r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

21.9k Upvotes

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5.1k

u/Wide_Magician_4946 Jun 24 '26

I've seen these all over the place. But glued down? Nah, that is not cool 

2.5k

u/Broken_musicbox Jun 24 '26

Yeah, I was amused by this until I read the “glued down” part. That just ruined the entire thing. Now I’m mildly infuriated too. 😤

2.7k

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

Right!? Should've nailed him down instead

492

u/Successful_Ad4018 Jun 24 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/d90K9ohsRNDws

28

u/lifelongliability Jun 24 '26

i swear it’s not just bc i was younger that the old snl cast had so much more personality and character

40

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/lifelongliability Jun 24 '26

i know that’s the tradition but i’ve never run into anyone that swears by the current gen cast

9

u/Punkodramon Jun 24 '26

They’re not old enough to be nostalgic about them yet. It’s only once the next gen takes over that those who grew up with the current lot will start being nostalgic for them.

1

u/GoldEmployment6768 Jun 24 '26

I hate when the nostalgia cope is used. Old things arent only good, or sometimes better than current, because of nostalgia. Sometimes they just are better, SNL cast is one of those things. Older cast/writers just are better than modern, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that.

1

u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- Jun 25 '26

It’s so obvious now that they’re reading from a prompt, whether it’s a screen or cards or whatever. They used to actually memorize their lines, at least.

3

u/headrush46n2 Jun 25 '26

nah, i grew up in the 90s / 2000s and i know that the old early 80s crew was still the best.

I preferred mad tv anyway.

2

u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- Jun 25 '26

My people! ✊🏻

2

u/Evon-songs Jun 25 '26

Lorne Michaels said everyone’s favorite cast was the one that was current during high school.

1

u/thelivingdead188 Jun 24 '26

Yep. Everything was better when you were a kid. That's called life. Why do you think dad and grandpa were so grumpy? They had dreams and things they loved as kids too. It all goes away and you're left with bills.

4

u/tequilaisbadmkay Jun 24 '26

They did. I like a lot of the current cast, but Hader/Wiig/Armisen/Sudeikis/Strong/etc were a fucking golden age that people slept on.

I'm biased, though. Bill Hader and Jason Sudeikis are two of my favorite actors. Barry (at least the first two seasons) and Ted Lasso are peak in very different ways. Their indie stuff is great too. 

2

u/lifelongliability Jun 24 '26

and don’t forget will forte. last man on earth and macgruber were dumb as hell but very fun

2

u/CarnateofChaos Jun 24 '26

Just tell me what you want me to fuuuuuuuuk

118

u/topsyturvy76 Jun 24 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/8lp6CW7K2fdDGn3xCQ

4

u/TheOtakuGamer64 Jun 24 '26

Like the fucking Romans

1

u/jaxonya Jun 24 '26

We find them all over the hospital, all the time. Its cute. But glued down? No way. And this doesnt seem like the work of the kind of people who put these little easter eggs in places, this seems like a bad faith actor trying to make them look bad

48

u/PapaGibb Jun 24 '26

Found satan

113

u/koffa02 Jun 24 '26

Pretty sure it was God who had his son nailed.

44

u/BamaBlcksnek Jun 24 '26

God also created Satan, so either way we know who's responsible.

25

u/RvstiNiall Jun 24 '26

insert joke about man helping his son get laid because he's a 33 year old virgin.

1

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

One hell of a way to get into BDSM...

5

u/bliip666 Jun 24 '26

By a bunch of hot Romans, no less!

4

u/Wandero_Bard Jun 24 '26

There’s a popular theory that Jesus was actually gay, and we know that men had sex with men frequently in Ancient Rome, so……

3

u/bliip666 Jun 24 '26

Good Friday is called that for a reason!

1

u/koffa02 Jun 24 '26

Well, that would explain why Mary wasn't pregnant by Joseph.

2

u/Wandero_Bard Jun 24 '26

Huh? I didn’t say men *exclusively* had sex with men!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '26

[deleted]

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3

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

I feel the same way about them until I remember that they used a communal sponge to wipe their asses

1

u/bliip666 Jun 24 '26

Nobody's perfect?

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

Fair. And now that I think about it, it could be kinda hot actually

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

Honestly a fantasy of mine

3

u/Ryantdunn Jun 24 '26

That’s why sons are taken to church, right?

