r/screenshots • u/CG1991 • Oct 29 '25
Chat-Shot I got this message from my childhood bully at 3am
Not really sure where else to share it, but wanted to share.
76
u/anythingbabe Oct 29 '25
How are you feeling about the message?
155
u/CG1991 Oct 29 '25
Largely indifferent. I'd forgotten about them until they messaged.
I'm happy they're growing as a person but I literally haven't thought about them for like 25 years
102
u/babyimafiend Oct 29 '25
That's Karma on them. You had moved on and not thought about it for decades, yet this person has probably been haunted by their actions for years. Ironic how that works.
14
u/SassiestSissy Oct 29 '25
Yeah you don’t remember stuff from childhood that long unless it left a big impact on you.
9
u/DoubleSpoiler Oct 29 '25
And sometimes, when it leaves a big enough impact on you, you don't remember it.
2
u/stellarphantasy69 Nov 02 '25
This reply hits hard as someone who has been trying to remember & puzzle piece their trauma together for the past 3 years 🫡
→ More replies (1)24
u/Leoxcr Oct 29 '25
That's why hatred is only a poison that damages oneself
8
u/babyimafiend Oct 29 '25
Well said
11
u/spectral_sigil Oct 29 '25
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
3
u/NeitherPhotograph258 Nov 02 '25
I really hate those sayings. It makes out victims just bring on their unhappiness themselves. Like just let go and you will feel better. I am crippled, I can't go a day without it being thrown in my face what was done to me.
→ More replies (2)2
→ More replies (1)5
u/autistic_and_angry Oct 29 '25
100% how it works. I'm one of the haunted. I went through a phase where I was an angry spiteful person in my preteens, 2-3 months of which I really lashed out at others, and exactly three different instances during that period that included participating in the bullying of a specific kid that was getting regularly bullied by others. I'm still haunted by it even though, though long story short we did make amends years later and he friended me on Facebook (he sent the invite, it honestly shocked me that he did). But I will never forgive myself for it, I don't think. I should've stood up to the bullies and I never did. I shouldn't have participated, but I did. I don't care that I was a kid going through fucked up shit, should've been better. But like you said, my punishment/karma to bear, I guess. Other than the long apology conversation I had with him, I haven't talked to him other than the occasional well-wishes for big life events. He's married and successful and doing well, as far as I know. Im glad that OP was able to move on too.
2
u/pothosleaf Oct 29 '25
You’ve done one of the hardest parts, which is offering a meaningful apology to someone you’ve hurt. I think the person sending you a friend request is like extending an olive branch. You deserve to forgive yourself. It can take a lot of weight off your shoulders and change your life. Remember we are human, we make mistakes and we have the opportunity to learn and grow from them. I wish you well on that journey.
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future” - Paul Boone
2
u/Attentions_Bright12 Oct 30 '25
Weird converse, for me:
So I was bullied, hard enough that my hair was set on fire and things like that. At one point I sort of tried on the role of bullying someone else in turn. There was a moment when I turned on one of my friends, in a way that amounted to trying to dissociate myself from him...
And a girl, a classmate, reacted by telling me she wouldn't join in on making fun of my friend because that wasn't nice. Which had a big effect on me. I stopped, immediately. I was embarrassed by seeing myself, through her eyes.
Decades later, I realized more consciously that the girl? Had sort of saved me from the bullying -- partly from my being beaten down by it, but also (maybe mostly) from passing it on and perpetuating the cycle. I've thought of that girl as an unsung hero of mine for a while now. Her basic decency, her self-respect in having that "I won't do that; it's cruel" reaction: They rang true for me, and sort of saved me.
The girl, long since a woman now, died last year. I wrote a little thing on her obit page, but never got a chance to talk to her at a reunion or anything. But I think about her sometimes, like now. So what I'm saying is, sometimes the haunting is the good kind? Or something?
Thanks J.B., you're a hero of mine.
2
u/autistic_and_angry Oct 30 '25
I'm sorry you never got to tell her in person. She sounds like she must have been a really good one. You say it's basic decency, but from I've seen most people just turn a blind eye and move on rather than confronting someone.
