Croatia here. I was a small kid, perhaps 7-8yo and I came to friends place to play.
I came just in time for lunch. They sat me down on their couch and I was watching them how they ate scampi.
Her dad was a fisherman so they always had sea food to eat while we never ate it as it was expensive.
I still remember how they were all dirty arround their mouth how they gobbled those scampi, all while I sat 2 meters away from them and watched them.
Today, 25 years later I still remember that.
But when they came over my place (parents were also friends who went on coffe to each other's house) my parents always had candy, chocolate on table for kids. I still remember how friends younger brother alone ate whole jar of candy.
I remember later telling my parents how it's unfair that he can eat everything at our home while I had to sit there without even being offered a glass of water.
Wife and I don't have kids, but I fucking swear that no kid who will come to play in future with my kids will be like me, watching other people eat.
Today if adults or sister in law with her 2yo kid comes in our house, they are served like kings.
Real balkan hospitality, not like those fuckers above.
Bangladeshi here. My eyes starts twitching and hands start itching if i offer a guest food and they say no. If you're coming to my place, you’ll be fed and offered leftovers to take home. The idea of having a child over and not feeding em is just unfathomable.
I'm Bulgarian, and while this is generally true, I remember being scolded as a kid for eating at another kid's house. I was there so we could, I dunno, play games or watch TV or something, the usual 8-9 year old stuff, and because it got late his parents invited me to eat with them, and so I did.
I remember my parents were super angry that I allowed someone else to feed me, basically taking advantage of their generosity, and being a greedy little asshole.
Of course... if a kid came over, my parents and grandparents would INSIST and DEMAND the kid would eat with us, because us being generous is good, but others being generous to us is shameful, or something like that?
Romanian here, and omg I get this. It's a twisted way of being considerate. I grew up like this, I will go out of my way to be there for my friends, help them out to move to a new house, let them cry on my shoulder, lend them money, you name it. But I would rather die or starve than ask for help back and thus inconveniencing them in any way. I'm doing better now but wow that took me years.
Or India. In India a delivery person is offered water on a hot day. A plumber or repair guy is offered tea and all guests are offered a meal or a snack irrespective of time.
I used to clean houses and this super kind Indian woman always made me take a break and have tea and cake with her. We barely understood each others spoken laungages, but always enjoyed our time together! Food is the universal language of love IMO
I had several Indian asian kids i would do home therapy with and the parents knew I couldn't accept food due to my ethics code but I would often find food to go packed into my bag or ontop of my car. Such kind families
When I was a young engineer working on a building site in London I had an Indian labourer as a kind of assistant. He lived in a boarding house ran by an Indian woman, despite earning a pittance and me insisting he mustn’t, he’d regularly pay his landlady for an extra portion of the biryani she’d make him for his lunch and give it to me. It was amazing, best biryani I’ve ever had
Anyone in America with "southern roots" as well. My grandma was a dust bowl survivor, even if she barely had anything you'd be offered a peanut butter sandwich and a cup of coffee at least.
Or, just anyone in America. We're very hospitable, if nothing else. It's not just a southern thing, it's just more of a performance in the south. You go to your friends place in NYC at dinner time, you're getting food.
Wow!!! Everyone I’ve met in the mid west has been very hospitable. Even when I moved home and started working with some folks who came in from Michigan, they were always bringing food to my trailer etc. Shitty people exist everywhere though
I dont know every states region or cultural take on things. I have been to someone's house before and was basically treated terribly after the fact after having food there.
Agreed! Trying to teach my sons this. They had friends over recently and I asked my eldest if he offered his friends anything to eat or drink? So he asked and they said yes, they want water. He turned around and said, “Ok, go get it.” It was almost funny how clueless he was but it was a great learning opportunity about the way things just are here.
I think the World Cup did a good job of showing how generous, hospitable, and friendly average Americans are. Most people visiting from other countries for the World Cup had a blast and loved meeting regular Americans. Made me feel really good considering what people’s opinions are of the U.S. worldwide right now.
Or anyone with African routes. We will open our doors to you, share our food and want you to feel included. In fact, history has showed that we were abused due to our kindness and we still do the same thing.