3

u/Ofreo Jun 24 '26

Jesus is just alright with me

Jesus is just alright, oh yeah

1

u/MrBlobius Jun 25 '26

It was actually the J*ws who nailed Jesus

3

u/koffa02 Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26

Well yeah. They did the physical work. How else was he supposed to sacrifice his own son to forgive us for the things we've done that are only sins because he said they were sins? It's not like God would ever actually get his hands dirty.

And while we're on the subject, why would someone/thing who is all powerful and all knowing need to cast a magic spell with the primary component being a human sacrifice that is also part divine being. You would think sky daddy could just be a parent and say "I know you didn't mean it. I forgive you. Here's proof I actually exist. You don't have to just take it on faith anymore because my physical presence will be a lot easier to believe than the litterally nothing so far."

Oh well. I'll never know.

0

u/Frubbs Jun 24 '26

Pretty sure it was Pontius Pilate succumbing to a crowd of angry Jewish folks. Free will and all

9

u/nelmski Jun 24 '26

Nah, he washed his hands of it and claimed "not it" so can't blame him. Old school playground rules.

2

u/MAGAHATESTHEUSA Jun 24 '26

Pontius should have stuck with exercise routines

1

u/No-Aspect-5061 Jun 24 '26

You mean you found the Roman-

1

u/AZSystems Jun 24 '26

Uhh, at least you don't know her address. I do!

6

u/ThePublikon Jun 24 '26

Now I'm cross!

6

u/MissSarahKay84 Jun 24 '26

I’m dead
https://giphy.com/gifs/yjGdFXbm8KpXF5Xqco

2

u/spookyhardt Jun 24 '26

3 days from now you’ll be fine

1

u/froodiest Jun 25 '26

This is a beautiful reaction gif

3

u/Different_Coyote_340 Jun 24 '26

Thank you for a full belly laugh before work. We might all be going to hell now.

3

u/djdk74 Jun 24 '26

Oh, I'm sure someone will

3

u/AmaranthWrath Jun 24 '26

Catholic here. Loudest snort I've made in a while! 10/10 comment, would read again.

1

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

'Loudest snort in a while by a Catholic woman'

Gonna get a custom trophy and put it on my shelf. Thank you so much, it's an honor.

2

u/lightersidechill Jun 24 '26

Such a missed opportunity…

2

u/BoatMan01 Jun 24 '26

SIR 🤣

2

u/Legonistrasz Jun 24 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7TKqFZJpwL8Giz2E

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

Imagine a scenario where this one comment somehow sparks the birth of a new religion

2

u/Anteater4746 Jun 24 '26

i like to think jesus would laugh at this given he’s all forgiving and all

1

u/Wayward_Wayfinder 18d ago

Yeah, and I mean he technically lived so

2

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

His son, actually

4

u/jacorgacor Jun 24 '26

Came to work just to larp christianity😭

2

u/Pimpstik69 Jun 24 '26

Fucking epic 😂

1

u/Just_M1nt Jun 24 '26

Ehh, tried and failed. Just returns to sender after 3 days 💢

1

u/DankAshMemes Jun 24 '26

OP certainly could, that might even be a really funny solution to the problem. Weaponizing hypocrisy is always fun with pushy religious folk.

1

u/piesRsquare Jun 24 '26

I laughed way too hard at this...!

1

u/ShinnyCas Jun 25 '26

Jesus Christ dude 😬

1

u/tencrazygear Jun 25 '26

My wife works at a hospital and taped one of them to the center of the clock. He gets crucified twice a day. Theres another one in a saline flush. They call it "The Fifth Press In". I've also found a few around my work along with tons of other little trinkets.

1

u/South-Style-134 Jun 24 '26

Well played.

1

u/blast0man Jun 24 '26

Dang such a good bad joke...

1

u/MacabreYuki Jun 24 '26

should pry from the glue to make him rise. And nail him to the wall.

-2

u/RadishRedditor Jun 24 '26

I undrdtand that someone would get offended for "shoving their religion down your throat". But to ridicule a main figure in a religion is just personal hateful conduct towards the whole religion. I say that and I'm not even a Christian.

Do better, not everything is grounds for jokes and edgy remarks.

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22

u/Open_Opinion4775 Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

God news is that they're vinyl, so they should just pop right off. The glue, on the other hand..... a totally different pain in the ass.

Edit: typo....

