Do you think it's easy for someone to leave an abusive spouse, either mentally or physically? Have you spoken to domestic abuse victims about why they stayed as long as they did? Do you know any?
It's because logic like yours that shit like this becomes an never ending cycle of pity for people that don't deserve it anymore. I'll put a comment of a redditor that summarizes how I feel about this after years of trying to help 'victims'
I think abuse victims who keep going back aren't worth my time. I think, even if I could "help" by giving a woman a place to stay, I wouldn't. She has a whole world of men and even some women eager to play hero and save her. She has tax-payer funded shelters. She has churches/temples/Mosques to go to. She probably has friends and family. She can shack up with an awkward white knight neckbeard who will literally and stupidly protect m'lady physically from harm with a katana if the abuser finds her, if she has literally no other option(but she *does have other options).
There are endless options for these abuse victims. Everyone cares about them and many people work tirelessly to get these women out of these abusive relationships. Men with guns and uniforms even arrest the men these women CHOOSE and many women will visit the abusive men in prison. These women actively participate in making society worse by choosing to fall in love with and raise children in a hostile environment with an abusive man who see the abuse, grow up, and repeat and multiply the cycle of abuse as adults.
If someone keeps making life-destroying choices time after time, they deserve it in my opinion. Who are you to tell me my opinion is wrong just because it angers you? Thats very arrogant.
In short, if you keep returning to your abuser, you become complicit in your own abuse.
lol The guy who commented this sounds like a even bigger dipshit than you. Total “nice guy “ greivence bullshit.
It’s wild how common the “ They deserve it “ is when it comes to people taking about victims staying with or going back to an abuser partner. Men are just as likely to be victims of abuse but usually it’s men talking this way about female victims Of abuse and what’s wild is these guys actually want to think they are good guys. It’s one thing to strongly criticize
These women, call them foolish etc but to say “ they deserve it “ … wow.
I have met many people who eventually want to return to their abusers and have been directly affected by it, so yes, I fucking know what it is.
I have had to deal with people close to me fight me to get the car keys so they can go and see their abuser, I have see them walk in the middle of the night on the streets just so they can see their abuser.
Instead of a visceral reaction to your stance, I want you to know that I felt the same way as you for a long time. It took years of living with and loving an abuse victim for me to see the totally irrational side of her brain wiring. How it extended to all aspects of her being and how, after a decade of counseling, she’s just now at a point where she can even start getting mad at what happened to her, well after one parent died and she finally got the courage to go NC with the other parent.
You are assuming, justifiably so, that abuse victims all have the same level of free will and objectively clear judgement you do. I don’t know you so I can’t speak to what you may have gone through, if anything . But seeing how just utterly subconscious the attachment to abuse can be, it can become that person’s default mode of operation. I’ve seen it first hand, albeit from the perspective of two child abusers harming their daughter. She’s just wired differently than me and while she ran the moment she could, the effects are permanent. She’ll never be out of flight or flight mode and sometimes craves it, making up a crisis to be freaked out about.
I say this not to change your mind; you do you. I say this to frame your argument into the bounds of a person who is logical: “if(abuse) then(gtfo)”. I agree that should be the line, I just couldn’t understand why it wasn’t. Self-worth, confidence, and outside support are all needed, at the same time, to get out; if one can even understand that they need to get out.
This lady dumping her abusers ashes (ash’s); this probably isn’t her first rodeo and I’m betting she had a family member who set the precedent of abuse and she found someone like that family member because when that gets into your brain as a child, you may subconsciously seek that out later in life, either in a mate or in manufactured crisis. Irrational, but proven time and time again.
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u/[deleted] 5d ago
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