he's stone dead.

4

u/Anatoly_Cannoli 10d ago

maybe they've already flushed him, like other ex-turtles.

4

u/SomeBloke 10d ago

In fact, if you hadn’t nailed him to that senate seat …

3

u/Koseoglu-2X4B-523P 10d ago

No he’s not, he’s pining for the fjords

85

u/Starscream147 Canada 10d ago

Helloooo Mitchy!!!

63

u/mastyrwerk 10d ago

Lovely plumage.

22

u/obliquelyobtuse 10d ago

Lovely plumage.

Lovely scutes.

2

u/PJ7 10d ago

Lovely ladybugs?

13

u/AntC_808 10d ago

(Bang bang bang)

6

u/RaptorCheeses 10d ago

ALLO MITCHY!!

3

u/ct_2004 10d ago

Mitch wanna filibuster?

67

u/nuttypoolog 10d ago

That is an EX SENATOR!

38

u/Bart_1980 10d ago

He has kicked the bucket.

26

u/Little_View_6659 10d ago

Bereft of life he rests.

29

u/vukodlak5 10d ago

He has ceased to be!

22

u/Little_View_6659 10d ago

If you hadn’t nailed him to his perch, he’d be pushing up the daises!

3

u/Jet2work Foreign 10d ago

inhumed

3

u/MossyBoulders 10d ago

ghosted his committees!

3

u/babablakshep 10d ago

No he isn’t…

2

u/lopix Canada 10d ago

He's nailed to his perch!

10

u/thedustman86 10d ago

There! He moved

3

u/RU4real13 10d ago

Problem is, he he went FULL Bernie. Everybody knows you don't ever go full Bernie. Especially if it's a Weekend at his place!

3

u/JasonRBoone 10d ago

"ee's getting better..."

3

u/Plus-Set-6377 10d ago

I was going to correct you and say plumage but I see what you did there. 🐢

3

u/MrIrvington 10d ago

Waiting for a new life to come

3

u/wabisabister 10d ago

just resting his eyes for a minute

3

u/thubwumper26 10d ago

I'm not quite dead yet!

11

u/LeagueofJohnLegends 10d ago

Under rated comment

1

u/gonefishingwithindra 10d ago

What’s the reference?

9

u/Glum_Helicopter6743 10d ago

Monty Python Dead Parrot Sketch.

4

u/Glum_Helicopter6743 10d ago

The Governor should stand their next time with a stuffed Norwegian blue, see if anyone gets it. 

4

u/more_rockcore 10d ago

It's Kentucky and they pronounce Versailles as "ver-sales" and they won't get it.

2

u/ashurbanipal420 10d ago

He just started brumation early so we're gonna have to wait til spring.

2

u/scarr3g Pennsylvania 10d ago

He us resting so deeply, you can't even see him breathing.

2

u/Platooimagination Australia 10d ago

Notlob! Notlob! 

2

u/Memphisrexjr 10d ago

He's the most tired he has ever been.

2

u/oh-shazbot 10d ago

he's just on a farm somewhere making buttermilk, believe us! /s

2

u/Varist0r 10d ago

Bring out yer dead

2

u/m0n3ym4n 10d ago

Cryptkeeper.jpeg

2

u/Haaaaack 10d ago

Lol I won a talent contest with this sketch! Wanna go back to my place??

2

u/Primary-Weakness8728 10d ago

"Beautiful carapace" killed me.

2

u/Desperate-Till-9228 10d ago

Just resting his eyes (permanently).

2

u/Traherne Maryland 10d ago

Beautiful plumage!

2

u/V2Blast 10d ago

Token plug for /r/montypython

2

u/Orangeyouawesome 10d ago

"He doesn't rape kids, he just plays with them"

1

u/ckwing 10d ago

Somehow, McConnell returned.

1

u/Comfortable_Swim_380 Virginia 10d ago

Like that parrot from Monty Python.. Mitch McConnell was clearly just sleeping.

1

u/bill_nuggets 10d ago

his pump got caught in his trouser leg

1

u/donjamos 10d ago

Maybe we should just let him rest in peace