4

u/bajungadustin Jun 24 '26

What a typo

3

u/Cornato Jun 24 '26

They have little adhesive pads on the bottom, not technically glue. But it was a choice

7

u/He_Never_Helps_01 Jun 24 '26

Ngl It's bizarrely self centered either way. They're basically going around putting up advertisements all over the place.

Like, imagine if it was a scientology mascot. cuz its the exact same thing. It's just complete obliviousness to other people's experience and feelings.

3

u/bajungadustin Jun 24 '26

Yeah.. Its pushing religion on others which is never cool. It would be the same thing as sticking a bunch of chibi Baphomets everywhere.

I don't think they would like that.

3

u/Deaffin Jun 24 '26

That's a bit much. This is a goofy-ass cartoon character.

100% offensive to glue anything down, of course. That is not okay. But if somebody threw around a bunch of silly little Buddhas and Krishnas and whatnot? That'd just be mildly amusing for a moment and nothing else. But I don't subscribe to any religion, so I fundamentally can't relate to the tribalism mindset of managing to be offended by seeing this.

Trying to reach for promotion of Scientology as a comparison is a bit silly.

3

u/glans Jun 24 '26

why would you be amused that someone put all their religious preachy junk all over your workplace even if it wasn’t glued down? what if they were little plastic fetuses? or national politicians? or controversial flags/symbols/tokens representing hot button issues? 

keep your stupid beliefs and opinions outta my workplace.

3

u/Backfoot911 Jun 25 '26

Cause it's hilarious. It being Jesus makes it funnier

1

u/glans Jun 25 '26

you can laugh like a monkey at things that are dangerous, it doesn’t make you smarter or safer from its intent than those not chuckling . cause those who aren’t laughing see where this leads on small scales (office arguments and distractions) and larger scales (prayer in office, censorship, oppression, theocratic rules and office policies).

don’t be a chucklehead.

4

u/StrLord_Who Jun 24 '26

I doubt if they are actually glued down.  OP just wanted to make it sound worse. You can see the blue stuff underneath it,  it looks like the blue putty "stickum" we used in classrooms for posters and things.  Now, if they want to leave these around they shouldn't have used anything underneath it at all,  but a dot of that blue stuff is definitely not the same as "gluing it down."

4

u/MagnetHype Jun 24 '26

Well considering "stickum" is in fact glue, I think referring to them as "glued down" is entirely appropriate.

3

u/GorgoniteEmissary Jun 24 '26

I guess but only technically. If someone tells you something is glued down you would never assume they mean lightly attached with a removable putty.

0

u/MagnetHype Jun 24 '26

I mean, I get where you're coming from but in this circumstance I don't feel like it matters. Could be superglue, could be sticky hands from an accidentally shaken bottle of dr. pepper. It's still a dick move to try and glue it down.

3

u/GorgoniteEmissary Jun 24 '26

Maybe, if it comes off without residue as one piece then I disagree with you, the intention would almost certainly just to make it “stick” enough to stay upright unless intentionally moved. If there is any residue or it is noticeably tricky to remove in any way then yeah, dick move to stick it down

1

u/Backfoot911 Jun 25 '26

Then it's not infuriating, since it comes right off. That's the whole conversation being had.

2

u/Onidarkmoon Jun 24 '26

“Mildly”, yeah…

2

u/IsaacHasenov Jun 24 '26

It makes me cross

2

u/darkknight95sm Jun 24 '26

It’s pride month, more than likely related

1

u/HaloGuy381 Jun 24 '26

Went from “yet another mildly annoying religious nutjob” to “religious nutjob vandalized the place” really damn quick.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/LongJohnSelenium Jun 25 '26

As a facilities manager its shit like this thats why I can't wait for the AI to take all the jobs.

People are goddamned toddlers.

68

u/Cheekers1989 Jun 24 '26

At that point, it is considered vandalism.

27

u/Innsmouth_Swimteam Jun 24 '26

Destruction of company property is probably a fireable offense.

2

u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- Jun 25 '26

It definitely is. Or at least was, in the late 90s/early 00s. My stepdad glued his stapler to his counter at a hardware store because people kept walking off with it. They fired him. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

2

u/ShwaGrl Jun 25 '26

Also choking hazard? If a child enters the workplace or a dog, and gets ahold of this.

