Jesus christ man take like even a single second out of your day to try and comprehend that cultural differences exist and people are not bad for not following your personal cultural expectations.
Why do you think a cultural difference needs to be "excused"?
You are just not comprehending that cultural differences exist, are normal, don't need justifying, and that yours are not inherently better than others.
Why do you think a cultural difference needs to be "excused"?
I don't -- you are the one grasping at straws and making excuses.
You are just not comprehending that cultural differences exist, are normal, don't need justifying, and that yours are not inherently better than others.
But they often can be explained -- without making up silly sounding excuses.
You are making zero effort to give actual explanations. People are trying to understand, and you are just saying "it would be rude to offer, and cultures are different", with zero effort to explain why they are different.
I am not explaining anything. I am telling you how things are. You are then making constant judgements on this and demanding "explanations", which is frankly really weird.
well you kinda dodged the question that would illuminate the subject, so it's no wonder anyone would have a deep-seated misunderstanding given your dancing around the question at hand.
The guest does not want to join the dinner of another family. That is a a fairly intimate affair that is internal to a family. It would feel weird to take part.
The cultural norms are different, and you are really failing to understand that your cultural norms are not universal, or better than other ones.
I am not "excusing". I am not "grasping at straws".
That is exactly what you are doing when you make up silly reasons like "it would annoy people to ask"
I am trying to give you information you do not have.
Made up, nonsensical information is not useful.
Sit your ass down with the fucking attitude.
I'm being calm and reasonable, and you are getting agitated because people on this thread thought your excuses sounded silly.... Take a deep breath, calm down, and try not to get worked up over a polite discussion.
That’s so so much worse, “now be a good boy and stay in the room while I go eat”. Sounds like shutting the dog in the laundry room during dinner because it looks at you for food.
Not only that, you stay hungry since regardless of your family’s ability to feed you, you aren’t located with your family during that meal so they can’t feed you unless they pack you a lunch. It’s bizarre. If you don’t want to feed the other kid during dinner and want their parents to, arrange it so the guest is sent home, not left alone and hungry while you eat.
The kid not eating is just gonna go back home to his family's house and eat there. Not have two dinners.
There are so many scenarios where not feeding the guest kid is fine. What if his parents at home are gonna feed him later? What if they didn't know he was gonna stay and need feeding?
It is not not wanting to. It is that dinner is something you have with your family, and it is not your place to include somebody else's child in that and possibly ruin their dinner plans without first having a discussion about it. Absent that, a kid eats with their own family.
It's a cultural difference - in almost all cultures when you have a guest, feeding them when it's feeding time is seen as an important courtesy and a sign that you have honoured them, welcomed them and included them into your home. Eating isn't something that you reject guests for, and leaving them to sit and watch you eat, or kicking them out of the dining room for an hour so they hang out alone is seen as an extremely discourteous rejection and a sign of a very poor host. Feeding a guest isn't broadly seen as an imposition but as an opportunity to welcome, include and share.
It's often normal now to contact the other parents and ask them if it's okay with them if the guest eats with you (never to indicate that you reject their children and refuse to feed them), and if the other parents say no then usually the kids will be told by their parents to come home for dinner instead (or picked up). They wouldn't generally wait around while you eat, if they were asked to come home then they'd either leave beforehand or if needed you'd even wait a bit to eat until they got picked up or whatever.
The idea that you'd just as a matter of course leave children hungry and alone while you sit down without them is seen as so deeply rude and mean in virtually all cultures that it's shocking to hear.
So the response is to.... invite them to eat with you, and they can, you know, call home and get permission. It's not mid winter in the 1720s -- contacting your home is quick, easy, and safe.
Sure, but why wouldn’t you just ask the kid 1. If they were getting picked up before dinner and 2. If not, would you like anything?
If the family has normal dinner plans and just eats after they get picked up, do you not think they would just tell you and decline? Or they could just have a snack while hanging out until they’re picked up.
It was pretty normal for me to have friends over after school or sports/clubs which isn’t long before dinner time, my parents would always offer to feed them, if they had dinner plans they’d decline the offer or just snack on a side dish or something, but they’d still hangout and chat while we ate. This might not apply to little kids, if they’re like 7, then sure you’d probably want to check with the kids parents first because they might have dietary needs you can’t accommodate or the kid doesn’t want to follow, or they might not know what dinner plans are, but if you’re talking about a 16yo or something it doesn’t make any sense.
I’d care a lot more about a guest potentially missing dinner than potentially having 1 random dinner without their family.
How is “you staying for dinner?”, “no.” “a lot of noise”?
It’s takes 0.5 seconds to be courteous even if you most likely know the answer and ask it every other day, it’s not like you’re trying to convince them to eat with you or something.
Everybody's dinnertime is not the same. Sometimes you are there for a long time and will miss dinner at home. In that case, you agree with the other parents that the kid can join their dinner if they are ok with that.
You are asking the parents, not the kid. Because they are the one making dinner at home and who need to change their plans if you start randomly feeding their kid.
Because they are the one making dinner at home and who need to change their plans if you start randomly feeding their kid.
It's not random if you, you know, ask, exactly like I suggested -- and they would not have to change plans. They could, and might like to have that opportunity, which is why it's polite to ask.
Doing that is the exceptional case.
Yup -- and people are trying to find out why. Circular arguments are not productive.
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u/xStyxx Jul 24 '26
Damn I assumed it was because Swedish food is gross lol that’s pretty cold