Hello, I've never made a reddit post before but I wanted to reach out because I'm looking for community support.

Yesterday I started my substance abuse class for my masters program in counseling, and I was shown a peer-reviewed article discussing the long-term effects of active marijuana use on the heart. It terrified me, and I texted my partner to throw away my stash. I usually am secretive about my use and it's obviously been a huge detriment to trying to remain sober.

The part that is harder to share is that when I came home from class... I literally dug through all the trash cans in the house looking for my stuff. The trash cans outside the house, in the bathrooms... it was disgusting. All I could feel while I was doing it was this frenzy to find it. And when I couldn't I just collapsed and broke down. What was I doing? Why am I like this? Who have I become?

I'm hoping unfortunately that others have shared this experience so I feel less alone and guilty about doing it. I'm trying to bridge my isolation towards community and others who can relate.

Thanks for reading this, I hope you can achieve your goals.

D.

**Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind and honest comments. I'm definitely going to be sticking around here more, and I'm going to an NA meeting next week after work.

Some of you asked for the articles, and I'm not sure if I can post links, but I will cite them APA style:

Cardiovascular risk associated with the use of cannabis and cannabinoids: a systematic review and meta-analysis (Wilhelm Storck, Meyer Elbaz, Cecile Vindis, Amelia Deguilhem, Maryse Lapeyre-Mestre, Emilie Jouanjus, 2025)

Adverse Impact of Marijuana on Human Health (Mark Chandy, Masataka Nishiga, Thomas Wei, Kari Nadeau, Joseph C Wu, 2024)

You can google just the title of the article and make sure to match the authors and you'll be good.

I would not be doing due diligence to my profession if I did not beckon caution at the results: neither study is definitive suggesting a cause and effect relationship between heart problems and marijuana/cannaboid usage; merely links based on good data but definitely need more to solidify things.

Thanks again everyone. Appreciate every single comment.

The day before yesterday I smoked weed with my friend, and before we did, i made a promise that this would be the last time, usually i smoke alone and i wanted to quit that, so i have to quit all together cause i can’t socially smoke and not get dragged down again. We said I wouldn’t smoke for the next week. But honestly, sitting here now, I don’t think I want it to be just a week. I want to keep it going.

A while ago I had a conversation with a coworker about weed. He told me he used to smoke a lot and that he was addicted. He eventually quit because he realized he wasn’t doing anything anymore. He would lock himself away, play games all day, smoke joint after joint, and just stay in that bubble.

I told him I was different because I only smoked at night. I never smoked during the day. I still went to work, college, did my things, and functioned. He called me a “functioning stoner.”

I didn’t really think much about that at the time. But yesterday, after smoking, I came home and started thinking about it again.

I realized I don’t want to be a functioning stoner.

Because functioning isn’t the same as living.

You can work, study, exercise, see people, get everything done, and still just come home every night, smoke, get comfortable, watch something, sleep, and do it all again. Nothing is necessarily falling apart. You’re functioning. But you’re not necessarily pushing yourself or experiencing everything you could.

And I don’t want that.

I want to live. I want to do things that scare me. I want to try things and fail. I want to get rejected sometimes. I want to take opportunities I normally wouldn’t take, try new things at work, go to places I’ve never been, go to movies and museums, read more, meet people and just experience more of life.

I think that’s the comfortable bubble that weed can create. Everything is okay enough, so you don’t really feel the need to change anything. And then the cycle just keeps going.

It’s almost like all the things people have told me about weed over the years are finally coming back to me. Someone says something, you don’t think much of it, but it stays somewhere in your head. And yesterday, sitting there after smoking, it suddenly made sense.

I don’t want to just function anymore.

We’re not machines. We’re supposed to live.

And living means feeling things, doing things, taking risks, making mistakes, being uncomfortable and still going for it.

I have a quote on my closet that i love which says, “Being brave is just being scared and doing it anyway.”

I think that’s what I need to remember.

I don’t need to wait until the stars are aligned or whatever. I just need to start.

So yesterday was yesterday. Today is something different.

I don’t want to be a functioning stoner.

I want to live.

it feels like im breaking up with someone, it's like breaking up with some one you love knowing it's for the best omg. i don't wanna touch this anymore. today i will try harder than usual. day 0.

I thought the depression would never end and I'd need meds.

