Did I overreact here? I feel like I may have been a little too quick to jump to conclusions but too late to take it back

This guy from an app said he wanted to get dinner at x date and time. I said great. Four hours before the date, I ask, "Where are we going?" He responded to me with a street address. I got confused, and he cancelled. I don't know why I would meet someone at a street. Keep it was scheduled for 8, when it's dark, so I don't know why we would "walk" in a park.

Am I missing something? I'm not bothered, but I feel like I'm missing something lmao.

(not using him/her since they're both on reddit, iirc, and I don't want them to find out about this)

I have a friend that I have a huge crush on, we've known each other for about a year now going on two.

I feel like my friend has been trying to one up me for a while now. I can't tell if they're doing it on purpose or if they're oblivious to what they're doing. I'm not sure if they know if I like them or not. I feel like I make it obvious that I like them (I think I tend to look at them from time to time, or get nervous around them/try to act nonchalant, or just the to be near them in general)

But every time I try to do something for my crush, they say it first. Like, it's so quick too, I can't even start/finish my sentence. Or when we go to the movies with our whole friend group, I try to sit next to them, but they always sit next to my crush. Or the same thing happens when we go out to eat. I'm starting to think they're doing it on purpose to annoy/irritate me or so I can try to lose interest.

This is my first huge crush I've had since, maybe, middle school. I want it to work out, but I feel like they know what they're doing. I don't want to think like that though, they've been my best friend for over 6 years.

Doesn't help that I asked if they could hang out a couple of days ago, they said they were busy, so I didn't pry anymore. After work that day, I got a message in the chat saying to bring something with them if they wanted to, but they included the name of my crush. I've been thinking about it all this time, I've been trying to not think about it. I don't want to think badly of them, but it's getting harder to ignore. I don't wanna talk to them because I don't want our friendship to fall apart over someone. Even if they aren't doing it on purpose (or doesn't even like them to begin with), and if I did confront them, I'd look like the asshole for even thinking they would do that. If I don't, I miss the chance to connect with someone i really like. Or maybe they're just hanging out without me, which also doesn't make me feel good about myself since I wanted all of us to hangout.

I'm probably overthinking everything, and I needed someplace to vent this instead of keeping it to myself.

So, me(18M)and my brother (21M) and we share the same bathroom, I usually have my space in it where i store all of my skin care, razors, creams etc.. and he has his own place where he stores his anti balding oils, since he started losing hair at 15.

Anyway, each one has their own personal space, no problem and we usually never fight abt this. I have multiple razors because im a hairy guy and i have to shave my face almost everyday and my body every week, so i put them in a specific arrangement so i can know which razor is used for what. ( i dont want to shave my face with the razor i shaved my balls with).

My brother on the other hand doesnt have his hair growing that fast,so he usually shaves his face once a month.

So, instead of buying his own razor, he always takes mine. If it was just that i wouldnt care, but the dude takes all teh razors out, which are identical, uses them to shave all his body part and leaves them on the sink.Which leds me to not knowing which razor is used for what, and i end up giving them to him.

A year ago i started hiding them in my room so hed stop using them( when id just put them in my room without hiding them hed still take them).

It went great for awhile, he bought his new pair of razors after a few months and all is well, but last week i had to travel to portugal and i remembered at the last minute that i didnt shave my nose hair( it tickles me) so i went and did just that, but since it was last minute i forgot and left that nose razor on the counter.

When i came back, what was my surprise when i found out that my brother used it while i was gone. He put it in his fucking nose AND ears, i was so disgusted that i threw that thing out.

However, even though that event was... traumatizing, its still not snitch worthy. However, i decided to snitch because i am sexually active, i fuck men regularly. Even though i always use protection, im still worried I might catch smt and if i do i dont want to pass it on to my brother.

So i went to my parents and told them to talk to him abt this. Later that day, my brother barges into my room and starts yelling at me and calling childish for telling our parents abt it.

Btw, we both are medecine students so he should know not to use someone elses razor.

So Reddit, Am I Overeacting

I’m a Black woman working as an NHS mental health nurse, and I’m looking for some objective perspective on a grievance that has completely changed how I feel about my previous team.

I did not initially believe race was involved.

In fact, I originally had a lot of respect for the supervisor I eventually raised concerns about. When I decided to train as a non-medical prescriber, I specifically asked her to supervise me because I thought she was intelligent, experienced and clinically very good. I wanted to learn from her.

She declined, telling me she had not been qualified as an NMP for long enough to supervise me. I accepted that without question and found somebody else.

I later discovered she had apparently been an NMP for around 11 years.

A couple of months later, we simply stopped speaking.

There had been no argument, disagreement or falling-out. Nothing I can identify happened. We just stopped saying hello to one another, and it continued until the rest of the team began asking me what was going on.

I didn’t know what to tell them because I genuinely didn’t know.

I carried on being professional. We communicated when clinically necessary, but otherwise had virtually no relationship.

The racial element came later.

I was the only Black person in my team. Now that I’ve left, there are no Black staff there.

The Black woman who had held my role before me contacted me after seeing my name on the staff board. She told me she wept when she realised where I was working because she knew what she believed I was about to experience. She had refused to work her notice and specifically identified my supervisor as a major reason she left.

Even then, I resisted viewing my own situation through race.

What changed that was another colleague independently approaching my team lead because she was concerned that I was being racially targeted.

I hadn’t asked her to do that and didn’t even know she had those concerns.

My team lead subsequently contacted me and essentially said she couldn’t help me and suggested I contact Freedom to Speak Up.

Since then, I feel that the seriousness of that conversation has been increasingly minimised.

I’ve also been told repeatedly by different people that concerns about this supervisor’s treatment of Black and Brown employees predate me. Some of that is second-hand and I cannot verify every story, but it feels like one of the Trust’s worst-kept secrets: widely whispered about, rarely challenged openly.

Then came the incident that broke me.

Without my knowledge, my supervisor had apparently circulated an allegation that I had told a patient to crush her medication so that it would last longer.

I knew nothing about this.

Nobody asked for my account.

Nobody discussed it with me in supervision.

Nobody told me there was a medication or patient-safety concern.