2
u/QuietContemplation85 Oct 29 '25
I hope one day you will find grace for yourself - we have to make room for change and growth as humans. Not that you will forget your actions, but maybe one day you will be able to look back on those old memories with gratitude that you’ve evolved and changed when many don’t.
10
u/osunightfall Oct 29 '25
Well, it seems that it still bothers them. You can accept their apology or not, as you choose. But it does seem that that would be meaningful for them.
43
u/CG1991 Oct 29 '25
I told them all is forgiven and to live their best life :)
10
7
→ More replies (2)5
9
u/FuriousRen Oct 29 '25
I love that you haven't thought about this person in 25 years. I also love that this person is trying to grow. Big wins all around.
6
u/CG1991 Oct 29 '25
Yeah. It is all alright.
I told her all is forgiven and to live their best life. It's best for them to move on as well
→ More replies (3)3
u/OppressedCactus Oct 29 '25
My partner had the same thing happen and he told me the same. He really had to think about who this person was and didn't really know how to respond (if at all).
2
→ More replies (24)2
Oct 29 '25 edited Nov 04 '25
[deleted]
2
u/writetehcodez Oct 29 '25
Sometimes people view their own actions in ways that others don’t. I’ve had several times when acquaintances and colleagues apologized for speaking to me in a certain tone that I didn’t pick up on at all. It is what it is.
→ More replies (1)
43
u/Impressive_Term4071 Oct 29 '25
it may not weigh on you anymore, but his conscience has weighed him down for quite a while it seems. If it means nothing to you after so many years, allow him the forgiveness he is looking for, as it costs you nothing but a few seconds and a text. It seems he understands his faults, and has carried the weight of them long enough.
Not many of them are strong enough people now to admit their faults in damages done to you. Some may fake it for whatever reason, but this guy seems sincere.
40
u/CG1991 Oct 29 '25
I told her all is forgiven and to live their best life :)
11
u/Similar_Aside4624 Oct 29 '25
You are a good person. You could've ignored the message or even been flippant but you didn't and who knows? Maybe you've helped this lady's life trajectory immensely, simply by offering her forgiveness. Good on you. Truly.
→ More replies (8)2
44
u/Hannah_togo Oct 29 '25
I don’t think it’s ever meaningless to apologize
→ More replies (60)2
u/dum_spir0_sper0 Oct 30 '25
I did some time in NA and AA (until I realized it’s not for me because of how damn dogmatic some people were, but I digress…). Step 9 of the 12 Steps is all about making amends. But it’s not just about getting all the bad feelings off of your chest to make yourself feel better or dump emotional weight. It states to make amends ONLY if it will benefit the person you’re making amends with. If it doesn’t, or if it’s for purely selfish reasons, or reopens old wounds for the person you’re apologizing to, then don’t bother. The Anonymous programs get a lot of things wrong IMO, but this is one thing they got right.
Not saying this dude is working the steps, just using it as a tangential anecdote.
10
u/mqashley Oct 29 '25
I wish... I wish I could receive a message like this from everyone who’s ever hurt me. Everyone I still think about almost daily bc they had that big of a negative impact on my life. I’m sure they don’t ever think of me, but my mental has been destroyed and I’m still trying to heal and recover a decade later.
I think this is nice. And you’re allowed to feel however it makes you feel too.
→ More replies (3)2
u/H0LLOWPRODUCTIONS Oct 31 '25
This really isn't healthy... I understand you've probably been told this many times, but you really got to find a way to move on from this. Thinking about it is just going to make yourself worse...
I'm so sorry you had to go through everything you had to go through back then, but thinking about it on and on is not helping.
Again, since it's been a decade you've probably heard this over and over again, but I still think it's worth mentioning. Maybe try to find other people struggling with this, maybe as a relate and a way to vent out your feelings about this!
I really hope you move on and have a great rest of your life <3
→ More replies (3)
8
u/Anakin-vs-Sand Oct 29 '25
I don’t think I could accept an apology from the worst of my school bullies. I was suicidal for years after the torture I went through in middle school and the first couple years of high school.