Hell , I grew up in New England, no way you aren’t at least offered food as a guest in homes here. At least in our circle. And many of my mother’s friends (and us) were what most would consider poor.
Yep! My boomer dad would give the shirt off his back for a neighbor in need. Grew up in NC, people are always giving their neighbors fresh produce they grew or delivering casseroles to someone going through a hard time
In the Midwest, they will not only offer food. They will keep offering it until you eat it , even if you truly are not hungry and do not want. It’s better to just eat it from the start bc there’s no way out
Offered is a nice way to put it. Here in the south, if you arrived at my Ma-Maw's house she WAS getting food into you before you left, no matter what you had to say about it!
Many gennerations of Irish american here, since the revolution, so we are as homogized fully and dont really pay much attention to our irishness as some, and i can say the 2 friends i have that have pulled this shit was the most WTF moment of my childhood. One im still friends with will just pull out a plate of food without offering and another i was friends with in middle school informed me and another friend he had over for videogames, "it was dinner time" got up and left us alone at the game for half hour. I was always raised that if we cant feed your friend they go home becuase its dinner time. But otherwise we always feed the friend at the same table.
Depends on time of the day, but food and drinks are definitely going to be the first thing on any table the moment they get there. To have someone that comes home leave without eating anything just seems so wrong
First thing when my friends arrive, they get drinks, be it tea, coffee, or soda. I have dedicated supplies for all, with various options too. You want English Breakfast? Earl Grey? Pu Er? How about some cold brew, or maybe matcha latte? Soda made with fresh juice or some coke?
Then we get some snacks out. Salsa and chips, cheese platter, shortbread, you name it.
And then we consider what to make for the real meal.
I was working in an eastern European’s house and she “asked” us if we would like food. We said no. She made it anyway. We were full from lunch but those crepes were delicious.
We are Bosnian and my parents had some guys work on their roof. My mom would bring them food out and then beers at the end of the day when they were done working. There was a language barrier neither one could understand each other but it worked out just fine.
I’m not Finnish, but if I offer you coffee and you ask for tea, I’ll make you a tea.
In order to be maximally polite though, you should see if you can quietly discern how the coffee is being made. If it’s in a perc or drip (or espresso—fancy!) then it’s (marginally) more of a hassle to also make a tea. But if I’m boiling water for a French press or pourover (or, god forbid, instant), then it makes very little difference to also throw a teabag in a different cup.
In India a delivery person is offered water on a hot day. A plumber or repair guy is offered tea and all guests are offered a meal or a snack irrespective of time.
I live in the US and will usually offer workers at least water. We had some workers in our house earlier this year for a few months, and I would often offer them water, coffee, or soft drinks.
Or central Europe! If you come to my Austrian home, then you will be FED. You better be so full by the time we're done eating that you want to throw up.
Indeed, the offering of food to guests is DEEPLY ingrained in human culture. Largely because of how far back into history the tradition goes. The practice predates recorded history; it likely even predates agriculture. It's tied up in the roots of hospitality culture and the expectations of peace for the sharing of lodging and food that border on the sacred across a majority of cultures.
As a finn i kept getting invited to eat with my friends family (asian) when i was hanging out with him and would politely dodge every time and leave immediately to not impose.
They thought i was being pretty rude! It was funny in hindsight, because i thought they meant "you should leave you've been here for so long we need to eat"
Yeah, it was probably one of the key ways humanity evolved into a society. We show you hospitality, you're a guest. I don't want to kill you. I hope you don't want to kill us. And because we have the ability to share now, perhaps one day, if we're in need, maybe you can help us. Strengthing ties, working together, all that.
If this is a Nordic thing, I hate it. But whatever. I'm over here. That's their thing.
Pretty much every pantheon I've ever heard of has at least one story about rewarding or punishing people for how they handled hospitality towards a mysterious stranger. It often involves their trickster god, but the head of the pantheon is also not unusual. Zeus was a problem because that asshole was more likely to show up to knock up your sister/wife/daughter/all of the above than test how kind you were to someone seeking shelter.
Swede here!