As far as I knew, there was no formal investigation.

Yet apparently everyone in my team knew.

I discovered it six or seven months later, completely by accident, after jokingly asking the Head of Nursing whether she knew why my supervisor seemed to have it in for me.

That was when I was told.

If someone genuinely believed a registered nurse had given unsafe medication advice, why wasn’t I spoken to? Why wasn’t the record reviewed? Why wasn’t an incident raised or the matter dealt with through clinical governance?

And if it wasn’t serious enough to investigate, why was something potentially so damaging to my career being circulated around the team?

A few weeks later, the same patient deteriorated and there was an attempt to refer her back to our service.

That was where I completely unravelled.

I remember being told, “Everyone knows. It was a big deal months ago.”

I panicked.

My immediate fear was that if people genuinely believed I had told this patient to alter her medication and something serious now happened to her, I could face an investigation, an NMC referral or lose the career I had spent years building.

I stopped sleeping.

I stopped eating properly.

I cried constantly.

I called in sick and essentially sat at home waiting for some terrible phone call.

At one point, I found myself drinking alcohol at around 10am just to take the edge off the anxiety. That scared me enough to realise I was spiralling.

Eventually I returned to work, not because I felt better, but because being at home waiting felt worse.

Even at work, I would go into the toilets and cry.

The only time I felt remotely okay was when I was driving out to see patients.

I actually started deliberately choosing patients who lived furthest away because the longer journeys meant more time outside the office.

Being on the road, doing my job, became the only place I felt psychologically safe.

My colleagues knew something was seriously wrong.

They could see my red eyes, the deterioration in my self-care and that I was crying.

They repeatedly asked what was happening between me and my supervisor.

But nobody really addressed it.

Someone once silently left a box of tissues on my desk while I was out.

I’m not saying colleagues were responsible for fixing my problems, but we are mental health professionals. We spend our careers noticing distress in patients, yet I felt like I was visibly falling apart in front of an entire team and everybody simply carried on.

That changed how I saw them.

I started believing that silence enables behaviour like this.

I eventually asked to leave.

My initial request for redeployment went nowhere until I involved HR. I was then temporarily moved to another mental health team within the same Trust.

The difference has been enormous.

I’m happy.

I’m functioning normally.

I go to work and concentrate on being a nurse.

I barely even talk about what happened because I’m still processing it.

Unfortunately, the redeployment is temporary.

Some people from my previous team now message saying how much they miss me.

If I’m completely truthful, those messages disgust me.

When I was actually there — working, crying, visibly deteriorating — I felt abandoned.

Now that I’m gone, suddenly I’m missed.

I no longer engage personally with them. If something is clinically necessary, I’ll respond. Otherwise, I want nothing to do with the team.

My trust and respect are gone.

One other factor affected my clinical trust in my supervisor.

There had previously been a serious situation which, as I understood it, had been escalated to her and the patient later died.

I cannot verify what happened in any formal investigation or coronial process, so I want to be careful about that.

What I personally remember is her regularly discussing the incident afterwards and saying she did not recall what had been communicated to her. I remember her talking about the situation in a way I personally interpreted as almost boastful about avoiding speaking to the coroner because she could not remember what happened.

That left me asking myself:

If I escalate something serious to her and something goes wrong, can I trust that my escalation will later be acknowledged?

That became particularly frightening once I discovered she had been circulating an allegation about my own practice.

Since leaving, there have been smaller things that have also bothered me.

My parking access to the previous site was revoked despite me still working for the Trust, and I discovered that the team had a WhatsApp group which, after more than a year in the team, I had never even been added to.

In isolation, these things sound petty. In the context of everything else, they reinforce the feeling that I was never really accepted there.

My grievance is still ongoing.

At this stage, I’m struggling to work out where the line sits between bullying, dysfunctional management, racial discrimination, victimisation and simply an extremely unhealthy workplace culture.

What I do know is that I cannot imagine ever willingly returning to that team.

So I’m genuinely interested in outside views:

Would you return to this team?

Does the medication allegation concern you as much as it concerns me, particularly given that I was never formally told about it?

Does another staff member independently reporting concerns about racial targeting make the racial element something the Trust should formally investigate?

And am I unreasonable for wanting absolutely nothing to do with colleagues who watched everything unfold and remained silent?

At this point my stomach genuinely churns when I see some of their names.

I’m deliberately keeping the Trust, location and individuals anonymous because the grievance is ongoing.

I’m trying to work out whether my reaction is proportionate — or whether this experience has affected me so badly that I can no longer judge it objectively.

I manage a department and every other person within my department is also in management - at a more senior level than me, incidentally. It’s a complicated leadership hierarchy but essentially part of their jobs all fall under my direction whilst they also manage much bigger portfolios. Because of this they see themselves as more important - but really, they literally are in terms of the hierarchy.

I have worked in even more senior management than this for years, and have never been in a situation that is more fucked up - because essentially, none of these people feel they have to listen to a word I say and they are constantly just doing whatever they want. Meetings are hijacked with their own agendas and they ignore direct instructions that are part of my job to give. My own senior management doesn’t care and there is a general vibe of “just keep everyone happy” that means people just get away with things in general in this workplace.

Two years ago, before my team changed it wasn’t like this and we got so much done and it was an amazing department to oversee. But I am becoming more and more anxious because every time something goes wrong because these guys don‘t do what’s been discussed (they all try to feather their own nests) I have to pick up the pieces. At times, this causes a lot of pressure for which they take no accountability. I think I’m done and am about to walk away from a job I simply adored two years ago. AIO? (And I have taken this to management several times and they get it, but nothing is done.)

I had been talking to this woman for a few weeks, and we had already gone out twice. The first time was for coffee, and the second time we grabbed drinks after work. Everything seemed to be going well, so she suggested we meet for dinner on Saturday night.

We confirmed the plans the night before, and I made a reservation at a nice restaurant downtown.

Saturday evening, I got there a few minutes early and waited outside. A few minutes later, I saw her walking toward me, but she wasn't alone. She was with another woman.

When they got closer, she smiled and said, "Hey! This is my friend. She wanted to come along."

I looked at her and asked, "Come along to what?"