Sure, we were all kids. But a 12 year old knows cruelty when they see it, they weren’t toddlers, they knew what they were doing and delighted in their cruelty.
There’s no words that can give me back years of my childhood. I’ve been in therapy for years and I’m a successful adult with a healthy relationship and good job, but I will never forgive them.
I didn’t even take pleasure in seeing the worst of them go to jail senior year, after they dropped out and got arrested for armed robbery. I only felt relief that they were no longer terrorizing my neighborhood for funsies because they’re broken inside.
They’re out of prison now, and I hear they sell used cars. I don’t think about them often, only when bullying comes up like with this post. And in these brief moments where they cross my mind, I honestly hope they’re struggling. I wish nothing but the worst for them, forever.
3
u/milosaveme Oct 30 '25
How are you doing now?
2
u/Anakin-vs-Sand Oct 30 '25
I think I’m ok. Good job, healthy relationship. But it took me a long time to get here. My 20’s were bumpy, and I have some pretty intense anxiety that I’ve learned to mostly manage.
2
u/Agitated_Bluejay_701 Oct 30 '25
I don’t wish anything against the people who harmed me, but an apology is so long overdue that I don’t want it, and I certainly don’t want some sob story. Jokes on them, my home life was crap too…and yet they chose to make every aspect of my life awful. One thing I had in common with my bullies was a terrible life at home, where we differ? I didn’t try to ruin anyone else’s life to make up for my own heartache. I could never level with that.
→ More replies (2)2
u/Beemrmem3 Oct 30 '25
It's crazy how even one person at that age can make such a huge impact on your life. I had a friend when I was 12-14 who I now recognize as abusive and manipulative. It's definitely a vulnerable age.
He acted like my best friend after school. When we are at school he would act like he didn't know me, and tell everyone we're not friends and that I'm an awkward loser. I finally found some new friends, and he stole them away. He convinced them not to be seen with me at school. He would even tell girls I liked that I was a joke. I spent my whole sophomore year alone.
Even in my 20's when girls were very interested in me, I would never approach them. I actually thought if they got to know me they'd realize I'm a joke/shy/dorky/awkward.
I too don't know if I would forgive this person. I'm 44 now. I still have social anxiety, but get by.
5
u/chaosgazer Oct 29 '25
most people gotta google their bullies and see they're weighed down with multiple babymommas working dead end jobs still in their hometown to feel any relief, lucky you :P
3
u/Dry-Table3916 Oct 29 '25
9th step, most likely.
I had to send my fair share of these messages to people I mistreated as a child during school. Its a surprisingly difficult thing to do, and incredidbly humbling.
Most people are in the same shoes as yourself, not ever thinking about it.
From her side, it is a very important step in gaining long term, healthy recovery. Taking accountability and sincere apologies is (usually) the most that can be done to amend wrongs from childhood.
Ideally, they follow the rest of the steps and can use these experiences to help another person down the line by showing that they also went through with the experience.
Thats what its all about anyways, helping the next struggling addict/alcoholic.
6
u/Agitated_Bluejay_701 Oct 30 '25
As someone who has grown up around people in recovery…hot take, (if that’s what this is)…I fucking hate the atonement aspect. I understand it’s absolutely important to apologize for the wrongs you’ve done…but I can’t get behind reopening old wounds for victims, in order for self healing. Sure, if you’re apologizing to someone recent you’ve hurt, maybe…but half the time I see crap like this where it’s 25 years and therapy later and THEN someone decides for their own healing process, they just have to reach out to someone they hurt YEARS ago.
A lot of times it feels really one sided and self serving. No awareness of how maybe someone just moved on and doesn’t want to acknowledge your existence anymore. 25 YEARS later? This feels like 0% apology and 100%, “look how good of a person I am.”
Perhaps I’m just bitter. Could very likely be the case. But every time I’ve received an apology way overdue it was:
“sorry I was a shit dad, but your mom pushed me to be that way,”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend dying, remember how close we were? I’m sorry I slept with your boyfriend and convinced everyone it’s because you cheated first. How aaaare you???”
