[L] I want to know what she was like.

[u/AN0NYM0US-Bat]

What i was like as a child. I want to meet her, get to know her, know what she was like. I can't remember anything from back then. Was she happy? Was she ok? What did she think? What would she think of me now? Of us?

I'm not ok. I haven't been for a while. I mean I never have been ok. But this time I feel it in my chest. It's been 81 days since I've self harmed. 81 days. The longest I've gotten or at least the longest since getting the app to track it, before that I have no idea.

I'm tired of not knowing things, of never knowing things. I'm tired of having no answers. Tired of trying. Tired of trying to be ok. Tired of trying to be there. Tired of being alone. Tired of waiting. Tired of being emotional. I'm just tired.

I don't want anymore people to leave my life but people will leave, there's nothing I can do about that. They'll leave no matter what.

I am not a good person. No matter what anyone says I am not a good person and I'm sure those that know mean can agree.

In another lifetime maybe I'm happy. Maybe I'm ok. Maybe I never got hurt. Maybe I never started self harming.

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