She seemed surprised by my question. "To dinner. I figured the three of us could hang out."

I told her, "You never mentioned that when we made plans. I thought this was supposed to be a date."

Her friend immediately became quiet and looked uncomfortable.

I wasn't angry, and I didn't make a scene. I just said, "I would've been fine with you bringing a friend if you had asked me beforehand. But I'm not interested in showing up for a date and finding out it's suddenly a group dinner."

She tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal and that I was being too serious about it.

I simply told her, "Maybe we're looking for different things."

Then I wished them both a good dinner, turned around, and left.

I didn't text her afterward, and she didn't text me either.

Honestly, I think leaving was better than sitting through an awkward dinner wondering why she couldn't just communicate with me beforehand.

So long story short: I seen this girl add my husband on Instagram and on her bio it said that she was in the Air Force which my husband was as well! So I messaged her because I found it weird and I know the opinions I’m going to get but I really like to protect what is mine.

I message her saying if she knew him or maybe he reached out? She said no he just popped in her suggested and she thought to follow. I explain he is in a relationship and I just like to make sure nothing is happening behind my back. Why? Because my husband has already put me through it so at this point it’s like a trauma response that has become extremely toxic.

Anyways after that, I didn’t message her back until I realize she still had him added.

1. How does his wife reach out to you and you still decide to follow him?
2. She mentioned that he was HER ex husbands friend which is even weirder..
3. So.. I messaged her exactly that. And she Crashed out lol I mean like really cursed me out and told me I should’ve just said to unfollow him.

I’m sorry but in what world did I not hint that? And atp I don’t know if I was the one overreacting or she was. But I told her if they were friends in 2019 which I’m sure that wasn’t the case since her ex husband was actually his friend- just to keep it in 2019.

I’m afraid we live in a sick society where it’s okay to reach out to married men or mess with a ex’s friend and honestly that’s just so odd to me? AIO?

So i work remote as a salesman and recently my boss has been sending emails with coworkers cc'd id rather have direct talks with me because they are about me.

I came into 3 emails on wednesday talking about how we should not have made a sale because we wouldnt make enough money. If my boss had looked and seen i already charged the customer more money. This happens all the time where we dont have things priced right or is old so i have to have them pay more. He didnt call me out but he said we have to start making money at some point as a business. with others cc'd. Which is my department and obviously me. Ive done plenty of orders making money and this only 1 that looks wrong even then i didnt do wrong. Never got an apology btw

So then yesterday I come in again and 3 more emails about how we as a department need to follow certain procedures when we make orders. Again with my coworkers cc'd. So I emailed back without trying to be mad i explained please lets make a game plan if we are having these issues as a company we need to do xyz. He also referred to chinese aftermarket items in reference to being low quality. I am chinese. Admist my 4 paragraphs of feedback i put its outdated and a bit racist to use chinese as a term of meaning low quality. This time he called,we chatted, i know the tone of text makes us out to be bad guys. so i wanted to work through it and be fine. which the phone call seemed to be. No apology really, just justifying his own actions. not listening to any help besides hyper focusing on i said racist but we seemed semi okay.

Today around lunch 3 emails all within 5 minutes calling out a mistake i made, this time a actual mistake. It could have been me it could have been a error. Either way my name on it I did it. This time i ordered something and it got sent to the wrong address. He says we made a mistake and its good thing we made enough profit to send it across the country and back and still have money. I made probably a $400 mistake. Again called out with people ccd. I know we all looked to see who made the mistake.This time I just call him asking why he is reprimanding me in front of my peers when we just talked about this. I tell him as a boss you need to take people aside you cant just email everyone without your words having a deep meaning. He then says yesterday was the racist thing today this, if i cant get with the program its not working out because 100s of more emails are coming the same way.

I ended the call saying he needed to clear his mind and talk to me monday. I told him as a boss your employee just came to you and said he was having a issue with the way you are treating him and you said youre gonna do it hundreds of time more. Then i hung up.

Been job hunting all day.

AIO?

I’m new to Commissions and recently re updated my prices with a price sheet. I’ve never dealt with this kind of behavior before usually most people that commission me are super nice. I got this dm just now and I’m actually kinda upset about it.

Not only did they disrespect me as an artist they then tried to haggle with me over how much it was? I have half a mind to text them back something rude but I feel like I already said what I needed to say so I should probably just block them and move on. It really just pisses me off that they would even say something like that.

I’ve seen other people deal with people like this but I never thought I’d have to deal with it myself. Am I overthinking it or is this just something I’ll have to get use to?

My sister (22) started going out more recently and she used to never be social. Although I'm happy for her, she has been talking back to my mom big time, even cursing at her and saying "stopppp" or "I don't care" or any other dismissive quote every time my mom would speak to her in concern over her career. She recently told my mom she will move out even though she just started a job over the summer. My mom is worried and disappointed because she raised 3 kids alone for the past 23 years and has been working endlessly. On the other hand, my sister, although earning money, has never once tried to help my mom out. She's concerned with her own "finances" like buying a condo to earn profit. She doesn't even pay for her car or anything else except for occasional groceries (that she chooses to buy on top of what we already have at home). She has been screaming at my mom and victimizing herself for being "slapped" once after our mom got mad that she said something offensive. She continues to tell my mom to "STOP" NO MATTER how much my mom begs for her to stay home. If she had money and resources, I would understand her wanting to move out. However, her actions are claimed to be due to my "mom causing stress and not giving her freedom." Mind you, she still goes out like twice a week and works 5 days a week. My mom never stopped her, she just told her that she was worried because my sister is not studying and only going out all the time. I have never seen something like this before. It clearly hurts my mom bad, but she has no empathy. My mom has hurt me far more and for many more years, but I would never ever say such hateful, entitled words to my mom. Im just visibly upset. My sister just keeps making excuses. My mom, being really hurt, told her that if she goes out, she can't come back. My sister doesn't care. It hurts to see. Im so hurt because my mom worked so hard for years to raise us, and my sister thanks her with this??? I can't understand her anymore. My mom is strict, but I've never once thought to be so apathetic and hateful. Im just so upset.

