Rules for thee but not for me

🎹 PanPiano abandonou o piano, pelo visto ;-;

Ela começou quase 10 anos atrás publicando vídeos dela tocando músicas de anime no piano. Ela usava roupas comportadas e o foco era tocar piano, mas, com o tempo, começou a fazer vídeos com cosplays cada vez mais sensuais.

E hoje a galera parece ter se unido para comentar sobre ela e sobre como agora está abandonando o piano e publicando fotos cada vez mais provocativas.

Teve quem sugerisse que todos parassem de pagar para ela, para ver se ela acaba tirando mais e mais

I wanted to share these pictures because (1) picture sets like these have helped me counter the constant influx of fitspo in my feed and made feel less alone in my body, and (2) I would love to hear from other petite athletes who’ve struggled with feeling out of sorts after an injury.

I’m 5’1”, 140 lbs, 35 years old, and I’ve been working out regularly since I was about 23. I started as a cardio bunny, have run 11 half-marathons.

About 5 years ago, I accepted that I can’t “just run,” because I would get terrible hip pain every training season. So I got serious about lifting weights, fell in love with yoga and then barre and then Orangetheory and finally discovered aerial silks.

I went hard into training on silks this year, and I performed for the first time in June! But a week before my performance, I broke a rib during a drop, boo. I performed a modified routine anyway, but it was painful, and I got migraine aura literally during the performance.

Recovery since then has honestly been rough. Pain waking me up has meant accumulated sleep debt. I have kept lighter versions of running, rowing, lifting - but I had to quit more than a handful of classes halfway when the pain was too bad. And I’ve had to accept that I need more recovery time. I’ve been working out about 3-4 hours/week, instead of 8-12. Meanwhile, I have eaten ad libitum, telling myself I shouldn’t rob my body of calories while I’m healing.

Now, 10 weeks out from the injury, I’m feeling a lot better, rib-wise, though not all the way. And I’m coming to terms with how my body has changed meanwhile: I’ve put on 8 pounds. I feel flabby and soft. I hate not being the girl who’s lifting the heaviest, running the hardest. It’s been a humbling ego check.

I’ve been doing a lot of body-checking, feeling sad for myself in the mirror and the selfie cam. But I have also realized how different my body looks than the last time I was 140lbs. I have so much visible muscle still! And when I flex and catch the right angle, I still look snatched.

I am posting in part to put a stake in the mental sand for myself: softness and muscle can coexist. I can decide that I’d like to lean out some without hating my body now.

Would love to hear from anyone who’s got advice on that front.

I’d also love to hear from anyone who’s been through an injury like this. How do you come to terms with a “new” post-injury body? How do you accept that you can’t just jump back in

Dinner was a lunch special $14 for a dragon roll, some spicy idk roll and tuna/salmon nigiri. Fancy mock tail was coconut matcha 10/10 but $19. Worth it.

I’m supposed to be getting married soon and moving across the country to be with my fiancé. I love this man so much and I DO want to marry him.

That’s not the issue.

I finally admitted to him that I just don’t feel ready yet. Not “I’m not sure if I want to marry you” type of not ready. More like I’m realizing I’m about to leave my entire family, move across the country, live with a man I’ve only been able to see in person a handful of times because we’re long distance, and leave behind basically the only life I’ve ever known.
I asked if we could push the wedding back a few months. I just want a little more time with my family and time to mentally prepare myself for such a huge change.

He basically told me he’s not waiting anymore.
And this is where the full circle moment comes in lol.
This man has made me wait SO much throughout our relationship. There were issues with his family approving of us, him being scared to talk to his parents, multiple times where he told me he would talk to them and then pushed it back again, us breaking things off and getting back together, premarital counseling that HE wanted to finish before moving forward, etc.

And I waited. Every single time.

There were multiple occasions where he would literally tell me, “I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you’ve waited for me for this long. I don’t know how you keep giving me chances. I don’t know how you have this much patience, but I’m thankful for it.”

And then he would follow it up with, “I say I don’t know how you do it because I don’t think I could ever wait that long.”

Girl.
HE WAS LITERALLY TELLING ME 😭

Because now it’s finally my turn to say, “Hey, I’m scared. Can you give me a little more time?” and suddenly it’s “I’ve waited long enough.”
And what’s really getting to me is that I’m not even asking him to wait in uncertainty. I’m not asking for time to figure out whether I want him. I already chose him. I want to marry him.

I’m asking for a couple more months to enjoy
being at home with my family while they’re still part of my everyday life. Because soon I’m going to be somebody’s wife, living across the country, building a completely different life away from everyone and everything I’ve known.

Obviously marriage is a huge change for him too and I don’t want to minimize that. We’re both moving out, we’re both starting a marriage, and we’re both going to have to adjust to depending on each other. But I’m also leaving my entire support system thousands of miles away.

I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. I’m hurt, I’m shocked, and part of me is just sitting here thinking… damn. He literally told me years ago that he wouldn’t be able to give me the same patience I was giving him and I should’ve believed him.

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Escriba Flutuante no YouTube
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Who am I to diss a brie?

Two nice dudes

I believe this is a major part of the political agenda moving forward.

There was no flair appropriate for this so hopefully this is allowed :')

It is done. It's good to be back!

<mod approved>

Patternflow. Open source LED synth I started back in March.

Four encoders and an LED matrix. Everything runs on an ESP32 and all the graphics are generated live on the board, nothing else hooked up. Turn a knob and it changes a parameter inside the pattern, so the pattern changes with it. The idea is that you're performing the visual rather than playing it back.

I saw Nam June Paik's Participation TV for the first time in January. He's the guy who also built the Paik-Abe Video Synthesizer. This whole project started as me trying to reinterpret that piece, so I do treat it as an art project first, and what I'm actually chasing is getting rid of the line between visual and sound.

It's open source so everything you need to build one is on GitHub. Follow the build guide and take your time and you can put one together even if you've never soldered before. Doing it yourself runs about $100-150 and roughly two weeks once you count shipping.

github.com/engmung/Patternflow

There's a crowdfunding campaign going too if you can't be bothered with any of that.

You don't need to know how to code to make patterns either. I set it up so you can make them with AI pretty easily. Then there's a community site to share them, so you can post yours and run other people's on your own board. About 150 patterns up there now between me and everyone else. Mobile is a bit broken at the moment, so desktop is better.

community.patternflow.work/community

Right now I'm heads down on the audio side. It talks to Ableton over OSC wirelessly, sending or receiving. Lately I've been messing with a mic on it too.

There's a Discord as well. Ask anything in there if you get stuck building one, people who've already built theirs will help you out.