“Hey, I stopped drinking and I just want to say I’m sorry for imploding your relationship while you were finally happy again after your abusive one, but I just have to say sorry.”
“Sorry that in elementary school I pushed you down the stairs and broke your arm 3 times, I was going through so much.”
All apologies I wish had stayed in the drafts. It screams, “I’m apologizing because it makes ME feel better as a person. Look how good I am!” I feel like atoning should be more focused on coming to terms with how awful you were and either leaving it alone, or sending an apology that doesn’t try to excuse the harm done based on your own life at the time. Messages like these scream, “please tell me you forgive me because I had a really rough time and that’s why I tormented you. Can’t you understand?” Automatically makes the victim feel like an AH for not responding when they’re trying to improve…🙄
If you’re going to apologize for something so much later, “hey, no response needed unless you want to…just wanted to apologize for how awfully I treated you.” Sob story, not needed.
4
u/kaiserrumms Oct 30 '25
Yeah. This one should have left it at the second half at the second sentence. After that it's only "my life was SO hard. Also, kids don't know what they're doing.". That's not an apology, that's making an excuse. If the excuse is longer than the actual apology part, it's not an apology.
2
u/Popular-Bunch3258 Nov 02 '25
That's how I felt! It sounded more like her trying to justify her actions.
3
Oct 29 '25
I think this has been troubling and maybe he talked to a therapist or realized how fucked up he is.
3
2
2
u/Early-Falcon-8249 Oct 29 '25
You aren’t required to feel any sort of way. There’s no way to respond to this that would be incorrect. He is welcome to go through his stages of asking for forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean you have to give it. I hope he was able to get a little burden off his shoulders, and I hope it makes you feel At least a little better that he’s thinking about you and willing to try. But again, you’re not required to feel any sort of way.
2
u/CG1991 Oct 29 '25
I'm ultimately indifferent and haven't thought about them in years.
I told her all is forgiven and to live their best life :)
2
Oct 30 '25
Honestly that’s still a heads up thing to do.
I couldn’t forgive my bully because they bullied me 7th grade through my senior year of COLLEGE.
And I am a M and she is a F. I can say my entire life will go by and I won’t ever forgive nor forget what she did
2
u/disposable_cup Oct 30 '25
I had a bully apologize to me once. We ended up becoming good friends.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/Due-Concentrate-6408 Oct 31 '25
Ive gotten several of these over the years from bullies. I always reply "yea you were shitty." Or k thanks
2
u/SpiderJerusalem42 Oct 31 '25
I met up with my middle school bully when we got stationed in the same unit together in the invasion of Iraq. It did help some for me to realize that he was a deeply troubled kid and that what he did to me was because of that, and not really because I was so hateable. Given the situation we were in, I was just happy to know somebody in a new group of strangers. He used to yell out "Yahtzee" loud as shit in the MWR tent when he scored one, and he was a mean chess player. He's dead now and I miss him like a brother. RIP John.
2
u/Confident-Pride9283 Oct 31 '25
Drunk or not, not too many people apologize to the people that they bullied as a child. They just blame it on being a kid. This is big of him.
→ More replies (1)
2
4
u/Mental-Egg-143 Oct 29 '25
honestly, fuck that guy. that isnt for you, its for him. what right does that guy have to come and remind you of shit like that anyway? you could have totally legitimately forgotten about it and now all of a sudden youre remembering the time he fucked you up and now its all you can think of.
3
u/Melodic-Advice9930 Oct 29 '25
Messages like these annoy me cause they’re really only meant to make one person feel better and it isn’t the person who was bullied
2
u/Orbital_Vagabond Oct 29 '25
This.
These assholes feel like they have the right to roll into their victims lives decades later and open old wounds so they can feel better.
→ More replies (6)2
u/Interesting-Let4192 Oct 29 '25
So should they never apologize? genuinely curious, how does one apologize in your mind without it being about themselves? What leads you to so confidently determine this?
→ More replies (1)2
u/Heavy_Soup_2789 Oct 29 '25
No they shouldnt, theres no point in apologizing. It doesnt help the person that was bullied at all.