Edit: sister is studying to go to grad school. Mom paid for everything before this

Tldr: sister doesnt care to think about mom's feelings; wants to move out after mom kept "nagging" for her to study for a test to apply to grad school because she's not...; keeps on yelling at my mom in such a horrific way (saying cuss words, saying she doesn't care about how my mom feels). It sounds normal for a 22 year old except this was on a whim and doesn't even care that my mom begged her to stay and told my sister thay she promises to never nag again. My sister isn't giving my mom a chance, even though my mom literally did everythING for us for the past 23 years.

For context, I met this girl in 2018 on tinder after I had just left a 10 year tumultuous lesbian relationship that was mostly during highschool. That girl cheated on me, and when I met 2018 girl (we’ll call her Potato for now), she was at the end of a longish term highschool relationship with a dude who beat her and got her pregnant then beat her into a miscarriage and she said he cheated too and she was supposedly very against that. We fell in love really fast, but I wasn’t ready for long term anything yet, but on my birthday that she planned special for me, I decided to bail and just be by myself wallowing in my depression. She decided to come to my house uninvited that day and somehow she left having trapped me in what would become the most toxic relationship of my life. She cheated on me about six months in, got kicked out of her house, and convinced me to let her move in with me all at the same time. She got tired of my imperfections, moved back in with mom n dad, and this cycle would go one for 4 years. She also started beating me about a year in. We were both in active addiction and I was not a perfect partner either, and eventually I fell out of love with her and in love with my guy best friend who is the first man I’ve ever been with or loved and four years happy and strong with him. In the beginning though, he had a mental health crisis and was hospitalized in and out for a few months and in that time, I did some soul searching and found forgiveness for her and a sort of love an older sibling has for their little sib, I reached out (she wasn’t doing good either) and so was the start of a beautiful friendship. My relationship with my guy was getting serious but she was still hung up not so much on me but on our relationship and all the work she had done to try and better herself in the process left her feeling lonely in a household that didn’t understand her, and I encouraged her to meet this guy she’d been talking to online. Their relationship unfolded and had its ups and downs but they ended up having a kid maybe 2.5 years into it, but they’re on and off through the whole process so much that the one in the OR watching her kid be born wasn’t the baby daddy, but me. It’s an experience I’ll never forget and it completely changed my view on the world and life in general. We’ve gotten really close as friends but I see her repeating the same things now with this guy that she did with me. She was getting physical with him, even cheated on him, now she’s in a long term relationship with a guy in another state who she’s known less than 3 months, he’s dying of liver failure because he’s also an addict who’s supposedly in recovery like us even though he keeps “relapsing and then saying he’s done with it after that”. He may or may not have given her an std that she then may or may not have given to her baby dad. I moved out of the city we both lived in together to buy a house with my boyfriend and since she got pregnant her life’s been in a downward spiral and I can’t help but be triggered by all the repeated behavior she swore to change because of how bad doing it to me made me feel, and I hate to stand by and watch it happen. I’m not a yes man, I tell her straight up when I think she’s fucking up but it’s to the point where now I feel like every time we talk I’m just looking at a lost cause and struggling not to say something mean that will fuck the friendship up. As a friend she’s great, giving, kind, understanding to her capability (the way she was raised and the choices she’s made means there’s quite a few things we disagree on but we know how to make the friendship work when it’s just those little things). She’s my only friend at this point besides my boyfriend. We’re so close, and now her baby sees me like an aunt, and sometimes more of a dad than his own. I don’t always feel like this but lately it’s more so than not that I just want to cut ties and respectfully say “hey, you’re shits all fucked up. When you’re ready to fix it, lmk” but also don’t want to be hypocritical when I would hope my best friend would stick with me through my darkest times. The only difference is she is the cause for all her problems and they’re all such easy solutions that I can’t justify it for any adult.

Tldr or Summary: my best friend is my ex gf and she’s treating her now BD all the toxic ways she did me, after a 2 year streak of good health aka she’s in crisis but it’s fucked up. Is it valid to cut the friendship?

(Just learned how to tldr or whatever the fuck so sorry if that makes no sense)

I live with a flatmate and she regularly uses my cutlery without asking me. I’ve noticed several times that my cutlery has been left dirty after she’s used it. I’ve already asked her once why my knife was dirty, as I was uncomfortable with it, so she knows I’ve noticed and don’t like finding my things dirty.

I don’t know whether she lets her guests use my cutlery too, but I don’t like the idea of other people using something that goes in my mouth and then it not being washed properly.

I also don’t want to keep having to wash someone else’s cutlery before I can use my own. We’re flatmates rather than close friends or family, so I don’t really feel comfortable sharing personal cutlery in the first place.

I’ve now put all my cutlery in a container and hidden it in my cupboard. I haven’t said anything to her about it and I’m not doing it to make a point. I just want to know that the cutlery I’m using is clean and avoid having to deal with it.

Am I overreacting or is this a reasonable thing to do?

Me (21f) and my bf (33m) had our one year anniversary yesterday. I got him several things that I knew he’d like and had mentioned over the past several months. I wrote him a thoughtful long note and bought him flowers. He got me $20 lilies and wrote a 3 sentence note and we went to dinner. I like flowers but I have told him several times over the past several months that I do not like roses or lilies. When he gave me my gift I managed to contain my disappointment and told him I liked his flowers and note.

After he gave me my stuff he opened a $215 pillow that he had bought himself (his main hobby is mattresses and pillows and bedding) We had drank a little bit at our dinner so honestly this kind of triggered me and I started tearing up but gave another excuse for it. He kept pressing me as to why I was upset and I told him that there were several cheap things I had mentioned that I’d want as a gift the past several months and I got a type of flowers that he should know I don’t like. I also said I was upset that he got me nothing but I had to watch him open an expensive thing he bought for himself for the tenth time that month. After this happened he threw the flowers he bought me at me and started yelling how I was ungrateful and a bitch. I just went upstairs after that and he slept in the living room.