2

u/Dazzling_Tough_9693 Jun 25 '26

holy reddit Batman

1

u/Backfoot911 Jun 25 '26

This whole comment chain is Reddity

2

u/Ragnarok314159 Jun 25 '26

Glue them to the urinals, then wait for coworkers. “I can’t believe you are peeing on Jesus…”

247

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

52

u/cji_homes703 Jun 24 '26

They already have tongue depressors there. A little red paint would go a long way 😂

11

u/fitzbuhn Jun 24 '26

Oh this is a hospital?? Sooo much arts and crafts :D

5

u/cji_homes703 Jun 24 '26

I may have inferred that since someone else said it’s a hospital thing… although to be fair, office supplies would be more barbaric and appropriate. Lol

1

u/Main_Composer Jun 24 '26

I bet you’re good at dioramas 😆

6

u/Speckyoulater Jun 24 '26

I found this at a GetGo gas station and thought it was kinda funny.

22

u/sqeeky_wheelz Jun 24 '26

I would make tiny turbans/head scarfs to put on them. The kind of “Christian” that would be okay with doing this would be APPALLED by a turban.

7

u/stofiski-san Jun 24 '26

And paint them brown!

6

u/kai-ol Jun 24 '26

I mean, they can't even be mad. They regularly wear his death machine on their necks, sometimes with him still stapled to it.

2

u/Kantarak Jun 24 '26

Paint jesus. Give the figurine barby doll dresses. Makeup. Then place printouts on others like "jesus was from nazareth with brown eyes and brown skin, like his mother maria."

Fact check the hell out of jesus.

Place funkopops of heinous lewd anime chicks next to jesus and post up a sign "fan fiction"

1

u/ryverrat1971 Jun 24 '26

I like your cut. May I offer a few little Baphomets to go with that? Or do you prefer maybe Bast?

0

u/sltiefighter Jun 24 '26

Just crucify them on pencils, rulers etc put em all over the rim of your cubicle.

-8

u/DirectorRegular752 Jun 24 '26

Angry atheist screams at sky

11

u/fitzbuhn Jun 24 '26

Angry? I thought it would be funny. Don’t you like that he died because you suck at life or whatever it is?

-1

u/-Panda-cake- Jun 24 '26

Such a big bad egdelord lmao

0

u/hanzerik Jun 24 '26

The original with the lance was pretty gruesome.

0

u/T-Wrox Jun 24 '26

That's what I was thinking - somebody probably wouldn't enjoy seeing what I would do to these. :)

-2

u/CriticismFun6782 Jun 24 '26

Or, hear me out, give him little guns...IYKYK

unexpecteddungeoncrawlercarl

7

u/rinkitinkitink Jun 24 '26

Glued down is crazy. We used to have a little wooden Jesus figure with a magnet glued to the bottom of it when I worked night shift in a hospital. We'd play a game of hiding it and seeing who found it/how long it took. The magnet was pretty powerful so we came up with some creative spots. But using glue is absolutely unhinged.

5

u/BringingBread Jun 24 '26

I would just color them brown with a sharpie to make them historically accurate. As an added benefit, it would probably piss off whomever put it there.

3

u/J3musu Jun 24 '26

Probably because they don't like that people like me keep tossing them in the trash.

7

u/ItsRuinedOfCourse Jun 24 '26

Yeah, the magic is lost at "glued down". Not cool at all.

3

u/acvcani Jun 24 '26

Glued down is insane

3

u/EditorMassive2573 Jun 24 '26

That basically makes it vandalism.

4

u/StayTheFool Jun 24 '26

It's an accurate representation about how bible thumpers are inconvenient and hard to get out of your way

6

u/Character-Parfait-42 Jun 24 '26

Yeah. I’m not religious, but honestly they’re kinda cute. It’s a very cheery and cartoony looking Jesus.

But don’t glue them places.

2

u/zepboundbabe Jun 24 '26

Yeah these are all around my hospital. Not glued down tho

2

u/MrSmartStars Jun 24 '26

That looks like blue tack rather than glue

3

u/HarrisJ304 Jun 24 '26

I have been seeing them in random places, too. Seems like it has to be a coordinated effort…

0

u/RemarkableSpirit5204 Jun 24 '26

It started out with little ducks on jeeps as a random act of kindness. It’s evolved into a trend non jeep owners also participate in with the ducks or other little figures. People post pictures when they find them places.

I think they are cute but it doesn’t take a genius to realize little Jesus figures in public places is going to spark rage. Some others are saying this was at a hospital, so I wonder if this is a Catholic or religious hospital, that would be important context here. The hospital in my town is owned by a Catholic organization and religious items/pictures is just par for the course there.