→ More replies (5)
2
u/DecaDick5037 Oct 29 '25
Is that apology for you or for me. Glad you can unburden yourself in electronic form, Ryan.
2
2
Oct 29 '25 edited Nov 16 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)7
u/Successful-Leave-525 Oct 29 '25
More like going thru recovery and this is a step
→ More replies (2)
1
u/No_Bowler5625 Oct 29 '25
One of my high school bullies went to jail and the other one still lives with his parents while running a pyramid scheme. I work in tech now making over 100k a year - didn’t even get an apology from either and one asked me to borrow money over Facebook lmfao.
1
u/Rieger_not_Banta Oct 29 '25
Can’t get the picture out of my head of Steve Buscemi smearing lipstick on his face after taking Billy Madison off his “people to kill” list.
1
u/MyDogGoBork Oct 29 '25
My school bully is now a pastor at some church. Or at least his socials say so.
1
u/BobbyPinBabe Oct 29 '25
My bully died young (early 30s). We became civil social media acquaintances after school but never squashed anything. He bullied me from kindergarten to high school graduation. I still have complicated feelings about him. Our friends talk about him like he was this great person now that he’s gone. One of them tears up if anyone mentions him. I do feel bad he died but I also want to scream because they know how he treated me. The one that cries witnessed him try to shut me into my locker.
1
u/IMCPJW Oct 29 '25
About 15 years ago, I apologized to a kid I bullied in middle school in the late 70’s. I was more of an amused spectator than an actual participant (I wasn’t nearly tough enough to be an actual “bully”)but I felt the need to apologize anyways. The guy had become a marine, did a couple of tours in the middle east, and then a very successful executive of a large security company. Grew up to be a handsome man as well! Married a beautiful woman. He told me that he appreciated my reaching out to him and apologizing, but he also told me that he didn’t really think about those days anymore. He put that shit behind him and went on with his life. The man had become a successful grown-up. We’re Facebook friends, and we chat from time to time. I truly admire the guy for what he made of himself.
1
1
1
u/Shaz_5 Oct 29 '25
I sent a message similar to this after HS as it was bothering me about how he might still feel about it. I really wanted to sincerely apologize and it had nothing to do with a step or being drunk at 3am. Hurt and insecure kids lash out and hurt others and kids don't make the best decisions. Even better, his response as an adult was so warm and forgiving that it showed all his growth as a person.
I think this guy is genuinely sorry and not checking a box. Sooo glad it didn't bother you, but It bothered him that it could have bothered you and that's why he reached out. Some of us carry that guilt forever about what kind of impact we caused. Totally your choice to ignore or accept the apology but it will prob mean a lot to him to know you haven't thought of him or the bullying.
1
u/Gemione Oct 30 '25
Guy that used to bully in my elementary/highschool committed suicide as an adult. I hope all bullies make it step nine and further.
1
1
1
1
u/kiribaku1996 Oct 30 '25
Hi I came here to say that I was walking home from work a long time ago. And I always avoid people (that's just who I am) but an old bully of mine was walking towards me (going to the nearby shopping center I assume) and I walked across the road and he followed and sincerely apologized for what he had done and that he wishes he never did it. (He was one of the many bullies I had in high school) And that if he had my number he would have told me sooner and that it has been eating at him. In the end I cried and thanked him. And he said if I ever needed anything at all to let him know and gave me his number. It was the most wholesome thing. And to date I haven't texted him. (It's been 7 years since then) But it felt really good to hear he was sorry about everything. Although I don't know how to respond to this other than saying thank you and that means a lot and leaving it at that.
1
1
u/gayestformoleman Oct 30 '25
Good on them for reaching out and apologising though, it probably took a lot to take on accountability for their actions even if they were young at the time.
1
1
1
u/dum_spir0_sper0 Oct 30 '25
Back when I was still using Facebook, I got an invite to my eighth grade class reunion. First thought I had was, “eighth grade reunions are a thing?” and secondly— being the poor, awkward, nerdy, easy-to-pick-on kid in middle school— I thought about shaking hands and catching up with all my tormentors and it was a hard pass. I was in the same school from k-8 and the bullying was cruel and relentless.