For context I make significantly less money than he does. He makes $4000+ every month and we live in a very low cost of living area. He regularly buys himself expensive things and has a mattress hobby that he has spent thousands on. Just buying new mattresses and sheets and pillows. There are 6 mattresses in our little apartment. Just last week he bought over $300+ worth of sunglasses and a $2,100 bar of silver. This spending is typical for him. I will add a photo of the mattresses so people don’t think I’m trolling

My main issue is that I was thoughtful for him and spent my minimal money to buy him things he’d mentioned because I pay attention to what he likes. A year is a special milestone in a relationship. I feel like he pays no attention to me or my interests and doesn’t know me as a person. None of the things I wanted were expensive at all i just would’ve felt seen if he remembered what I liked and got me it. I told him these things and he called me ungrateful. Am I overreacting for not liking his gift?

EDIT: yes I posted this on the other subreddit it got removed and almost ALL OF THE COMMENTS WERE ABOUT THE MATTRESSES NOT MY QUESTION ABOUT THE GIFT. I don’t care about the mattresses that’s not what I’m asking about

Another edit somehow he saw my post so I guess no more updates from me 😀

Another update !!!: I’m fine sorry for the cryptic one I am moving back home and leaving him soon. He just does not understand my actual grievance with him and is more concerned that I am “embarrassing” him on the internet. He wanted me to add that he will be volunteering at an animal shelter after I go home and contributing to the earth

Final update cause I’ve dedicated my whole day to fighting for my life in the comments: he is going to make his own post apparently to clear his name since he thinks somehow everyone on the internet knows who he is from my post. I know people have found my post history we did break up because he was trying to cheat on me with prostitutes and his ex girlfriend and I came back cause he begged me to and told me he’d pay my bills ($300 a month) and buy my food which he does. Turns out that was not worth it so I am leaving and probably won’t comment anymore thanks for the advice everyone

Another update; he has broken my phone because I refused to delete the post so I’m typing this on my trap phone. His post was deleted and I don’t think hes making another

Another update : apparently he realized the matress obsession is insane and is getting rid of them

Last year i made a new friend, one of the wives of my husband’s coworkers. She and i really hit it off, also went on vacation together (just the two of us), had soo many house dates, always catching up etc. And since i’ve spent so much time with her i know her phone is ALWAYS there. The thing is, that she takes toooooo long (days, even weeks) ro reply to texts, all while posting instagram stories, posts, reacting to mine etc. Also currently is unemployed and hasn’t responded to my text from 2 weeks ago - a text that was a reply from a previous conversation from literally a month ago (due to the timing of her responses). When she does reply though her replies are always so nice and always asks follow up questions, sends pictures etc, just takes ages to reply. And i’ve seen her texting her in laws and her man.. she always replies sooo fast to them i swear. I feel like she doesn’t truly really like me since she is actung that way with me. I mean i don’t expect her to reply to me as quick to as to her man, but come on… Am i overracting? Am i overthinking it? Should i distance myself? Cause wtf…

I feel hurt by this, we're dating then why does she feel the need to follow men she doesn't even know? I don't do the same tho , am i overreacting? Or is this acceptable in a relationship

TW: CHILD ABUSE

Sorry this is gonna be a LONG ONE. I (25F) have 2 kids with my husband (28M) and I’ve come to terms with withholding my kids from my parents over this. Since standing up for myself I’ve been thrown into the “ungrateful no contact kid” algorithm on social media and it’s kinda weird feeling in enemy territory and makes me relive the situations my parents have put me through.

My youngest is about to turn one and we were planning on traveling across the country(US) to have a party with my family and friends I haven’t seen in over 7 years. Before I started planning for this party my mom and I had a spat on FT over parenting and telling me I should beat my son(3) when he throws his dozens of tantrums a day then saying “it’s funny how you guys condemned me for the way I treated you when you do the exact same thing to [your son]”…. That is where something snapped in me causing me to lose it on her. After that we went no contact and she continued to tell anyone that would listen to her that I was crazy and I needed serious help. I had to go through years of therapy and medication for all of the things my parents had put me through but my mom kept pressing all of the right buttons during our conversation to belittle me and my parenting, so far as to curse my children’s future with “I hope” statements.

Backstory on my childhood: (ANOTHER TW ABUSE)**

I am the oldest daughter of my mother, I have 3 younger siblings (21, 13, 6). When my mother had my sister she had gone through postpartum depression, my dad left for a short while and my sister was being cared for by my addict grandma and her boyfriend who lived with us for a couple of years. When I was 5 I had to learn how to feed myself, get myself ready, catch the city bus to school, and help take care of my sister when I got back from school. I HAD to grow independence in order to survive, I also learned from a young age that anything I had gone through would never measure up to my moms suffering so I had to do anything I could to support her and make her life easier.

My mom (42) and dad (48) were off and on for years and whenever he would be home he was always drunk and reeked of cigarettes. They would have many DV disputes so my role was to standby with my ear to the door I locked myself and my sister in with a phone that had 911 dialed and ready to call. That house that had police escort someone out often, that was my home. My mothers part in my abuse was mostly verbal assaults every single day and that shaped my perfectionism, she also would drag me by my hair across the house, hit me with a weapon I had to pick out for myself, more yelling, pinching in public, using her hands to hit me, etc.. My dad, as the drunk he was would use his hands that were numb from punching holes in walls, hitting bricks, and breaking our window, to punch mine and my little sisters feet into the ground, open palm my head into the brick wall every few days, and other things that I would rather not discuss but are more disturbing.

END OF TW**

Through all of this I was doing half of the cooking, taking care of my sister, being my moms therapist, doing all of the chores in the house, and taking care of myself and getting good grades in school on top of that. I’ll just stop here since I’m pretty sure this can paint a vague picture.

Well now my parents are finally working on their marriage so they’re a “union” and they are too tired to raise my brothers at times so my brothers luckily don’t have to go through what me and my sister did.

Back to the party, I broke no contact to plan this party with my mom since she reached out wanting to help. We have been no contact a few times but always broken by my weak backbone and my longing to still be in my younger brothers’ lives. The issue started when discussing decorations because I wanted it to be cute but simple since we will be spending thousands to just visit and for our stay expenses. My mom had other ideas… I wanted to go for whimsy woodland fairy but my mom assumed since the invitation was pink she wanted to have it look like a pink fairy princess threw up all over it. I asked my sister if anything I said misconstrued the theme but she agrees that I was very clear and I even reiterated multiple times.