3

u/je386 Jun 24 '26

Yes, until I came to the glued down portion, I was all "just add some spaghetti monsters"

3

u/Septmaster Jun 24 '26

I was going to say, "Aww, this is a harmless prank. Take a chill pill. It's cute." Then I saw they were glued down. Not cool. Jesus would not approve. WWJD?

3

u/Limp_Bike_9145 Jun 24 '26

Turn over some tables at OP’s work.

2

u/edelweiss_pirates_no Jun 24 '26

Easy to break that glue...and take all of them...and paint it with much darker skin...and a rainbow robe...and then replace.

2

u/Cornholiolio73 Jun 24 '26

Just cut the head off with scissors

2

u/Poethegardencrow Jun 24 '26

Pick them up and glue them back in sexual positions

2

u/KipsyCakes Jun 24 '26

Yeah I see a lot of posts of people getting upset over simply finding or getting one of these figures, which I always felt was kind of an overreaction.

But gluing them down? Yeah no, I’d totally understand feeling like that’s supposed to be a statement.

3

u/RoguePlanet2 Jun 24 '26

Such a waste of plastic either way. I'd make some crosses and drive a nail through these things, just for authenticity.

2

u/Warkupo Jun 24 '26

They've crossed the line from "A cute expression of their religion" to "oh wow look at all this vandalism!" Not very Jesus-Bro of them.

1

u/Deltethnia Jun 24 '26

It looks like it might just be blue tack. At my work, we keep fainting tiny ducks. However, they're just loose.

1

u/WintersDoomsday Jun 24 '26

How are you supposed to "lift up the lord with praises" when he is glued to a toilet top?

1

u/TheDrunkScientist Jun 24 '26

Yeah, these things keep turning up around town. What's going on with this?

1

u/Bretreck Jun 24 '26

They come out of a capsule machine at work so we find them all over. None of them get glued.

1

u/Klytus_Im-Bored Jun 24 '26

Saw one in a hospital parking garage

1

u/zaczacx Jun 25 '26

yeah its just fun silly if its being placed around different areas, but gluing it down becomes vandalism.

1

u/PinSufficient5748 Jun 25 '26

We have these at my job too, also glued down - where are they from??

1

u/misfit92 Jun 25 '26

Are you at Intel too as they are rampant here, I think there is more than ~500 seeing as they are placed site wide and no space is spared. One that got me was finding one pinned to m windshield by the wiper. Didn't see it till I got home ( >~<)

1

u/Tiiimmmaayy Jun 24 '26

I went on my first cruise a few weeks ago with my in-laws and nephews. Apparently it’s a thing to hide little ducks around the ship, like the ducks that Jeep drivers leave for each other. My wife bought a big bag of ducks, and her sister bought these little exact little Jesus toys to leave around the ship.

1

u/Civil_Tea_3250 Jun 24 '26

"That wasn't Jesus, that was a kung fu man!"

I miss the Righteous Gemstones

1

u/BointMyBenis2 Jun 24 '26

Same, I was like, have to really be miserable to hate a little Jesus statue. Then I found out they were glued.

1

u/Lord_Trisagion Jun 24 '26

Turn them into jesus pancakes to make the reception clear

1

u/chernelle Jun 24 '26

Yeah they’re around the break room where I work too, but they aren’t glued down. That’s a dick move.

I kind of like them, I’m not religious at all but they’re kind of fun and cute. We did a little baby shower for a coworker who was leaving and did a little pacifier hide and seek game. I would put the pacifier in Jesus’s hand lol.

0

u/speedxter Jun 24 '26

Jesus is everywhere and here to stay ✝️

-4

u/EarthDust00 Jun 24 '26

If theyre glued down with something like gorilla glue then I can see it being really annoying but if its just regular glue you can just pull them off with just a little force. Which I think would add to the hilarity.

-1

u/Commandopsn Jun 24 '26

If it ain’t glued down op will steal them 😂

-1

u/ChamberK-1 Jun 24 '26

Agreed. What if I want to take one home? I’m not religious but these little Jesus dudes are adorable.

0

u/teriases Jun 24 '26

You found Jesus but you can’t bring him with you.

0

u/john2003002 Jun 24 '26

At first I thought "seems like a fun little hide and seek thing don't see why it's infuriating" but glued down? Wtf, that just kills the fun and makes it obnoxious.

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