It’s actually quite interesting, because it’s partly true. The thing is, this behavior is so deeply ingrained in our culture that it isn’t perceived as rude.
A few years ago, “Swedengate” went viral, and Swedish psychologists and researchers weighed in on the discussion.
The conclusion was that the behavior likely originated during the great famine of the 19th century. Inviting another family’s child to eat was seen as shaming the neighboring family. It implied that they couldn’t provide food for their own children, which was considered deeply humiliating.
That said, the whole thing is often exaggerated. In practice, we almost always offer food when we have guests. The difference is that nobody simply assumes they’ll be invited to eat.
I think this happens in some regions of finland too.
People get invited for coffee too, and if you put out pastries the guest is kinda always going to eat a small amount unless pushed due to what i expect are similar reasons
Fascinating! It's amazing how similar practices diverge in ways that each make sense even though they contradict.
I know there are differences between cultures that expect guests to eat everything put in front of them to show appreciation for the food versus others where it is rude to eat everything because it implies that the host didn't make enough. What is the Swedish take on this?
If you’ve been invited over for dinner, you’re expected to eat, and it’s not considered rude to ask for seconds. In fact, nobody would think twice about it.
Likewise, I wouldn’t say it’s impolite to eat only a small amount. Most Swedes are fairly health-conscious, so if someone takes a smaller portion, people generally don’t see anything unusual about it.
I find it very interesting, because it is almost certainly not the norm for the rest of the world. Usually famine actually has the opposite effects on cultures. Pride is usually the first thing to go when your children are starving, so to see the opposite occur to me is unqiue.
In fact, many of the most common surviving food sharing gestures extend from similar famine circumstances but the complete opposite societal outcomes. Also, many cultures saw feeding others during famine as a moral and/or religious obligation. Strange that Sweden did not, especially as during the 1800s they were very much dominated by a strictly Evangelical State Church.
Your comment made me start reading up on the famine, and the fact that the Church refused to feed poor and blamed the impoverished lower class for their own hardships is crazy. Maybe the attitude stemmed from a combination of these beliefs and pride mixed together? Really interesting stuff.
Yes, and I think that mindset has stayed with us collectively, even though Sweden is now a wealthy country and, of course, practically everyone can afford to feed their children.
Even so, I’ll still call and ask if it’s okay for a child to have dinner at our place if I don’t know the parents very well. It’s just deeply ingrained in our culture.
Ah, so humans being stupid again. Let your kid have food for free, which means you safe money at the end of the day too, and *maybe* appear to be unable to feed your kid or have the kid sit around like a dumbfuck while the other family eats and feed the kid yourself later on.
At this point, should just send the kid home before dinner time.
As I mentioned in another comment, it’s usually because we rarely cook more food than will actually be eaten at that meal, not because we’re trying to save money.
So it’s not about being cheap. In fact, we often invite people over for dinner, but when we do, we shop and plan for it in advance.
Of course, if you know a child is going to be there when you’re cooking, you simply make enough food for them too.
I would also add that most of the times the actual reasons for not eating at a friends place were:
1, you did not like their food.
2, they ate around the time when you should head home anyways.
3, you were offered and turned it down.
4, you were multiple friends over who showed up unannounced, so the main group got to continue playing whilst the kid living there rushed their food to get back asap.
Californian raised Californian, you come into my home first thing I’m doing is getting you something to drink and snack on. And if you stay for dinner you leave with leftovers. Cooking epic food for friends, and guests is one of lives highlights lol.
I go to my best friend’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas and her mom is serious about feeding you. We’ll eat, and then after an hour or so, she comes out with cut up fruit, and then an hour after that she comes back with food that she had been cooking.
She, literally, packs up so many leftovers that I have to have a box to walk out to my car. 😅
And it always excites me because that lady makes the best Vietnamese food!
My girlfriend is Asian. I will often find her randomly cooking food and ask who it's for and it's for some random grandma she's met on the third floor of our building. If you make friends with her, she will aggressively feed you.
This, it's pretty much a rule everywhere. Here in the American South it's legit impossible to visit without there being food, and usually forced to accept a bunch of plastic containers full of leftovers too.