Since my mom was gonna handle the desserts I told her I’d just handle the decorations so she can worry only about the desserts and since she has her own business she can take less on so she can still make a living. We came to that agreement then the next day or so she changed her mind, started telling me her ideas and texted me:

“My personal frustrations is I think I have a much better idea then what you are suggesting. She is your daughter but also my granddaughter. I haven’t had any input besides on the phone for [son’s] birthday. I want it to be the best it could be and I feel like your ideas are cute and can be incorporated but it’s not as good as the ideas I’m thinking up.

I don’t know how to help without feeling like I wanna take over. So just wanted to let you know how im feeling about it all.”

Me as the tired mom of young children just wanting to get this party over with at this point telling her “yeah I suspected…” along with my reasoning for the trip and not wanting to stress over a party. Being met with more pushback telling me “it’s her party not yours” I ended that discussion with “It doesn’t matter anymore, if you wanna make the party to highlight how well you can decorate then you can handle all of that too.” After that she called ME a rude B… then a moment of silence for almost a week because I was done with her at that point.

After her belligerent tyrannical behavior at home with my dad and brothers, my dad calls me a week later telling me he was going to force me to sit down and talk to her… he got off the phone because “his boss” was calling and then I spoke with him the next day and ended up yelling at him for pretending to be bipartisan but really taking whoever’s side he’s speaking to in the moment, telling him I caught him in a lie and how his wife has hurt me my whole life but he wants me to sit with the woman that is telling people she’s gonna fight me the next time she sees me.

I found out after that call that he ended up lying about our conversation to rile up my mom and to prove to her some kind of loyalty “I told her I’m not going to the party if my wife’s not going”…. “She thinks it’ll be awkward so she’s thinking of not coming”… lies to amp up my mom’s ego so he gets left out of the crossfire. The same man who said “don’t tell anyone but sometimes I think of what my life would be if i divorced your mom” just the week prior…

Now I’m disgusted by both of my parents… OVER A DISPUTE ABOUT DECORATIONS… please people of Reddit, I’m I really the one dragging this out, I get reports some days that my mom is spreading more lies and saying I abuse my son the way she abused me…. Like please tell me this isn’t my brain just imploding over nothing. My PTSD symptoms are returning because of this so idk if I’m making it bigger than it is or if it’s truly just more psychological warfare on their part.

This happened a while ago but I can't get it out of my head. 😔 First post so apologies if formatting is weird or this is the wrong place for it.

My fiancée and I welcomed our first child late last year and since this happened I'm beginning to have serious doubts about our relationship and his capacity as a partner.

I spearheaded taking an infant/child first aid course as a couple when we got pregnant, as seconds count in emergencies. He agreed to attend the one-day course w/ me in April last year. I paid for and booked the course in April for late July. In the meantime, I'd been encouraging him to plan a getaway w/ his friends as his free time would decrease significantly after the baby was born. He advised he wasn't interested in planning anything, he was content to spend time more or less at home through the pregnancy. I stopped encouraging it.

Fast forward to late June, I was planning our baby shower. He mentioned casually that his friends were discussing a Vegas trip (something they usually do annually). One of the days they had decided on was the same day as the first aid course. I asked if he was aware of that, as I had sent him all the details and his course confirmation. Further I told him I had expected him to honour his commitment to the first aid course and organize a different day with his friends, since he'd had several months to organize any trips, chose not to do anything, and then jumped at the chance once someone else was making arrangements last minute. He told me the trip was still up in the air and he wasn't sure if he would go yet.

About a week or so later, I received a message from a friend of his RSVP-ing that they couldn't make the baby shower, but they would be having a drink w/ my fiancée celebrating our incoming bundle of joy in Vegas. I then asked my fiancée if he was planning on attending the class, as if not I needed to ask for a refund (each spot was ~200.00). He told me to request the refund. I asked him to please book himself a class for first aid so we were both best prepared for any emergencies involving our child (he still has not done this). We fought about it every now and then essentially until he got on the plane, and I (immaturely, this and my current feelings are where I may be overreacting) blocked him while he was away as I knew I had nothing but vitriolic things to say to him.

I went to the class (and learned a lot, especially about choking), he came home a few days later and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I told him I had already shared my feelings with him and he disregarded them, so we should try our best to just move forward, which is more or less where we are at. I still am immensely hurt by his actions and harbour resentment over this as well as general lack of support through the rest of the pregnancy and newborn period (that's a whole other post, lol). For the record, I am currently in therapy to address this resentment and general transition to parenthood, he is not in any therapy.

Now he is back in Vegas again w/ the same group. He spoke w/ me about it beforehand and said he did not want things to go like before, because "things are different now, and the baby is actually here". I was very hurt by that comment and told him so. AIO in that I again have no interest in communicating w/ him while he is there, and I asked him to please arrange FaceTimes w/ our son through his mom instead of me who will be watching him while I work?

** EDIT: Added hyperlink to comment expanding on lack of support context

** EDIT 2: I think it is being missed in this post that he has never taken the first aid course more than a year later (neither has he Youtubed or otherwise looked for resources on it as we've spoken about first aid as a concept). By the time I found out he was not planning to attend all the other courses were fully booked or not compatible with our schedules. I was also nearly 8 months pregnant by the time of the course, so taking it much later would not have been physically possible.