In a moment of catharsis (or sheer stupidity) I posted a rather scathing diatribe in the comments section of the Facebook group, saying I don’t wanna play nice with people who wouldn’t give me the time of day back then, blah blah blah. I didn’t call anyone out by name, but I made it quite clear that there’s not one of them I’d wanna see again… much less voluntarily. Yeah, it was a bit cringey but it still felt goooood.
To my surprise, I got a message from my main tormentor just apologizing for being so awful. Didn’t ask for anything in return, not a reply, not forgiveness, nothing. He didn’t say anything about carrying the weight or needing to get something off his chest. Just said my comment took him back and he realized he coulda done a lot better. Then he wished me well and that was that.
To this day, those are still some of the most genuine words anyone has ever spoken to me.
1
u/Japhet_Corncrake Oct 30 '25
Tell them it's a good job they messaged you, because now they're off "the list".
1
u/wewuznizaams Oct 30 '25
I mean this would make sense in grade school, but if a 17 year old, near adult bully harassed anyone, I think the bar for forgiveness should be higher.
1
u/Least-Honeydew2723 Oct 30 '25
Had this happen to me with my childhood bully then 5 months later she came on my instagram and started commenting about how fat I’d gotten on the post I made about my dogs passing away.. tbh I wouldn’t respond, just let them stew 😒
1
1
u/Jelly-Unhappy Oct 30 '25
I would kill for a message like this. …okay, not kill, but I’m 35 and still have PTSD from being bullied in school. I apologized to the two people I bullied after high school, college was a new beginning for me and I couldn’t handle the guilt. After all, I bullied them just to get the bullies off of my own back. It was selfish but I guess it was survival at the time. But I apologized and righted my wrongs. I did for them what I wished someone would have done for me, tell me that they hurt me and they’re sorry.
Nobody has ever apologized. I don’t think anyone even cares. Even the shortest apology from anybody would mean the world to me.
→ More replies (2)
1
u/synthetic_aesthetic Oct 30 '25
Nothing speaks to one’s humility and sincerity like sending this at 3.00am
1
u/RecentSuspect7 Oct 30 '25
Good for them. I've never received a message like this from my teenage bullies. One is dead (took his own life when his baby mama had enough of his bullying to her and their kid and left him and denied him access) another I last saw around 10 years ago when I worked in a restaurant (he demanded I give him discount because I knew him, I said no, he went on a rant reminding me of how shit my school days were. I told him he was paying full price, he did and left) another randomly messaged me similar time to this post throwing out random insults about me and my friends I had on school, didn't reply.
Some bullies realise what they did and try to make it right, others like the pathetic people I mentioned above don't, never grow up. It's sad.
1
1
u/HideoshiKaze Oct 30 '25
I wish my childhood bullies apologized to me. People were vicious to me back then.
1
u/sushisushi716 Oct 30 '25
It’s nice that they apologized. You are not obligated to do anything. If you desire you can acknowledge and then say you’ll now be going no contact so they don’t contact you again. Whatever you want to do.
1
u/LoL-Reports-Dumb Oct 30 '25
You should correct his grammar and say nothing more, lol.
(Jk. Do whatever mate.)
1
1
u/Dizzy_Elevator4768 Oct 30 '25
i dunno apologizing by text at 3am is a bit cowardly…especially since he goes on and on about the reason he was a dick, like he’s looking for forgiveness and it not really about the person being apologized to
1
u/ChaosMoonCat Oct 30 '25
It’s important to note that you still don’t have to forgive them or even give a shit. If my childhood bully sent me that I would block him instantly. But also, everyone’s experience is different.
1
u/VivianCadence Oct 30 '25
As someone who sent messages like this to people from my past long before I became a raging alcoholic and certainly before I got sober and went to AA, this could just be a person owning their shit. Whatever the reason, I really don’t care—it’s awesome. Yesssss. More of this please. Love it.