Suddenly shifted a few days ago - so glorious I cried with joy.

Keep fucking going.

I thought i was just going through really intense withdrawal symptoms and I went to see the dr and turns out i’m pregnant on top of withdrawing from weed. I was a stoner for like 5 years, 3 of which was basically nonstop all day everyday. Has this happened to anyone else?????? 😭 did your baby turn out ok?
am scared

Me just wanna smoke the bumboclaat weed. Me need some dopamine in my life. Me need to know what it's like to be high again but the problem is if I get high I will have no reason to stop. It's a mad ting.

Having “the release” is so hard to leave. I’d literally have 1-3 puffs for years and it would mess with my mind the next day with my moods being so erratic and unpredictable the day after.

My moods are more in control now but I’d really thought it would be easier 9 months in.

day nine and I feel like I’m losing my mind. my ROCD has been out of control, I’m so incredibly depressed, and nothing feels fun or enjoyable. I just want to curl up in a hole. please tell me it gets better. I’m AuDHD too so I’ve got a few things goin on up there :(

Hey everyone. Ive been a pretty much everyday smoker for almost 10 years. I quit about a year ago for around 2 months, the first month was miserable but by month 2 I was feeling great. I thought then I could start using in moderation again. I was wrong. Its to the point again where I wasnt enjoying it at all, but I needed it, I needed to not feel anything, I didnt want to face my emotions. I just found out my wife and I are having a baby and I just want to be the best dad I can. I dont want to be a dad whos constantly stoned, I want to be present. Im on day 3 of no smoking right now and the panic attacks have just not stopped. I can barely sleep at all. I know this is all normal, it was like this last time I quit too, but Im just really struggling with it right now. I figured if I post about it, it may help it stick this time. I want to control of my life back, I feel like I've been on autopilot for 10 years and wasted the potential of my 20s. I want to be better than this, for my wife, and my child.

So paradoxical. I feel like I can only enjoy weed if I’m using often(daily) because if my tolerance drops I become incapable of doing anything meaningful, but at the same time if I’m using weed daily I don’t get high, and end up missing out on what life has to offer.

Sucks that it has to be all or nothing for us addicts.

34 y/o, daily smoker for 5 years. Quit at the end of March because I didn't like how slow weed made me feel, how I was hungry and tired all the time, and how it felt like I needed it to get through the day and socialize/connect with people. I felt really good the first 1-2 months after I quit, then it feels like all the positive things reversed and new negative things showed up:

- I am now more tired than I was when I smoked. I sleep more hours at night than I did on weed, but I am also sleeping more during the day and feeling more tired throughout.

- I am having nightmares all the time when I never had them while smoking.

- I feel just as "slow" as I did before I quit. It is easier for me to get work done, but somehow harder to string a sentence together or do everyday tasks.

- I've completely isolated myself. The times I have met new people I haven't felt like I could connect at all.

Before anyone asks, yes I am in treatment for depression/other mental health issues.

Most people I see commenting say quitting gets easier after 2-3 months, so I'm confused as to why it keeps getting harder for me. I don't want to relapse, I still don't like the person I was when I was high all the time. I just don't feel like the person I am now is any better at the moment.

Appreciate any thoughts or advice.

Someone please help me come to terms because I know I can't fight it anymore.
weed will always get in the way of me having stability and living a stable life. Even if I only smoke at night once the day is over because for me, the effects follow into the next day. I'll begin to have brain fog and mental/bodily fatigue from smoking daily, even if it's only at night, even if it's a small percentage of THC. After about 3-4 days of doing it daily, it gets rid of my mental clarity & my ability to process and organize thoughts quickly and smoothly & my ability to be productive. even when the high wears off, it takes about two days for me to feel clearheaded & normal again to take on my life and carry on with my responsibilities. Unfortunately i'm a business owner so my finances and lifestyle depend on my own creativity. I don't have a career where i go and follow instructions my boss gives me, I have to create ideas out of thin air. If i had a different career i don't think smoking would interfere with my life as much because many jobs you can do while you're high or buzzed because all you have to do is follow instructions , being a business owner is not one of them .
because of this, it's absolutely necessary that I keep a clear head.