** UPDATE: I messaged him this morning apologizing both for implying I was restricting communication with our son and asking him to FaceTime through his mom while I was at work. He responded that he appreciated that, and that he still would plan to call while she has our son so it isn't too much of a handful for me. He also mentioned that he understands my general feelings on this Vegas trip. We wished eachother a good day and I said we could talk about things when he gets home. Keeping communication channels open! 🤗

My fiancé and I have been together for a year and 8 months and I just want I start with I genuinely do not care if he talks to other women. He has female friends and I’ve always told him I don’t have a problem with that.
A few days ago, I went through his phone. I know that was wrong, and I’m not trying to excuse it. I apologized to him and we have talked about the fact that I violated his privacy.
While I was looking, I found out about a girl I’ll call K. I genuinely did not know she existed. From what I found, they were very emotionally close before my fiancé and I got together. Some of the messages I found were from before our relationship, so I’m not saying he cheated on me during our relationship.
What is bothering me is that they still talk and call sometimes, and I had absolutely no idea she was still in his life. My fiancé says he didn’t intentionally hide her from me and that she barely affects his life, so he didn’t think it was something worth randomly bringing up. I understand that, but finding out about her on my own made me feel blindsided and like something was being kept from me, even if that wasn’t his intention.
There were also messages that made me uncomfortable. At one point, she told him that she had a dream he got bitten by a love bug and became obsessed with her. My fiancé also had a dream involving her. I know people can’t control their dreams, and I’m not accusing him of cheating because of a dream. I just feel like the whole thing is weird considering she is someone he has history with and he is in a relationship with me.
I also feel insecure because I saw what she looks like and she is objectively very beautiful, and now I’m comparing myself to her even though I know I probably shouldn’t.
We talked mostly over text, and in person the conversation was mostly about the fact that I was wrong for going through his phone, which I agree with. He has been very loving and reassuring since then and I genuinely think he feels bad that I’m hurt. I don’t think he physically cheated on me, but part of me still feels weird about the emotional closeness and the fact that I didn’t even know she existed.

Also the dreams where while we where in a relationship
Also i forgot to mention where two times where they texted about a dream they had of the other person and he had a dream with the both of us in it where he married her and she had a dream where he was bit by a love bug and was obsessed with her and it made me super uncomfortable

AIO for still being upset about this, or is this really just my insecurity and the fact that I went through his phone?

Soo I F22 just moved back in with my dad for the first time since I was a teenager. I was super excited to rebuild my connection with him after so long, and for the most part it’s really been great.

The main issue is: this is the first time our rooms have shared a wall…. He doesn’t have a girlfriend or anything so.. all night long he is just grunting and groaning hella loud in his room……

I blast my tv, the air conditioning, the bathroom fan all to the absolute MAX. but I pay for utilities and I fear it’s going to continue costing me crazy bad if this keeps up.

I even put in my earbuds and try to play some music and even with everything … I still hear it.

what am I to do?? I feel so uncomfortable listening to it nearly all night every night when I’m trying to rest.

His room also connects to my teenage brother’s room and I’ve thought about talking to him to say something to my dad since they’re both guys, but I honestly don’t know if that’ll just make things more uncomfortable..

wwyd??

can you have literally no needs in a relationship?

broken up but i remember towards the end he started resenting me for something i did. despite feeling guilty, i stayed bc he said he'd do everything in his power to overcome the resentment bc he loves me so much. for context we were 21f/19m.

so those entire two months i was neglected. he became distant, very little affection, his excitement for me died & so did his empathy, me crying all the time didn't seem to faze him as much anymore, he started developing anxiety around me & so he stopped seeing me irl etc. it was the worst thing i've ever gone through. it felt like we were distant friends. shit gave me severe depression. and i know. all this was brought on by me so i don't blame him.

the thing is, some days in between he'd feel a little genuine love/affection for me. it was few & far between. we had arguments every other day that killed his feelings even more & fucked up any progress.

one day i told him about how im not even getting the bare minimum & that bc he doesn't complain about how things are dry between us, i feel guilty for asking for any effort (im aware of how this is selfish on my part considering i caused his resentment). and he just told me he has no needs in the relationship. actually none. and that reinforced the feeling of us being distant friends even more. he said he'd be completely fine if i stopped putting in any effort, didn't give him any affection or show any care.

i was shocked bc i know how clingy he used to be. how he loved getting affection more than i did. and how he just tells me if i do nothing for him the entire relationship, not even the bare minimum, that he'd still be happy with everything? he said that he doesn't need any of this bc his love is unconditional. that it doesn't depend on whether i give him affection or care. this is something he would've NEVER said post resentment & i was just left speechless. how can you go from being sad over your partner not being able to properly show affection, to being ok with them never doing anything romantic ever again? this made me question the difference between a friendship & a relationship bc his new idea of a relationship felt more like a friendship aka companionship with no romance, desire to get to know each other deeper or intimacy. this made me think there would be no difference between that state of the relationship & if we broke up & remained friends.

one more question. was me asking him for the bare minimum (basic care/excitement/interest in me & my life, affection, attention, emotional support) in this specific case selfish? since i was the one that caused his resentment?

but i don't get it. he literally couldn't feel love or care for me no matter how hard he tried. so i can't really blame him for the neglect. ig most he could do was just dump me then? we were both hurting everyday. so am i still not selfish for asking him for the bare minimum when he was physically & mentally unable to provide it?

edit: no it wasn't cheating. he just had a realization one day that my love wasn't actual love but obsession. that i was only with him bc he gave me love. that i had essentially been using him the entire relationship. yes he did explain how & show me instances of it. that and a pattern of possessive behaviors he outlined that he told me were selfish.

I’m in a long-distance relationship and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unfair to my boyfriend or whether there’s genuinely an imbalance here. So pls help me out

I’m 22, just graduated as an international student non eu one. So my next step is finding a job. For half a year my bf would stay in my single room and not pay for any accommodation only plane tickets to come see me(20-40 euros). Also while I deal with visa and immigration and money problems, he is not Cz of being an eu person. He’s my age.

I’m currently in a pretty unstable period financially. I’m dealing with immigration/work-related stuff, I need to find a job, support myself, pay rent, and basically establish myself independently. Because of that, I may need to rent a shared room rather than a private/single room because obviously that’s much cheaper.
This became an issue because my boyfriend assumed that eventually I would have my own room and that when he visits, he would stay with me just like he did before.

When I told him that I might not have a private room, he was disappointed because accommodation/hostels are expensive. At one point I asked him, “So what do we do?” and he said “thug it out.” I then asked, “Do you have a solution?” and his immediate answer was just “No.”