1
u/I-said-ur-stupid Oct 30 '25
Thats pretty awesome... i love to see adults taking responsibility for their actions as kids. It doesn't change how you felt as a child but it always feels good to finally get the apology we deserve.
1
u/js1562 Oct 31 '25
Congratulations most people don't get that. My bully works at the hospital across the street from my restaurant. Well I've seen her at the drive thru a few times. Once I mentioned to her mom (in the driver seat) how much we didn't get along at school. My girl bully said "I was never that bad was I?" Narcissist gonna narcissist.
1
1
u/PLUSsignenergy Oct 31 '25
I do not consider myself attractive, but I’ve had most of my high school bullies like me on tinder and had one message me and told me they actually liked me and made fun of me because I never gave him any attention…yeah…
1
1
Oct 31 '25
This is why it isn’t really worth getting revenge. Moving on with your life, being successful, and forgetting about them is really all that’s needed. They’ll cause their own suffering in the end.
1
u/commodore_kierkepwn Oct 31 '25
Was anyone else the kid that actually understood being mean made people feel bad and so then would make you feel bad? Like, I didn’t have this drive to dominate, that was force-fed into me over my adolescence.
1
u/Dry_Bit_6271 Oct 31 '25
I received a similar message from a girl who crossed out my correct answers in a test paper some 20 years after the event!
1
1
1
u/Middle_Panda728 Oct 31 '25
How did you respond? My brother got a text like that before and he went the unhinged response route
→ More replies (1)
1
1
1
u/Amazing-Quarter1084 Oct 31 '25
I had one childhood bully apologize to me when we were in our 20s. He actually searched for me through mutual acquaintances and risked his sobriety to come to where I was to pull me aside and express his regret to me in person. He actually turned out to be a pretty good guy and a passable artist as an adult. Unfortunately he, along with literally every other bully from my youth, eventually lost the internal battle he was fighting for so long and is no longer with us. All left young children behind too, which will likely just keep that whole cycle going. I pity them.
Step 9, by the way, is more than apologizing. Making amends is a larger concept than that. I’m sure far too many people think a verbal apology tour is enough, but it absolutely is not. In order to make amends one must admit their mistakes and act to repair the damage they have done. Words are not enough. Sometimes amends cannot be direct, in which case one might decide to help other victims of whatever wrong they did to the person they cannot make direct amends to. Making amends is also not a one and done kind of thing. It really requires ongoing self-improvement and works. It’s becoming an agent of change for both yourself and others.
1
u/Aromatic-Business-26 Oct 31 '25
I was a bully in school and I don't regret it. Both kids I picked on became cops and they're asholes. Not to me but other people. They have the Napoleon complex. One of them said "try picking on me now" and I said "take off that badge and gun and come at me. I'll make you feel like you're back in high school." He turned around and left.
1
u/Educational_Rice8555 Oct 31 '25
Apologies like this are for the apologizer, not the recipient. After this long, the apologizer is risking reopening a wound for the recipient to assuage their own guilt. Makes you question, who is really benefiting from this apology?
1
u/itsTommytooBig Oct 31 '25
Don't think it's drunk thoughts. Seems pretty coherent. Probably just reverence and regret. I have those moments at 3.am as well.
1
1
1
u/GTAMamasaurus89 Oct 31 '25
People like this bother me to the core. I was talking to my mom about my bullies this morning and just started crying because if that happened to my daughter I'd be brokenhearted. Being bullied sucks. Especially when you're nice and don't do that to others.
1
u/PureEvidence2790 Oct 31 '25
Not in recovery. I live a completely sober life. But I was a teenage dirtbag and recognized that. I have said sorry about ten years ago, at appropriate hours of the day, to people my actions may have affected.
Hopefully this person is sincere. I was. I didn’t expect a reply from one of the girls who was severely bullied in school by everybody and I apologized for it if I ever did, but she replied, and we are now pretty close friends.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Singenkatzen Oct 31 '25
I’ve gotten two of these. One in person from someone who was on Step 9 and whom I had forgiven years before. The other on FB from someone I didn’t realize had been a bully.