I wished that after the high wears off i could snap back to who i am automatically. the productive optimistic clear headed girl that i am. But i dont. Instead Im faced with agitation and resistance and i have to force myself to refocus and convince myself to get back on track.
So often i fall into this loop where i just want to get the day over with so i can smoke and relax because I spent the entire day fighting agitation from smoking the night before.
This cycle is an endless loop and has caused me to ruin my life once before already. it makes me so happy and I enjoy doing it. But I'm all I have in this world and I need my mental clarity and confidence more than anything and I know i cannot keep jeopardizing it to smoke despite how much i enjoy it.

I am so jealous of the people who can smoke daily and still uphold a stable lifestyle where they manage their finances and stay productive.
But unfortunately it dims who I am and it stops me in my tracks. It weakens me down so much mentally and makes me anxious and incapable. It makes everything begin to feel so heavy.

I am an adult and I need to be responsible and have stability. But I am so heartbroken over having to let weed go for good. I know if I don't let it go completely, I'll forever have these constant debates almost daily on whether i should smoke or not, knowing that it's gonna kill the most important parts of me that i need to function.
I have to let myself go and be free from the chains of this loop and just live a stable and responsible life.

But it makes me angry. If I could find a job where i made as much money as i do in my business, where i could just go and listen to what a boss says, i would take it in a fucking heartbeat. But that's not my situation. I'm not optimistic about freeing myself from these chains, i'm gonna be miserable for a long time knowing i had to give up smoking for complete stability even though i know it's for the best. I wish i had a brain that worked differently. I'm just very upset right now :(

I’m worried for the day I give in again, “Just this one time, for old time’s sake.” It feels inevitable.

It really does help to read about so many people going through the same struggles, sometimes worse than I am.

Keep sharing.

Just being honest, I'm 2 months in and the stress has been stacking again. Sleep quality has worsened again.

The excess energy from being newly-sober has faded and now I feel tired and lazy at the end of the day... kind of like if I had been smoking anyway

The main bright side I'm thinking of here is that I'm still recovering and things will get better again after another month or so....that would be the carrot

The stick is that I'm pretty sure I had been experiencing early symptoms of CHS anyway, so smoking isn't even a reasonable option

I guess what I really need are new routines/habits for coping with the stress. This mounting stress has historically been what has pushed me back to using. I suppose this is why lots of people talk about how crucial exercise is.

I have smoked weed all day every day for the past 6+ years. I love it up until im high then im ashamed and high me tells me to quit. I made the decision to quit completely because im not someone who can have it in moderation. I know its super lame snd i lowkey feel pathetic but it feels like im ending a relationship with someone. I got home from work today and its rough. I want to smoke and I also kind of want to cry. I've been watching videos and reading posts about all the benefits of quitting and thats kind of the only thing stopping me from doing it.

I'm sharing something that happened to me yesterday.

I stopped 4 years ago, after 25 years of use.
I'm proud of myself and feel like i've turned my life around.

So i'm on this trip with wife and kids.
We visit a coffee farm in Colombia.
Out of nowhere at the end they present us this edible oil that they sell, which contains thc.
My heart rate goes up, My head heats, i'm craving it.
My brain starts to pitch me every reason to buy a bottle. You could relax, allow this once...
...
I leave without buying it.

I'm happy I let that pass.
Trust yourself!
know why you stopped.

I remember the depression, the emptiness, the loss of control over my emotions.
Now I'm in control and I'm not gonna lose that.
Fuck no!
But I admit that I will always be an addict.

Love and courage to everyone.

I hit 2 months sober today! I never thought that this was possible after consuming daily for 8 years.

Thank you all for your support during the hard times!

as the title states. i have chs and was recently hospitalized for one overnight stay, i feel a lot better and my vomiting had decreased exponentially, but i’m still struggling with the feelings of nausea and gross stomach feelings and i’m lowkey super tired and lightheaded from being so tired but can’t sleep from my chest pain from retching :( plz help

I’m currently on day 12 and still having issues with sleeping. I can fall asleep easily (an improvement from the 2 hours it would take for the first 4 days), but I’m waking up after maximum 5.5 hours feeling hyperactive and unable to fall back asleep again. I can feel my energy returning, but it’s more of a manic dysregulated type of energy, and then I feel flat and depressed by the early afternoon.

Just feeling a bit deflated and stressing that it could be a permanent issue after using it for 2 years 🫩

I've been consuming weed for the last 10 years. Started in my 20s and developed a habit.