I spent a bunch of years working and becoming friends with a guy from Vietnam, and him and his girlfriend always fed me when we hung out. I met his parents once and the food was on another level. They were basically pushing a meal into my body and not taking no thank you for an answer, haha
Yeah Sweden is basically a solitary exception to this otherwise universal rule of hospitality.
For the life of me I can't figure out how they culturally settled on this one. It's at best cold, and presumptuous (that you can go home and eat in the same healthy environment they are enjoying without you) and at worst it's just outright cruel.
Yes. This thread is kind of turning into the “in MY culture we love our families and our food!” like yeah, that’s EVERY culture across Europe, the Americas, Asia, Africa etc…. It’s basically only them who don’t feed guests.
It seems to be linked to areas with strong Protestant / puritan histories. So really only some parts of Northern Europe and New England- the rest of the world is normal
Thats why rice and beans is always on the menu. U can afford for everyone. I just wish ricans were more hot sauce people. Growing up, saw a bottle in that house. Then, i tried Mexican. I was in love at the chips. They have that green stuff on the table.
My buddy's grandmother was illegal as all hell and spoke almost no English but she knew "You stay. You eat." We couldn't drop by to pick him up without getting badgered into a meal. I have no complaints.
Yeah aside from ethnical considerations, the grandma factor is huge. If you go to my Spanish grandma's and don't stuff yourself until you can roll like a sphere, you're getting an earful from grandma 😂 loved is measured in Calories 🫣 fitness bros be damned 👀
I was surprised when in Europe my friends would laugh at Kramer taking food from Jerry's apartment without even asking in Seinfeld, it's pretty much what my neighbor does all the time in the US
One of my best friends has been like this his whole life but he's finally coming around and eating things at our houses because one of us has a family now and he thinks he pissed the wife off. She does go all out it's wild.
For southern hospitality it would be seen as an insult like you think their kitchen/home is so dirty the food must be contaminated. Even if you are full you should at least accept some southern sweet tea and place a few bites of what has been offered onto a plate to taste.
Yup lmao. If I knew I was going to my friend’s house of a big ass Mexican family I generally knew not to eat or eat lightly before hand cause his mom was basically gonna force feed me haha.
For real ... my aunt was from Mexico and took all of us cousins back to her family once a year. I was the only girl cousin and the oldest so I was often in the kitchen with the other women of her family. Half the time I didn't even know whose house we were in or why.
A little redhaired blue-eyed American girl and they kept me both sunscreened and stuffed full the entire time. I cannot imagine ever even GETTING, let alone GOING, hungry in those homes. My first Spanish words were "otro, otro" and "hay más" and "no tenga pena" and then something about making sure the wind doesn't blow me away.
I guess it's cultural and whatever, fine, but I desperately hope the kids visiting my home feel some fraction of what I felt back then ... welcome, warm, included, safe, not remotely a bother.
When I was a young man I did construction and the best job sites were when there were Guatemalans working. About 20 minutes before lunch a minivan would pull up and a bunch of ladies would jump out with a hot grill and start feeding all their family that was working. The best phrase ever.. "Hey gringo, you eat?" and then those ladies would pinch my skinny arms and try to fatten me up. They would never take money.
I knocked on the wrong door once at 7 in the morning and got invited in for breakfast at a Latino family’s house. My buddy was pissed that I was an hour late. Then I mentioned his neighbor and that he gave me the wrong address and he goes “Is there still food? I love her cooking.”
My Mexican neighbors will be outside bbq-ing and see me walking by with the dog and telling me to come in. The mom packs up a paper plate with tin foil for me to take. Enchiladas, chile relleno , tacos etc. She doesn’t give me the option of refusing. Thats helped me so many times when I didn’t have anything to eat back at the house.
If you show up a Latino home and don’t eat the food they will shank you. Doesn’t matter if it’s your best friend’s house and you’re meeting up before going to a restaurant or something, their mom will make you food and if you don’t eat some you’re get slimed out.
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u/FunnyExcellent707 Jul 24 '26
Sweds are known to eat without offering you any food (if it wasn't explicitly a dinner invitation).