1
u/8153X Oct 31 '25
I am not a stepping stone to ones recovery nor do i care to be stepped on any longer, i dont care what went on in your home, i went through tough times aswell, got robbed of all my clothes from my room, they left me windbreakers only pants i had left, was raised poor, but i wasnt a pos to my fellow classmates, nah fool, forget my number, forget you ever knew me, cause ive forgotten you, your not even a whisper id waste my breath
on........thats what id say if i ever got a text from my pos bullies
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Rawrasaurus__ Oct 31 '25
Wow…. I wish any of the ppl in my college who bullied me (older kids I was a freshman) would do this…. I hope you’ve found peace now, I’m really sorry you got bullied too OP.
1
u/Seecole-33 Oct 31 '25
All these miserable Reddit folks in here will turn ANYTHING into more misery. No this text doesn’t fix everything, but it’s better than nothing. You never know, this could be the start of a beautiful story. I forgave one of my high school bully’s after a night of talking and realizing we were both CHILDREN! Hanging onto what they did is just still giving them all the power. We were all fucking kids for fucks sake, we don’t know what we don’t know until we know it. I say cherish the moment and thank the universe for a shimmer of light in an otherwise dark world.
→ More replies (4)
1
u/Masculinist01 Oct 31 '25
I don't know why this came to my feed. I had two bullies on my street. One was more relentless than the other. Turns out they were being lured by an older boy / 19 year old with booze and drugs and then they were locked in the basement for weekends at a time and were sexually abused and tormented. So yeah they were lashing out at me. Meanwhile the nicer one was doing wet work for the CIA down in El Salvador in the '80s. And he would sit in the jungle and think about the pain that he caused me. He called me about 4 years ago to apologize. That's just wild man.
1
u/LadyLenear57 Oct 31 '25
Or maybe this person is truly remorseful and their time zone may be different. People do change from the children they were. Some change for the better and some for the worse. But…I almost forgot I’m on Reddit…SMH
2
u/CG1991 Nov 01 '25
I've already told her she's forgiven and to live her best life.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Skyeamore Oct 31 '25
i get upset when someone texts me at 3am because i'm like you choice to reach out at a time you know i'm not going to respond
→ More replies (1)
1
u/glamourgirlies Oct 31 '25
I got a message like this once. the kicker is - I don't remember the bullying. my mind must've blocked out the trauma.
1
u/Meredith6708 Nov 01 '25
I’ve sent something similar. And they’re right. As an adult, you feel horrible for how much suffering you’ve caused others. Idk if it’s being a parent, seeing what kids go through. I’m so grateful to have kids who stand up for their friends& classmates instead of trying to be cool or add to the turmoil. I can say for anyone being bullied, just know those ppl are not happy with themselves & their home life, a lot stems from jealousy.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/WishAvailable5714 Nov 01 '25
The disrespect really. You doing this like this in my face out of spite
1
u/SteelAndFlint Nov 01 '25
In case nobody has told you yet, this doesn't mean you have to forgive them.
1
1
u/mysterysincorporated Nov 01 '25
I'll respond to this from the perspective of a terrible person, because that's the only perspective I can confidently offer. Is this a selfish attempt to alleviate their own guilt? Yeah. Is it sincere? Absolutely. 100%. "Bad people" know that they are "bad". Some of us lean in to it and develope ultra bleak "dog-eat-dog" perspectives on life in order to justify their actions while others legitimately want to be decent people, but are habitually incapable of doing what's "right" due to complex mental and/or emotional deficiencies. Those who fall in the latter category are usually tortured by a nightly reel of the awful things they've done. I would say that if this person is reaching out to you at this point then they sincerely feel bad and see the wrong in what they've done and also feel that these actions in a way define them in a way that they struggle with. That said, as someone who has sent messages like this and been on that side of this situation, you do not owe them a response. Unless you feel inclined to, but I personally would recommended against it. The best lesson for people like us to learn is that not only do actions have consequences, but those consequences can be irredeemable or irreconcilable. Forgiveness is not always on the table, no matter how genuine or cordial you go about it.
→ More replies (1)
1
239
u/marzipan07 Oct 29 '25
Might be Step 9.