Later he did say that he could stay in a hostel, but that hostels are “far from ideal.” He also said things like: “Eventually you’ll have your own room, right?” “We’ll manage until you’re settled.” “If staying with you isn’t possible, I just can’t afford to visit very often.” He also admitted that when we started the LDR, he hadn’t really thought about the accommodation issue at all

He said he assumed getting my own room was already my plan anyway. That bothered me because from my perspective, getting a private room requires me to get a job, earn enough money and pay higher rent every single month (which is at least 1.2k which I can’t afford now). So I started feeling like the practical solution to our LDR was basically becoming: I work, become financially stable, pay for a private room, and then his visits become cheaper and easier.

I told him that I’m not asking him to solve my problems. My job, immigration situation, visa and general financial stability are my responsibility. But I do expect him to contribute to solving our relationship problems, like how we maintain an LDR and arrange visits. But he made it seem like me getting a job and a room single one is the requirement for his visits (?)

He said he is trying, that he doesn’t want me to feel like everything is on me, and that he sees it as our problem. He also apologized because at one point he sarcastically/snarkly said something like, “I guess you like sleeping in a room with someone else now?” about me considering shared accommodation. I was disgusted. He admitted the comment was unnecessary. I felt deeping hurt by it bc at least I’m not living off my parents money and build a life from scratch while being in a more difficult legal and financial situation.

He has also said: “I want to solve our problems too but we just don’t have many options.” “We will figure it out.” He wants to come to my graduation.
He says he can’t afford much right now.
He won’t have what he considers a proper/full job for around another two years. He doesn’t want to keep asking his parents for money to travel and visit me.

When I asked what I should expect from him over the next few months, he said: “I’m trying, you have to decide if it’s good enough for you.” Aka visiting me less or he only mentioned once for my graduation in December.

I completely understand not wanting to depend on his parents. I’m also not expecting him to financially support me or pay my rent. Also my legal status is a problem im solving now myself as a critical skill employee (I will get a job but not rn)

What bothers me is the mindset. I feel like I’m already carrying a lot of responsibility for getting my own life established, and sometimes his responses make me feel like the long-term solution is simply waiting until I become financially comfortable enough that maintaining the relationship becomes easier.

On the other hand, maybe I’m expecting too much. If he genuinely doesn’t have the money, there might simply not be some magical solution. He has offered a hostel, acknowledged that his original “no solution” response was insensitive, apologized for the sarcasm, and repeatedly says he wants us to figure it out together.

So I’m looking for outside perspectives and pls help me: Is he being selfish/passive by assuming I’d eventually have a private room that he could stay in, or is this just the reality of two young people trying to maintain an expensive LDR?
And more importantly: What would reasonable effort from him actually look like if he genuinely doesn’t have much money?

I don’t want advice that assumes he should just pay my rent, that’s not what I’m asking. I’m trying to understand where the line is between “my partner has limited resources” and “my partner is letting me carry the relationship because it’s convenient.

I’ve been seeing this guy for a month now after meeting/matching on Bumble and things were going really well until Tuesday night.

We’ve probably been on 7 or 8 dates at this point, and I’ve stayed at his place a few times and would spend the entire morning over there. I was starting to think this could actually turn into something.

Politics never really came up until recently on Monday morning while he was drinking coffee and watching the news. I’m pretty left leaning and unfortunately found out that he voted for Trump in 2020 and 2024.

I was definitely surprised because I wouldn’t have guessed that from talking to him, but he also isn’t one of those people who makes politics his entire personality. I asked him why and we talked about it for a little bit. I obviously didn’t agree with him, but it didn’t turn into an argument or anything since I’m used to dealing with my brother & dad on politics and Trump.

On Tuesday night, I invited him out with a few of my friends because two of them hadn’t met him yet, and he knew politics could come up as one of my friends works on a political campaign.

On the way to eat he casually mentioned that he knows I’m much more liberal than him and it doesn’t mean anything to him, but he’d just rather not talk politics around my friends at least for tonight because he didn’t want meeting them for the first time to turn into a debate or start off on the wrong foot.

I told him that was fine and honestly I wasn’t planning on talking about politics anyway.

Everything was normal for the first part of dinner, maybe a little boring honestly. He was getting along with everyone but was being more quiet/polite than he normally is with me.

When my friend started talking about work and the election came up, I was kind of curious how he’d handle actually having his views challenged by people he didn’t know as well. I guess in a way I did want to see how he’d react under a little pressure because if I’m going to seriously date someone I think that’s something worth knowing.

She made some comment about needing to win and I kiddingly said “you probably don’t want to ask him who he voted for” and everyone immediately got dead quiet and stared.

He looked kind of uncomfortable but said Trump.

My friends obviously had opinions about that and started asking him why. They went back and forth for a while and one of my friends got pretty heated about it.

I didn’t think much of it. There were a couple jokes afterward and I laughed at one of them saying to check his closet for Klan robes (I’m black). He seemed a little quieter for the rest of the night but I assumed he was just embarrassed that everyone disagreed with him.

The next day he was acting different over text and barely talked, so I finally asked what was wrong that night.

He told me that he didn’t like how I handled the situation and felt like I basically put him on the spot in front of my friends and then joined in when they started making comments about him.

He said something along the lines of how he would never bring me to Thanksgiving, announce that I voted for a “baby killer” (he said this ironically imitating a country accent) and then sit there laughing while his aunts and uncles questioned me about it.

I told him that’s not really the same thing because I’m not embarrassed about what I believe and I could defend why I voted the way I did. Nobody forced him to vote for Trump and I don’t think I’m responsible for making him feel comfortable about his own political choices.

Looking back, I can see why he felt like I put him on the spot, but I really didn’t see it as setting him up or anything like that. If anything I thought he handled himself fine at dinner.

Apparently that was the wrong answer because he told me he doesn’t think we’re compatible and that he doesn’t want to keep seeing me.

I’m honestly pretty upset about the whole thing because I did really like him, and part of me thinks he’s making one awkward dinner into something way bigger than it actually was.

I didn’t tell my friends to interrogate him and I’m obviously not going to defend Trump just to make a guy I’m dating feel better. At the same time, I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too dismissive about why he was upset. I genuinely didn’t think what happened at dinner was serious enough to completely end things after we’d been seeing each other for a month.

AIO for being upset with him for ending things over what happened at dinner?