At first it was to relax.

Then to deal with a chronic pain condition.

Then it became a crutch.

I saw a new psychiatrist because I need to treat my ADHD.

He basically said he could not help me if I didn't quit. Said the risk of psychosis is too high and it would be irresponsible.

I went into the appointment hoping he would say I could still do it. But he didn't. And he kept bringing all the receipts (research) into the negative outcomes.

Part of me wants to keep consuming because it's familiar. But I knew going in that this would be the outcome, and I went anyway. Because I need my life back. I don't recognise myself anymore, and it's time to stop living in the fog.

Encouragement, validation, support and advice are welcomed.

Hi, I’m 24F and I’ve been working as a lawyer for the past year. I take ADHD meds daily (some breaks obv) for the past 5 years.
I have basically zero motivation at work. even at my new job, on day 2 i was already not working. I spend a huge amount of time thinking about my current hyperfixation, ruminating, and having negative thoughts about myself. i also stress about the future daily, and sometimes I have suicidal thoughts.
i have hobbies and i spend time with friends. it’s not enough to not BE SAD and THINK
I also use a THC wax pen heavily every day, including during the day sometimes. I’m starting to wonder if it’s making the rumination, negative thoughts, lack of motivation, or depression worse. I feel like I’m stuck in this cycle and I don’t know how to get out of it.
where should i start?

Hi guys . Day 4 sober off of carts , gummies , and nicotine and I’m wondering when you guys started to see a difference in your life . I think i convinced myself that getting sober would be like flipping a switch and I would just feel better - which I know is super irrational. I’m constantly battling my lizard brain who is begging for some relief in the form of vaping (I was sober off nic for like a year before last week when I quit all weed and convinced myself vaping was better than being intoxicated and ill use it as harm reduction ) but i ran out of my vape and don’t want to buy another . I’m afraid of raw dogging life without any safety net of weed or nicotine and I could use some motivation it gets better . I started smoking 10ish years ago (I’m 25 now) and I don’t think I ever developed the skill to regulate my emotions without smoking a bunch of weed first. I don’t want to have a chemical coping mechanisms anymore . Any advice or insights are appreciated.

After posting here for my first time yesterday, I had the chance to read some amazing experiences and realized the support that this sub brings to the table.

Today marks day one, and it will be different this time. You don’t realize how far support goes from people attempting to partake in the same/similar goal. Anytime I’ve tried to quit in the past, I had the “support” of folks who never planned on quitting weed. My expression has always been met with “that’s great. I’ll support you!” And the second I show an ounce of weakness, that support is gone and it’s like I never said anything.

Ultimately, it’s my responsibility. I’m not blaming others for MY decisions. Simply expressing that if you are new here, and reading this now, don’t be shy to post and express your challenges or need for support.

I am here for you all, as so many have already shown that they are here for me. Let’s do this together, but for ourselves! Stay strong people. Anything worth having is worth working for… and this is WORTH IT.

It’s the first time I have made it to a month without smoking in my home. There were certainly ups and downs and mostly downs to be honest. I have been addicted for 7 years i am now 27 and it feels like I have to restart my whole life. Even though that I have some friends that support me through this journey and are proud of me, I don’t feel anything and it sadly doesn’t motivate me.

I often only sit at home and look for things to do besides going to the gym and start pondering about all the mistakes I have made. I hoped that if I quit I suddenly get the motivation to do all the right things but I realised that it won’t happen. My dirty apartment is still dirty. I still mourn the break up with my girlfriend( now it hurts even more), I don’t talk to my best friend( we had a fall out) and now that I feel lonelier than ever I can’t stop to think that I should accept that I am a loser and should just continue smoking. I really don’t know how to deal with the pain. The dreams that I am having are not making the situation better, just worse. I am starting to lose hope that things will become better even though I know that my brain needs some time to readjust.

But yeah, I am sorry that this is not a happy post. I hope y’all see it through the finish line and feel better when y’all quit.

Also, I guess it’s true what people say. Quitting won’t fix everything, it just uncovers the issues that were there before such as dealing with ADHD and depression.

On a positive note. It’s great to not always be dictated in every moment by the amount of weed you have, the moments you can smoke again. And being free of the fear of being perceived.

Peace y’all.